rate_review Reviews

KEWL!!!! yugi is not the little kid in all this he is in contral lol yah wats to happen next I NEED ANSWER HERE!!!!!!!!!
but ya until then
UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!
tiger

RD:nice work so far jen keep it up hehe id like to see for one whats in that package and two see how that sob got into setos office hehe i really really like these fics were seto is ooc its nice to see him being nice u know hehe no pun intended anyways keep up the great work jen JA NE ^__^ and dont forget to update soon to

Interesting....this story has some potential, but with one chapter, there isn't much to say. The "until..." has yet to be revealed, so the main plot item is still in the dark. Keep writing, I'd like to see where this goes... A few more chapters will get a better review.

Great story. Im going to save it to my favs now ^_^. Update soon.

Alisi ^_^

That was a cool story, i hope you expand on it.

i like your story keep going

Hiya... seems to be an interesting story, and I look forward to it continuing. But for a bit of constructive criticism: Your dialogue seems a bit stilted. First off, I'd definately use more contractions, to make it sound more like "everyday-speak"; and you seem to be trying to get nominal information out through their conversations in odd places. You need to do more "showing" instead of "telling". And while straight dialogue is fine most of the time, throw in a few "Blah blah blah," he said /while doing something, like 'brushing his hair out of his eyes' or 'jumping on top of the car' or 'moving to pick up his coat'/..... I hope you update soon.

Woooooooooow! Sugoi! Your starting makes me crave for more. But by mea means, take your time! A good fiction requires time! Hope to see more soon!