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Reviews for Setos rape 3

By : MasterJeannie
  • From undercoverme on December 12, 2007
    okay where to start? Formatting is a good thing. Try it, you'll like it, or at least your readers will. Another something to add is PLOT. Doesn't have to be complicated, but really should exist. PWP is okay for a simple smut scene, but you tried a hurt/comfort. Doesn't work without plot sorry. Anonymous I and Me characters are Mary/Gary Sue-ish, and although a good OC is fun a Mary/Gary Sue is not. Gary/Mary sues are the death of good stories. The final constructive advice is try to keep the characters at least partially IC. OOC is well and fine for some things but when you take the character's complete personality and change it you diminish the value of the character you are portraying. In this piece of writing (can't call it a fic) Seto is so OOC a person could believe that you are talking about someone else entirely and not Kaiba Seto. Heck put the name Charlie in there and it would work better. At least then Seto fans wouldn't ridicule you for writing Seto so OOC.

    Shelly
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  • From Ainu on December 12, 2007
    I agree with maggiemay, PWP just don't do it for people in this century. Try to keep Kaiba in charachter, did you ever notice the best stories were the ones where the charachters were actually in character? They are brilliant! And no one likes watching a victim be a victim let's see some conflict, this is where plot comes in. If you didn't want to write a long story make it a one shot with some plot. Also, do space out your story. I hope this helps, its not a flame I just hope this will help you!

    Happy writting!
    LeShea Lavoie!
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  • From on December 11, 2007
    Since you double posted I will say it here too. Ugh...Why? why the PWP rape? Why add a mary-sue Hurt/comfort character? Point of fact in the series, Kaiba is almost INSANELY strong and almost never walks anywhere much less from school. GRRRR...I wish I could say you had talent and I look forward to more from you but I can't see it for all the pointless, OOC, PWP... Sorry I grow redundant. Okay my constructive advice. Find a format and use it. The jumbled text is difficult to read. Try adding something besides debasemen and mary-suck scenes and you might have a story worth more than UGH!
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  • From Dragon7 on December 11, 2007
    This is a great story.
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