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that which was and might have been	By : aleeusha Category: Yu-Gi-Oh > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1459 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: i do not own yugioh or its characters they belong to kazuki takahashi, i make no moeny from doing this

Chapter List
- 1-that which was and might have been
- 1
Author’s Notes
Here’s a story, yes? That’s why you clicked it right? You wanted to read a story right. Well let me tell you how this story was spawned and brought to life. I saw this picture see, a picture of Seto Kaiba looking so cold and distant as if he’d been hurting for some time and wouldn't admit it. It was on tumblr see, this is what happened. Oh! Btw thank you Milly for the spectacular plot bunny ravaging my empty head!

yllimilly:
Oh wow. THIS. This is Seto Kaiba, 40 years-old, who didn’t jump on the boat when it was time, and now he’s too jaded and worn out to care, all the doors to his heart are sealed and he decided to fill the bunker with concrete after he tried to dynamite it (to no avail).
-tl;dr this is a Seto Kaiba who didn’t accept PUPSHIP into his heart
Hm I’d be worried, though, I mean Jou might have decided to give girls a try and maybe have a couple kids of his own, then separated from her because it wasn’t love and he insists on being a good father and having shared custody every other week and not just the weekends, he doesn’t want to be an absent father and then THEN he meets Kaiba by chance, he stumbles into his life again and Jou realizes that it’s not that Kaiba has changed it’s just that life does this to people and then maybe they might want to get it on but Jou’s priority is towards his children and there’s just no room for Kaiba in his life anymore (Kaiba has gotten so bitter he hates kids anyway, they tried to hang all four of them (Jou has two kids) and it didn’t work super well, he kept telling Jou how to deal with his kids and they get into a fight because you can’t talk you don’t have any kids, you’ll see how it is and then Jou wants to take that back because it’s so obvious that the Kaiba (on that picture) is so sad and pathetically entrenched in his own misanthropy that he knows there’s no way on Earth Kaiba will ever raise a family again.
aleusha:
what did I just do if you don’t write a fic for that lil rant I will, in fact I call dibs on that shit.

And that my dears is how 'That Which Was and Might Have Been' came to be. Hope you enjoy it! Please por favor onegai shimasu! Read and REVIEW!

.

that which was and might have been

Every time he looks and sees that logo he thinks about the man it stands for, because in his book it not a company logo, more like a man’s signature. Thinking back, he always thinks back to when that man was young, just going beyond boyhood then.

It was awkward, the admission in the schoolyard behind the bleachers, the kiss was even more so. None the less it was there, it was an attempt to reciprocate the feelings held out so bravely. A moment later with calming breaths and slowing movements it became less of a struggle and simply was.

Afterward they looked at each other confused and very interested, both wondering how to move forward.

A full week had gone by before the had found a way to be alone again, this time the awkwardness was only in acknowledging that they indeed wanted to move forward. For some reason they had felt it was necessary to hide it, the kisses and stolen smiles. No one else was aware, they were blind the struggle between the blooming couple; it is so hard to move forward when trying to be unseen...

As he thinks back he feels a slight twinge of guilt, it had been so difficult and the moment they shared were few and far between. A struggle indeed for someone who was not accustomed the restraint their relationship required. Not at all accustomed to ignoring his violently raging hormones, looking back he wished it was different but there again wouldn't change a thing. He remembers the way he longed to move forward, no just to feel and touch a heated body with his own two hands. So for a moment he was weak - come to think of it, it wasn't it just that moment that he was weak, it was in that moment he was given an opportunity.

The chance presented itself as a full breasted woman with choppy waving black hair, she pressed herself on him. Not for a moment did it cross his mind to stop, that it wasn't right that he shouldn't because she was warm blooded and so soft against him.

Then the door opened and he jerked his face away from her to look and see the most crestfallen expression on the other face, and then nothing. No screaming shout, no icy glare down his perfectly shaped nose. The girl blinked and looked back between the two and she laughed. The one in the doorway let his mask fall just long enough for him to see disappointment. The only time that particular look had ever hurt so badly, you only give that look when you have expectations and hope for something. You get that look when all your hopes and expectations are swept out from under you, then he just gave a curt nod and shut the door.

These days he sees that face in the papers on the tv, and when he looks he feels that disappointment is still there like it still haunts the man. But he never saw him again, never had a chance to say sorry, not that it would have helped or changed the trust that had been shattered like a vase off a tall building. He was forced to move forward alone, he should have moved forward at least. Today he stands almost eight inches taller now than he did then, blond hair just as uncooperative now as it was then although with a filled out frame and more set jawline. The hairstyle suited him a bit better.

“DADDY!” They came charging out of the suburban box shaped house at full speed as they always do- slamming their bodies right into his midsection. Effectively knocking the wind out of him every time, as if they hadn't seen him in years and years, not just a week ago. Gasping like a fish out of water he stumbled in place, landing back against his car.

He looks down at the two children grinning impishly up at him. He waves to their mother in the window, who won’t come outside and greet him.

The small dysfunctional family piles into his dark blue civic with its conveniently waterproof gray interior, each child climbing into their appropriate booster seats and buckling themselves in before Jou can wedge himself in the back seat to do it for them. He huffs at them settling instead to plant kisses on their cheeks and tell him how much he missed them. His children, a boy and a girl a year and a half apart, the older boy looking up at him like a carbon copy of Jou with wily blond hair wide honey colored eyes and an infectious smile. The girl leans over her locked seat belt with waist length chestnut hair and odd eyes waiting for a kiss to be firmly planted on her forehead as per usual. He crawls out of the back seat and into the front, settling in and popping a CD into the thin slot over the radio. Theme songs from various of the duos favorite shows flood the small vehicle as they sing along rolling down the street.

-elsewhere-

This man sits in his black wing backed leather chair, his head pressed back, his long slender fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. Try as he might, it would seem his employees want him to suffer chronic migraines.

He waves off the small man stumbling through his interview telling him he doesn't have enough experience. With a deep and weighted breath he pushes himself upright turning his face from his immaculate office to look out the panoramic window out to the city he all but owns.

He doesn't want any of it, it gets in the way.

By now though, what would he do if he didn't have it?

Voice buzzes through the speaker on his desk.

“Will you be taking lunch at your desk today sir? Or should I have the car pull to the front?”

He sighs at the confines of his office, looking out the window at the roads riddled with various colors of cars painting the asphalt with gridlock.

“... i'll go for a walk.”

“Sir?”

“That is all.”

He turns away from the window plucks his coat off the stand by his door and walk out with no destination in mind.

Twenty minutes later he finds himself sitting at a familiar park in a familiar bench, looking up at the patches of sky between the seemingly swaying points of impossibly tall skyscrapers.

Across the field in the parking lot Jounouchi and his minions carry the bits and bobs of their picnic out of the small car out to the green of the park. The two run straight to a large tree with a wide canopy, providing ample shade. They carefully set down their basket of food and small cooler of drinks, more than happily the two help unfold and lay out the red checkered picnic blanket. Jou begins opening the basket and pulling out small tupperware containers of food, only to find his children not interested in eating. He smiles as he watches them run circles around a tree darting this way and that, the younger girl just out of reach of her brothers grasp. He lets his gaze trail along their path, to find something unpleasant. By this time they have run into the open field of the park not noticing a large mangy dog staring at them.

Jou stumbles to his feet running towards them screaming all the while “get back here now! Katsu! Hikaru!”

Seto looks up from the paper he purchased from a passing vendor to see a boy and girl playing tag, his blue eyes go wide when he sees the behemoth dog barreling for them having launched itself out from behind a bush. Before he can think he finds himself already running for them. Its wide maw drips with yellow foam oozing from between its crooked teeth, its heavy skin hanging down revealing ugly black gums. So close, the boys eyes go wide but his arms spread out in front of his sister who shrieks like a banshee. He feels his leg connect with its large heavy head, knocking it off its feet onto its side. He steps out in front of the children, having left his proper thought on the bench with that news paper. The large brown and white st Bernard lunges for him with its ugly teeth bared, he puts his arms out to defend himself, shocked by the height of its jump. it lands heavily on him, throwing him off his feet. Kaiba lands on his back feeling its teeth sink into his slim arms as its weight slams down on him effectively knocking the wind out of him.

A stream of curses fill the vicinity as the dog wildly jerks its head this way and that trying to sever his arm, with his free arm he slams his fist down on its muzzle again on its nose. it yelps releasing him from its grip just in time for Jou’s sneaker clad foot to smash into its skull throwing it backward. The blond follows it kicking it again before it can pull itself back to its muddy paws he kicks again, going for its head over and over until it stops trying to get up. Just lays there, eyes shut, jaw hanging open, spilling a foul smelling foam, its chest heaving in ragged desperate breathes.

Jou turns about face quickly kneeling before the stranger who saved his kids only to blink in shock - Kaiba! - griping his injured arm but still flat on his back.

Kaiba leers up still gasping to get his breath back, upon seeing the blonde he just laughs hoarsely. Jou stares in bewilderment down at the brunette before telling his children to bring the water bottles and blanket.

“What’s so funny, Kaiba?”

“It’s just ironic,” he winces at the stinging pain of what is surely a deeply infected wound.

“What is?”

“Saved from cujo, by the mutt.”

Jou just stares in shock, looking around the area when he heard the sound of sirens screaming down the street. The miniature brunette and blonde rush over with their small arms loaded with water bottles dropping them beside their father and bolting back for the blanket.

.

The trio sits in the hospital waiting room as Kaiba is rushed through the emergency room, his injury is cleaned and wrapped. Only a half hour later later he is permitted visitors, not that he expected any. The brunet lays in the uncomfortable bed waiting angrily for the special needles only rabies would need, a small knock raps on his door drawing his attention.

“Come in.”

Jou pushes the door open and hold it for the two to sidle in with their hand full of candy flowers and a single card.

He stares at Jou passively, not paying any attention to the children fidgeting in place behind him.

The blonde feels shame flood over him, for some reason he can’t seem to shake the feeling even after all these years.

“Er, hey Kaiba.”

The brunet just blinks trying not to feel what he feels, his heart tightens in his chest and his stomach flips. For some reason he feels as if he might begin to sweat, although none of this shows on the surface.

“Jounouchi.” An acknowledgment, that's it- just a sign that Kaiba is aware he exists in the vicinity.

A small voice pipes up.

“Mister sir... We brought you some flowers.” The girl, with brown hair and odd eyes steps out from behind her father’s legs holding a small bouquet of pink roses and few sprigs of baby’s breath. Timidly she steps forward and sets the flowers down on the small bedside table for him.

After a moment’s hesitation Jou’s carbon copy steps out of hiding tightly gripping a small blue box of truffles and a red get well soon card with a little blue ribbon on the front. He shuffles forward setting them on the remaining space beside the roses.

“Thank you so much mister, you’re really brave.” He puts his hands behind his back and goes back to standing beside Jou's legs. Kaiba blinks at the small gifts, he’s never received a gift like that- from someone who was genuinely grateful.

“Thank you.”

He watches a smile bloom on the girls face, he watches Jou open his mouth to speak only to hear the door swing open. The doctor steps in with a long narrow plastic package in his hands, he pauses at the scene for a moment before turning his attention to Kaiba.

“Well are you ready for your antibiotic shot?” Kaiba just sighs. “Fine. I'll need you to lay back for this, Mister Kaiba.” He scoots down the small bed and lays back eying the doctor suspiciously.

The doctor pushes the brunet’s shirt up, to swab a small area in the center of his belly with an alcohol wipe. He then tears open the package revealing a small syringe and a six inch long needle. As he screws the needle onto the syringe Kaiba turns to look at Jou. “I hate you.”

Jou has already covered both his children's eyes from the sight of the abhorrently long stick of metal. “I am SO sorry Kaiba.”

Kaiba just stares angrily at the ceiling as the needle slides into his belly, it hurts more than he expected it to. The clear fluid is pushed into his body, Jou watches Kaiba’s jaw tighten in an effort not to show any pain. For a moment he wonders if that's only because he is there. The doctor slides the needle back out and places it into an orange plastic bin with a black bio hazard sign stamped on it.

“Alright then, Mister Kaiba, we'll wait for one hour to see if you have any reaction to the shot, and if you’re clear, you can go on home.”

Kaiba just glares at the old man who simply turns on his heel and strolls out of the room. A deep unpleasant ache settle in the core of the brunet's body. He wants to take his mind off the unpleasantness, so settles to attempt a conversation with the blond.

“Those are your kids? Or are you babysitting?”

Jou blinks wondering how much the shot actually hurt, it must have hurt a lot if Kaiba is resorting to civil conversation.

“They’re mine, this here is Katsuya Jr, his mother named him, and this one is Hikari. Say hello, kids.”

The children wave meekly at the tall severe looking man laying in the hospital bed. His cold blue eyes only skim over them, he notes the girl is a brunette with one blue eye.

“Married?” Jou fidgets in place he never expected to see this man again, especially not like this.

“Divorced.”

Kaiba snorts a smirk tugging at his lips.

“It’s not why you think.”

His head rolls on his pillow to look at Jou, he watches as Hikari and junior curiously explore the room pausing at the window. They stare and point, giggling as they go.

“Oh?”

“I tried to love her, but I couldn't make myself feel that way I guess. She noticed.”

“You didn't choose someone else?”

Jou settles into the uncomfortable turquoise chair beside the bed, crossing one leg over his knee.

“I only did that once, I was... young.”

Kaiba blinks letting his gaze go back to the ceiling.

“I tried to find you you know, to tell you I was sorry to try and explain myself. But you never came back to school. I didn't even see you at graduation.”

“I know.”

“You ignored me on purpose?”

“I was angry at you, I didn't trust myself not to hurt you if I saw you.”

Jou stares in shock at the brunette's confession, even then when he was hurt so badly he had been looking out for Jou's benefit. For his safety... all that time?

“Can I say... I'm sorry now?”

Kaiba blinks turning his gaze to look scrupulously at the surly scheming blonde. But he just looks defeated, his gaze is not as bold and fiery as it once was. Is that because life got to him? Or is it that he simply mellowed with age?

“... I'd like you to ask whatever questions you had then, if you can remember them.”

“Why?”

“... Because we saw each other so rarely and when we did, you would get me all worked up and then we would have to separate. I was frustrated.”

“How many?”

“She sort of jumped me, it was just her and just the once.”

Kaiba exhales heavily through his nose, feeling his stomach tighten unpleasantly.

“... I’m not sure what you’re asking, Jounouchi.”

The blonde looks over to him imploringly.

“I'm asking now what I wanted to ask you then... to please forgive me. Please give me a second chance.”

He can hear Kaiba swallow nothing.

“You wanted to ask this of me then? I think it would have been too much.”

“Is it too much now?”

Kaiba thinks desperately for a reason to say yes; it’s just too much because it is. But for some reason can’t bring himself to say it.

The room is filled with a heavy silence before he swallows audibly.

“Perhaps... but I am... unsure.”

Jou looks over his children playing by the window dragging their fingers across the glass drawing an invisible map.

“If I leave you my number... Would you call me if you decided?”

“... Perhaps.”

Jou fidgets in his seat before pushing himself out of his hard seat. He pulls a red pen from his pocket stepping over to Kaiba's bedside, tentatively he slides his hand under Kaiba's, placing the ballpoint of the pen on the back of Kaiba's hand, letting the ink draw smooth red lines over his pale flesh. Jou slides the pen back in his pocket without letting go of the brunette's hand,

He looks to see a pink tint gracing Kaiba's gently angled features.

“The kids haven't actually got to eat yet, so we should go... But please consider it... Call me okay.”

Kaiba just nods, as he watches the children flock to their father, they wave to Kaiba as they walk out of the room. He watches the light brown door with its long off center window slowly click shut.

A slight tingling sensation radiates up his arms from Jou had touched him, he closes his eyes and heaves a heavy sigh, allowing himself to think back to the better portion of their time together previously. It was the same then. Jou's touch always made his skin warm even after he had left.

Kissing him it had been phenomenal, the way he could still taste the other on his lips which resulted in him continuously flicking his tongue over his lips on days they had been together. Feeling his cheeks flush warm he could still feel those warms hands running through his hair, no one ever touched his hair- he wouldn't let them. The way Jou's hands would glide up his skull pushing his hair the wrong way, sending shivers down his spine. The brunet opened his eyes and let himself muse to that horrible moment. Maybe, if I hadn't been so shy I could have held onto him a bit longer.

Suddenly he found he was quite tired, he blinked forgetting to open his eyes.

The hour was up, when doctor returned he saw Seto Kaiba sleeping deeply with his hands at his sides.
- 1
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that which was and might have been