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Not This Time	By : NihilEtNemo Category: Yu-Gi-Oh > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 5238 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh!, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Chapter Thirteen � Confrontation

Seto�s POV

I look across the stone chamber,
toward the figure at the far end�

�Atemu� please, don�t��

Fiery crimson eyes meet my own. Even across
all this distance, with the other priests and everyone else who is in
attendance, I feel like the only one in the room� He always makes me feel that
way. So special. I�m not worthy of him� I�ve betrayed him, rivaled with him�
and all I want to do is be with him.

�Seto� I�m sorry.�

�No!� No, sorry isn�t good enough! He�s
killing me and all he can say is �I�m
sorry�� no!

�I have to.�

And there�s nothing I can do to stop him.
Saving the world is more important than our love. More important than me. As it
should be. I should feel the same way. I should feel happy that he�s saving us
all, pleased at his courage and his willingness to sacrifice�

But he�s killing me.

My voice is a whisper across the room. �Find
me��

�Seto��

�Promise me! Promise me you�ll find me!�

�I will. I will find you, in the next life,
and it will be different.�

I bow my head. He will keep his promise� And
now, I have to settle with seeing him in the next life� and losing him in this.
I can�t watch as he gives himself, as he sacrifices himself for the world. I
can�t watch even after I know he�s gone. I can only stand there, my head
hanging�

�Seto-nisu?�

�What�?� I look up to find a young priest in
front of me� I�ve never bothered to learn his name. �What did you call me?�

�Well� as Atemu-nisu�s cousin� now that
he�s��

He had no heir. I am his heir. Next in line
for the throne of Khemet� I don�t want it, though; I only want him. I can�t
wait for him�

I ignore the priest and walk to him, drop to
my knees beside his body as they all give me a respectful distance. At least
the shadows left me a body to mourn� Not enough. Never enough. Nothing that
isn�t him beside me, his arms wrapped around me, is enough� I can�t live here
without him. I�ve never liked my life, but I�ve endured it� and without him�

I feel the gilded hilt of my dagger as I
slowly slide it free of its sheath, between our bodies where the priests won�t
see. I hesitate with the point against my stomach, but only to stare down into
Atemu�s beautiful face� He looks like he�s in no pain. He looks so peaceful�
not dead at all. I know my soul is damned. I have sinned; I have killed,
stolen� My soul is doomed to be devoured� but perhaps the gods will have pity
on me, on us. On our love, and that promise� Perhaps they will let us be
together. I know they will. They won�t let Atemu be a liar�

I hiss as the point pierces my skin, but it�s
really not that bad� Slowly, I drive it home. Sweet pain� that last pain I
shall ever feel in this life. After a moment, I remove the blade with a slight
wince and set it carefully on the ground beside me, and touch his face. He
still feels alive, but I can tell that his body is lifeless, and will begin to
cool shortly. Mine along with it now. My fingers accidentally leave a smear of
blood along his lips as they trace them� will I ever feel those lips kiss me
again? Will I ever see those strong crimson eyes catch mine and hold them
captive again? Will I ever hear that rich voice, or feel those surprisingly
powerful arms again?

�Seto-nisu?�

I only glance back. I see a thin trail of my
blood leaking out, around and snaking off behind me. That must be what caught
their attention�

�Seto? Oh, no, you didn�t��

I only look back down, into my love�s face. I
shall never know him again in this life� but he will find me, as he
promised�Strong arms pull me backward, but my eyes never leave him, even as
they try in vain to stop the bleeding�

* * * * *

�Atemu�No,
don�t, Atemu, please, don�t leave me��

Hands� warm
hands� someone�

�Seto, love,
wake up��

I stop trying to
get away and fall into those hands, clutching at him. �Atemu, please, stay with
me��

�Seto�� Long
fingers running through my hair. �It�s all right, I�m here. I�m not going
anywhere. All right?�

I can only
hold onto him, trying to breathe. I�m sobbing, and I can�t stop the tears. He
doesn�t make any move to get me off, though, and slowly I can let him go until
I�m only leaning against him, breathing deeply. I open my eyes and look into
the darkness, but not at him. I can�t� I�ll cry again�

�Are you all
right, Seto?� he asks. I nod against his shoulder. �Did you realize you were
speaking Egyptian?�

�I wasn�t,� I
murmur. �I don�t speak Egyptian.�

�Ancient
Egyptian,� he says. I only shake my head again. It�s not really like it
matters, anyway�

�We�re still
speaking it,� he says.

I sit upright
and blink. �You�re�� I mean to continue and tell him that he�s joking with me
and I don�t appreciate it, but what comes out of my mouth isn�t English, or any
of the other several languages I speak. I understand it as though I�ve spent my
whole life speaking it, however. �You�re serious��

He nods, but
when he speaks again it�s in English. I don�t think I�ve ever been so glad to
hear such an ugly language. My mind was about to implode� �You dreamed about
Egypt, didn�t you?� he asks. I nod warily. It was only a dream, though, brought
on by all of the insanity, everyone�s claims he�s the per a�a* � no, pharaoh �
and all the DuelMonsters and all that reincarnation bullshit� Right?

�I wanted to
save you from that one�� he says quietly. �I don�t know what happened to you
after I died, but you were so heartbroken before��

�I killed
myself.� My words sound flat even to my own ears. �I sat beside your body,
stabbed myself with my dagger, and waited to bleed to death. In my dream.�

He wraps his
arms around me. �Seto� I�m so sorry� I had to do it��

�It was only a
dream.�

He sighs a
bit. �You still don�t believe me? After everything you�ve seen?�

�No. It
doesn�t make any sense. I�m dreaming these things, and you�re taking advantage
of them. They make me weak, and you can control, me, just like you�ve always
wanted!� I shove him away from me, pulling myself out of his arms. �Just leave
me alone! I�m more than pathetic enough without you adding to it!�

An expression
awfully close to hurt crosses the great Game King�s face, but I turn and ignore
it, grabbing a robe and covering myself. I have to remember that that�s what he
is; the King of Games. He�s just playing with me. I�m the prize, and the game,
and if there are rules he�s making them up as he goes along.

How does he
know when he�s won? When he gets to have sex with me and go tell all his
friends what a giant bitch I am? I�m sure they all already know all about my
darkest secrets. About the nightmares I have. About how Mokuba is embarrassed
by me. About Gozaburo. How could I be so stupid? Why did I even want him living
here? Why didn�t I figure this out so long ago? Just because he made some
stupid promise? I should know better than anyone how well promises are meant to
be kept. I have to get him out of here� but I don�t want to make him leave. He
has his little game-playing talons buried inside me�

�Hem ntjr
Seto!�

I spin around.
�I am not your fucking priest!�

He watches me
coolly. �Then how did you know that meant Priest?�

Oh�How�? �I
don�t know, I picked it up somewhere.�

�Where are you
going to pick up Ancient Egyptian? Really, Seto, I�m curious.�

I just glare
at him and turn around again. The sound of the door slamming shut behind me is
so� final.

How could I
have been so stupid? How could I have let him get so close to me? I don�t know
what his game is, what his rules are, but I won�t play any longer. He�s gone�
He is so fucking gone, out of this house�

I lean against
the wall in my office, supporting my head on my hands. How did I get myself
into this? A controlling little bastard is living in my house� sleeping in my
bed� And I�ve told him so many things I�ve never told anyone, I�d never planned
to tell anyone� How did he do this to me? He has to have done it. There�s no
way I would do this myself� How did he do this to me?

The door opens
slowly. �Seto?�

�Go away!� I
shove the door shut again and lean against it.

�Seto, you�re acting
childish!� He pushes against the door, but I�m bigger and stronger than he is,
and it stays shut. �You�re not going to stay in your room and pout, are you?�

�Leave me the
hell alone! I don�t even want to see you, let alone sleep in the same bed as you!�
Still� still I can�t tell him to get out. I never even want to see him again,
and I can�t get those words out� I want to yell at him to get out of my life,
but the best I can say is for him to get out of my room�

�Seto, what
you�re thinking, it isn�t so.�

�Fuck off.�

�I�m not
trying to control you or use you � I love you.�

�You�re
playing your fucking mind games with me � I don�t appreciate it. I�m not
playing anymore. You can just leave � I don�t feel like being a game, or a
damned prize, or whatever the hell else I am to you.�

�Seto, you
aren�t a game. I�m not playing a game with you. I love you� Please don�t think
this way about me��

His voice
actually sounds hurt� But no, I�m not about to believe that. He�s never lost a
game in his life, and you can�t do that without bluffing. He�s playing me,
right now. I don�t know what he wants, but he�s doing everything in his power
to fool me�

He shoves
again on the door, pushing me forward. I stumble, manage to turn as I fall so
that I don�t land on my face, but still sprawl out on the floor. I look up at
him as I turn over; he�s standing in the doorway, glaring at me; incredibly, a
spike of fear courses through me, until I crush it. I have no reason to be
afraid of him.

He sighs and
crouches beside me. �Seto� I�m not going to hurt you. I�m not playing with you.
I�m not going to abandon you� I love you. Why can�t you believe me?�

I meet his
eyes steadily, still on the floor. �You�re the king of games.�

�King of-� He
looks at me. �Is that what this is about? You can�t trust me because I�m good
at playing games? You really think I�m just doing this for� Why? Why would I
ever do this to you, Seto?�

�I don�t know�
but you have to be playing.�

�Why?� His
eyes bore into mine� they look like blood. Why? Why are his bloody eyes faking
this concern? �You think I have to be lying because no one could ever love
you?�

Why would he
say something like that? �Mokuba loves me.�

�Mokuba loves you
because he�s your brother. Because of everything you�ve done for him. He loves
you because he idolizes you. He doesn�t love you because of who you are.�

�And you do?!� I shove him away and manage to stand up
without looking at him. �Fine, since you brought it up, yes, you�re right. You
have to be playing, because I don�t think you or anyone else can actually love
this fucked up mess, all right? Is that what you wanted to hear?�

�It�s what I
wanted you to say�� He steps nearer, but I bat his hand away and step back. I
have no inclination to ever be touched by him again. That bastard � he just
admitted it. He�s trying to grind down my self-esteem to make me think that he
actually does care about me� News flash: it wouldn�t just be enough to tell me
that no one could love me; I already know that.

�Seto, please�
let me help��

Help? Help?
He wants to help me? �GET OUT!�

Instead, he
grabs my pajama shirt and pulls me closer, harshly pulling me down to kiss me.
I�m too surprised to resist while I still can, then I�m completely at his
mercy. The wall is firmly at my back, and I�m pressed against it, and he�s
holding me immobile� it�s enough to begin to bring out my claustrophobia. I can�t
move� trapped�

He lets me go
and I fall back against the wall. Not for long, because he pulls me close to
himself, running his fingers through my hair.

�I wanted to
hear you say it, Seto,� he says. �Because I knew you thought it� I wanted to
start proving you were wrong.�

The words that
come from my lips surprise me. �How do you plan on doing that?�

He kisses my
forehead again. �By proving that I love you.� With another gentle kiss, he
pulls me away from the wall and back toward my own bed.

�How do you
plan on doing that?� I hear myself ask.

He only kisses
me as he lays me down.

---------------
*per a�a � that was the original word for
�pharaoh�, which is a Greek bastardization of it. ^_^ I�m no expert, and I�ve
forgotten what it actually means, or I would tell you. �Nisu, though, is how
they addressed the king.
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Not This Time

Chapter Thirteen � Confrontation

I look across the stone chamber,toward the figure at the far end�

I look across the stone chamber,
toward the figure at the far end�