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Ambivalence	By : PupshitDesu Category: Yu-Gi-Oh > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 4882 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
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Chapter List
- 13
- 14
- 15
Kaiba really wanted to punch himself in the face when he woke up to a massive hangover. Why he drank himself sick, he wasn't sure, but he could feel how bad it was when his head started aching. Turning onto his back, he opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. It wasn't even that late in the morning, but he felt like something was out of place. Like he was supposed to be somewhere or doing something.
And then he noticed Jonouchi sleeping up against him. They were both naked, and that made him wrinkle his nose in the realization of what they were doing the night before. Not that he didn't enjoy it, but he was still embarrassed. Usually he didn't just let his sexual desires get away with him... Not like that.
But it was over, and Jonouchi was still asleep. It would be best to just get out before he woke up, and get his shit together before he seemed like some bent out of shape teenager after a night of too many shots.
No, he didn't regret the sex. It was great. Just... why did it have to be with Jonouchi Katsuya, of all people on Earth?
Grunting, he slipped out of the sheets and left for the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He felt dirty due to the layer of sweat on him. The smell on him was strange; a mix of two different people, one of whom was himself. Stepping into the shower, he was glad to wash the musk off his skin. Not that Jonouchi smelled bad, but after the fact, he was a tad stale. And Kaiba knew he himself smelled gross.
Jonouchi woke up when he felt Kaiba's body heat leave the area, but he didn't open his eyes until he heard the bathroom door close quietly. He sat up, looking around the room as he stretched. Somehow, the place didn't seem much less creepy during the day. He hoped Kaiba didn't take too long in the bathroom.
He also hoped he wasn't upset about the night before. Probably not, since he didn't kick him out immediately, but he wouldn't know for sure until he saw him. Waiting for Kaiba to get out of the bathroom was making him anxious, not only because of the suspense, but because he smelled like sex and he wanted to wash off, if he could.
He watched the bathroom door open. Kaiba walked out with a towel wrapped around his waist, his hair mussed from towel drying. Jonouchi met his eyes, trying to read his expression. Not that it was very possible with Kaiba.
"Good morning," Jonouchi greeted, "You look like you're in a slightly better mood than usual."
He was teasing, of course. Kaiba looked not so much more happy as he did sexy. Which he always did, but at this particular moment, with his hair mussed and his skin still wet, his torso muscles on display...
"You could have told me if you were gonna take a shower. I would have joined you."
Rolling his eyes, Kaiba used a smaller dry towel to finish his hair. The idea had never crossed his mind. He'd never tried washing with another person before, and didn't think the idea was very appealing when he was actually trying to get to work on time. Not only that, but he was still making up his mind about just how willing he was when it came to fooling around with Jonouchi. Jumping from one thing to the next after only a few hours in between was a bit much.
No one just shared a shower.
"You were asleep. I wasn't going to wake you," he said, feeling like it was almost an excuse to be left alone, "You looked worn out."
Jonouchi slept hard. While Kaiba woke up a few times in the middle of the night, he noticed that Jonouchi was dead asleep throughout the entire eight hours. He never did much besides tossing and turning, snoring a little, but nothing quite out of the ordinary. Not like Kaiba's insomnia, which woke him up every two to three hours, and that was a relief to have when he opened his eyes to darkness. Not being completely alone.
But he wasn't going to make something like this into habit. That wouldn't be possible, or wise.
"I'll order us some breakfast in a minute."
"Thanks," Jonouchi was looking forward to a meal. He'd had dinner the night before, but he'd also had sex. Sort of. "Is it all right if I take a shower?"
He didn't want to be rude, but he'd rather not keep smelling weird. His hair was probably a royal mess, and he felt clammy.
"No one's going to stop you."
Jonouchi grinned at him, standing and shamelessly revealing himself. It wasn't like he needed to be ashamed. Kaiba had probably felt everything last night, even if he hadn't seen it. He walked to the bathroom a bit stiffly at first, and he turned on the shower to let the water warm up while he checked the mirror.
He was a mess, like he'd thought, but he didn't look bad. At least, he didn't look unhealthy. He still remembered the way he'd looked the morning after his first time, and somehow he always expected to see that image in the mirror after sex. It didn't make any sense, but he couldn't shake it.
It felt nice to rinse himself off. His mussed hair flattened against his head, and he felt the sweat and remains of ejaculate washing off of his skin. He used Kaiba's shampoo, perfectly happy to smell like him. Kaiba always smelled good.
When he was done washing, Jonouchi grabbed the nearest towel and scrubbed at his hair before wrapping it around his waist and walking into the bedroom to find Kaiba. Part of him wanted to ask if he was interested in doing anything before he went to work, but he had a feeling he shouldn't.
"What did you get for breakfast?" He asked, looking around to see if the food had arrived already.
"Miso soup, rice, and fish. Nothing fancy. I'm not that hungry, and usually it's what the cook brings. It's on the desk if you want it."
Then, getting up, Kaiba went into the bathroom again. He needed to do something about his hair, which wasn't exactly lying flat on his head like it was supposed to. It bothered him. Now that he was fully dressed, he could finish fixing his hair without worrying about mussing it all over again. He snagged the blow dryer from under the sink and plugged it in before drying his hair with a comb to assist the process. He was particular about it, and it wasn't until it was perfectly dry did he stop and examine his face.
He didn't like blemishes. Usually when he showered, he made sure to wash it so he didn't get any acne or other annoying shit happening but that still didn't always stop the odd pimple from appearing. Sometimes his skin appeared to pale to him, too. His neck was almost bruised from the night before, but it wasn't too bad. Barely noticeable with the turtleneck on.
At least he didn't have "pizza face".
After leaving the bathroom clean and preened, he sat on the bed and started splitting the food. Jonouchi was finally halfway dressed. He'd put on his boxers and a shirt in Kaiba's absence. Kaiba started eating the fish and rice before thinking over what he should say.
"I don't want my brother knowing about this."
"That makes two of us," Jonouchi was horrified at the thought. If Mokuba knew he and his brother were fooling around...no, that would be bad. Too awkward. "I'm not gonna tell him."
He was thinking about actually putting his clothes on, since Kaiba was dressed and looked ready to start the day. It was unlikely that anything else was going to happen that morning. That was fine. He needed to get focused anyway. It wasn't the weekend yet, so he wouldn't have any hours at work and Mokuba was probably too busy for him. That meant he'd need to spend his day looking for jobs.
Jonouchi idly rubbed his neck while he thought about that. He felt like he wasn't really getting anywhere, since everyone was turning him down even before knowing his name. He'd had a couple of interviews, but only because he'd charmed as hard as he could. The people who interviewed him hadn't even had spaces open. They were just trying to be nice.
He looked across the room at Kaiba. At least he'd accomplished something. Maybe it wasn't exactly going to bring home the bacon, but it improved his mood.
Kaiba was getting dressed for work in the bathroom. Jonouchi could see his reflection in the mirror. He deftly slipped his belt through the pant loops and buckled it, then rolled down his shirt sleeves and buttoned the cuffs before straightening out the fabric. Jonouchi almost laughed at the face he made while observing himself in the mirror. Like he was on the verge of judging himself should he have fallen short in any aspect of his appearance.
How had he never thought Kaiba was queer before?
"Getting gussied up for work?" Jonouchi called, unable to resist grinning. Kaiba was too funny. The way he did his hair and checked his face, picked meticulously at his clothes...
"I have to set the example for my staff."
If he looked like crap, how could he expect the best from the company? He certainly didn't allow his employees to dress as liberally as he did, but he wanted them just as polished. It made a good impression on people when they left Kaiba Corporation: that they took themselves very seriously and didn't fool around with anything. Even looks.
Especially looks. His company appealed to young tastes, and that meant keeping fresh. It was rather quirky too, which was why Kaiba didn't really wear colors. Most of the time he was in black or white with very little color variation in between, but it was almost expected now that he'd dress that way, with the leather pants and boots and dark blue straps. It was his signature, and if people didn't see him dressed that way, sometimes they were actually disappointed.
He didn't enjoy the process of getting ready for work. It was just another thing he did each day to keep ahead. To keep on top, and stay above everyone else who tried rising above. Kaiba knew his good looks were part of his success. People liked him. They enjoyed seeing him on posters and billboards, so he kept himself up.
His time in the bathroom each day was probably almost as long as Kujaku Mai's.
Jonouchi doubted that everyone who worked for Kaiba was quite as willfully appearance-conscious as he was, but he didn't comment. Let Kaiba put on his appearance. It made him even easier on the eyes.
He'd polished off his breakfast, and he set his plate aside before standing and getting the rest of his clothes on. No reason to run around half-naked all morning. Kaiba seemed like he was about to walk out the door, and Jonouchi wanted to make sure he was out when Kaiba left. He needed to get to town as soon as possible.
He felt his phone vibrating in his pants pocket when he pulled them on, and he feared it was another booty call, but it was doubtful since it was so soon. When he checked, it was just a short message from Kitamura saying "good morning" and letting him know that he would be in town for a few days the next week.
That was new. Usually Kitamura only appeared for a day, at the most, and then he disappeared for weeks. Jonouchi put his phone away, relieved. He didn't really want to see Kitamura at the moment. Not after what had happened the night before.
"So, can I get a ride to town with you?" He called to Kaiba, who was still in the bathroom.
"If you don't have a problem being dropped off where you found me, then sure. And next time you just want to "talk", find a way to call me. Don't go lurking around the parking garage again..."
Kaiba left the bathroom and went into the closet, finding his leather pair of boots and sitting down on the edge of the mattress to put them on before getting up and walking out the door to grab his briefcase from the study. He couldn't leave it behind, there was work from the night before inside it, and after collecting all his shit, he went downstairs and sat in the car.
Jonouchi was a bit slow to catch up with him, but he also didn't know the house as well. He seemed a little disoriented. Kaiba didn't say anything when he fastened his seatbelt and left the driveway, bound for the city.
He hadn't left until rush hour was over. No longer did he show up before anyone else, and oftentimes he didn't appear at the office until near nine thirty or so, but he also didn't leave until late. It usually gave him enough time to recover if he had been drinking the night before. Or just couldn't be fucked to get out of bed.
Mostly because he couldn't sleep through the night. Kaiba usually woke up cranky and exhausted, but he actually felt pretty decent considering his hips were a little sore and he felt tender around his neck. It wasn't a bad feeling, and he actually got a few continuous hours of sleep in even if he woke up a few times during the night while Jonouchi tossed around. Considering everything, it was a good night.
When they stopped at the parking garage, Jonouchi unbuckled his seatbelt and stepped out of the car. When Kaiba joined him, he hesitated, not sure what he should say. Would just saying goodbye and waving be too brisk? He wasn't sure what was the correct way to act after last night. Maybe something had changed, despite Kaiba's claims that he could handle it.
"Thanks for the ride," Jonouchi offered, "I'll probably see you around..."
It was pretty definite, so long as Jonouchi was still hanging out with Mokuba. Which he intended to do, whenever the kid didn't ditch him for girls. But he wasn't in any position to complain about being ditched for the sake of getting laid.
"Give it a month," snorted Kaiba, locking his car and picking up his briefcase, "Mokuba's gonna be grounded for at least that. Unless you find some other reason to go sneaking into my study again..."
He smirked before walking off, leaving towards the entry way into the KC building.
"Heh," Jonouchi snorted before walking in the opposite direction, toward the shopping district. Yeah, he could think of a few reasons. Was Kaiba inviting him? He hoped so. That would mean that he was okay with what had happened the night before. Maybe even looking forward to more of the same.
Jonouchi wondered immediately how much Kaiba might want to do. He insisted that he didn't want to go all the way, but Jonouchi held out hope that he'd change his mind eventually. If he had the incentive. And maybe liked him enough for it to have "meaning".
He shook his head to brush off his thoughts. That probably wasn't the best prospect to have dancing around in his head. Kaiba was definitely not that interested, and made it clear that he wouldn't be persuaded. Odds were, he wouldn't go much further than the dry-humping they'd already done. Though maybe in the future he'd be willing to use hands...or mouths. Jonouchi was okay with that.
Still. Not something that he should have on his mind while he was looking for a job.
His clothes were decent, since he hadn't slept in them, and he didn't bother changing before looking around. No point taking the train all the way downtown just to change his clothes for interviews. The ones he was wearing weren't exactly businesslike, except maybe by Kaiba's standards; but they were nice clothes, in Jonouchi's opinion, and thus far managers seemed to like them.
He was passing through the market plaza when he heard a familiar voice calling his name and turned, eyes wide. It didn't seem likely, but he wasn't going to mistake Anzu's voice for someone else's.
It was definitely her. How long had it been since they'd seen each other? Ages. The last contact they'd had was over the phone, and then it had just been talking about jobs and school before they both got very busy.
"Anzu?" He backtracked to her position, weaving through the crowd. "It's good to see you."
Nearly tackling Jonouchi with a hug, she was anything but reserved about her excitement to see him, and she beamed. It was a major surprise, just running into Jonouchi like that after moving back to Japan. School was finished for now, and she was no longer summer interning in New York. That meant going back home, and (since dance didn't exactly work out) finding something else to study.
Not that Anzu was heartbroken about it, but it was disappointing. She really had wanted to make it on stage, but eventually realized there were some dreams that weren't meant to become true. Still, there were other methods for pursuing her passion, and they were more achievable goals.
"Likewise, I thought I'd get back and everyone would be gone!" She replied, hugging Jonouchi and pulling back to smile before collecting herself a little. "Everyone seems to have moved away."
"Yeah, that's pretty much what happened," Jonouchi laughed. He'd definitely noticed the absences of his friends, and the resulting lack of things to do outside of work. "The only person who's stayed is Honda, and I only hear from him here and there. I'm glad you're in town, though. I haven't seen you in forever."
"Well," asked Anzu, "What have you been doing lately to amuse yourself?"
"Uh," Jonouchi blanked for a moment. What had he been doing? Aside from scrambling to keep a roof over his head and fooling around with Kaiba? And having sex with Kitamura...
"I've been spending time with Mokuba," he smiled a bit nervously, "So I haven't been completely lonely. Oh, and I'm searching for another job."
The job searching was almost like a replacement for his full-time job now. He spent all the hours he would at work searching for work. It was exhausting, and yielded almost no results, much to his disappointment.
"Spending time with Mokuba huh?" Asked Anzu, cocking an eyebrow, "I didn't know you were so close. I mean, I knew how badly you got along with Kaiba, and Mokuba seemed to have it in for you too, so I'm surprised that the two of you actually manage to hang out. That's cool though. He's a great kid."
"When he feels like behaving, yeah," Jonouchi snorted, "Did you want to go sit somewhere? I'd rather catch up in a more private place."
And hopefully a less noisy one. The market wasn't an ideal place for catching up with an old friend. Jonouchi didn't want to talk about personal topics in public, and they might well come up if Anzu did as she usually did. Which was, of course, to make him feel like talking and then carefully but relentlessly pass judgment on all his actions.
He could handle it. She did it because she cared, after all.
They sat in some outdoor seating attached to a restaurant. Jonouchi could see that the hostess looked annoyed about them sitting there without ordering food, but she could get glad in the same pair of pants. It was quiet, fairly secluded, and he wasn't exactly obligated to buy their food.
"Surprisingly, Kaiba's been okay lately," Jonouchi told her in a brilliant understatement of the truth, "So spending time with Mokuba hasn't really been a problem."
"That's surprising, he was usually such a sour puss."
She laughed before looking back at the waitress, getting a shake for herself. It was good weather, still warm enough to enjoy the frozen drink. Once it came back, Anzu sipped it from the straw, watching Jonouchi intently.
"Did you see Sigfried's convention? I heard it was in town and was a major bust because Kaiba wouldn't approve his duel disk designs like promised. It was quite a big to-do, I heard. And apparently Sigfried's company nearly went bankrupt over it. I mean, who would try pulling that on Kaiba, of all people? He doesn't get intimidated.
I don't know. I hear stuff on the news, and I know Mokuba was there. I saw him in some pictures."
"I didn't see the convention, but I was invited to the after party, believe it or not," Jonouchi tried not to let himself make weird faces when recalling that. It hadn't been the best night of his life, that was for sure. "Mokuba asked me to come. Sounds like you heard correctly, though. Sigfried was trying to set Kaiba up. Like he cares..."
Kaiba had never broken a sweat over Sigfried. The guy just wasn't good enough. Even when he'd allegedly had the Dueling Network on the verge of collapse, Kaiba disappeared for ten minutes and returned only to announce that Sigfried had failed. Never once had he taken his "rival" seriously.
"Actually, I saw Otogi at the after party for a moment," Jonouchi noted, "He was...well, his usual self."
"What exactly does that mean? Chasing everything with two legs or just being a show off?"
Otogi was known, specifically among his circle of friends, for being rather open over his sexual conquests for someone in a rather stringent society, and Anzu didn't approve. It didn't appeal to her middle class sensibilities. Making a face, she rolled her eyes while thinking about him. She only really tolerated him during the time he had been following behind them, and he was one person she didn't exactly recall as a friend. More like a good acquaintance, if that.
"Eh. Jonouchi, you know I don't really like him," she admitted, looking back up shyly from sucking on her drink in thought, "Not that he's a bad guy, but... he's kind of a manwhore."
"...Yeah," Jonouchi hesitated to agree. He wasn't sure if he had any high ground there. "I was never that fond of him either. This time he was just showing off, though. And he got prissy when someone else hit on him. I guess he can't take his own medicine."
"No, probably not..."
Otogi certainly was an interesting person, though. They both knew that. He had a growing company in the United States, and even Yugi started helping with promoting it by playing Dungeon Dice Monsters. It was nothing like Duel Monsters, or even Capsule Monsters, which younger kids enjoyed playing, but it had a steady following.
However, it wouldn't go anywhere big without some major backing, and now it was becoming well known that Otogi was trying to woo Kaiba Corporation. But the CEO would not investment in the game. Kaiba was disinterested; Jonouchi certainly knew his more personal reasons for refusing to fund the game, and it was becoming more evident that Dungeon Dice would get nowhere outside of the cult obscurity it had gained without some giant gaming corporation making it more mainstream.
It was just unlikely to be Kaiba Corporation. And Otogi, stubborn as ever, refused to give up.
"Do you talk to Otogi at all?" Asked Anzu, still sipping her drink. "Or anyone else from high school for that matter?"
"Not as often as I should," Jonouchi lamented, "I've been pretty busy, and I don't want to take too much of everyone else's time, either. I get in touch with Honda and Yugi once in a while. Otogi and I mostly run into each other by accident."
He'd never been a fan of Otogi, though. He only barely considered him a friend, and he was an iffy one at that. Still, Otogi didn't mean him any harm, which was about all he could ask. More than could be said for plenty of other people.
"I've been talking to the Kaiba brothers mostly, and going places with Mokuba. He seems to like hanging out with me."
"Talking to the Kaiba brothers?" Emphasised Anzu, cocking an eyebrow, "You mean Kaiba actually talks to you? That's surprising."
"Yeah, it's pretty unexpected. He's not exactly itching for a chance to hang out with me, but we've had a few conversations lately that didn't end with me wanting to jump him."
Well, that wasn't completely true. Jonouchi was jumping him in an entirely different way now, it seemed. Not that he was sorry for it; he'd take Kaiba humping him over getting insulted and dismissed any day. That probably wasn't the best thing to tell Anzu, though. Maybe he should try to keep it down to one shock at a time.
"That's good... Is he doing okay then?"
"About as well as ever," Jonouchi shrugged, "He's still getting along with Mokuba. Spoiling him to death, as always. He's still on top as far as business is concerned, but he's got some personal shit bringing him down. But he was always like that, as I'm sure you remember."
They all knew enough about Kaiba's background and behavior to safely say he probably had some issues to work through. Jonouchi didn't know if he had any right to reveal Kaiba's depression to Anzu, so he kept his mouth shut about it. It seemed like privileged information, and he could imagine that Kaiba wouldn't tell her himself if he was there.
"He's still picky about his appearance," Jonouchi noted, recalling watching him dress that morning, "He hasn't worn any leather coats lately, but he's still in good shape. Not a hair out of place..."
"Since when did you care about what Kaiba looks like?" Snorted Anzu, rolling her eyes before grinning a little, "It's a shame he's sad or whatever, but what can we do about it? Nothing. He won't talk to anyone about anything. Sometimes I really think he hates us, Jonouchi."
"He doesn't," Jonouchi replied, remembering the night he'd accused Kaiba of just that. Maybe he shouldn't just take his word for it, but considering what had been happening lately, it was probably true that he didn't hate them. He didn't even hate Jonouchi. He was just a dick. "He's really defensive. He hasn't been bad the past couple of times I've seen him, but usually he's kind of bitter. It's not personal. Or, so he claims."
"Hmm... sounds like you've been talking to him quite a lot."
Or maybe Jonouchi was just thinking a lot about it. Anzu wasn't sure, she was surprised to hear that they were even getting along, let alone talking with one another enough that Jonouchi got that much out of him. Usually they were at each other's throats, because Jonouchi was trying to befriend Kaiba, who would just shit in his face before stalking off like he wasn't worth the time of day. That had changed toward the end, after Yugi won the Battle City tournament, but they never really got along.
"I'd like to see him, maybe," mused Anzu, "I wouldn't mind that. He's just... so hard to talk to, it's damn frustrating. And I feel like I'm always yelling at him about something. Ah, well..."
"He's not that bad," Jonouchi muttered, not sure if he should be sticking up for Kaiba. It would probably come off as being extremely strange, but he couldn't exactly sit and agree with Anzu, either. "Not when he tries to be amiable, anyway. He might be a little social if you said hi to him. As social as Kaiba gets, that is."
He'd been less of an asshole to Anzu in the past. Even though she only really spoke to him directly when she was telling him off, he never snapped back at her for it. Jonouchi didn't know if it was because he didn't take her seriously, or because she was a girl. He usually put up with her chiding, either with indifference or irritation.
"Since when does Jonouchi Katsuya defend Kaiba's anti-social behaviour?" Teased Anzu, grinning wider as she moved closer to Jonouchi's face. "You seem different. Your clothes look new... And fashionable. Have you been going through a lifestyle change?"
She was laughing, but she had no idea how close to the truth she actually was.
"Uh," Jonouchi was only half-smiling as he stared at Anzu. He was in the middle of a very important decision: whether he was going to tell her the truth or not. He felt like he should (and frankly, it would be a relief to do so), but he wasn't certain how she'd react. It made him nervous. "You could say that."
He was probably very evidently anxious. He really needed someone to talk to about shit, but he didn't want Anzu to get all weird about him.
"I, um-" he paused and sighed, looking at the table before pulling himself together. Honestly, he'd dealt with worse. "I found out I like men, so that's different."
"What do you mean you found out you like men?" She asked, her face wrinkling up in confusion. "What are you talking about? I thought you liked Mai before... Thats doesn't make any sense, Jonouchi. You used to flip my skirt in high school, and now you're gay?"
She was getting very flustered, her language ruder than she'd intended. Why was she just finding out about this? Why didn't Jonouchi say anything before? It didn't make any sense. He came off as straight in high school, chasing after girls and whatever, but when Anzu really thought about it, he never actually dated anyone...
Or did much of anything.
"Since when?"
"Maybe three months ago. It was a recent discovery," Jonouchi watched Anzu apprehensively. He couldn't tell if she was upset, or just confused. Why shouldn't she be confused? Jonouchi certainly was, when he'd found out. He was still confused. He could hardly explain why he'd been into Mai or been after Anzu's panties in tenth grade.
"I don't really understand well enough to explain," he admitted, "I mean, I was into Mai, but...I didn't want her, not like that. I thought I did for a while. I don't know..."
He had his head propped up on his hand and was tugging at his hair anxiously. He'd barely put any thought into his motivations back then. He'd just kind of done it, either because he heard about it from someone cooler than him, or he and Honda were being little shits. Looking at women was what men did. Teenage boys tried to get tits whenever possible. It was a model he'd followed without knowing any better, and for a while, biology had been enough to confuse him into thinking that was his comfort zone.
"I was doing what I thought I was supposed to do."
"Oh..."
Well, Anzu couldn't really argue against that. The boys were generally taught to act a certain way, just like the girls. Boys got away with being general dicks to everyone else, especially when it came to sexually harassing the girls, and it was just what people came to expect. It was the status quo, and something Anzu didn't really get until she went overseas and was met with culture shock.
"Well... How can you be sure you're gay? Have you like... been with a man before, then?"
Jonouchi knew his face was red. He couldn't work down his embarrassment. It was a bit of a probing question, even if it was understandable. He wasn't sure he wanted to let her know about his situation with Kitamura. Actually, he was rather sure he didn't want to tell her about that. No, that would be terrible.
"I knew before then," he muttered a bit indignantly, "But yes, I've been with a man."
He couldn't even look at her. Maybe he'd be less embarrassed if it was a more normal situation. But no, he was in a weird sort of barely-relationship disguising the fact that he was whoring, and fooling around with Kaiba on the side. It wasn't as if he could say he had a boyfriend. At least then it would be more respectable.
"I'm sure about it, Anzu. I'm pretty sure I'd know by now if it was just curiosity..."
"Oh...um...how is it?"
She couldn't help but ask. After all, she was only curious and never had anyone to really discuss that about. Anzu was a closet yaoi fan; Jonouchi already knew that. It had always fascinated her in a way she couldn't exactly express while in middle school and high school. The boys always laughed about it, but she actually found it romantic.
"Is it like what they show in the comic books?"
"No," Jonouchi stated flatly. Anzu's damn comic books. How misleading they had been. "It's nothing like that. For one thing, I don't complain about it hurting all the time, and I don't cry like a girl..."
It didn't hurt that badly, even the first time. Certainly not enough to cry over. The yaoi formula was similar to regular porn, though, so he couldn't exactly dispute it in particular. It was how things were done.
"I mean, I like doing it, so I'm not complaining. But your comic books aren't very accurate, Anzu."
"Well Jeez, Jonouchi, I was just asking!"
Getting a bit defensive, she folded her arms across her chest and glared at the ground for a while, feeling stupid.
"I wasn't trying to scold you or anything," Jonouchi told her, feeling guilty for embarrassing her. It hadn't been an offensive question. They were friends, after all. "I just don't want you to think I act like one of those guys in the eromanga. That's a really bad thought."
He shuddered at the idea. Even when he'd discovered them back in high school, he'd thought the concept was ridiculous. It was kind of a joke that yaoi always had the same kind of formula, similar to other porn, where whoever was the receiver was unwilling at the beginning and having the time of their lives by the end. Though yaoi preferred to be over-dramatic and have more crying and bleeding.
That said, Jonouchi's only real knowledge about sex (before he had any) was from porn. Anzu's eromanga included. So he'd been thinking along those lines the first time. He was pretty embarrassed about that, when he recalled it.
"You're the only gay guy I know," she said, looking up at Jonouchi, "I guess. I didn't talk much to the guys in my dance classes in New York, since my English was too tricky for them to understand. Although I'm sure there were quite a few."
She snickered at that, recalling some of the cattiness she saw among the male dancers.
"If you don't mind me asking then," she said, placing her crossed arms on the table now instead, her face lighting up, "What made you realize that you were gay? Did you see Mai again? Or did Kaiba say something..."
The man was certainly observant.
"I figured it out on my own," Jonouchi replied, slightly offended. He didn't need Kaiba to tell him he was gay. How would that conversation even work? Jonouchi, you're gay. Just so you know. No, he wouldn't react well if Kaiba informed him of his own sexuality. Even if it was true. "I was by myself for a while, and I was starting to notice things. I didn't start spending time with Kaiba until after I already knew."
And it was awkward from the get-go. Suddenly Kaiba's attractiveness had an entirely new context. Or, the same context, but now Jonouchi was aware of it. It was alarming and highly disturbing, but at least it seemed to have come to fruition. Even though it only complicated his life further, he couldn't exactly say he was sorry.
"He definitely noticed, though," Jonouchi snorted, "You know how he is. He didn't mention anything until he was sure, but he noticed."
"But he hasn't been mean about it, has he?"
"Oh, no," Jonouchi felt heat rising to his cheeks again. Dammit, did he have to be so obvious? "It didn't bother him at all. He teased a little, but he doesn't mind."
That was an understatement, but he didn't think it was a good idea to tell Anzu that Kaiba was queer. And they were kind of having sex. That might be a bit too much.
"Good. It would be really mean of him to make fun of you for that, of all things. I guess you can't really help it, I mean, no one would choose such a difficult life if they could. I wouldn't want to have sex like that. I never understood it in the comics, I mean, how does it even feel good? It's a penis up where you poop."
"That's one way of putting it," Jonouchi was using every ounce of his self-control not to explain to her how and why anal "felt good". How would she even react to that? "It's not even like that. There's a lot of sensation you can get from there."
Was he really talking about this? He was hardly the best person to give sex education. Especially if it was about the kind of sex he liked. Anzu didn't need to know about his particular tastes.
"It actually feels really good. You should try it sometime," he smirked, "I can give you plenty of pointers."
"Oh my god Jonouchi, don't even joke about that!" She turned all red in the face and tried to hide her embarrassment. "I'm not gonna do that. I don't even have a boyfriend, you pervert."
It made her wonder a little just what Jonouchi was doing to know he liked it so much. He didn't seem against talking about it, and she was certainly curious. Not enough to watch actual pornography like some girls did, but if the eromanga was wrong, then how exactly did it work? She didn't like feeling stupid, and Jonouchi was her friend.
"If it feels good then," asked Anzu, finishing her drink, "Why do the boys in the manga always say it hurts?"
"Well," Jonouchi tried not to make any odd faces at the memory of his first time with Kitamura, "They never really use lube, so...yeah. Lube is important. And patience. There are muscles down there, and they're supposed to squeeze shut. So they have to be worked into relaxing, and it takes time."
Tops in eromanga never seemed overly concerned with it. On the rare occasion that they did any preparing, they never used lube and had zero sympathy for the bottom. Jonouchi honestly wished he'd had a better model to use as an example. He probably should have tried doing some research, but looking up how to do anal sex wasn't really something that occurred to him on an average day.
"I mean, it's not exactly painful, if you do it right. Might have some soreness the next day if you give them too much of a workout, though," he snickered.
"I would have never taken you for an uke, Jonouchi," mused Anzu, "I thought you were too...I don't know, manly for that."
"What-" Jonouchi didn't know if he should be more embarrassed or offended. Then again, it was the common perspective that the "girl" out of the two men was the bottom. "No, dear god. It doesn't have to do with how girlish someone is. It's just what I like doing."
That was embarrassing. He'd have to be careful with other people and try to make sure they didn't know which position he took. How would he tell Honda or Yugi that? Maybe Yugi would get over it, but Honda...Jonouchi didn't even know how he'd look at him if he knew. Anzu wasn't like that, probably because she wasn't male. And she really liked her yaoi, at least in high school. Maybe she still did.
"I mean, being seme is fine too, but it doesn't really do it for me. That's all."
More like, if he was seme he couldn't have his hair pulled violently and get smacked around a little. And he couldn't get penetrated. He hoped he wouldn't have to reveal how much he enjoyed that to anyone he wasn't sleeping with.
"Huh."
Anzu didn't think she wanted to know the details about that. She just tried accepting it in her mind, knowing she wasn't on any high ground regarding preferences, what with the sexual fantasies she had about people. A few in high school had even included Jonouchi, and she snickered over that thought, realizing that he was most definitely unavailable.
"Well, I gotta get going, but you should call me sometime so we can hang out," advised Anzu, "I'd like to see you again. We could get some dinner and have an evening to chill. Sound good?"
"Sounds good," Jonouchi stood with her, a little disappointed to see her go. Not that he didn't still have things he needed to get done, but it had been nice to talk to someone. Even if she had asked embarrassing questions. "I need to remember to give you my new number so we can actually text sometime."
His phone bill was unpaid, and the service was shut off. So he was stuck with Kitamura's gifted iPhone. Jonouchi would have to transfer all his contacts if he didn't want everyone to think he was dead.
After he gave Anzu the new phone number, they parted ways, and Jonouchi was left to return to his duties. Which today comprised of job hunting again. He wasn't looking forward to another long day of wandering around town trying to get hired, but it would have to be done. At least he wasn't meeting with Kitamura.
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Ambivalence