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Pain	By : NihilEtNemo Category: Yu-Gi-Oh > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 532 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Kazuki Takahashi owns YGO; Three Days Grace owns the song. I am neither, so I make no money from this.

Chapter List
- 1-Pain
- 1
TITLE: Pain

CHAPTER: oneshot

AUTHOR: Ankh Ascendant ( setosgirl0 / neferseti0 )

DATE: 7-26-09

FANDOM: YGO

DISCLAIMER: I don�t own YGO. Kazuki Takahashi does.

PAIRINGS: Eris / Espa

TYPE: Angst

RATING: X

WARNINGS: abuse, incest, angst, non-consesual

OCs: none

BETA: none

WORDS: 4177 with lyrics; 3885 without

SUMMARY: Eris is rebelling; and Espa tries to play authority figures. It goes terribly wrong and Eris ends up making him see his reasons. Songfic to "Pain" by Three Days Grace. Request fic from Takahashi Conspiracy (person, not circle).

* * *
Pain

�Yes, I understand. ...Yes, I'll take care of it. Thank you. Yes, thank you. Good-bye.�

With a sigh, Espa hung up the phone and held the bridge of his nose for a moment, dropping the phone on the table beside him. Mint green hair fell in front of his face as he let his head dip forward, and he pushed it back, taking a deep breath.

Usually he didn't mind his responsibilities. He loved his brothers, all of them, dearly, and he was happy with his college. He was pretty good at juggling everything, and it was generally pretty fulfilling. Lately, though... Well, Eris was supposed to be helping him take care of their brothers and make it all a little bit easier, not causing more problems for him.

He raised his head as he heard keys in the lock. Of the younger three, only Irian had his own set of keys, and he was in his room � all three of them were home like the relatively good kids they were. That left only Eris... of course.

He stood up and went to greet his next oldest brother, but stopped dead as he came in. He didn't look a thing like the brother who had left the apartment that morning... His hair. This morning the five of them had shared the same light mint colored hair, ans similar, normal hairstyles... now Eris's was black and turquoise, cut in one of those weird cuts that went half over his eyes. And he wasn't even wearing his school uniform � it was probably in his bag, kami knew he sure didn't have school books in there. Somehow he had replaced it with baggy black pants and a tight black shirt with some weird cutesy anime skull on it. And black spiky jewelry. And nail polish. And honest to god make up...

Espa was momentarily convinced that a complete stranger had walked into their apartment. Well, no, he wasn't, he would recognize any one of his brothers anywhere... but he wanted to be convinced.

Eris didn't even look at him, though he had to know that he was standing there, as he locked the door behind him again. Pretending like he didn't know he was staring, Eris just ditched his shoes, kicking them into the wall, and headed down the hall.

�Eris?�

His brother paused and looked over his shoulder. The look he gave him was flat, just daring him to say anything.

He almost didn't . He really didn't like disharmony... He wanted things to just fix themselves and go on how they were supposed to. But, this... He couldn't just say nothing.

�...What is this?� he asked, trying not to be too accusatory. He managed to force himself to stop staring. It was hard.

Eris shrugged a little bit. �Decided to get a makeover. Something wrong with that?�

�Well, no...� Admittedly, he wanted to say there was. It took a great effort to try and be supportive and accepting and all those things you were supposed to be for your family when... well... If this look was who Eris felt like he was, he guessed he didn't have much choice. �Where did you get the money for all of this?�

�I have my sources.� He wasn't exactly being forthcoming. Espa got the sinking feeling that maybe his sources weren't exactly legal... Surely Eris wouldn't do something like that, and he was wrong to think it. He hoped he was wrong...

Without mentioning it, he decided to try and keep his faith in his brother and move on. �I got a call from the school. They said you didn't show up today.�

Eris gave him a sullen look through his bangs and didn't answer him.

Well, fine, if he was going to be that way... �They said that Irian didn't deliver my note excusing you today. How long has it been since you actually went?�

Eris gave a shrug that really looked like it didn't matter to him. �A while.�

He frowned. That attitude was really pretty infuriating. �I can't believe you're doing this. Not just skipping school, but using your brother...�

An unreadable look flashed across Eris's face. �Yeah, you wouldn't know anything about that,� he muttered, and turned away from him, going down the hall.

�Hey, we're not done!�

Eris ignored him and slammed his door shut between them.

Espa wavered. Go after him and force a conversation, and try to avoid an argument? Or just let him stew in his own juices? Obviously Eris didn't want to talk to him... Just as obviously, there was something going on in his head that they had to talk about. He was skipping school and wasting money on frivolous things like hair dye when he knew they were on a tight budget and using their brother to break the rules... He was being a selfish brat, honestly. That couldn't go on, not when they had the three younger brothers depending on them. There just wasn't room for selfishness.

So he made up his mind and followed him, pushing open his bedroom door without bothering to knock, and ignored Eris's sullen glare from his spot seated on the bed. �What do you think you're doing?�

�Ignoring you.� He pointedly pulled out his CD player and put his headphones on.

Very briefly furious, Espa reached out and ripped them off. He felt instantly bad for it, however, especially in light of his brother's look of shock. �Sorry,� he said. �But you can't ignore me.� He crossed his arms, putting on his authority figure face.

�Why not? It's what you do...�

He frowned. �What's that supposed to mean?�

He only got a sullen glare.
�...Dang it, Eris, stop that!� He had to fight down the urge to actually swear. He was being really frustrating, not even a little. �If you have a problem, just... say it!�

Eris looked up at him. His expression changed, but Espa couldn't read it. It briefly looked like he was in pain, like someone was cutting him up and he was trying not to say anything...

Then he leaned up and shoved Espa backward, so that he stumbled into the door and slammed it closed.

Pain, without love

Pain, I can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

�Eris!� He leaned against the door in shock, trying to get his equilibrium back. He'd never seen any of his brothers be even remotely violent to anyone before... That just wasn't their style.

Eris slid smoothly off the bed and invaded his personal space, glaring at him from a distance of inches. They were just about the same height... He hadn't really realized his brother had grown that much until right now.

�You...� His voice was soft, but intense, and blue eyes bored into him. �You're my problem, Espa...�

�...What...?�

Eris reached up and shoved his shoulders back, hard, into the door.

You're sick of feeling numb

You're not the only one

I'll take you by the hand

And I'll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt

When happiness doesn't work

Trust me and take my hand

When the lights go out you will understand

Espa was winded for a moment, staring at his brother in shock as he gasped for breath. Eris yanked him away, then it was all a blur for a moment and he found himself on the bed before he could react. Just as he was beginning to breathe again, lithe hands wrapped around his throat and he choked, trying to pry Eris off. He couldn't stop staring up at his face... he looked so angry, yet on the verge of tears...

They struggled until Espa could finally tear his brother's hands away and suck in lungfuls of air. �Eris!� he said sharply, and then coughed, holding his hands tightly to keep him from attacking him again.

�Shut up!� Eris hissed, struggling to get his hands back. It was all Espa could do to hold him. �Don't say my name, you bastard!�

�Eris, stop it!� He tried to be commanding, but he was almost afraid of his brother. And for him. Eris was acting so unstable, he wondered if he was on drugs or maybe had a mental condition that had been hidden. This really wasn't like him... was it?

�I said shut up!� Eris couldn't get his hands back, and seemed to realize it. He yanked again, then gave him a glare that chilled Espa through.

Then he suddenly leaned down and forced their lips together in a harsh kiss.

Pain, without love

Pain, I can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love

Pain, I can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

He stared up wide-eyed for a moment, then squeezed his eyes shut and tried to pull away. He lost his grip on Eris's hands, but didn't really notice as they slipped out of his. Hands on his shoulders, that must have been Eris's, held him down firmly; his mind was too stunned to react, a whirlwind of disbelief and shock. A tongue, Eris's tongue, plundered his unresisting mouth, tasting and probing inside of him, trying to crawl down his throat.

But there was no way this was actually happening...

It startled him when the thing that must have been a kiss but he didn't want to have been a kiss ended. Eris pulled back and he gasped for breath without moving. The smell of Eris was still so close, it felt like it was overwhelming his breaths... He could still taste him on the air. It seemed so hyper-real, something his confused mind latched onto and couldn't let go of.

�That's right...� Espa shivered as his brother's words and breath whispered across his ear. �Close your eyes and ignore it until it goes away. That's what you do, right?�

�Eris...� He forced his eyes open and turned his head to look at him. He really didn't want to.

�You want to know where I get my money?� He shook his head, but Eris wasn't really looking for an answer. He wished Eris would move so he wasn't pinning him down and speaking in his ear. He wished he'd never followed him.

Eris ignored him and told him anyway, even though he didn't want to know anymore. �Doing favors for guys downtown...�

He looked at him in shock. �What? Eris, you're sixteen!�

�They like that.�

�But that's disgusting...�

Eris gave him a particularly cold look, and he shivered. At least it wasn't blank apathy, but... still... it looks a lot like hate. �I meant them, not you...� he said weakly.

His brother leaned close over him again. He cringed a little back into the bed, not liking that angry, painful look he still had. He wasn't sure if Eris was going to start trying to choke him again, or maybe just start hitting him. With Eris right now, he just didn't know anything...

He jumped when a hand grabbed his crotch instead. His eyes snapped wide. �Eris!� Shoving his hands into the bed, he tried to push himself up and out of his brother's reach as his hand started kneading through his jeans. To his shame his cock jumped eagerly into the touch.

Eris moved with him, not letting him escape, until he was trapped against the wall at the head of the bed. �You're not going anywhere.�

�Eris, stop...� He squirmed uselessly, avoiding his gaze.

�No...� Eris leaned closer. His hand tightened, squeezing until the pressure bordered the line between pleasure and pain, and Espa bit his lip to hold back a noise. His breathing was becoming hard to control. His traitor body didn't know or care that this was Eris, his little brother, making him feel this...

The groping hand suddenly pushed up his shirt and dove into his jeans. He writhed, trying to squirm away from it, but he was pinned by another harsh kiss. Eris's hands and mouth both held him captive; he moaned as his mouth was plundered deeply and desperately, forgetting to resist, forgetting that it was wrong. Harsh lips and teeth pressed against his, trying to either consume or be consumed, and he began to press back.

Anger and agony

Are better than misery

Trust me, I've got a plan

When the lights go off, you will understand

He was panting as Eris pulled back. With an effort his opened his eyes, trying to get his breath and will back, and pull away from his hand. No, this was wrong. He couldn't let Eris do this... couldn't...

�Stop...� he panted, so much less commanding than he had intended. It sounded like pleading, but he was trying, at least.

Eris pressed close; he was afraid he was going to kiss him again. Instead he only spoke. �You don't really mean that,� he said quietly, also breathless. He looked so pale with high pink spots on his cheeks, almost fevered, his eyes finally beginning to come alive but looking unnatural in the reflected light from the desk. There was something, something about that look that both repelled and attracted him. He could see why the men on the streets wanted him to perform those 'favors'...

A flush burned into his cheeks and he turned his face away, not wanting Eris to read his thoughts. Disgusting of him to even have them... �I do,� he denied, trying to summon the strength to keep his voice from wavering. �I do mean it, let me go...�

�No!� Eris's sudden yell startled him, and he flinched. His shoulders were shoved back into the wall, his head following to painfully crack against the hard plaster. His eyes watered, blurring his swimming vision from the sudden pain. �Look at me, damn it... Look at me!� Eris grabbed his chin and made his face turn toward him as he was in too much pain to resist. The demand was less of an order and more of a shrill plea, and his face was full of desperate rage. Through the pained tears he could only stare at him in shock.

Whatever Eris was searching for, he didn't find it in his face, because he tore his own eyes away first. Espa was tugged around by the waist, bracing himself against the bed, startled, as Eris jerked at his belt.

�What are you...? Stop it!� He reached for the belt only to feel it sliding through his fingers, the leather burning his palm as Eris yanked it free of his belt loops. Immediately he doubled it over and brought it down harshly against Espa's chest, making him jump and gasp in pain, a quiet squeak escaping. His shirt padded the blow just barely, but all it really did was muffle the noise, not really lessening the pain at all as far as he could tell.

�Stop it!� He couldn't tell if Eris was mocking him or unconsciously echoing his words. �Just... stop!� The belt came down across his shoulder and he flinched, making a quiet startled noise as it burned into his skin again.

The belt slid onto the floor, and the next thing he knew he was yanked down onto the bed flat on his back, his head jarring painfully as it bounced on the hard mattress. His breath was pushed out of him for a moment; he could only struggle feebly as Eris wrestled his pants and boxers down, leaving his legs and still shamefully hard cock exposed to the cool air. As he struggled to sit up they were covered again, by Eris, and he was pushed back down. Eris yanked at the top of his shirt, sending buttons flying if they didn't slide through their holes.

�I didn't...� Eris said distractedly without really looking at him, holding him down with slim hands positioned firmly over his nipples, pressing them hard into his ribs, but trailed off and didn't seem to realize he didn't finish what he was saying. Instead he lifted a hand and pushed his pants down with the ease of practice. Espa didn't want to think about that. He didn't want to think about any of this. He raised his hands weakly, trying not to see that Eris was almost fully hard himself, or that blank look on his face again.

�Eris...�

Eris squeezed his nipple painfully. He gasped and his cock twitched, shamefully turned on by the act. If it were anyone but Eris...

Then Eris touch his balls, and his fingers slid lightly over his perineum to his ass, spreading him out to find his entrance. He gave a moan, a simple negative noise because he couldn't find his words, and tried to push himself back, away from his seeking hand. Instead Eris held him firmly to the bed, and then without any sort of preparation he shoved inside of him.

Pain, without love

Pain, I can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love

Pain, I can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing, rather feel pain

He raised his own hand to his mouth to muffle himself, because he didn't want their younger brothers to hear his cry of pain as the rough penetration tore him. It had been months since he had last been with anyone, he wasn't ready for this now, he wasn't ready for this with Eris ever... Gods, it hurt so much on so many levels. His free hand grabbed Eris's arm, trying to get him to stop, but he only pulled back and thrust deeper in, drawing out another cry of pain.

�Er...� He choked out around his hand, then shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut.

Eris shoved his hands into his shoulders roughly, rocking his head again and forcing his eyes open to look at him. His expression was strange but unreadable.

�Don't...�

Eris held his shoulders and thrust into him hard. He caught the cry this time, but it made his eyes water in pain, and he closed them again so he wouldn't have to see his brother.

I know, I know that you're wounded

You know, you know that I'm here to save you

You know, you know I'm always here for you

I know, I know that you'll thank me later

Espa choked as he felt a hand close around his throat again, eyes shooting open to look up at his brother as he struggled to pull his hand away and breathe. He was shocked by what he saw, though, in Eris's face.

Eris didn't look like he was enjoying this. He looked like he was about to cry. His eyes gleamed wetly, reflecting the desk light brightly with what had to be unshed tears, and his face was screwed up in something that looked like misery. It was Espa choking out cries of pain every time he moved, but it was Eris who looked like he was gripped by some soul-deep agony.

Eris ignored his futile attempts to breathe and shoved hard into him. He didn't have the air to even try to make a noise, and could only scream silently as pain ripped through him again.

And then, his hand... Eris's other hand, the one not choking him... Espa jerked as it wrapped around his wilted member, and jerked on him erratically as he thrust into him. It didn't really feel good � what could feel good with that much pain elsewhere, everywhere? � but his body was helpless not to respond.

He squeezed his eyes shut again, clinging to Eris's wrist though he couldn't pull him off. Blood pounded in his ears, and he gasped fruitlessly. The pain was receding � he was going to pass out. Gods... Eris could kill him...

Pain, without love

Pain, can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love

Pain, I can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Air flooded into his lungs suddenly as Eris pulled his hand away, and he gasped deeply, choking on the sweet oxygen. He opened his eyes again but rocked backward in pain as fingernails dragged down his side; Eris leaned down and claimed his mouth again in a demanding, desperate kiss that swallowed his cries of pain.

Eris curled over him, still only letting him breathe enough to stay conscious, suffocating him with his lips instead of his hand. The pain and warped pleasure warred within him, his body forced to respond to Eris's touches through the pain. He whimpered a little and held onto Eris's arm, needed some sort of stability to hold onto so he wouldn't lose his mind to one or the other, or the combination.

Eris's mouth left his and their cheeks pressed together. Some whisper escaped his brother that he couldn't hear, and wetness touched his temple.

Then he redoubled his efforts, dragging a cry from Espa again. He clung to his brother through the erratic pounding that drove the pain deeper into him, and the forced, unwelcome feelings that weren't pleasure but made him react anyway. Eris was stroking him hard, and though he whimpered he couldn't resist it.

�No... no...�

�Espa,� Eris whispered breathlessly against his ear as he jerked into him. �Please....�

He shook his head wordlessly, but Eris wouldn't take that for an answer. His hand grew more demanding, stroking him hard... even the pleasure hurt, but Eris had either talent or expertise and it was so impossible to resist. He didn't want it, and he couldn't stop it; he cried out again, jerking up against him, forced to finally give in to it. It hurt as he came, but even that pain wiped his mind into a haze, where he barely felt it as Eris followed and came inside him. It was only more pain...

Pain, without love

Pain, I can't get enough

Pain, I like it rough

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Rather feel pain than nothing at all

Rather feel pain

Eris collapsed on top of him without pulling out, leaving his head over his shoulder, hands somewhere around his hips. Espa didn't move from the position he left him in.

He lay with his eyes closed, listening to his heart beating in his ears, feeling the way Eris's limp body pressed tight against his. He hurt... His head throbbed dully, and his throat burned from the choking. The scratches on his sides stung in contact with the air. His ass ached clear up into his back and he wasn't sure he wasn't going to have to go to a doctor. Yet, he didn't hate it, any more than he could hate Eris.

Eris shifted; he could feel him lifting his head. He wondered if he was going to leave so suddenly, maybe go back out on the streets. He wondered if he could let his brother do that, go wallow in his misery elsewhere.

It was still silent for a long moment, though Eris didn't leave yet. �So...� his brother finally murmured quietly. �You're going to shut your eyes and ignore me until I go away too, right?�

Espa slowly opened his eyes.

Eris looked down at him, his blue eyes dark. If there really had been tears there before, they were gone now. He could understand what was in those eyes, though... just pain. So much pain. �No,� he said quietly. �I'm not going to ignore you... please, don't go away from me.�

Eris didn't respond, but he held up his hand to his brother in an invitation. After a minute, Eris leaned into it briefly, then with a noise collapsed on him, burying his face suddenly in his neck. Espa wrapped his arms around him gently and felt him begin to shake in silent sobs.

They'd need to talk. They would need to have a long, serious, deep conversation. The distance that had grown between them was alarming... and the fact that he hadn't even noticed, more so. He should have been there for Eris and helped him instead of letting so much pain accumulate and fester inside of him. Maybe, though, this was a bridge... shaky and dangerous, maybe threatening to spill them both into the abyss, but a bridge nonetheless.

His hand ran gently down his brother's back, wordlessly promising that he was there to help him this time.

~end~
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