Adult-FanFiction.org : Yu-Gi-OH

Reviews for A Shovel And Some Faith

By : WhosJeebus

From ANON - BBQ-Bandit on August 13, 2005
For Ch. 6-
Thank *you*, first off. The way I see it, it's the reviewers job to provide comprehensive reviews, to help you, the author, in writing your story. I was impressed at all the hints you dropped- not many authors do that, and it makes the story that much more enjoyable. Sad I missed the mark, but half the fun is in the searching. :)
Not so fond of Ryou/Jou, but I guess it's a moot point anyway. Also, Yami Bakura! Very good, strong characterization for him. Yami's pretty callous here- he basically ordered someone's death, not to mention coersion of a police officer for information. Then again, I don't blame him at all.
(17-18? That would fit. "Unlike other mental disorders, the onset of most forms of psychosis occurs in the late teens to early twenties." Donald Lunde, 'Murder and Madness')
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From ANON - Nancy on August 12, 2005
Hey, I still love your story! I started reading on the lair...and you havn't updated in forever! *tears* Im hoping the rest of the story will mosey onto AFF eventually. I like how you make little challanges and write to your reviewers as well, it makes it more interesting ^^
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From ANON - kim on August 12, 2005
Creepy....but very well written ^_^. This fic has got my heart pounding. I love it! I just read the whole fic and I'm on the edge of my seat. Please update soon, I've become addicted to your writing!
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From Miaren on August 12, 2005
I just re-discovered this fic. I'm really getting E.A. Poe vibes off of it, having Jou showing up post mortem to harrass Seto. I can't wait to see what Bakura does during his investigation.
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From ANON - Zena on August 09, 2005
OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!! This is such an AWESOME fic!!! I'm just LOVING it!!!! You are one of best authors on here, FOR SURE!!! Your writing style is so unique...it draws me right in and I can picture everything PERFECTLY!!!! Yes, I love yaoi, but I won't read just ANY old fic!!! I want it to have a beginning, a middle, an end, sentence/paragraph structure, PLOT and of course sex scenes, but most of all good writing to tie it all together!!! And you've done just that!! You. Are just. AWESOME!!!! My hand just flew to my mouth in shock when I read "....faintly heard snapping sound..." because I figured something bad happend to Jou!!! And I totally teared up at Seto's reaction when he realized Jou was dead...*sob* And when he got out of the car in the woods and threw up from grief...omg...it was so SAD!!! And you TOTALLY surprised me when Jou came back to face Seto in the bathroom!!! That just totally freaked me out!!! Straight from Pet Cemetry!!! But with bishies!!! You were right...I kinda did have nightmares that night...well, mostly scared to close my eyes in case the next time I opened them, I saw Jou standing next to me with a scarred neck!! But I was all right...I was comforted when I thought about Seto kissing Jou in the woods and grinding against him, even though he was dead...it was so exrotic!!! I've NEVER read a fic like yours before!!! I just love all the twists and turns!!! I thank you soooo much for making this fic!! You totally rock!!! I've been itching to make my own fic for quite awhile...I have a plot and all that, I just need to get typing! And your fic might be just the inspiration I needed!!! So I thank you even more!! Keep up the great work!! It's really appreciated, especially by me, if not everyone!!! :) Lotsa love!! Take care!!!

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From ANON - Hellagoddess on August 04, 2005
OoooH! It's all...plotty and stuff! This is great! You're fantastic!

Heh...i didn't participate in the game but got the DEATH refernce...heh...

Woot! You HAVE to keep updating this! Kaiba's all crazy and stuff and it's great! lmao And Bakuras nasty...you don't get people often writing him all nasty and mean! Wonderful! *huggles*

Keep up the sordid work!

Hellagoddess
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From ANON - Renee on August 04, 2005
O.O There was a game? Well, looks like I missed ze boat there. ^^;; At any rate, VERY interesting turn of events! Well, past events anyhow. Great work. :)
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From ANON - icestar on August 03, 2005
oh shit....

urm, i would suggest running again, but...

well... maybe if he... no...

:winces: poor seto...

anyways, interesting chapter. liked the twist with ryou. ^_^
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From ANON - BBQ_Bandit on July 28, 2005
Well, I'm game (pun intended). So:
"With two wheels resting firmly on the sidewalk, mere inches from the blond, Seto removed his sunglasses and sat back to observe the other's reaction." Seto's feelings of inadequacy come to the fore, thanks to Yugi, so Seto attempts to establish control over the situation, and Jou, in a very aggressive and unhealthy manner. He enjoys seeing Jou scared of him- that's a red flag in my book. Possibly more than one- the jealousy over other relationships, the aggressive control issue, and the risk-taking behavior(speeding).
"Jou's whimpers and curses were no longer even remotely pleasured sounding, and the brunet took perverse satisfaction in thwarting the other boy's release." Big red flag here, in regards to later escalation of violence. In D/s relationships (like all relationships), the most important part is communication. Most 'hard' scenes are discussed and even scripted beforehand, so both Dom and sub know what they're in for, so to speak. Between Seto and Jou, there's no trust, no mutual communication and comfort zone- not even a contract (which, for safety's sake, they should have had in place before starting the breathplay). Springing something like that in the middle of a scene, is bad news, not to mention highly inconsiderate. Then again, Seto doesn't care about Jou, either ( "I DON'T care...") so it is even more necessary to take those steps.
Sorry if that sounded like a lecture- that's a bit of a touchy issue with me.
And again- "He could sense when the other boy was at his wit's end, but he was literally unable to quell the sadistic urge to throw fuel on the burgeoning flames." Seto is a sadist, yes, and enjoys putting Jou down, again and again. Jou is in over his head; the fact that he cares about Seto is a disadvantage- he won't fight back when he needs to. Intervention!
""You're nothing but a worthless dog!" Seto screamed at him, his own words echoing those of Gozaburo's in his mind. Words that had been hurled at the young Seto every day for YEARS."
Seto needs therapy, and should never have been allowed near Jou until his anger issues were resolved. Again, abuse.
"You're getting off on this, aren't you, Katsuya?" Again, sadist. And now that Seto knows Jou gets off on it, he might as well have been given carte blanche. It's just a matter of time now.

That was...more than four, but really, that whole chapter was one big red flag.
Don't know anything about Fullmetal Alchemist, though. As for "what I think this is" - how old is Seto anyway? I put him around 20 (teens at the show's ending, plus a few years to the first chapter).
PTSD after Jou's death, certainly, but he was sliding before that. This chapter made me rethink my theory, though. I'll get back to you on that. :)
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From ANON - Renee on July 25, 2005
O.O Woah...this is incredibly intense. I am putting this on my bookmarks. I like the close attention to detail and the way you've portrayed Yugi/Yami especially. I can't wait to see more.

...god I'm a disturbed one. XP
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From ANON - icestar on July 25, 2005
aw, shit. RUN SETO! ... or dont run, yami will chase you. o.o

meh, interesting chapter. ^_^
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From ANON - Missa on July 24, 2005
Kaiba may be obsessed and losing his mind, but I like that. Well, I actually liked it more when he owned Jou. Too bad Jou's dead. I wonder how Seto's going to last.
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From ANON - Nancy on July 24, 2005
Great chapter! I looked really hard for all of your fore-shadows....but im a science major and havn't taken an english course for like....4 years. So Im pathetic and could only find the really really obvious one. *sigh* Oh well, I look forward to your next chapter.
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From ANON - catti-dono on July 24, 2005
DAMN!!! Snickers....catti
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From Hellagoddess on July 18, 2005
Review. *gapes* �Breathe Hella�Breathe! My god I think I held my breath for most of those last few paragraphs almost asphyxiating myself! I remembered at the end though only cause my chest was hurting! Wow this is really different! Most people just won�t go that far with their fics, they skate up to the edge and then back again�I hope this turns out to be as good as I think it is! Whoo! And I�ve only read the prologue!

H.

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