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Reviews for One Night of Warmth

By : Reist
  • From smint45 on May 25, 2012
    Oh that was so sweet!!!! Thank you for sharing!!!
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  • From darkdragonwriter on April 04, 2012
    This story was an odd mix of emotions for me. Rivalshipping is something that's hard to do, but you had an interesting idea and premise.

    Overall, it was a solid story with themes that made sense. I could see Yami (Atem) forging a relationship with Kaiba due to memories of the past. Puzzleshipping (Yuugi x Yami) is rather self-explanatory, and I like that the impression Yami left on both of these men being the thing that draws them together.

    But, I'm afraid I do have complaints. Kaiba is a difficult character to portray emotionally, and I feel that he's a bit out of character here. He's not normally so forthcoming with his feelings about things, and I wish that you had gone so far as to specify *how* Yami and Seto got together to bridge the gap between his normally cold nature and his behavior here in the story. It's a bit odd that he's wiling to share himself, and therefore his longing for Yami in such a clandestine way.

    Your overall structure for the story isn't too bad, either. There are a few instances where I think you could have used contractions to make your speech seem less formal (for example, when Honda says, "You are limping", it just read oddly in my head, as he doesn't typically speak that way).

    Deeper themes in this story, I feel, make an appearance in the wrong places. I wanted you to show me, in the narration, the broken pieces that Yami left when he departed. It was a little disappointing to see such an interesting concept introduced by a character in a single sentence rather than portrayed through the memories of the characters and recountings of things that have already taken place.

    This story had a lot of cool elements, and I think that see improvement you would only have to work on a little bit of reorganization and expansion. I still had fun reading it, and I hope to see more from you. Not bad at all from someone who hasn't seen the show for a while!
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