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Reviews for The Secret Of Ancient Egypt

By : YamiandYugisHikari
  • From on September 27, 2006
    *cries* I am sorry..so sorry, but I promised myself I would review every story I read. Dear Atemu, the Yugi-tachi should be the stars of a YGO fic. I felt like I was reading a young adolescent's mary-sue attempt. Perhaps it gets better, but truthfully I could only handle the first chapter.

    Descriptive writing...you have the basic actions, but not the descriptions. We know about the vampire but do we see the fangs glimmering in the darkness, hear the hiss of breath and know Zella's terror as she realizes she's being stalked? Does she pick up her pace? Do hollow footsteps echo with her beating heart? Is there the reassuring comfort of steal in her hand as she grips her dagger? And what was Ryou thinking when he blushed?

    I am simply one reader. I am not trying to flame you. I NEVER would. This is constructive criticism only. Feel free to email me at jdoremus@charter.net.

    Maggiemay


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