Click Here!

  • 1

Reviews for The Thing's I'll Do To Have You Here With Me

By : shadowrealm818
  • From ANON - Haru on June 09, 2012
    I feel silly, wish I could edit past reviews! It seems you did use quotation marks, you just missed a line, my apologies. Though rereading the first chapter brought up another suggestion that you might want to consider in future stories. Why does Ryou like Bakura? In reality a boy might be handsome to you but that doesn't mean you are in love with him, and unless you were really lonely you wouldn't put up with this handsome stranger treating you badly!

    Try to keep in mind that when you are writing you are trying to bring these characters to life, to make them people. You can add a lot of depth, and have a lot of fun coming up with character's back stories. Get into their heads! Why do they do the things they do, what are they thinking and why! You don't have to write it all out in the story but it can make things more interesting if you keep any character's (whether your own or one for a fanfic) story in mind. Keep writing! :)
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Haru on June 09, 2012
    Welcome! Its always great to see new writers for the B/R fanbase. :) I'm really interested in seeing how your writing style will grow and develop. If you don't mind me making a few suggestions, I think that it would be a little easier to read if you separated what was being said and what was happening with quotation marks like so. "Stop fighting me fool!" Bakura sneered, eyes narrowing at the smaller male looking up at him from the floor. -end example. It's kinder on the eyes. That's all I have to suggest for the first chapter, can't wait to see what happens next.
    Report Review

  • 1
T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!