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Reviews for Too Much

By : amber232
  • From Linku on March 16, 2010
    ooh, must have more...
    too good
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  • From on March 15, 2010
    Gah! I hope Joey will be alright!
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  • From on March 15, 2010
    Nice cliffhanger on this one :)
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  • From Linku on March 14, 2010
    Oh I love it! Jou's gang past always intrigued me. U hit it right on the head.
    More, more pretty please
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  • From on March 07, 2010
    Oh, the irony! Joey treats his body like a pill box, and now the doctors inject some more into him... I really liked the descriptions of the environment and realism of this chapter, especially the little details. :D

    I'll thrown in a tiny piece of constructive criticism, starting with a quote, hoping the formatting worked, or else this is gonna look like hell:

    "(...) Joey gave a great sigh. “I was in a fight and got punched in the face,”
    “Okay,” the nurse said, a small smile on her lips as she wrote down the information on her form.
    “How long ago did this happen?” the nurse continued.
    “A little over a day ago,” Joey replied.
    “Has it bled at all when it occurred or since it happened?” She asked professionally.
    “Yea, it bled a lot when it happened and has been bleeding on and off ever since,” Joey replied.
    “Alright,” she finished as she (...)"

    In this specific dialogue, since you established she was a professional probing a patient, it's pretty clear who says what. That makes some of the 'she said...' 'he replied...' unnecessary. If you otook out some of these, it would make the text lighter, and we could focus more on the actual dialogue.

    Other than that, it's pretty neat! I hope you are able to update soon, cause the fangirl in me is cravin' some J/K interaction!

    Milly
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  • From on March 02, 2010
    I'm really hoping the lady will investigate! Otherwise she would be really crappy at her job! I want Joey to be alright... ;_; Keep writing!
    Milly
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  • From mistressofyaoi on February 28, 2010
    going to the hospital is going to raise more questions though this is the kind of story i have seen for these two on too many occasions its a story idea i like so i'll continue reading
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  • From on February 27, 2010
    It's nice how you wrote a strong Joey that can actually throw a good comeback at Kaiba :)

    I hope the drug theme was not inspired by personal experience or that of a loved one! I wonder how Joey's going to deal with his father AND his friends AND the gang AND the school AND Kaiba! That's a big burden! Keep writing!
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  • From Smenkhkara on February 25, 2010
    It's going good...ur doing well for ur first fic. Keep it up, can't wait to see the next chapter!
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  • From on February 25, 2010
    Joey's father is horrible. I hope Joey finds the strength to turn the tables. Oh, and I like the substance-abuse theme. I'll be expecting the next chapter: I'm eager to see how Seto will react to that!
    Milly
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