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Reviews for to create a shadow

By : wildcath
  • From demonicprincess4 on March 18, 2010
    I was bored... I suck at grammer but I fixed alot of the major mistakes... and a few spelling errors so weather you use it or not is fine but you should probably find a beta reader... other than that good story so far hope to see more... (with a beta reader *grin*) I was going to e-mail you but your e-mail is hidden. I also wanted to say it’s really good if English isn’t your first language… I mean it was understandable… (if I tried to write something like this in French it would be a jumbled mess lol)Anyway if you don't like it just delet my post okay.

    Chapter 1 Gone with the wind

    It was a stormy night, and Ryou was home alone.

    His yami, Bakura, was out doing whatever he was doing, probably off killing some unfortunate soul or causing some other trouble. Yes he was out making trouble.

    Despite this Ryou still loved him. And he knew that Bakura loved him. Even when there was a long time between Bakura’s ‘I love yous’.

    How had little Ryou become the big bad tomb robber’s lover he didn’t know. And how he could love him was a riddle in itself.

    Ryou was suddenly pulled out of his musings by a big clap of thunder, and Ryou remembered that he was supposed to take a shower that night.

    He started the water and waited for it to warm up.

    As he looked in the mirror and he saw his own pale face and chest. He was slender and almost too thin with no visible muscles. His face was framed by soft white hair. And his brown eyes radiated innocence. In fact his whole body radiated innocence.

    Unlike his yami who’s frame was lean with muscle. Bakura’s white hair was similar to Ryou’s except that it was more ragged and it looked like it had been cut off with a knife. His skin was almost as pale looking as Ryou’s but he had a slight tan. His eyes, were reddish brown and crueler looking than the innocent ones staring back from the mirror, In honesty all of Bakura seemed more cruel looking than his innocent counter part.

    Ryou stepped in the shower. He was almost finished when he heard the front door close. “Bakura is that you?” he called as the lights suddenly went off.

    Ryou gave a very unmanly scream and hurried down staircase, trying to find what he hoped was Bakura.

    When he came downstairs he started to look for something that was either Bakura or a flashlight. Feeling around he managed to find an emergency flashlight but there was no sign Bakura.

    As he made his way to the front door, he was surprised to find it wide open. His last thought was, that Bakura never would leave the door open, and then his world went black.

    A while later

    Bakura was on his way home. He was a bit drunk and in a good mood. He was happy that he had beautiful and understanding lover. As he approached the house the first thing he noticed was that the door was wide open. ‘Ryou would never leave the door open.’ He thought. The second thing was that there were no lights on in the house. Even though there were lights on in the other houses on the street.

    “Ryou, are you here” he called out even though he did not suspect an answer. He knew that there was nobody in the house because Ryou always had a light on. However, when he tried the link then there was no answer that meant Ryou was probably unconscious. Panicked Bakura quickly checked the house but there was no sign of this little lover. Ryou was gone and he could not go out and find him in this weather.

    The next morning

    Bakura had been up all night worried about Ryou. He had tried all night to contact Ryou trough the link. He thought about last night and how there had been no sign of struggles. At the first sign of dawn he had been out to figure out why there had been no light in the house. Somebody had turned off the power to the house.

    Then he had been out to look for Ryou. However, there had been no sign of him. So he used the last resort, call Ryou’s friends.

    Only one picked up. And unfortunately for him it was the darned pharaoh’s light.

    “Hallo, this is the Mouto residence, Yugi Mouto speaking.” A cheerful voice said.

    “Stop being so cheerful, pipsqueak.” Bakura growled out.

    “Bakura is that you?” Yugi said.

    “Of course it is, you got to come over and bring the pharaoh with you.” The first part was growled out and the last part almost sounded, at least from Yugi’s point of view, like begging.

    20 minutes later there was a knock on the door. Bakura, stressed and impatient flung the door open with so much force he nearly ripped it off its hinges.

    It was as he hoped, the Pharaoh and his light Yugi were standing on his door step looking at him wide eyed with surprise at his show of brute force on the poor door.

    “You look like shit.” Commented the Pharaoh also called Yami.

    “Thanks Pharaoh, now come in.” Bakura growled.

    When Yami and Yugi were seated. Bakura started to tell them why he had called them here.
    “I left yesterday and when I came home Ryou was gone. I don’t think he left by himself. I think somebody took him.” Bakura had sat in an chair, but be the end of his little speech he was pacing in front of them.

    “Why do you think someone took him?” asked Yugi.

    “The door was wide open and there were no power in the house when I came home yesterday.” Bakura answered. He still went back and forward in front of them.

    “I left him on his own.” While he said this Bakura slammed his fist into the wall cracking the plaster.

    “Have you tried your mind link?” Yami asked.

    “Do I look stupid to you, of course I have tried to contact him and there were no answer.” Bakura said. “I have been out looking for him since dawn.”

    “Well then why don’t you stay here and get some rest, Yugi and I will go out looking for him.” Yami said.

    “Fine but please bring him back.” Bakura almost begged.

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  • From subaru1999 on February 03, 2010
    wonderful story so far! poor ryou, i cant wait to see what happened to him...

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