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Canned Asparagus AKA: Pinky's Revenge	By : DirtyHentaiGoddess Category: Yu-Gi-Oh > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1062 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh!, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Canned Asparagus AKA: Pinky's Revenge
- 1
Title: Canned Asparagus AKA: Pinky’s Revenge
Author: Marika
Rating: R
Characters: Bakura, Ryou, Malik, Marik
Type: Humor~ oh, and Yaoi. But I think that’s a given.
Status: To be continue? In store now!

Summary: Bakura tries to find the whereabouts of his ferret, and accidents happen when Ryou suddenly loses control of the kitchen to Malik! What will happen????

“Where is it?!!” Bakura screamed in a wild rage as he tore apart the bed.

“What is it this time?” Ryou called from far away.

“Are you destroying my bed again?” Bakura paused suddenly. He dropped the mattress.

“No.”

“Oh good. Because I didn’t really want to buy another one. Dinner’s almost ready btw.” Ryou called from afar.

“But I thought you liked ‘sleeping’ on the couch… and the floor… and the dishwasher…”

“Bakura, what have I told you about talking about us having sex when Malik is in the house?”

Malik looked offended.

“Do you think this sort of thing offends me? You have misjudged me greatly, for I am not so lewd.”

Ryou smiled, happy that he had such a caring boyfriend.

“Who said I’m your boyfriend?” Malik questioned.

Ryou was shocked! How long had Malik been able to read his thoughts?

“The past five minutes and thirty two seconds,” Malik responded.

He giggled darkly.

“Oh yes, those thoughts of yours… You’re more interesting than I imagined you were.”

Ryou blushed.

“Oh my.”

“PINKY!!!! WHERE ARE YOU?!!!!” Bakura called to Pinky.

He was so sad. There were tears in his eyes, because he was so sad. In fact, he couldn’t get over his sadness, and he burst out into tears, flooding the torn apart mattress. A small tsunami ensued, almost like a bursting volcano. Meanwhile, Ryou was having difficulties with the canned corn.

“Stupid Canned Corn!”

Malik laughed.

“I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking ‘stupid canned corn!’”

Ryou sat back in bewilderment and awe at Malik’s abilities.

“Why, however did you know that? Nevermind, if you talk then I will lose concentration, and the fig pudding might burn.”

Malik was confused.

“… you need corn for fig pudding?”

He pulled the can of corn out of Ryou’s hands, banging it against the counter a couple of times, then gnawing it apart with his teeth, handing the open container back to Ryou.

“Wow… you’re so cool Malik!” Ryou said with a smile.

Suddenly, he looat tat the label!

“Oh dear, this isn’t canned corn, these are chopped asparagus. I guess I don’t need it anymore, here you go Malik, you can feed it to Pinky.”

“Pinky?” Malik began.

Suddenly a wail echoed through the parlor room, into the kitchen proper, past the bathroom that was still closed from renovation. Bakura was still in mourning over the loss of his toilet, and the phone was in bad need of repair. Sadly, the tides of the moon had changed, and Mako was not about to make an appearance with their telephone anytime soon. Meanwhile, in the bedroom, Bakura was having great difficulty trying to locate the whereabouts of his ferret.

“Oh, wherefore art thou, ferret?!” proclaimed Bakura.

“Art thou lost to mine eyes for an eternity?”

From the downstairs came a little voice in response.

“Bakura!! Put down that book! I need it for school tomorrow! You can’t chew this one up, too! I’m making you fig pudding… with chopped asparagus… Your favorite!”

“…Chopped asparagus…” The thought alone stopped Bakura, and he set the book down gently next to the water fountain at the side of the broken bed. Bakura wasn’t sure what this asparagus was. Of course, he would never admit this to Ryou, so he assumed the worst.

“I thought you didn’t wanna talk about sex!”

“…”

Malik giggled like a schoolgirl.

“I do!” “Shut up, you’re not in this story.” Ryou said, pushing him back through the invisible fourth wall which he had breached. Malik shot him an indignant glare.

“I am too in this story! Can’t you read the title line? Right underneath it says

“Characters: Bakura, Ryou, MALIK, and Marik.”

Suddenly, they both stopped short. “Marik? He’s in this story too?!!”

Wicked, evil laughter filled the room.

“Oh no, what have you started?!!”

Ryou screamed in horror. With great flourish, Marik strutted, like an ancient Egyptian emperor who had recently immigrated from China, into the room. He knocked over Malik and Ryou on his way into the parlor room. Spinning around he showed off his cape, and gleefully stroked his ferret stole which resided around his neck.

“Marik is in da house!”

Ryou sighed.

“I really wish you weren’t.”

Marik shot Ryou a death-glare which pushed him out of the parlor room and far far far away.

“What???”

“Nevermiiiiind!” Ryou said, as he flew off to a distant star.

“Aww why why’d you have to do that Marik?!! I was so close! He almost was done with dinner!”

With a saddening sob, he cried.

“The pudding!” “Heh, that’s ok baby, I’ll finish it for you.”

Marik gave him a thumbs-up and waltzed into the kitchen. Malik, not caring to witness any of this, decided to help out his good friend Bakura with his troubles.

“I’ve got problems.” Bakura lamented as soon as Malik walked into the room.

“Pinky is gone.”

“Who is Pinky?” Malik demanded.

Bakura, in his moment of sadness, refused to comment.

“(spell)” Malik began to recite a spell to summon the sun god Ra.

“Hey hey, now don’t start that again!” Bakura chided him and covered his mouth, thus preventing him from continuing the spell.

“Ssssssppppppppphhhhhlllllll!!” Malik tried to continue his spell, but couldn’t.

“So, like I was saying, I’ve got problems.” Bakura sighed, then sat Malik down on the bed and poured a glass of brandy for them to share.

“So I’ve been thinking I should go see a psychiatrist. I have two personalities, and I’m not very fond of the other one. I mean, he’s great he cooks and all, but he shoots blanks in bed. We’ll never have a child at this rate.”

At this point, Malik was very weirded out. Slowly, he pushed Bakura’s hand away from his thigh, taking care to pick up the glass of brandy along the way, and downed the glass in one gulp.

“I have a feeling I’ll be needing this.” “Anyway, like I was saying, he’s helpful at times, he does the dishes, but he never lets me use the vacuum. He keeps saying ‘it’s a bad habit’ and ‘the vacuum doesn’t like that.’ I know this isn’t true, so he’s LYING to me too! How can I live with someone who can’t tell me the truth?”

Suddenly a loud crash resounded from the kitchen.

“Oops.” Came Marik’s voice. “I don’t know what happened, but I LIKE IT!”

More crashes and loud bangs were heard, along with the sound of dark, maniacal laughter. Shaking his head, Malik poured himself another glass of brandy and began to nurse that too.

“Now, I haven’t even begun to talk about his nagging. It never ends! Day in, and day out… I swear by Ra the sun god that if I hear that nagging one more time I’m going to go postal on this little town of Domino.”

“You might as well. I think Marik’s already tried it.”

The Egyptian boy sighed again.

“And that brings me to my final point. He always hated Pinky. I can’t imagine how someone could be so cruel and unkind. I mean, it was like he had no regard for life at all!”

Small tears began to form at the side of Bakura’s eyes.

“My evil evil hikari!”

“Pinky?” Malik said for the fourth time.

Finally, Bakura answered his question.

“My ferret.”

Malik blinked.

“Ferret….”

“Didn’t you know that I had a pet ferret? It was my precious baby! I don’t think Ryou liked him much because he had a very distinct odor, but really he was such a good friend. Better than Ryou, who took away all my favorite pastimes. He never let me use the internet, or the vacuum, or the bathroom.”

“The bathroom?”

“Just the downstairs one.”

“…oh.”

Insane though Malik was, he managed to piece together Bakura’s equally inane ramblings and gasped in horror.

“What’s a ferret? Do we have those in Egypt? I’ve never heard of that brand of motorcycle.”

“Stupid Egyptian!” Bakura said, smacking Malik over the head, ignoring the fact that technically he was an Egyptian too.

Before Bakura had the chance to respond, a loud shot came from downstairs.

“DINNER’S READY!!!”

“Was that a gun I just heard?” Malik muttered, standing up and smoothing his pants, making ready to go downstairs despite how his subconscious begged him not to.

Bakura shrugged, still sulking about his ferret.

“Ryowaysways made the best dinners…”

Speaking of the devil, Ryou fell from the sky, through the roof, and straight into Bakura’s waiting arms.

“Ryou!” Bakura snuggled.

“I missed you so much!”

“I missed you too,” Ryou said, shivering and throwing his arms around his yami.

“It’s really cold out in space, and lonely, too…”

“What?! Now you miss him?!” Malik shook his head.

“I’m not even going to ask…”

“Let’s go eat dinner!”

Without another word, Bakura whooshed Ryou down the stairs! Malik followed closely behind. As soon as Bakura walked into the kitchen, he screamed and dropped Ryou onto the hard cold kitchen floor. In an instant Malik swooped down and caught Ryou, saving his butt from smacking into the floor.

“If he bruises it now, I’ll never get any!” He muttered quietly.

“What was that?” Ryou said innocently. hhh…hhh… nothing. Just don’t want you to get hurt.”

Malik covered up smoothly.

“YOU!” Bakura exclaimed, pointing his finger at Marik. “YOU KILLED PINKY! YOU BASTARD!”

“He’s been watching a lot of South Park.” Ryou murmured to Malik.

“He likes the potty jokes.”

“What, this thing?” Marik asked, petting his ferret stole.

“I bought it at the farmer’s market.”

“No you didn’t! That’s Pinky! My pet ferret!” Bakura shouted.

“I’d know that button nose anywhere!”

That said, he charged at Marik, tripping over Ryou and Malik.

“No fighting before dinner!” Ryou said sternly.

They all sat down to eat their dinner of fig pudding and canned asparagus. Surprisingly, it was delicious!

“Marik, you never told me you could cook!” Malik squealed, throwing his arms around his beloved Yami.

“You’re wonderful!”

“Technically I have all of your skills improved, you should be making dinner!” Marik complained.

“Well I don’t feel like it.” The Egyptian boy retorted, suddenly releasing the other man.

“Besides, I have… better things to do.”

With a smirk, he hugged Ryou close to him. you you smiled, nuzzling Malik with his nose.

“Yes, I will cook for you any day,” he replied, placing a small kiss on Malik’s cheek. Malik replied by pulling Ryou even closer to him. Just feeling the boy close to him made him want him even more,

and he kissed his soft lips deeply. He brushed a few light strands of stray hair away from the boy’s cheeks.

“Come dine with me… under the table.” He breathed huskily.

Without another word, Ryou had followed Malik under the table, and soon, they both disappeared from this story to do their own thing. Meanwhile, Yami Malik and Bakura were having a deadly staring contest. The loser would go to the shadow realm and face the reaper of the cards. Bakura was looking forward to the challenge, and the possibility of ‘reaping’ the reaper of the cards again.

“I will not lose to the likes of you, you murderer!” Bakura announced vehemently.

For all his worth, he could not imagine killing, brutally murdering, an innocent living being. He wasn’t to blame if they decided to lose their souls.

“And I shall never lose to you.” Marik grinned wickedly, his eye stretching to the far corner of the screen.

“Ha! You’re cheating! You’re not allowed to use evil powers here!”

Bakura pointed at Yami Marik and laughed, sending his soul off to the shadow realm. He sat alone now, at an empty barren wasteland of a table. Periodically, he heard low moans, and felt kicks at his feet. But he didn’t care about that anymore, he had five tons of fig pudding to himself! And he had revenge for Pinky. Scooping up some of the fig pudding, he tested it.

“mmm… asparagus flavored… not bad.”

Testing it between his fingers, he smirked.

“It’ll do.”

Without another word, he grabbed the tub and dove under the table, ready to put it to good use. The end!
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Canned Asparagus AKA: Pinky's Revenge