Adult-FanFiction.org : Yu-Gi-OH

For All Eternity	By : NihilEtNemo Category: Yu-Gi-Oh > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1343 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh!, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
Players:
Seth: SG
Seto: Silver
Finished on: �December 18, 2005
Pairing: unresolved
Seth X Seth
Set-up: This isn�t
particularly important, but Seto and Seth are attending Hogwarts School
of Witchcraft and Wizardry. We did this as an aside to an email RPG we�re in: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Hidden_Destinies/ . I won�t normally post RP�s from RPG�s, since no one will
understand the RPG, but this was just too beautiful not to�

Seth threw a rock into the lake, then back up, out of reach
of the squid's tentacles as it decided to see who was assaulting it so rudely.
Just effing perfect... It was the winter break starting tomorrow. He assumed
Seto was going home. Himself, he didn't have a home to go to, so he'd probably
be staying here. Hell... even Malik was going to Egypt, and taking that annoying elf
bitch with him. He wished he could work up the courage to talk to Seto about
it...

Seto watched Mokuba and Kohaku throwing
snowballs at each other. He glanced out at the lake and saw his yami, throwing
rocks into the lake. ~Bored?~

Seth looked quickly; he'd forgotten that Seto was there. ~I
guess,~ he replied noncommittally.

~What's bothering you?~

Seth chose not to reply, throwing another rock into the
lake, aiming for the squid this time. He was rewarded
with a piercing squeal and another lashing tentacle.

~You must be bothered by something,
considering you're tormenting that poor creature." The last part was spoken aloud, since he was within hearing range.

"Do I need a reason to torment things?" he asked
archly, considered throwing a rock or three at the little boys - they were just
too damned happy - then considered the fact that Seto might not appreciate that
very much and instead pegged one at the Whomping
Willow, watching it swat it away.

"No, not really." Seto didn't want to admit just
how much of the turmoil he had sensed in the other's mind. "Did you have
plans for the break?" he asked, trying to change the subject.

"Yes." Seth said shortly.

"Oh. Too bad... I... well, Mokuba was hoping you'd come
with us."

Seth glanced at him from the corner of his eye. "My
plans, however, having included that stupid Griffindor elf and the largest of Snape's
cauldrons, have been foiled..." He tossed another rock up in his hand, not
certain where to throw it, but knowing exactly where it was going if Seto was
just toying with him. "You want me to come with you?"

"Yes." Seto never was one to mince words.

"I suppose I can do that," he said magnanimously,
and pegged the squid in the eye.

He pulled Seto backward with a tiny satisfied smirk as the
tentacle writhed and the screeching became hard to bear.

Seto covered his ears and scowled. ~Now why did you have to
do that?~

Seth grinned a bit as he turned
around and decided he didn't want to be near the lake when McGonagall found
out. ~Why not?~

~You're hopeless.~ Seto followed
him away from the lake.

Three rocks remained in his hand; he tossed them up one
after another in a low arc, juggling them on that one hand.
"Probably," he said. "I�ve been told so before... Why? Do you want me to start being nice all of a
sudden?" He wandered into the trees of the forest.

"No, not really - I'd think that someone had replaced
your brain."

"Precisely..." So saying, he flicked a rock toward
a bird nesting quietly on a tree. It squawked and fell over, and he smirked.
"How are you going to explain the sudden appearance of a twin to your...
well, everyone, in Japan?"

"You say that like I haven't already planned
that." Seto reached into his robes and pulled out a packet of papers.
"Here. Legal identification. You're my long lost Egyptian 18th cousin
twice removed."

Seth took the papers and looked at them blankly for a
moment, then laughed and shoved them back into Seto's chest. "Anal,"
he said. "That's what you are. I might be incorrigible, but that... that's
just anal." He shook his head and walked on.

Seto put them away. "You say that like it's a bad
thing," he noted dryly.

"A little planning goes a long way," Seth
commented. "I may not be quite as random about life as I would have had
you believe, but that's a little much. Haven't you heard that saying about spontaneity?
How it's the spice of life?"

"I like my life bland and well ordered." Seto
answered. "Why are we going into the Forbidden Forest?"

"Again," Seth said simply, "why not? Do you
think we'll be in any danger? Don't worry, my frail little hikari, I'll protect
you. I'm a pretty wicked shot with these rocks..."

Seto snickered. "Oh thank you, my mighty yami."

"My pleasure, O Shining One," Seth said blandly.
"My duty to protect and serve my light..."

"Oh thank you." Seto raised an eyebrow. "So
what's the hikari supposed to do? Cheerlead? Somehow I
can't see myself in that role." He flicked a spider off his shoulder.

Seth tilted his head slightly considering, and held a tree
branch aside for Seto without really noticing. "I'm not quite sure... sit back and look pretty? You�ve got half of that one down,
anyway..."

"Hn." Seto pulled a leaf off Seth and watched it
flutter to the ground. "I don't sit back. I much prefer being
proactive."

"But you're sure as hell pretty enough for it,"
Seth said mildly. "And I�m allowed to say that without sounding creepy,
because you look a lot like me. I'm sure you're already a bit aware that I'm
something of a narcissist..."

"Yes, I am." Seto smirked. "And I agree, I'm certainly not lacking in the looks department. Neither
are you, for that matter. But sitting back isn't my
style. So I guess I'm a pretty poor light."

Seth considered again. "Maybe there's another purpose
for a light, then. What was it? Something about keeping the darkness in check
and controlling it...?" He seemed almost teasing as he said it.

"Controlling it?" Seto smirked. "Now
controlling I'm good at."

Seth made something of a face. "I don't take so well to
being controlled, mind..."

"No, I know." Seto flicked a spider off Seth.
"I wouldn't try and control you anyway... it'd be like controlling myself, a venture doomed to failure. Did you have a
destination in mind, or are we just wandering?"

"The second one," Seth said.

"Joy. I do hope you know how to get out of here
again." Seto didn't seem all that worried. For
some really stupid reason, he felt safe with Seth -
like together they could take on the world and win easily.

"I do," Seth said. "Don't worry. Do you have
any idea what kind of skills it takes to wander around in a desert and find
your way out again? The forest isn't that big, anyway. You walk in any
direction long enough, you'll come out somewhere." He stopped, then turned
ninety degrees to the left and continued on. "Centaur
territory there... they'd probably shoot us."

"That would be painful." Seto noted, impressed.
"You come here a lot?"

"No... Well, yes. It's a lot more interesting than the
school is, anyway... Especially given my roommates." He pointed back over
his shoulder toward a small brown pile in the leaves. "But it�s not that
hard to see where a centaur's been..."

"Point." Seto glanced up at the trees.
"Pretty place."

"Too damned cold, though..." Seth said, not
apparently disagreeing. He kicked a clump snow in distaste. "Why the hell
would anyone willingly live here?"

"Some people like the cold." Seto himself wasn't
one of them, but then he tended to ignore the elements.

"Feh." Now that he was reminded of the weather, his mood was turning sour.
"No one in their right mind likes the cold. I'd rather go sit in the sands
in the middle of summer..."

"Did you want to go to the Sahara
for vacation then?"

He snorted. "Not really. I said I'd rather, not that I
want to. Someplace nice and temperate suits me far
better. Pale skin is a bitch in the heat..." He flashed a grin at Seto.
"So think how bad you'd have it, ghostie."

Seto snorted. "There is this wonderful invention called
sunscreen... I'd be using a lot of it.

�I bet. In my day, it was called
Shade. You know - we stood in it." He bent to scoop up a handful of snow
and mashed it into a ball.

"It's in short supply out in the deep desert."

"Point," Seth said. "Which
is always a bit inconvenient..." He tossed the snowball in his hand
as they wandered pointlessly though the forest.

Seto picked up a leaf, studying it minutely. "What was
Ancient Egypt like?"

"That's like asking you what your modern world is like.
It just... is. Was. It's all I ever knew. If you want me to compare the two,
though..."

"Go ahead." Absently he noted that it was starting
to snow again.

Seth noticed the same, and scowled at the sky, chucking the
snowball in a completely random direction. "No computers," he said
shortly, covering his head with his cloak. "And no pants either."

"No wonder you're cold in the snow, with the air
sucking heat from all that bare skin."

"I don't follow," Seth admitted absently, glaring
at the falling white flakes.

"Every time you step over snow, the heat trapped by
your robes is exposed to the snow below; the law of thermodynamics would insist
that some heat be lost to the cooler substance below; that is repeated, and
very soon you're getting colder as all the trapped heat is lost faster than
your body can generate it."

"Twenty-first century witchcraft," Seth muttered.
"I find it hard to believe the snow is stealing my heat.�

"Well, it is." Seto held out his hand, watching
the snowflakes fall on the skin.

"Another reason to hate it then," Seth said
crossly. "I'm sick of this - which way is the school?" Hadn't he just
assured Seto that he knew his way out? He turned approximately ninety degrees
left again and began walking.

"I thought you knew the way out." Seto answered,
eying his yami.

"It's more or less this way," the ex-priest said.
At least it had damned well better be. "Unless you don't trust my judgment?"
he asked archly.

"Not really - you're as flighty as a bumblebee most of
the time." Seto smirked. "But we turned 90 degrees at the centaur shit, and 90 degrees again, so we should more or less get
there."

"Precisely. Next time, just trust me without having to
go through and figure it out for yourself. I know what I'm doing." He
frowned as he trudged. "Would you have trusted me if you hadn't been able to
go through and figure it out?"

"Probably not... don't take it
personal, Seth. I'm not a trusting person; it's habit to double-check
everything.

Seth scowled a little. Yeah, he knew he shouldn't take it
personally, but it still stung a bit.

A smile played over Seto's lips. "And would you have
trusted me?"

"Of course," Seth said simply.

He blinked, startled. "You would?"

"Of course I would. You're my hikari." He didn't
explain; he couldn't explain it. That was really all
there was to it.

Seto's mind tried to process that. How could
anyone just... trust someone like that? "But I'm a nasty,
manipulative asshole... you'd be stupid to trust me so easily." he
protested.

"And?" Seth asked. "You're my light. If I can't
trust you, who can I trust? I'd rather take the
chance, than not trust anyone." He glanced toward Seto. "No offense,
but there's such a thing as being too paranoid."

Seto nodded. "I suppose... but that's not now I was
raised. But I suppose you aren't going to betray me... right?" There was
an almost wistful note in Seto's voice.

"I don't think I could if I wanted to, hikari. Face it.
You're stuck with me." He growled a bit in appreciation as the castle came
into view.

Seto nodded. Another of those 'random' impulses came over
him - it only seemed to happen around Seth. He leaned over and picked up a
handful of snow, patting it into a ball. "Hey, Seth?"

"Yes?" Seth asked, completely innocent of the
horrible fate about to befall him. He turned back slightly

"Catch." Seto let fly, the ball of snow - loosely
packed, so it would explode on impact - hit his yami in the shoulder. He
grinned - a surprisingly boyish expression - and ran for the castle.

Seth froze and gasped loudly as the snow exploded into his
face. Then he narrowed his eyes in only partly playful anger - he really did
hate snow - and took out his wand, balling up dozens of snowballs with it and
bewitching them to chase him

~No fair using magic!~ Seto
protested when he looked over his shoulder and saw the snowballs chasing him.

"No fair hitting me with SNOW!" Seth yelled to
him. "I'm fucking EGYPTIAN! I hate the cold, in case you haven�t noticed!!!"

~You're the one always telling me to have fun. According to
Mokuba, snowball fights are fun.~ Logic is our friend.

~I said loosen up! I didn't say 'throw snow at your yami,'
did I? No. I did not..~ He poked a snowball and it
viciously slammed into Seto's back and explode, sending
snow down his collar.

Seto gasped as he was slammed face
first into the snow, adding to the indignity. �That's it - this means war.�

~Do you know what a 'facewash' is,
yami mine?~

~I have no idea. Do it and die.~

He snickered. ~What happened to being stuck with you?~ he asked, whipping another snowball at Seth.

~Till you die. And
only until you die. That can be at any point I wish...~ Seth ducked away
from the snowball and magicked another to fly at him
- he didn't want to touch the snow with his hands, after all.

Seto sent him a mental pout. ~You're going to kill me over a
snowball?~ It must be the cold affecting his brain
that was making him act like this.

~I said I'd kill you over a 'facewash'.
It sounds like being covered in snow. I want no part.~

~Just the face, actually.~ Seto
winced as the snowball hit him. "Ow."

"Fine. Still don�t want it." He smirked as Seto was hit. "Do you give up? Can we go inside where it�s
warm yet?"

"Not until we're even. You hit me with 2, so I get to
hit you one more time."

Seth scowled. "That isn't fair. I hate it a lot more
than you do. It's the quality of the hit, not the quantity,
that matters."

Seto shook his head. "Fine... let's go inside before
your delicate Egyptian constitution gets sick."

"I've never been sick in my life," Seth bragged.
"I can get damned uncomfortable, though." Frankly, he'd expected, and
been nearly looking forward to, more opposition on the matter.

"Well, in that case..." Seto rolled up a snowball
and flung it at Seth's chest.

Seth gasped again. No fair! He
wasn't expecting it! "I'm going to get you for that!" He yelled, and
chased Seto toward the castle.

Seto laughed as he ran for safety,
hitting the doors a bare breath before his vengeful darkness could catch him.

Seth didn't have a 'home base' � the chase was still on. the
doors were left wide open behind him as he grabbed Seto a few steps into the
hall and pushed him back against a wall, pressed fairly close to him to
immobilize him.

Seto yelped as he was pushed
against the wall, chest heaving with the run, cheeks flushed from the cold.
"Um� you can let me go now, Seth."

"What if I don't want to?" Seth said, also
breathing a little heavier than normal, but less so than Seto. His darker skin
hid the blood that rushed to the surface with the sudden heat admirably.
"You'll find something else to throw at me, I'm sure. Go to the kitchen
and get an ice cube to dump down my shirt?"

"I'm not that childish." He struggled, but Seth
was stronger than he expected.

"Not usually," Seth said. "Of course, you
don't usually throw snowballs either." He apparently just noticed how
close he was to Seto and nearly released him... then realized that this
position was plenty fun as was and retightened his grip.

"No, I don't. I don't know why I did that." He
struggled a little more, certain memories rising in the back of his mind; he
fought the automatic terror and hatred back.

"I applaud the playfulness...since I kind of have to...
but the medium was a bit doubtful." He noticed the struggling and
misinterpreted a bit. "Would you like me to let you go, Seto?"

"Yes." He took deep, even breaths, trying not to
hyperventilate. "I won't throw anymore snowballs at your back,
alright?"

"Ask me nicely." Seth smirked a little.

Blue eyes dilated. "Please..." Seto whispered,
feeling the terror starting to overwhelm his mind - for a moment, it seemed
that it was Gozoboro hovering over him, smirking. He
kept his voice calm by a decade of training and pure will. "Please. Let me
go."

Seth finally correctly interpreted Seto's reactions and
immediately released him, taking two steps away to give him space. "I�m
sorry," he said immediately.

The terror receded slowly... Seto took several deep, calming
breaths. "It's alright. I'm sorry - I shouldn't have reacted like
that."

Seth frowned. "Don't apologize. It's not your fault. I
didn't think about it... I shouldn't really have done that."

Seto nodded. "You didn't know." He gathered the
last of his self-possession around himself like a cloak. "Shall we get
something hot to drink?" he asked, pushing the incident from his mind.

Seto nodded, recognizing the defense mechanism. What, he
asked himself, was the most comforting and least threatening thing he could do?
He didn't know for sure, but he nodded and started walking.

Seto led them towards his dorm. "Everyone should be
out," he noted, grabbing a house-elf on the way and ordering a pot of cafe
mocha. "What did you want?"

Damn it, he'd missed his shot... window of opportunity fading...
fading... gone. Now they were back to their normal roles... He shrugged.
"I don't really care..."

"Hot chocolate then." Seto sent the elf on his
way, leading the way to the Ravenclaw dorm. "Butterblather."
The picture swung open, revealing the dark, richly decorated sitting room.

Seth looked around curiously. The picture normally wouldn't
let him inside, even when he had the password... no comment on how he had it.
^_^ Seemed they had a thing for separating the houses...

"Have a seat." Seto poked the fire, which roared
to life. He slipped out of his wet robes and boots, leaving him in only a black
long-sleeved turtleneck and dark jeans.

Seth took of his robe as well and scowled at it, then draped
it over a chair and sat on one end of a couch near the fire. For all his
professing to not like pants, he was wearing a pair of
black ones, and a green shirt.

Seto raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment. A moment later a
house-elf popped up with their hot drinks. "Here - hot chocolate. Sweet and
hot."

"And not coffee," Seth added, taking it
gratefully. It felt so good in his hands that he -almost- didn't want to drink
it. Almost.

"That's right - not coffee. If you add coffee, you get
what I'm drinking... a mocha." Seto took a sip.

Seth made a face and stared into the fire. "You don't
have to talk to me like I'm a two year old." Okay, so he was like
literally four months old, but it didn't matter. Patronizing was not his
favorite tone of voice.

"I'm sorry - I didn't mean to be patronizing. I was
just informing you." Seto honestly hadn't meant to insult his yami.

"It sounded patronizing," Seth muttered
petulantly. It was fairly obvious that this really
wasn't what was bothering him, though.

He looked into the fire, taking another sip.

Seto sipped his drink, refilling it from the jug he'd
ordered. "If this is about the snowball fight, I guess I overstepped my boundaries."

Seth looked at him quickly. "What? No, you don't have
to apologize. I appreciate the sentiment, though I wish you could have found a
better way of expressing it... I just don't like the cold." He looked back
into the fire, then sighed. "I'm sorry," he
said finally, his mug clasped in both hands as they hung between his knees.
"I didn't mean to hurt you."

"In the hall? You didn't. It was... an old memory.
That's all."

"I know that. Just because it wasn't physical pain
doesn't make it hurt any less, though, we both know that." Looking at him,
one might think his cocoa held all the secrets of the universe in the bottom of
it, how hard he seemed to be staring at it.

Seto nodded. "I know." He stared into the flames,
falling silent.

"I'll do it again," he said finally. "I'm
apologizing in advance. I hurt people, usually on purpose, a
lot of times just as a reflex, sometimes just on accident. I'll hurt you
again. I just want you to know that I don't mean it."

Seto glanced over at him. "Alright."

Seth sighed again. His day was not going as he had hoped,
nor as he had expected (which were two wildly different things anyway).

Seto shivered; he must be sitting in a draft. Rising, he
moved closer to the fire, sitting next to Seth - though not so close as to
crowd him. He stretched out his legs to the heat, eyes half-closed as he
watched the flames and bathed in the warmth.

The yami smiled a little and sat back against the couch to
give Seto more heat. "So... Japan..." he said. "Any
fun during the winter?"

"Sometimes; if you like skiing, or skating. We have
good ski mountains."

Seth made a face. "Snow. And Ice.
There's nothing fun that involves being indoors?"

Seto glanced up at him and smirked. "Nothing that you
couldn't do any time of the year. Chess, go, dozens of other games; hobbies and crafts.

"I'll make sure to bring a book."

"I have an extensive library, Seth."

He rolled his eyes. "Of course you do. Do I read
Japanese, though? I barely know English."

"There are texts in many languages. Even a few in the
ancient form of Heiratic." He'd gotten them when
he found he could read the language... but that ability had apparently vanished
when Seth had separated.

He paused, then nodded. "All
right. That could be useful. Who knows, maybe I'll figure something
out..." He stretched with a yawn - the fire was making him sleepy - and
draped his arm along the back of the couch.

"Besides, you'll have to learn Japanese sooner or
later." Seto didn't even realize when he leaned into his yami. It just
felt comfortable.

"True. And you can teach me." He smiled a little
and pulled Seto close to him, liking how warm he was, and how he fit juuuuust right.

Seto almost struggled, but the hot drink, the fire, and the
inexplicable warmth that always filled him with Seth's touch conspired to relax
him almost against his will. With a little sigh, he gave in... he could go back to being a cold bastard tomorrow.

"Hai," he murmured,
almost hypnotized by the flickering flames, his mind drifting.

Seth sighed, suddenly no longer needing the fire to be warm.
He closed his eyes for a moment, just letting himself be
filled with the warmth and light he got from Seto... �I love you,
Seto," he murmured.

"Hmm?" Blue eyes blinked lethargically. Seth loved
him? Probably like a brother. Hn.
That made the most sense. He could feel his mind drifting into the warm
darkness that was Seth and murmured "Love you
too..."

Too bad Seth only loved him like a brother though...

Seth smiled a little, almost sadly, and opened his eyes to
watch the flames. He'd returned it too easily... He misunderstood. Or he didn't want to think about it. He thought it was
completely platonic, friendly love. That was there... but it wasn�t by any
means all. He loved Seto in every way imaginable... Of course, if that was all
Seto wanted, it was all he would give. He was happy
just to be allowed to be near him. He wouldn't ruin it
for anything. ~Just go to sleep, hikari.~

A little flash of disappointment ran through him. He'd been
right... familial love, not passionate. Damnit. Ah well... if that is what he
could get from Seth, so be it. His eyes slid closed gently, breathing
deepening.

Seth sighed. He gently rubbed one hand along Seto's arm,
watching the fire sadly. Once he was sure Seto was asleep, he gently lowered
his head and stole a very quick, very light kiss. Probably the last one he'd
get.

Deeply asleep - and Seth was the only other person on the
planet that he would trust to be around him in this state, other than Mokuba -
Seto cuddled closer to his yami, a little smile on his lips. For a moment, his
masks were gone, leaving what might have been had he never met Gozoboro.

Looking down at his hikari - his sweet, innocent, beautiful
hikari - he had to smile. He didn't look cruel, or cold, or older than he was...
He just looked how he should have looked, had the world been a just place. He
rubbed a hand over his face, assuring himself that those were not almost-tears.
"You're making me soft, Seto,� he whispered fondly. ~You're making me soft.~

Dreamless sleep was not a concept that often visited Seto.
Nightmares more often than not woke him, nearly every night. But
for some reason, the warm darkness was keeping them away. The words through the
link echoed in the darkness. ~Soft.~ his mind echoed gently,
carried on waves of warmth and happiness and love. He fell deeper into the
warm/safe/soft/beautiful shadows as his body snuggled closer to the source.

Seth gently shifted on the couch, sliding down a bit and
turning them both sideways; it this way, he slowly lay down, hugging Seto as
close to him as possible. If anyone else came in, they
would almost undoubtedly think that they were lovers, but that concept didn't bother
him nearly as much as it maybe should have. His hikari held tightly in his
arms, he slowly drifted to sleep as well, feeling as good as he ever had.

Seto found himself drifting in the dark - it was just too
much effort to move. Oddly, Seth was there... floating beside him in some
strange nether-space, holding him in his arms. "I'm dreaming."

Seth smiled. Even in his dream Seto
wouldn't believe something this odd... "Of course you are, hikari,"
he assured him, idly running his fingers through his hair. He didn't quite dare
to do so when he was awake...

Seto throat rumbled in an almost-purr. He loved having his
hair played with... but the real Seth never did that, so this must be a
dream-Seth.

The yami sighed, pulling Seto close to him, gently smelling
the smooth scent of his hair. I wish you
loved me back... he heard himself thinking quietly. I wish I could love you... I wish I could do this when we were awake...
Gently, he stroked one thumb along Seto's cheek as he turned his face upward to
kiss him. If only he could kiss the real Seto, not a figment of his
imagination...

Warm lips descended on his and he froze for a moment, before
melting into the kiss. This... this is what he wanted. Why couldn't Seth do
this in real life? I want to love you...
but it's so hard. I can't say the words... not and mean them. But I love you, Seth. Seto blinked back what were NOT
tears and ran his hands along Seth's shoulders. He couldn't have this... even
awake, couldn't admit he wanted it. So he was forced
to settle for a dream.

Seth pulled away and gently smiled, wiping the tears away
from his cheeks. "I love you so much," he whispered, resting his forehead
against his hikari's and creating a private area of square inches of air
between them. "I love you in every way... as my master, my friend, my
brother, my child, my lover. I want to love you how you deserve, but I'm not
worthy of you... I could never be worthy of you."

"You don't have to be worthy... I'm tainted and
twisted, soiled beyond hope of redemption. I'm the one not worthy of you, yami.
I love you... I can't say the words when I'm awake... they would stick in my
throat." Gods, was he so desperate he was confessing his love to a figment
of his own imagination? His hands caressed the soft skin of his yami's cheeks,
so alike and yet so utterly different. "But it's the truth. I love you, as
you love me." Gods... it hurt, it hurt, like he
was driving a knife in his own heart.

Seth swallowed thickly and bowed his head. His dreams were
far too realistic... even Seto's shattered self-image was intact... or not
realistic enough. Seto wouldn't love him for real... "You are the most
beautiful thing to ever grace this world, Seto," he said quietly, determined
to play out the charade. To give voice to all the things he could never say for
real. All the things that would make him shrivel up and die. If he didn't voice
them now, he would die full of unsaid hopes and dreams... "You're too
beautiful for this world. Your beauty, your Light, made him hurt you, but you
overcame. You aren't damaged. You aren't tainted.
Nothing so unworthy as any mortal creature that walks this Earth could ever
taint your purity."

He must be some kind of masochist to be going this to
himself; but he had to speak. The words spilled out from his broken and
bleeding heart like drops of his own lifeblood, or the
tears that spilled unchecked down his cheeks. He met the illusion of his yami
with steady blue eyes, running fingers through the auburn silk of his hair - he
would never dare this awake. To touch was to hurt, and he hurt so much already.
"Yami.... Seth... you are beautiful. So beautiful it takes
my breath away. I want to be with you forever... but I can't have you...
and it's killing me, to be so close and yet so very far. I want to be safe in
your darkness for eternity." He wanted to curl up in a ball and just die,
but he had to finish this.

Seth closed his eyes, escaping he
raw emotion in Seto's eyes... words... heart... soul. It was too much, to know
that Seto could feel this deeply about it... about him.... "I want you to
have me," he whispered, finally opening his eyes again. "I want to be
yours. I want us to be together, to be one, for the rest of our lives... I can't... can't get through. There 's
a wall between us. My wall... your wall... I need to
break it down but I'm not strong enough." His sad eyes met his once more,
oblivious to the tears slipping from them. "I'll be anything you want me
to be, Seto. I'll be everything to you. Just say the word..." He lifted
one hand to touch Seto's cheek, but it faltered and fell, as though it had hit the
wall that was there.

Seto all but wailed his heartbreak to the sky; those sad eyes. He wanted to scream. Why?
Who was doing this to him? Offering him all he ever wanted and it was only
illusion... only a dream that would fade with the morning. "I can't,"
he whispered. "I can't see it. The wall between us...
I can't find it." He drooped, fingers sliding down to clench at the cloth
of Seth's robes... they felt real too, leaning his head against Seth chest.
"Don't leave me. Please... you don't have to be anything but yourself...
but don't leave me alone..."

"I won't." The whispered promise held every ounce
of magic he possessed to bind it to his soul, and if he ever proved himself a
liar to destroy the same. "I will never leave you, Seto... I would die if
I tried. I can't be apart from you. I need you far too much..." His hands
pressed Seto to his chest, his head falling to rest on his shoulder, making
them as near a single being as possible. "I love you, Seto. Always have, always will. Even if
you turn me away... if all you really do want is
friendship... I will still love you. You are my strength, my reason. Without you I might as well not exist. No, I can't ever leave
you..."

"I need you too... you're my sanity, my humanity.
Without you, the light is so cold, so sharp..." His arms wrapped around
Seth's waist, forgetting for one sweet moment that this was only a dream...
"I would die if you left, and if you gave yourself to me, I would never
turn you away... " His voice faltered and died,
hearing and hating the lie in his own words. He would turn his yami away... it
was only here, in this strange place of dream and illusion, that he could admit
to his own weakness and his own desire. Out there, in the waking world, he
could never allow himself to be weak... and it one shining instant of bitter
self-hatred, he saw the wall between himself and his heart's desire... Pride.
His own stubborn pride, that said he could not lean on another, nor depend on
anyone but himself. And he had no idea how to change
that... how to bring down that wall of adamantine that both guarded and
imprisoned his innermost heart. "I can't have you..." he whispered,
voice lost and distant. "I can never have you.
And it's my own fault."

"If you turned me away," Seth said, "I would
forgive you. I would wait for you...I would wait another eternity for you. And
even if you never accepted me, I would be there... the offer would still be
there." He felt his tears wetting Seto's shoulder and didn't care. It was
all true... he wanted nothing more from his life than to have Seto, to be with
him. "You can have me. I want you to. I want to help you, to tear down the
wall that's killing you, standing between us and killing us both. Will you let
me help you, Seto? Dearest Seto..."

"I..." The words caught in his throat. "How
can you love me so much, when I hate myself?" He shuddered, clinging to
his yami, his love and his strength. "I am weak... and you're not. But gods... I want you. I want your help..." He could
hear it, his stepfather screaming at him... his aunt and uncle berating him.
The hard lessons that told him he could never trust his heart and soul in the
hands of another. He shook, physically, as he fought them off, the last words
coming out in the wail of a lost and forgotten soul. "Seth...help me..."

Gods, he was pathetic, and disgusting even to himself.

Seth interlaced the fingers of one hand with Seto's and
kissed him again. If Seto couldn't love himself, he would have to love him more
to make up for the deficit. ~I love you,~ he murmured.
~There is no reason. There is no possible way to make it stop� I only love you,
everything about you.~ He held his hand tightly. ~I
even love how you're wrong, how you think you're weak. You've never been weak.
A weak soul would have died, would have broken, become dark
and twisted and evil under the strain of everything that you've been
though, and you haven't. The only thing that's harming you is neglect... And I
will make sure you are never neglected again.~

Seto moaned into the kiss, trying to get himself as close to
Seth as humanly possible. ~Then take me... I take you and give you me...~ he
whimpered even as the tears poured down his face; even as he hated himself for
giving into this illusion, he never wanted this dream to end.

The kiss finally broke. Not for the air
neither needed in this place, but so that he could speak, and so that it could
be real. "You are mine," he whispered against his lips.
"And I am yours. We will be together forever, not until death, but after
death and even through it. for all eternity..." And the tears that now slipped down his face were not for
the Seto he now held in his arms, but the real Seto that he would never hold
like this. The real Seto that this dream only mocked. If he could allow himself
to forget... no, he couldn't. This was only a dream. This was only his mind
keeping him from going insane.

"You are mine, and I am yours. We will be together
forever, not until death, but after death and even through it. For all
eternity." Seto repeated, like a vow; a solemn promise of his heart and
soul to the illusion of the one who would never know of the pledge. Even though
it shattered his heart into thousands of icy shards. Even though those shards
cut him like fine glass. He would remain true to the one he could never have...

Seth's hands gently caressed the illusion's face, and he
lowered his eyes. He should never have done this... he should never have gone
along. He should have saved this inside of himself, let it grow like the
flesh-eating, mind-eating virus it was... saved for that one day that he knew
would never come so that Seto could be the first, the only one to have ever
heard it. This dream was a mistake. He loved Seto more than his own life, and
he was only cheapening that by fantasizing about the acceptance he would never
get...

"I love you," he whispered as he pulled Seto close
again.

"I love you," Seto whispered, running his fingers
through the dream-Seth's hair. It was a very good likeness; his mind knew, had
memorized every inch of his yami with bittersweet attention to detail. His body
melded against his yami's as he leaned over to kiss him again. Might as well
make the best of this dream while he could... with luck, he would never wake
up.

Seth gently parted his lips and kissed his hikari back, pushing away that voice that told him that it was
sacrilege to even be dreaming this.

"Kaiba?"

Seth slowly opened his eyes as he heard one of Seto's fellow
Ravenclaws call one or both of them, pulling him from
the dream just as their lips met. Barely moving, he found one hand interlaced
with Seto's as it had been in his dream, and that he was crying, tears running
unchecked toward the couch on which he lay. He supposed the person was trying to
wake him because he was crying... He gently sat up, trying not to wake Seto but
loathe to release his hand.

"You are mine, and I am yours..."
he whispered.

�We will be together forever�� He gently raised Seto�s hand to
his lips and kissed it, regardless of onlookers.

�Not until death but after death an even through it�� He
laid Seto�s hand back down beside him and slid off the couch, pausing in the
doorway to look back, then turned around and fled.

�For all eternity.�
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For All Eternity