Click Here!

Reviews for Fixation

By : thelostogg
  • From on July 13, 2010
    I am still in awe and gratitude before this story. Thousand thanks for sharing it.
    Report Review

  • From on July 10, 2010
    I can appreciate this so much more now. I love how you hint right at the beginning how Mokuba actually is very smart. And the action flows in so well. Be blessed.
    Report Review

  • From on July 10, 2010
    I'm in the process of reading this for the second time. That's just how good it is.
    Report Review

  • From Raykushi on July 06, 2010
    Well it is now 6:30 am and I have managed to get through this in one entire day. I did Graffiti a couple days earlier. It's hard for me to write a review for a fic that has 50 or 90 reviews already. I feel like anything I try to say, you've probably already heard several times over.

    I sincerely hope you enter the creative writing field and get paid for your work. I work in publishing and you are definitely good enough to be published. The problems I have with this story would be easily fixed (or semi-easily at least) with a firm editor going over your work. And a lot of that I see you've already improved on with Graffiti.

    The biggest disappointment I have with this is the ending, and the fact that your antagonist "got away with it" so to speak. It just leaves an unsatisfying end to the whole thing, especially as we the readers have all come to associate ourselves with your main character, Jounouchi, who was so adamant about bringing Mokuba to justice and then suddenly just gave up and ran in the last chapter. However, I can certainly see your delema. The options you had was for him to either be killed and thus be stuck as a martyr character, spend the rest of his life in prison for 60 murders, or "get away with it." I was terrified you were actually going to kill him off, actually, which would have just done me in (cuz I'm a hopelessly romantic girly girl who believes in the power of brotherly love and all that, I admit it!). And I'm sure a lot of other readers feel the same, as well. Haha, you seem to have written yourself into a corner here, making your antagonist such a sympathetic and integral character! Your readers will accept a lot of slack for a character they like THAT much, but at some point most people are going to step back and say that some things are just too much. I do like how you hinted Kaiba is going to deal with him after they get back, but it's just not enough to satisfy the readers after the entire last quarter of the story is about Jounouchi besting Mokuba and not giving up his morals even for the person he loves.

    Also wanted to point out I have a friend with Aspergers and your depiction of it is very realistic. As realistic as a fanfiction about a show with dueling card games can get anyway lol. So tip of my hat to you for that!

    Please keep writing. The world could stand to have more stuff like this in it.
    Report Review

  • From Animom57 on March 08, 2010
    ch 10: And you write fight scenes too? is there no end to your talents? :)
    Report Review

  • From Animom57 on March 07, 2010
    Ch 9: OK, I know you don't end the fic here (unless you have 16 chapters of Author's Notes) but I can feel the satisfying "The End" click here (or rather the "End of Part One".)

    I'm going to take a break from reading and reviewing for a day or so (if I can find the willpower) and just savor what you've accomplished so far.

    One nit: I was sure if/when Kaiba actually knew that Jou was their foster son? There was some somewhat confusing verbiage before he goes to the garden.
    Report Review

  • From Animom57 on March 07, 2010
    Ch 8: ah, gorgeous, the imagery, the emotions - it unspools like a film.

    (an I seriously want fanart of that garden!)
    Report Review

  • From Animom57 on March 07, 2010
    chapter 7: Oh-oh. :( Way to end the chapter with a dagger to the heart.

    P.S. Good work! :p
    Report Review

  • From Animom57 on March 07, 2010
    ch 6: it occurs to me that this is turning out not to be that much about YGO anymore - but that's not a complaint,. Its a damn good story, and it really doesn't matter that you use those strangely haired boys as jumping-off points for a journey that doesn't have much to do with (grins) a children's card game, as LittleKuriboh puts it.

    I was a little thrown by the watch thing - I assumed Kaiba had taken it back before they went in the bathroom - and I think I'd like to see some mention of it, maybe at the end of the previous chapter? That it was almost forgotton on the floor, or in a pocket, or that K slipped it into J's backpack - whatever you feel is right for the story ( as I also can't help feeling that Jou;d wearing it, whether he knoew the cost ir not, is a symbolic act.)
    Report Review

  • From Animom57 on March 07, 2010
    Ch5: Awwww * melts * sorry, nothing constructive from the sparkly-eyed old woman. Hot and sweet and snarky, and I loved it.
    Report Review

  • From Animom57 on March 07, 2010
    Ch 4; oi, Kaiba. Yeah, I'm talkin' to *you*. YOU'RE an idiot!
    * ahem * Roland makes me grin like mad. Although IRL I don't think he'd relent, in the story I'm glad that we might get more of him in future chapters.

    -: again a few minor typos and usage, nothing beta couldn't tidy for you (and nothing that really slows the story down.)
    Report Review

  • From Animom57 on March 07, 2010
    ch 3: "I’m afraid so far it is sort of a reworking of some of my favorite clichés," Well, be that as it may, those are some of your *reader's* favorite clichés as well, so defintely no complaints here.

    +: I like the pace - brisk enough to keep the story moving at ALMOST the same pace as the reader's eagerness, but not so fast that it feels sketchy.

    -: As before, a few typos here and there. At times we get a larger serving of detail - medical in this case - than we probably need, but it does leaven the pacing too, so it's not all bad. (I mention it because at times I'm not sure what the "significant detail" is, but I have faith that you'll make it all clear when it needs to be clear.)
    Report Review

  • From Animom57 on March 07, 2010
    ch: 2 YOW! Bold!Jou is ... *bold* .. and Kaiba is just ... nuts. Both of them seem more like their first series characterizations (especially pre-Mind Crush Kaiba). ~ Your Plato bits made me squee - been a while since college, but I don't remember ever hearing that interpretation (and yes I do see what you did there, I think.)

    Having said that, I'm having a little struggle getting used to your Kaiba - he's a bit nastier than I'm used to - but his snark is prime.
    Report Review

  • From Animom57 on March 07, 2010
    Ch 1: Ah, I told myself I wanted to wait til the happy glow from reading *Graffiti* had worn off, but I couldn't wait to start reading this! As I fully expect to be writing 25 reviews here (grin), I'll try to have each review focus on a different aspect of the story. And as I enjoy your writing so much, my old writing group habits are going to kick in with some concrit, because you're well worth the activation energy it takes to analyze and articulate weak spots.

    +: As expected, your original characters are well sketched. Rarely is exposition and setup so smoothly handled - and unlike 99% of OCs (which tend to make me cringe and skim ahead) yours are characters I enjoy spending time with as much as "the boys."

    -: Not much. A few typos here and there, nothing fatal. M only quibble: I'd think plainly stating Kaiba's orientation would come under confidentiality (as it seems that he's not out "enough" for the Yugi-tachi to know he's gay.) - I do think it a bit more likely that the doctor would have asked his questions about Jou's homophobia and attraction while leaving the reason for the questions implied/unstated.
    Report Review

  • From LordYouko on February 02, 2010
    Ok that's amazing.....one of the few actually intelligent stories I've read....the plot was well thoght out and everyone's actions were more or less in character...great job!!
    Report Review

T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!