Adult-FanFiction.org : Yu-Gi-OH

Reviews for Night Stalker

By : Moonwing

From GriddedKnight on January 22, 2010
I like this.
Only wish there were more :3
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From Seanory on November 29, 2007
this is sooooo good I love it...HOT... love it!!!!
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From jin1377 on November 14, 2007
mmmmmmm i'm sorry but i think joey being "raped" is kinda hot. i know it isn't really cause i've been raped myself but i can live with it now. i know kaiba is really a stuck-up ass cause he's really not nice but i liked this one... and it turns out pretty good doesn't it? (giggle) i loved this!!!!! poor me... do you know how to fave these things? i really want to fave this!!!!
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From ANON - ami on January 14, 2007
I know you're just trying to get into Joey's character, but could you not make him talk like a peasant?
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From ANON - Jodine16 (notlogged in) on October 21, 2005
O.o That was weird. Cool!
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From ANON - Kaorustalker30 on October 21, 2005
I do not mean to offend you in any way, so please do not take this the wrong way but... that was not rape. It was more fantasy rape, or even just soft non-con (a label that is controversial in and of itself, but *is* different from all out rape). I know you spoke of this in your summary, but I just stumbled across the story and I *had* to say it. You have a great idea, but the writing was rushed and the details are a little scattered. Surprisingly, I do not have a problem with not lubing the uke (in all honesty, it can be done without lube, but it would have to be with careful consideration. Very-Slow-Paced. Point blank: with the way Seto did it, Jou should have been torn in several places and in excruciating pain.) I am not saying that a rape victim cannot feel pleasure (or rather, that pleasure cannot be forced upon them) but the way it is presented, I just don't feel like Jou's been raped at all. I agree, if Seto is going to rape someone (esp. if that someone is Jou) then he is not going to use lube, so I was bracing myself for some emotional trauma on Jou's part, but never got it. It seems that you started off good, but at the end you changed your mind and made Jou just forget about his 'rape'. Rape victims, don't do that. Ever. As soon as Seto goes: �Mmmm, I taste good, don�t I, love?� Seto asked. Joey had been reduced to tears, cum all over his face. �Aww, why the tears, sweet? We�ve just shared something beautiful.� ; he could have done an evil smirk and walked away leaving Jou reduced to a sobbing wreck. That way, even if the actual 'rape' was a bit sketchy, it would still leave the lingering idea that this was not at all consensual and even though Jou did orgasm (twice) it was entirely against his will. That would have shown that it was no doubt, rape. But, instead, the ending leaves me thinking, "Why exactly is Jou-chan making jokes with his 'rapist' and no longer devastated?" That reaction in and of itself shows that - No, he wasn't raped. At All.

I have a problem with rape fics in general, mainly because many of them that are labeled 'rape' are hardly ever rape. In my opinion, rape is cruel, violent, sexual oppression; therefore, if it is written with graphic intent, then it should always *always* be written as clinically as possible to show its true cruelty. Many do not do this, instead they call they're writing 'rape' even though the entire scene is way more arousing than it should be. When one reads a rape fic, the only thing in their mind should be 'Please, let it end, I cannot handle this' as they continue to scroll and are mortified at what they read. One should not go, "Wow, I know this is a rape fic and all, but shit, that was a hot image!" something that I sit and find myself idly thinking half the time. I am not saying to not write rape fics, I am just saying to be a bit more strict with your ratings, this is definitely worthy of a non-con label, but in order to make it rape, you have to seriously force home that Jou does NOT want Seto at ALL. Once you do that, I am positive that this will be a very emotional rape fic. But then again, it entirely depends on how far you want this to go. Make it a bit less rushed, Jou much more unaccepting, and Seto a little bit crueller (but still doing this in the name of 'love' in his opinion) and you've got yourself a Grade A rape fic. I hope I do not discourage you (or anger you for that matter), but instead influence you to work harder on this fic, this could be really, really good.

Side note: Oh, and one more thing, you say this is a rape fic, but for the genre you say: "romance, comedy". Rape, Romance, and Comedy do not mix. Unless you are making this fic into a full scale novel, in which the first chapter could be Jou getting raped, and the following (12 or 20+ chapters) can be Seto trying to make up for that heinous crime and Honda and the crew trying their best (in amusing and innovative ways) to bring Jou back to being normal. I am truly sorry if this seems like I am attacking you, I honestly am not. It's just that, writing is my religion and content is my God - if the content does not mix with the point (the goal), then I am left bewildered and unfocused; I am sorry if I seem to be taking this too seriously.

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From ANON - darkrosedamael on October 20, 2005
heh. amusing. not bad.
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From ANON - Maggiemay on June 21, 2005
This is a cute plot bunny...it seemed a little starved of details and flesh, but it has good bones. If you decide to flesh it out a bit I would be happy to beta, or even co-author. Please please don't take that the wrong way...I have NEVER made an offer to co-author before, but I love your bunny and am actively restraining myself from borrowing it. I am not flaming or even being hyper-critical, or putting myself above you... I am just in love with the bunny and I would love to get my greedy little hands on it.

Maggiemay
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From ANON - Jeannie on June 14, 2005
Well this story has some sirious flaws in it, most notibly how blithly the whole rape issue is glossed over so you can't see it. Anal sex without lubrication, especialy on an unwilling participant can be painfull to a seme, as the penus rubs against dry abrasive flesh, but perminatly damaging to the uke as well.

As for Seto's comment about how Jou couldn't keep it up if he wasn't truely willing, that's pure bunk. When frightened, some males will get hard to a digree something RL rapists use against their victoms to shame them into silence. Also it is possible that Jou's body would respond to stimulation without any emotion attachment.

Which leads us to the final part of my rant, the ending of the story. Either Jou has the quirkest case of Stockhome syndrome (where a kidnapped person idntifies with their abuctor) or his tramatized mind has erased the memories of the last few hours because the jump form "I'm calling the cops as soon as I find a phone and having them lock your ass away Psycho" to "My true love, let's stay togather forever." seems right out of some seedy peice of rape-fantasy porn. No matter how much your are infatuated with someone, you don't just overlook them trying to start a relationship out on rape.

There could be an intersting story inside this plot, and with work you probibly could build an intersting and thought provokig fic with a little work, attention to detail and knowlege of real sex and the workings of a lasting relationship.
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From ANON - KrystalChronicals on June 13, 2005
Awsome story!
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From ANON - Jou-pup on June 01, 2005
Everything seemed a little bit rushed. It being a PWP doesn't mean it has to be rushed. I still wonder how could Jou believe Yugi would want to meet him at Kaiba Corp, of all places. Maybe he thought Yugi was in trouble with Kaiba. Also Jou followed Kaiba too easily, I mean I'm sure he wouldn't trust Kaiba to give him the right hour of the day. Much less going on a car ride with him. Although it's been done before, so it's not that bad.

I really liked the part where Seto gives Jou a drink. It would have been funnier if Jou had had an internal battle before drinking it though. We all know how Jou can be a glutton: Safety versus Food, who will win?

The idea was really good though. If you add some more feelings/characters thoughts and make them less OOC it'll be one heck of a story. (At least I know I'll love it!)

Jou-pup
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From ANON - icestar on May 31, 2005
:sniggers: sheesh, i though kaiba was the great strategist. :P

nice fic...
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From ANON - bakurasgirl on May 30, 2005
wow....that....was......TERRIFIC!!!!!!! There's so much praise I could give this fic! It is awesome!!!!!
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From ANON - J.S. on May 30, 2005
i loved it
but kaiba was kinda oc, but it was still gud
hmm....joey on top, id like 2 c dat 1 ;)
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From ANON - nicky on May 30, 2005
Uhm... first of all what I liked: the ending... how the two of them make a deal, that's kinda surprising and funny and nice ^-^
I also liked how you brought along Jou's language style.

But since I wanna be honest I'm gonna tell you as well what I didn't like:
I think, you could work your sentences a little more, like... make them somewhat more interesting, vary the sentence structure or make the sentences more complicated.

Aside from that the whole situation the guys are in is a little unealistic, I mean Jou meeting Seto because he thinks Yugi asked him to go there and then Jou following Seto... that's just a little untypical (which isn't bad, but you would have to explain it further and make it more plausible), except of course, if you want this to be a PWP, but then you would have to put that into the summary.

Also you didn't say anything about the characters' feelings or thoughts... you just let them SPEAK (which doesn't necessarily mean they tell what they feel) or you made them DO things (which doesn't tell so much either) but you don't let them THINK or FEEL. If you had showed their feelings, we would have known that Jou actually did enjoy (being sexually aroused doesn't necessarily mean he enjoys!!!) what Seto did, even if Jou himself didn't want to admit it.

Also, you could have Seto notice Jou's true feelings when looking into Jou's eyes or reading between Jou's lines or something like that, because if he doesn't know what Jou FEELS, then it really IS rape since Jou said 'no'. (and if you meant it to be rape, then you should put a 'rape-warning' into your summary)

Also the sex scenes were kind of unrealistic, because you don't just impale yourself onto another or insert yourself into them without preparing the uke - and if you really do anyway, it would hurt like hell and you wouldn't be able to come all that fast (except of course if you enjoy pain)

But seriously, this is not meant to be a flame! You could find yourself a Beta reader, and make this a real good fic.
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