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Disturbed	By : SecretSoul Category: Yu-Gi-Oh > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 964 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh!, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Disturbed
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 9-9
- 10-10
- 11-11
- 12-12
- 13-last
- 10
- 11
- 12
SecretSoul: if you dared me to write anything but angst and depressing things, I�d lose the dare. Lol. Why is that I wonder?
Disturbed : Chapter 11
That night Marik returned to his apartment, Noah going to his own place since Marik told him he wanted to watch his brother that night, and Ryou if he was staying. Marik walked inside and found Malik laying down on the couch watching the tv.
�Did you ever take a nap?� Marik asked, lifting Malik�s feet up to sit down, then put his feet back in his lap.
�No, I couldn�t fall asleep. Ryou�s been sleeping the whole time, though. I�ve checked on him a few times and he seemed ok, still alive, you know? He got up a few times to go to the bathroom, but then just went right back to sleep� Malik answered and sat up, �I tried to do some of my homework, but I just couldn�t concentrate. It seems so insignificant compared to worrying about Bakura and Ryou.�
�Well, it�s not. You�re grades are dropping already, you really shouldn�t fail your classes, Malik. Did you eat?� Marik asked.
�A little. I didn�t feel like cooking or anything so I just kind of snacked on stuff� Malik shrugged.

�Well that�s not very healthy� Marik teased.
�Since when were you a health nut?� Malik chuckled, �Where�s Noah?�
�I�m giving him the night off� Marik said in a cocky tone with a smirk.
Malik rolled his eyes, �I see. Just warring the poor guy out, huh?�
�Oh, yeah, almost broke his back last time� Marik put his hands behind his head and slouched in the couch.
�Stop, you did not� Malik lightly hit his brother�s stomach.
�Hey! How would you know? I happen to be good at that� Marik covered his stomach.
�Yeah? You�re not the only one� Malik assured.
Marik�s smile faded, �What?�Malik, you haven�t�with Ryou have you?�
Malik had a guilty expression on his face, �So what? He�s never taken me and I�ve never gotten his sperm inside me. I shouldn�t get sick just from fucking him.�
�God damn it, Malik. Do you know how risky that is? I bet you didn�t even bother with condoms, did you? Malik, I don�t want to have to watch you get sick and go through this long, painful process before inevitably dying. Do you ever think of other people instead of yourself?� Marik scolded.
�Oh would you get off your high horse? Since when were you a saint? I know you don�t love Noah, you didn�t really love Duke, either. You just need someone to relieve your sexual urges with� Malik accused.
The two stopped talking when they heard the toilet in the hallway flush and Ryou walked slowly into the living room holding his stomach.
�Ryou, are you ok?� Malik stood and went over to his lover.
�What?� Ryou asked as if confused as to where he was and seemed a bit surprised it was dark outside.
�Are you ok? You don�t look all right� Malik repeated.
Ryou shook his head, �I think I have�diarrhea or something�and there�s blood when I�go� Ryou walked over to the couch with Malik, who helped him sit down.
�You need a doctor� Marik said, taking out his cell phone.

�Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?� Malik asked, worried. Ryou shook his head, �What about something to drink? You at least need to stay hydrated� Malik went to the kitchen and got his lover a glass of water.
�I don�t need a doctor. Don�t trouble yourselves� Ryou assured.
�Yes you do. We both care about you, Ryou. If it�s nothing you�ll be sent home, no big deal. Just go, for me?� Malik encouraged, sitting next to Ryou and hugging him close.
�Who�s normally your doctor, Ryou?� Marik asked.
�Dr. Spencer� Ryou answered, snuggling against Malik�s chest.
�Yeah�Hello, Dr. Spencer, um, I�m a friend of Ryou..Ryou�s� Marik thought it was odd Ryou�s first name was the same as his last name, but shrugged it off. �He�s been kind of sick lately and�well, he�s been really tired, not eating much� Marik looked at Ryou, �Yeah, he�s lost a lot of weight, says he has diarrhea and there�s blood in his shit�Uh-huh, ok�see you soon� Marik hung up. �He said you should be taken to the hospital as soon as possible� Marik reported.
Ryou had tears in his eyes, �No, I�m not going. I don�t need to go yet� he shook his head.
�Come on, Ryou. It�s just like a check up� Malik stood and helped Ryou to stand.
�No!� Ryou screamed, tears in his eyes, �I�m not dying yet!�I�m not dying yet� he cried, covering his face.
Malik hugged Ryou and kissed his head and just let him cry. Marik stood waiting; it was so sad that someone as young as Ryou had to deal with something like AIDS and his life was being cut so short. He was a nice person, smart, and he had goals and dreams for his life just like anyone else. And he never even really got the chance at a good life because of his childhood. Marik wondered why there were people like Ryou, why God would cause for someone so innocent to suffer so much and be so unhappy.
�Malik, I�m scared to die� Ryou sniffed, �There�s so much I want to do.�
�Come on, don�t give up. Maybe while you�re in the hospital they�ll discover a cure and everything will be ok. Then we can get married and start our careers, and have a family if you want. And we can go places and do things. It�s not over until�until that last breath leaves you� Malik tried to be positive.
�I love you� Ryou hugged Malik tightly.
�I love you, too� Malik picked Ryou up and went with Marik down the stairs to his car.
As soon as they arrived at the hospital, the doctor had been waiting for them and he, along with another doctor and a few nurses rushed Ryou off, leaving Malik and Marik in the waiting room.
�Are you two�family? Friends?� a nurse asked as she approached the two.
�I�m his boyfriend, this is my brother and his friend� Malik answered in a low voice.
�His boyfriend? Have you ever been tested for HIV?� she asked.
�No� Malik sighed, �Yes we�ve had sex� he added before she could ask. �When will I be able to see him?� Malik asked impatiently.
�It will be several hours. There are many tests that need to be done and then�he�ll probably be staying. It will at least be until tomorrow before you can visit him. I suggest you get yourself tested as well. This is a serious illness with no known cure and is very painful to go through� she warned.
�Tomorrow?� Malik said disappointed, completely ignoring her warnings.
�Come on, Malik, there isn�t anything we can do now� Marik put an arm around his brother�s shoulders and began moving towards the exit doors.
The two walked back to Marik�s car and Malik sat quietly as his brother pulled out of the parking garage and headed back to their apartments.
�We�ll get you tested tomorrow after you see Ryou, ok?� Marik said, breaking the silence.
�This is all my fault. Noah�s right. Ryou was doing just fine until he met me. I made him get worse and now he�s going to die� Malik cried.
Marik wasn�t sure what to say to that, he figured it was probably true, �Don�t start blaming yourself. There could be a lot of reasons why he suddenly got worse. It doesn�t really matter how it happened, the point is that it did and now he needs you to just be there for him. Everything happens for a reason, Malik� Marik tried to put some sense into his brother more than anything else.
The two arrived back at the apartments and went up to their home. Marik and Malik went to their separate rooms to go to bed and try and get some sleep. The next day Malik reluctantly got up and went to his classes where he didn�t even pay attention, he then went to the clinic where he kept spacing off thinking about Ryou and Bakura.
�Malik?� Odion asked for the fourth time, his intern just starring out a window instead of the paper work he had asked him to do.
�Yeah?� Malik turned, his eyes teary, �Sorry�� Malik looked down at the papers, �What did you want me to do again?� he asked, feeling like such an idiot knowing Odion had told him a dozen times.
Odion sighed, �Malik, what�s wrong? You haven�t been able to concentrate all day and you always look like you�re about to cry.�
Malik looked away and he tried to keep his tears back, �My boyfriend�s in the hospital�he�s dying of AIDS. Bakura�s in prison and they�re going to kill him. Soon two people I love will be gone and I�ll be left alone. The only people that will still talk to me is my brother and his boyfriend. Everyone else hates me for sympathizing with Bakura and being lovers with his brother� Malik explained.
�Well, that certainly is a lot of stress and anxiety. Are you talking to anyone about how you feel, what you think about all of this?� Odion asked, concerned for Malik�s mental health.
�Not really�� Malik sniffed as he continued to look out the window, watching a homeless man dig through a dumpster.
�Well, don�t you think you should? This is a lot for someone to handle and keep inside them� Odion sat next to Malik.
Malik sighed, �You�re not trying to hit on me, are you?� he asked.
�No, Malik, I�m trying to help you. Look, I don�t know what your life�s been like, but some people like to help others without getting anything in return� Odion explained, �I told you, I�m here if you want to talk. I�m not going to make you� he offered and patiently waited for Malik to respond.
Malik looked down, �Do you think I�m going crazy?� he asked in a low voice.
�I don�t think so, Malik. Just tell me what�s been going on; start from the beginning. I have time before my next appointment� Odion assured, even though he only had about fifteen minutes, he knew it would be good for Malik for him to get something out.
Malik shook his head, �I�don�t know. I don�t know what happened. One day I was fine, and now�I�m not. It�s like it was so long ago when I was happy and everything was going fine. I know I�ve changed. I don�t know how or why or how to change it. Ryou says I don�t think about myself, my brother says I�m selfish. I don�t even know. Shouldn�t I know? Does it matter? Maybe I am going crazy. Maybe it was bound to happen, like my brain was born fucked up and it�s just now affecting me. Do crazy people know they�re crazy? I use to think only normal people think they�re crazy, and crazy people think they�re normal� Malik chuckled, wiping his tears.
�Yeah, something like that. Well, a lot of people change when they�re under a lot of stress and so many traumatic things happen to them, especially within such a short period of time. You�re not crazy, that�s from a professional� Odion gave a small smile. �It�s not the end of the world, Malik. Ok? Just don�t give up on life. Things will get better. You have so much life ahead of you. You have the opportunity, the chance to live happy life. Don�t ever think there�s no way out. There�s always options, ok?� Odion encouraged. Malik nodded, grabbing a tissue to blow his nose, �You�re not going to hurt yourself, are you? Do you ever have those thoughts?� Odion asked.
Malik shrugged, �I don�t know.�
�Can you promise me you won�t hurt yourself?� Odion asked, knowing he only had a few minutes until his appointment with a patient.
Malik seemed to think for a minute, �Yeah�ok� he nodded.
�Ok, good� Odion smiled. �I�m gonna hold you to that. Now, I have my appointment. You can go see Ryou if you want. You don�t need to stay here� Odion assured.
Malik gave a small smile, �Thank you. I�ll make up the time, ok?� Malik pledged and gathered his things and left for the hospital.
Malik was told where to find Ryou and he approached a room, a sign on the door clearly marking the room held AIDS patients inside, almost as if it was a warning. Malik opened the door and walked past a few other patients and found Ryou at the end, near the window. His lover was in a hospital gown, hooked up to a few machines. He was still pale and thin, dark circles under his eyes.
�Hey� Ryou smiled, watching Malik sit down in a chair beside the bed.
�Hey� Malik smiled back, holding one of Ryou�s hands.
�This is where I�m going to live the remainder of my life� Ryou sighed, lightly squeezing Malik�s hand.
�Don�t say that. You never know. God, I feel like I should have brought you something. Next time I�ll bring something special for you� Malik promised.
Ryou chuckled, �You don�t have to do that. I just love that you�re here.�
The two looked at another patient, a girl who was covered in sores, she began coughing and groaned in pain a bit. Malik just couldn�t believe that would be his lover soon, maybe even him.
�So�have you been tested yet?� Ryou asked over the coughing.

�No, I was going to do that after I left� Malik answered and began petting Ryou�s hair.
�It hurts, Malik� Ryou�s vision blurred as tears came to his eyes, �They give me medicine, but�it still hurts.�
�I wish I knew how to stop this, how to make you better. I wish I could take the pain for you, you don�t deserve this� Malik felt his tears finally fall.
Ryou gave a slight smile, �I wish we had started dating earlier than this so I could have had more time with you.�
The other patients watched both happy for Ryou and also in envy as Malik stood to lean down and kiss his lover�s lips with as much passion as any man would if he were in love.
�I have to go, my appointment� Malik said reluctantly, referring to his HIV test he needed to get done.
�I know. I love you� Ryou smiled.
�I love you more� Malik winked and kissed Ryou�s lips again before leaving.
After Malik finished his appointment visiting hours were over for the time being and he left the hospital. He decided to go home and try and do some of his homework and study to save his grades. When he reached his apartment there was a note on the dry erase board that Marik left saying he was going to be with Noah until the next morning. Malik rolled his eyes and went inside his apartment. Malik warmed up a microwave dinner and sat in the living room and took his homework out. He put in his Evanescence CD, it reminding him of Bakura. Malik first tried to do his math, then sat that aside finding he couldn�t concentrate on that for his life. He then looked at his English and the requirements for a paper he needed to write. //God, am I just being lazy? Why can�t I just get this shit done?// Malik thought hopelessly. He had taken a few bites of his food, but didn�t really feel too hungry. Malik sighed and laid sprawled-eagle on the floor, starring up at the ceiling. He heard the song �Give Unto Me� begin and he quietly began to sing the words.
�I've been watching you from a distance

The distance sees through your disguise

All I want from you is your hurting

I want to heal you

I want to save you from the dark

Give unto me your troubles

I'll endure your suffering

Place onto me your burden

I'll drink your deadly poison

Why should I care if they hurt you

Somehow it matters more to me

Than if I were hurting myself

Save you (save you)

I'll save you

Give unto me your troubles

I'll endure your suffering

Place onto me your burden

I'll drink your deadly poison

Fear not the flame of my love's candle

Let it be the sun in your world of darkness

Give unto me all that frightens you

I'll have your nightmares for you

If you sleep soundly

Give unto me your troubles

I'll endure your suffering

Place onto me your burden

I'll drink your deadly poison

Fear not the flame of my love's candle

Let it be the sun in your world of darkness

Give unto me all that frightens you

I'll have your nightmares for you

If you sleep soundly

Fear not the flame of my love's candle

Let it be the sun in your world of darkness� Malik finished the song, tears in his eyes.
//I wish Bakura was here right now�and Ryou. I�m so fucked up. They�re both going to die because of me�I love them both so much// Malik thought, sitting up. He heard the song �Where Will You Go� come on, and he remembered that was the first song Bakura had sung to him. //Bakura�s right�// Malik looked around him, //I�m the one that cries when I�m alone. There�s nothing I can do for them, there�s no where for me to go. No one�s here to save me. They can�t escape their fates, and I can�t escape this shit-filled life// Malik thought bitterly.
�God I�m so pathetic� Malik thought aloud, hating himself.
He stood to go to the bathroom with a sigh. As he stood peeing he looked at the shower, noticing his razor blade on a ledge. He licked his lips, a thought entering his mind. He quickly finished and flushed the toilet, then grabbed the three-bladed razor. Malik sat on the floor and disconnected the razor part from the handle and held out his left arm. He turned the razors so that they were vertical with his arm and took a deep breath. Malik pressed the small blades down on his skin near his wrist and dragged it down, feeling his skin sting as it was being ripped open; a shallow blood trail appearing behind the razor. Malik hissed at the pain, but moved the blade to another clear spot on his arm and made another cut, then another, and another, and sometimes went over the same cuts.
�..and I bleed, I bleed, and I breath no more� Malik sung along to the song playing in the other room, �Breath No More.�
Malik watched as drops of blood started to fall to the floor, his left arm cut up on both the top and bottom. Both his hands shaking he switched the blade to his left hand. His tears fell from his eyes and some part of him even wondered why he was doing this. //God, how�d I get so fucked up?// Malik thought, making his first cut on his right arm.
Marik came up the stairs and put his key in the apartment�s lock, erasing his message on the board. He walked inside, hearing the Evanescence music playing, but didn�t see his brother.
�Malik?� Marik called and turned into the hallway and looked inside the bathroom, the door open. �Oh my God, Malik!� Marik gasped.
Malik looked up at his brother, his body shaking from the pain he caused himself, �Marik, I�� he began.
Marik grabbed Malik and pulled him to his feet, �What the hell are you doing? What�s wrong with you?!� he demanded, shaking his brother violently.
�Marik, stop!� Malik cried, looking away from his brother.
�That is it!� Marik growled and dragged Malik out of the apartment and down the stairs, Malik fighting him the whole time.
�Marik, wait, I�m sorry�what are you doing?� Malik gasped when Marik picked him up and threw him over his shoulder.
Marik walked to the small, man-made lake that was behind the apartments and threw Malik into the freezing water. Malik screamed as the water shocked his body and he felt the mud underneath him. He splashed a bit until he was able to stand.
�What the fuck was that for!� Malik said angrily, walking out of the water now soaked and muddy.
�To wake you up, Malik. What the hell�s happened to you? Sine when are you always depressed and crying, and why the hell are you cutting yourself? This is bull shit, Malik. This is not the brother I know. You need to forget about that psycho Bakura. And you should have never fallen in love with Ryou or whatever the hell it is you have with him. Those two have done nothing but make you worse. And you should have never dated Pegasus, either. Everyone knows not to date their older boss, Malik. You need to come back down to reality instead of living in this deranged world you�ve created for yourself. What if I hadn�t come home? What would you have done next, huh?� Marik demanded angrily.
�I don�t know! It might be easy for you to live in this �reality�, but not for me, ok? If I knew how to change this�feeling, this darkness that hurts my chest, that makes me cry and wonder if I�m insane, I would, you know? Who wouldn�t? Maybe I would have killed myself, then it wouldn�t matter. Problem would be solved. I�m nothing but everyone else�s problem. I know all I do is hurt everyone around me. I know I�m a pain. I hate myself for that. I don�t know what to do, Malik. I don�t know anything anymore. I don�t know�� Malik shouted back, a few people from the apartments looking at them from their windows.
�Well�you�d better figure it out. I can�t take much more of this, Malik� Marik said after a moment.
�What d�do you�mean?� Malik asked, shivering.
�I mean I�ll put you in a mental hospital and move in with Noah. He�s asked me to, but I told him we share rent. I�ll call an ambulance to take you to a hospital and you�ll stay there until they think you�re better� Marik clarified.
�You wouldn�t do that�Marik�would you?� Malik asked in shock, ��brother, you wouldn�t��
Marik pressed his lips together, �Yes, I would. I�m not going down with you, Malik. And I�m not going to let you hurt yourself.�
�So what am I suppose to do? Just start acting happy and pretend I�m ok?� Malik looked at the lake, thinking drowning himself right now might be a good option.
�Just snap out of it. Stop indulging in this pain you have and get through it, get over it. Stop seeing the Ryou twins, both of them� Marik shrugged, �You�d better get inside, you�ll get sick.�
Malik�s cold tears burned his skin; he was tired of feeling them fall from his sore eyes. He silently turned and started to slowly walk back to the apartments, Marik behind him. He remained silent and took a shower, wrapped his arms, and then went to his bed, wondering why his brother had come home anyway, since he had said he�d be gone all night.

Malik woke up the next morning and slowly dressed, then went to the living room where Marik was eating breakfast.
�How come you came home last night?� Malik asked quietly, not really wanting to go to class.
�Noah really needed to get a paper done� Marik answered, �Are you gonna eat?� he asked his brother, who looked a bit pale.
Malik figured if he didn�t eat he�d be acting �abnormal� and Marik might call the hospital or something stupid like that, �Yeah�� Malik nodded and got an orange from the kitchen; now he felt like a prisoner in his own home, his brother watching him all the time. //Probably wants to get rid of me so he can live happily ever after with Noah// Malik thought sadly.
Marik looked at his brother pealing the orange slowly, �Malik, I�m sorry about last night. I probably shouldn�t have thrown you in the water� Marik sighed, �And I probably wouldn�t send you away. I guess�I just want my brother back, you know? I love you, Malik� Marik apologized, �I�m tired of seeing you hurt yourself.�
Malik looked at his brother and moved to hug him tightly, �I promise I won�t hurt myself again. I want to get rid of this�depression, too. I need you to be here for me, Marik, not be mad at me. Sometimes it feels like at the end of the day all I have is you. I love you too.� Malik confessed.
Marik hugged his twin close to him, both just silent for a few minutes before Marik let go of his brother, �We need to go, we�ll be late for class� Marik sighed, standing and putting his book bag on.
�I know� Malik nodded and stood as well and the two left, Malik taking his orange with him to eat on the walk to his class.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SecretSoul: no, malik and marik are not going to end up together. Lol. They�re really just brothers in this one. However, the next chapter�s gonna be fun. It�s gonna have a bit of everything^_^ yay!
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