Adult-FanFiction.org : Yu-Gi-OH

Ambivalence	By : PupshitDesu Category: Yu-Gi-Oh > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 4882 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: We do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any associated properties therein. We do not profit from the creation of this work.

Chapter List
- 14
- 15
- 16
It wasn't until that weekend that Jonouchi got messages from Mokuba asking if he wanted to hang out. Jonouchi wasn't about to turn him down. Managers weren't usually in except during the morning on weekends, and Jonouchi needed a break from his job hunt anyway. He still hadn't had any hours at work since the last Friday, which was utter bullshit, but there was nothing he could do about it.

Jonouchi took a cab out to Kaiba Mansion. He was wary of spending the money on it, but he could spare it. He was meeting with Kitamura more frequently, to the point that he always had at least one and a half rent payments' worth in his pocket. He might even need to open a bank account finally. Carrying all his cash around was too dangerous in his neighborhood, especially since he was depending on what Kitamura gave him to get by.

When he arrived, one of the house servants opened the door for him, and he stepped into the foyer. He wasn't sure where to go. Mokuba might be coming to meet him in the entryway (hopefully he was), or maybe he was supposed to find him. Not in this house, most likely. Jonouchi decided to send him a message letting him know he was at the house. The only rooms he might be able to find were Kaiba's bedroom and study. And that was a big maybe.

Mokuba had been waiting. He rushed down the staircase once Jonouchi had his foot through the door, and nearly tackled him before grabbing his hand and rushing him up the stairs. Sure, it wasn't like they didn't see enough of each other, but Mokuba still appreciated his company, and he was very quick to get Jonouchi to his bedroom to play video games and eat the junk food he had collected.

"Nii-sama grounded me for two months," he lamented, jumping on top of his bed with a giant stomach flop, "But he said I could still have you over if you wanted to come. Just can't go hang out with anyone else, since I fucked up so badly. Went to see someone that he didn't know, ugh. He's so uptight sometimes."

He was lucky Kaiba didn't keep him away from all his friends, but for whatever reason, he allowed Jonouchi to continue coming. Mokuba wasn't sure exactly why, since they didn't get along to his knowledge, but he wasn't going to complain. The house was big and boring, and Jonouchi was wild and fun. If he could have at least one friend over, even if he was four years his senior, well, Mokuba was going to take advantage.

"I didn't think he'd get so pissed about me sneaking out..."

"Why wouldn't he? He gets worried about you," Jonouchi replied, "You've got some guts, kid. Running off with a stranger when you were grounded...reminds me of myself."

Jonouchi chuckled. He'd always been a bit of a delinquent, he supposed. He'd disappear for days at a time back when he ran with Rintama, and he was sure it gave his father even more cause to drink, even if it hadn't occurred to him back then. His dad had never been happy about his disappearances, or the people he got tangled up with. Still, Jonouchi had needed some kind of support system, and that had been all he could find in middle school.

"I'm surprised he's still letting me hang out with you even though you're grounded. Maybe because he knows me better than your little girlfriends."

Mokuba had so much junk food that it was a little frightening. Jonouchi was pleased, of course, but he wondered if Kaiba wholly approved. It was unlikely that Mokuba was kept on his strict diet, but he probably wasn't allowed to eat only crap all the time. But Jonouchi wasn't going to tell unless he was pressed into it, so his stash was safe for the moment.

"Eh, whatever. It wasn't like I was planning on doing anything. I'm not old fun enough for the fun stuff," teased Mokuba, grinning wickedly, "Although I've seen some things on tv. Nii-sama says I shouldn't, but whatever. What he doesn't know won't kill him."

He snorted before grabbing the controllers and tossing one to Jonouchi before turning on his game.

"Besides, I make sure not to download any porn that might crash my computer."

"Downloading porn doesn't crash your computer," Jonouchi muttered, but he decided not to give Mokuba any safety tips. He didn't want Kaiba trying to skin him for giving Mokuba that kind of knowledge. Honda had done the same shit, pressing the "download" buttons on porn sites and never noticing what kind of file he was actually downloading. Jonouchi had to show him how to actually download the videos, and even then Honda still managed to fuck up sometimes. Jonouchi wondered how his mother never questioned his stories about how his computer got broken.

He munched on a bag of chips while Mokuba played. He hadn't had chips in forever. It must have been months...maybe almost a year. He only really got them if they were a gift or he had spare change, and he hadn't had change in quite a while. Good thing Mokuba was keen to share.

"What are you playing? If it's any good, I wanna join."

"Halo."

They played for a long time, until Mokuba finally passed out from a junk food induced coma. He couldn't make it past midnight, with how tired he was from school, and he fell asleep easily while Jonouchi turned off the equipment and threw away the plastic bags of chips, cookies, and other crap Mokuba had hoarded for the occasion.

Jonouchi wasn't sure what to do after that. It was evening, so he was probably supposed to sleep over, but he wasn't really ready to go to bed. He decided to see what Kaiba was doing. If nothing else, he'd have someone to talk with until he got sleepy.

At best, Kaiba could make him sleepy.

Grinning to himself at the thought, Jonouchi made the walk to Kaiba's study. The door was cracked, so the security lock was fortunately not engaged. Jonouchi knocked before pushing the door open, and walked into the room to find Kaiba working.

"Hey," he greeted, "Mind if I come in?"

"I might mind, but I'm sure you'll come in anyways," answered Kaiba back, not glancing up from his work, "Telling you no has never stopped you before."

He was very engaged in what he was doing. It hadn't even occurred to him that Jonouchi had been invited over, or else he might have actually locked the door to keep from becoming distracted. Not anything against Jonouchi, but he actually had things to get done, and fooling around where ever was not on the agenda that night. Not when he was dealing with a load of crap that needed to be figured out because the incompetent genius's at the lab didn't know how to make light particles work. It was another stupid thing Kaiba had to do himself, and although it wasn't really all that difficult, it still took enough time that he couldn't let his evening go for sex.

Besides, he wasn't sure yet what to think about his new relationship with Jonouchi, if it could even be called that. He certainly liked the physical attention, and the last time they were together, it was satisfying, but it seemed like a one time deal. He couldn't go making a thing out of it.

Not with Jonouchi. Not his one time rival and brother's best friend. That would be complicating things.

"Shouldn't you be entertaining Mokuba right now?"

"He passed out from all the attention," Jonouchi snorted, sitting comfortably on the couch. Kaiba looked engaged in whatever he was doing. Jonouchi hoped he could be torn away from it. "So I decided to see if you wanted some attention. If not, I'd just like some company until I go to bed. This house still kinda creeps me out. I'd rather not lie awake by myself."

Kaiba's fingers were like lightning on his keyboard. It was incredible to watch. His focus was so singular that Jonouchi wondered if he'd heard anything he'd said, but then he remembered it was Kaiba. He missed nothing.

"So, what do you say?"

"Jonouchi, I'm preoccupied right now."

"Well, yeah, I noticed. I just wasn't sure how important it was to you."

He was a little disappointed, but he wasn't going to get his head bitten off for trying to pull Kaiba away from work. He was already being a little brisk. Normally, Jonouchi would have taken the chance to pick on him for it rather than backing off. He was going too soft on him...

That wouldn't be a problem if it would actually go somewhere, but that outcome was pretty much impossible. Even if he and Kaiba had some mutual like for one another, and he could convince him to date, there'd still be the matter of Jonouchi's financial situation. He depended on Kitamura to keep a roof over his head and food in his stomach, currently. He couldn't really jeopardize that, especially not for the sake of trying to capture someone who didn't want him.

Kaiba wouldn't even have intercourse with him. Jonouchi doubted that dating would ever be on the agenda.

His brow creased a little as he got wrapped up in his thoughts, and he realized he was staring vacantly at the floor. He turned his attention back to Kaiba, a little dazed, and tried to shake off his musings. There was no point getting lost in that right now. Pondering problems without solutions wouldn't be any good for him.

"Are you even interested in doing that again?" He asked Kaiba. They hadn't really established where they stood after the last time, and they never contacted each other outside of their occasional meetings, so it was hard to gauge Kaiba's thoughts on the situation.

"I haven't really thought about it," muttered Kaiba, his eyebrows creasing as he tried paying attention to the screen in front of him, "It's really not a matter of importance to me right now. Like I said before, I'm preoccupied with work. Your never ending sex drive isn't really a major concern at the moment..."

Jonouchi stared at Kaiba, who hadn't missed a beat in the work he was doing. He hadn't really thought about it? It had certainly been on Jonouchi's mind a lot. Maybe Kaiba genuinely wasn't concerned about it at all. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing. He felt a little stung by it somehow.

"It's a major concern to me," Jonouchi muttered, pouting briefly. No wonder Kaiba had never gotten laid. "But really, Kaiba, I was just trying to get some closure. I can never tell what you're thinking."

Maybe he should just leave and stop being a nuisance. Kaiba was very evidently wrapped up in his work, and Jonouchi was pretty sure he couldn't pull him from it. He could always try, but that might end badly, and he didn't want to deal with the backlash.

"Closure? What exactly are you expecting?" He finally looked up at Jonouchi's face, "We fooled around twice. It's not like we had sex, not real sex, and I don't want to get things all complicated with you. In the moment, it was great, but that's over now and I'm not looking for a relationship or anything. Just so you know."

"I know that, Kaiba," Jonouchi replied, huffing, "Dammit, I'm just asking if you're interested in fooling around again. That's all. Jesus..."

That had been kind of upsetting. He understood that Kaiba didn't want a relationship. That was established pretty well. But he sounded so appalled at the very idea that Jonouchi was actually insulted. And a little hurt, if he had to admit it, but he quelled that feeling. It didn't have any place in the situation.

"Never mind. I shouldn't have bothered in the first place," Jonouchi muttered, standing to leave. He didn't need this crap. If Kaiba wanted to be left alone, he wasn't going to just stick around to irritate him further. If he didn't feel like giving a straight answer, there was little Jonouchi could do about it.

He walked off, leaving Kaiba behind to go find the guest room from the night before he stayed at. It burned, how dismissive Kaiba was about the entire thing, like it didn't mean anything to him. How could he just fool around like that, with all his romantic notions, and then blow him off?

Jonouchi realized he shouldn't have expected much, of course, but he'd thought after Kaiba's insistence that sex had to "mean" something, he'd at least have put some thought into what they'd done. Jonouchi wasn't offended by his indecision anywhere near as much as his apparent indifference. That was just too much. Even if he didn't like Kaiba a little (which he definitely did, he'd have to accept that) it would be insulting.

He quickly stripped down to his boxers, tossing his clothes to the floor more angrily than they deserved and falling into bed on his stomach. This wasn't even the first time he was lying frustrated in Kaiba's guest bedroom. He remembered the night he'd lain there puzzling about Kitamura and Kaiba. At the time, he was just struggling with his attraction and Kaiba's unwillingness to be even a friend.

Now the situation had changed significantly. Jonouchi was essentially stuck with Kitamura for the time being. He didn't want to keep being a whore, but he really didn't want to be homeless. He'd gone through that shit before, and without even enough income to buy meals for a week, he'd be more than uncomfortable. He preferred not to end up half-starved and evicted.

Even if he did break it off with Kitamura, it wouldn't have much bearing on the situation with Kaiba. Jonouchi was genuinely interested in dating him. Much as he hated it, the idea wouldn't leave his head since its conception. But Kaiba wasn't interested. He'd said so before, and moreover, he'd stated it very clearly just minutes ago. At this point, it wasn't even clear if he wanted to keep rubbing off or whatever they might end up doing with each other.

And that was another thing. He couldn't stop wanting Kaiba physically. The wet dreams aside, he still had memories of their little trysts replaying in his head throughout the day regardless of how horny he was at the time. Hell, he thought about the bastard while he was having sex with Kitamura, consistently. And Kaiba hadn't even thought about it?

Jonouchi realized he was just going in circles of internal ranting and tried to calm down. He was letting his emotions get the better of him, and that wouldn't do him any good. He was tired, he was pretty fucking horny and had no outlet for it, and he didn't need to start stressing about Kaiba. Nor did he need to think about Kitamura, to whom he was hopelessly bound for the foreseeable future.

He sighed, closing his eyes instead of glaring out at the darkness. If he forced his breathing to even out, he could get over his anger and just sleep. Hopefully by morning, he'd be feeling less touchy about the whole thing. Maybe he should just stay clear of Kaiba for a little while, just in case. Even if he was hot for him almost all the time...

The door opened, though. There was light in the room, and he could sense a presence coming inside before it closed, heavy footsteps walking towards the bed before a weight sat down next to him and a warm hand started touching his hair. He didn't know what was going on, he was almost too shocked to turn around and face whoever it was, but realizing there were only two people around who would know he was there, he finally turned around and looked into the darkness.

There was a familar smell of expensive cologne, and breathing a sigh of relief, he wanted to glare at Kaiba in the darkness, but didn't have the heart to.

"What do you want?" He started, turning onto his side. "You said you were too busy for me. Changed your mind all of a sudden?"

"I got done faster than I thought I would... You seemed upset."

"Yeah, well," Jonouchi muttered, not sure what he should say. Kaiba sounded like he was genuinely concerned about his feelings, which made it much more difficult to be angry with him. "You pissed me off, but it's fine. Nothing I won't be over by morning."

Did Kaiba come to his room just to see if he was all right? It was a gesture that Jonouchi greatly appreciated, but all things considered, he hoped that Kaiba had put more thought into sex in the time since he left. Jonouchi still felt rejected over it, and the uncertainty about how Kaiba felt about the situation was nagging at him despite his wishes.

"How exactly did I piss you off?" Asked Kaiba, as he started moving to lie down against the bed, kicking off his shoes and still petting Jonouchi's hair, "I have a lot on my plate right now. I can't promise you something I'm not in any position to deliver right now. It's not very simple."

"Well, I know you've got shit to deal with," Jonouchi conceded reluctantly, "But...I dunno. I figured that what we did meant a little more to you than that. With everything you said about wanting meaningful sex. I don't want a commitment or anything..."

Lies. He did, absolutely. Even if not an obvious intention to date, then at least some indication of how Kaiba felt about it all. He'd gotten that earlier, of course, when Kaiba quite evidently couldn't care less, but that still bugged him.

"Well, I was a tad too short with you earlier," offered Kaiba, "I shouldn't have snapped. This convention is just stressing me out, and I don't like being distracted. But, it'll be over soon..."

He moved over near Jonouchi's face, getting under the covers with him before pressing his shoulder to lie on his back. His eyes never left Jonouchi's as he moved to leaning over him, fitting between his legs and pushing back the hair on his forehead before lightly holding onto his chin.

"And if you want, I'll entertain you tonight. What do you say?"

"Um," Jonouchi stared up at Kaiba, slightly surprised. Thus far, he'd never instigated anything between them, and certainly not in such a way. Not that Jonouchi was complaining. If Kaiba wanted to have apology sex, that was fine by him.

"I'd like that," he replied, feeling strangely embarrassed. Kaiba was looking at him so intently that he felt exposed.

Kaiba had a strange look on his face, like he wanted to smile, but was holding back. It was slightly hard to see in the dark, but eventually he lowered it, breathing against Jonouchi's exposed neck before kissing lightly against the skin. The marks from nights before were no longer there, but he didn't seem put off by that, sucking a little and using his tongue to moisten where he nibbled while Jonouchi writhed underneath him.

Then his hands started traveling down his body, holding onto his hips before one went up his side, ghosting against his rib cage. It made Jonouchi shiver, Kaiba didn't know he was a tad ticklish there, but then he moved to his hair, massaging the nape of his neck before Kaiba's lips fell against his mouth.

They had never kissed like this before. Not without some sort of awkwardness involved, but Kaiba seemed far more confident in his abilities, pushing against Jonouchi's lips with a drive that he'd never felt before. It was different, yet exciting, and he could feel that rush building in his chest as Kaiba pushed against him, willing his mouth to open before slipping his tongue against his own.

It tasted amazing. He liked kissing Kaiba, Jonouchi couldn't stop himself from putting his hands around his neck and pushing him closer, and he jumped a little when Kaiba pushed his boxers down past his hips. There was a warm hand grasping him, stroking him underneath the sheets, and he could feel his breathing becoming more raspy as Kaiba started working him.

No one had ever touched him like that. Had tried pleasuring him with their own hands, and he felt good, even as Kaiba pulled back the blankets of the bed and moved down to his waist, slipping off the boxers and positioning his legs to the sides. Jonouchi was nervous, he didn't know if what was going on was really real, but he immediately relaxed when Kaiba started kissing his inner thighs. It was sensitive there, and he laid back and closed his eyes before feeling warmth against his head, a smooth tongue gliding under the sensitive tip and it took everything in him not to moan out loud.

God, Kaiba was giving him head. He never would have imagined in a million years that it would actually happen. It was just a fantasy. Propping himself up enough to watch, he felt dazed gazing down, as Kaiba's looked up at him with sharp blue eyes, sucking gently against him while holding onto his stiff shaft.

Jonouchi resisted bucking toward him, knowing that would be unpleasant. He had to bite his lip to keep himself from getting hopelessly lost in the sensation. Kaiba was shockingly good at this, for someone who didn't have any real experience. He was happy for it, of course. He started to shudder when Kaiba bobbed up and down at an infuriatingly slow pace. It probably shouldn't have been as exciting as it was, but Jonouchi was coming to accept that Kaiba was pretty much the hottest thing in the world to him regardless of what he was doing.

He stopped holding himself up when Kaiba released him, and fell flat on the mattress. He was catching his breath with some difficulty and waiting to see what Kaiba was going to do next. He seemed to be full of surprises tonight. Jonouchi propped himself up on his elbows when Kaiba stood, feeling a terrible flash of fear that he was just going to leave. It wouldn't quite surprise him, honestly. Kaiba seemed like the type to pull shit like that. But he sincerely hoped he wouldn't.

Kaiba didn't leave. Jonouchi watched as he wandered around the room, as if he was searching for something. He picked Jonouchi's pants up off the floor and searched the pockets. It became apparent what he was looking for when he smirked and chuckled a little. Jonouchi's face heated up.

"Planning on a party tonight?" He asked, pulling out a small container of lube and a condom, "I didn't know you thought things out so far ahead. But I'm glad for it."

He smirked before going back to the bed, crawling over to where Jonouchi was laying before setting the items near the other side of the pillow. Jonouchi was laying naked under him, completely exposed with his erection flat up against his stomach, and Kaiba lifted up his hips before just motioning for him to turn, stroking his back with one hand while twisting open the lube with the other.

"I know I said I wasn't interested in this, but... I really do like you, Jonouchi. And I don't think this would be meaningless, if you want this with me."

"Of course I do," Jonouchi replied, embarrassed by how much his gut tingled at the words. He was absolutely ridiculous. "I was afraid to tell you, but it looks like you feel the same way..."

He honestly wouldn't have guessed, but that was Kaiba. Jonouchi couldn't read him for shit most of the time. He was just relieved that his own emotional attachment wasn't unrequited. It was like a weight lifting off of his chest.

Kaiba smiled before leaning back down again, kissing against the side of Jonouchi's face while pressing his wet fingers against his entrance. It wasn't immediate, but the muscles were relaxed enough that he could get two fingers in before rubbing gently again, tracing small circles before the second sphincter muscles could relax and accept him in.

He was slow with his approach, using his mouth almost more than his hands, tugging on Jonouchi's ear lobe and sliding his tongue against the loose flesh. He seemed almost more focused on teasing than fingering.

But once he had his fingers inside Jonouchi, he started slowly pulling in and out, hooking them to make the pressure better. He rasped his teeth against his neck as he did so, pressing inside against Jonouchi's prostate each time he entered.

Jonouchi gasped at the feeling of Kaiba's fingers sliding into him, almost shuddering whenever his prostate was stimulated. It was a level of precision and care he wasn't used to getting. He was openly moaning by the time Kaiba could finger him without resistance, bucking toward him and moaning quietly to try giving him a cue. As usual, he wanted more, and for once, Kaiba claimed he was willing to give it.

"Kaiba," Jonouchi muttered his name breathlessly, "I want to..."

He wasn't sure what to say. Somehow, he was too embarrassed to be vulgar, and he didn't really feel that any other terminology would sound right. He met Kaiba's eyes, hoping he'd understand.

"Please," he begged, catching his breath briefly when Kaiba nudged his prostate again. Jonouchi felt like his whole body was heating up, overwhelmed by the noteworthy pressure and sensation coming from his lower body. "I'm ready, please."

Pulling back completely, Kaiba retracted his fingers back and worked on taking off his own clothes. He wasn't shy about Jonouchi watching, taking his black turtleneck off first and throwing it on the floor, and then his belt. Last came his leather pants, which were a bit difficult to get off, but he seemed to get the material down his hips easily enough before pulling off his signature Calvin Klein boxer briefs Jonouchi remembered him wearing before.

Now they were both naked. And Jonouchi stared before his eyes fell on Kaiba's face, as he moved toward him; he motioned to him to turn around.

"I want to see your eyes," he explained, lying by Jonouchi's side while pulling at his closest shoulder, "If you're fine with that."

"I am," Jonouchi replied, visibly surprised by Kaiba's statement but nonetheless pleased. He felt strange, in his chest and in the pit of his stomach, and it almost made him frightened. He couldn't tell if he was getting nervous or over excited, but whatever it was, Kaiba was doing it to him. Probably on purpose. "I'd like it if we faced each other."

It would be personal. He might feel a little embarrassed, having Kaiba looking down at him while they were joined, but that was something he was willing to deal with. Kaiba had such nice eyes, anyway. They were more gentle now than Jonouchi had often seen them, and he was irrationally pleased to have that gaze turned on him. It made him feel special. Which was stupid, but he couldn't suppress it.

He got on his back and waited for Kaiba, who was grabbing for the condom he'd found in Jonouchi's pants. On impulse, Jonouchi grabbed his wrist to stop him from tearing the packet open. When Kaiba looked at him questioningly, he averted his eyes.

"I don't want to use that," he admitted, "I'd rather be able to feel you."

He could hardly believe the shit that was coming out of his mouth tonight. He'd probably be more humiliated about it in the morning, but for now, it didn't seem to matter. He was about to have sex with Kaiba, and nothing else took precedence over that right now. Not even his pride.

Kaiba didn't reply, but he grinned, discarding the condom before bending to kiss him. Jonouchi reached up and rested one hand on the back of Kaiba's neck, his fingers combing through his hair until he pulled away. Jonouchi drew his knees up to make room and waited for Kaiba to kneel between his legs. Then he relaxed as best he could and closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable pressure that was about to come.

He felt depressions in the mattress on one side of him as Kaiba braced himself against the bed, and he released a shuddering breath when he started to push in. His muscles gave in easily, the sphincters already relaxed from Kaiba's fingering. He started to arch his back as Kaiba pushed in further, slowly making his way in until he was buried. Jonouchi only vaguely realized he was clutching the sheets desperately; his mind was blank, his breathing shallow. At first, all he understood was the heat and pressure and sensation, the feeling of his muscles sporadically clenching around Kaiba.

Then his body slowly eased until he was able to breathe normally again, unclenching his jaw as he waited for Kaiba to start thrusting. He was supporting himself with his arms now, and Jonouchi opened his eyes long enough to see the lean muscle clearly defined from the effort. He held Kaiba's forearms, squeezing them a little as he pulled out, and his eyes fell shut again as he exhaled. Kaiba slid out effortlessly, and the feeling made little ripples of pleasure spread through his groin and lower stomach. When Kaiba pushed in again, he raised his knees further, trying to get a better angle and open up more.

After that second, slow thrust, Kaiba steadily picked up speed. Jonouchi panted, exhaling every time he pushed in. It wasn't hard, exactly, but there was a certain intensity to his actions that was stimulating. The faster it got, the more audible Jonouchi's breathing was, until he was quietly moaning in time with Kaiba's thrusts. He was astonished by just how much he was enjoying it. He felt so horribly vulnerable and strange, and yet he was getting ridiculously hot in spite of the slow, gentle pace and lack of roughness in general.

Kaiba finally picked up again, and Jonouchi heard his breath coming harder and heavier as he did. He was pushing in more forcefully now, and Jonouchi's groin clenched every time he buried himself, filling him up to the point that it pushed his body into the mattress. His hands kept slipping down Kaiba's forearms from the shaking, and the sweat they were working up. He reached higher and got hold of his shoulders instead, opening his eyes briefly as he did.

Kaiba didn't meet his eyes at first, and appeared dazed, but when they did make contact, Jonouchi was stunned by his expression. He'd seen Kaiba in heat before, when they fooled around, but this seemed different. It was subtle, but the way his eyes were darkened by his dilated pupils, and how his eyelashes were hanging low in front of the blue irises made him look shockingly tender. More so than Jonouchi had ever seen him.

He closed his eyes when Kaiba leaned down, supporting himself with his elbows now. When their lips met, Jonouchi wrapped his arms around Kaiba's back, trying to hold him as closely as possible. He noticed that Kaiba seemed to be struggling to thrust from that angle, so Jonouchi raised his knees further, holding Kaiba's sides with his thighs as if he was afraid he'd slip away otherwise.

He moaned very clearly when Kaiba thrusted at this new angle, managing to strike his prostate almost every time he entered. Jonouchi was grateful that the pillows prevented his head from getting slammed into the wooden headboard behind him. Kaiba had increased speed and velocity, and he was sucking on Jonouchi's neck. There was the occasional bite in response to his moans and rather loud cries, his shameless pleas for more as he got lost completely in the sex.

Jonouchi's nails kept scraping against Kaiba's back, partly because he was struggling to keep his grip, and because every muscle in his body felt weak periodically to the point that he couldn't hold his arms up anymore. Still, he refused to release Kaiba from the embrace, and somehow remained vaguely aware of his grip as he drove closer to climax. Kaiba's breath was close to his ear, and Jonouchi could hear quiet sounds like subtle moans coming from him. They were nearly drowned out by the noise Jonouchi was making, but not quite.

He started to buck his hips unintentionally, his voice now loud enough that it bounced back toward him when it hit the walls. He gripped Kaiba even harder as his muscles started tensing against his will, and he pulled the other man toward him with his legs, hoping that he wasn't squeezing the life out of him. Kaiba hardly seemed to mind; Jonouchi felt his shaft pulsing and expanding inside him, heard his shuddering breath and quiet moans as he continued.

Jonouchi opened his eyes when Kaiba unexpectedly broke free of his embrace, stopping entirely for the split second it took him to pin Jonouchi's hands to the bed and intertwine their fingers. And then he resumed his erratic thrusting, biting down on Jonouchi's exposed neck while he lay willingly helpless. He was writhing, desperate for his orgasm but reluctant for the sex to end.

Still, his body only had so much endurance, and just as he reached the point that his legs were shaking uncontrollably and he was on the edge of feeling raw, he reached his climax. He saw white, even though his eyes were closed, and practically screamed Kaiba's first name at the last moment before his body stopped constricting and he fell limp. He felt Kaiba shuddering, and then a few more hard thrusts before he stopped, catching his breath.

"Katsuya..."

Jonouchi heard his name uttered in a sigh just before Kaiba collapsed on top of him. He was shocked, and he laid there unable to do more then stroke Kaiba's hair before feeling the man lifting himself up, his lips against his face. It made him smile, it felt good, and he relaxed as Kaiba withdrew, shuddering a little before their eyes met again.

And then, there was just blackness. He didn't see anything anymore, and Jonouchi pulled himself up from the mattress of the bed, confused and disoriented, before realizing that nothing was there. Kaiba was no longer with him, and feeling a wetness against his stomach, he groaned in shame before collapsing face first into a pillow.

He tried to shake off the overwhelming feelings of anger and despair that threatened to overtake him, turning to bury his face in a pillow. It was futile. He eventually had to release it, and he slammed his fist into the mattress, his eyes squeezed shut as he cursed in frustration.

"Fuck," he hissed, quieter at first, but it wasn't enough. So he yelled. "Fuck! Fuck, why?"

He slammed his head into the pillow again, but he couldn't keep it there for very long. He was breathing heavily after just coming harder than he ever had in his life, and his rage was doing nothing to help.

Jonouchi rolled over onto his back, feeling exposed in the darkness, but he didn't have much choice if he wanted to breathe. He was so pissed off. So ashamed, and pissed off, and utterly depressed. So frustrated. He felt the corners of his eyes stinging, and tried to make his shuddering breaths even out to control the buildup of water that was threatening to spill forth for one reason or another.

It was bad enough knowing Kaiba didn't like him. That was something he could deal with. He could carry that around with him. But wanting Kaiba to like him so badly? That hurt. It ached so horribly that he couldn't take it. He wanted to laugh, or sob, or beat on something. Anything to make it go away. He couldn't handle feelings like that. He didn't like wanting Kaiba that much, but there was nothing he could do about it, and in all likelihood, it was only going to get worse over time.

Why did this have to happen to him?

"Dammit," he cursed again, this time under his breath. It was desperate, almost like a plea for all of the shit constricting his chest to just fade with the dream. But as he lay there, staring into the darkness and trying to keep his breathing level, he didn't feel any better. The pain was constant, and every time his mind stubbornly wandered back to his dream, he had to work to keep back the force that was choking up his throat.

He threw the blankets off of himself and stood uncomfortably, choosing to focus for a moment on his anger at ruining his boxers. They were getting sticky and clinging to his groin, so he stumbled into the attached bathroom to remove them. He hissed when the light turned on, shocking him, but it was a very minor complaint compared to everything else.

After the boxers were off and hanging over the shower after a brief (and angry) scrubbing, Jonouchi lost steam and wandered back to the bed, where he sat and stared at the empty space in front of him. He couldn't even think now. It was too risky, almost. No matter what he did, he couldn't take his mind off of what he'd just experienced. He didn't even know what to be angry about, or who with, and that only made it worse. If he was a girl, he might just curl up in bed and cry until he was tired enough to sleep again.

But that wasn't going to happen tonight. He needed some kind of release, and had no intention of shaming himself further by being oversensitive. He pulled on his jeans before leaving the guest bedroom and wandering into the hall. He was so consumed by the storm of emotions twisting around in his chest that he was only vaguely aware of what he was doing. He ended up wandering to Kaiba's study, where he suspected he'd find a stash of alcohol.

The door was open, but Kaiba wasn't inside. Good, he was the last thing Jonouchi needed to see right now. He flipped on the light as he walked in, and looked around for some kind of cooler. When he found it, he hastily opened it up and dug out the first bottle of sake he could find. There were no glasses. He wouldn't need one.

He collapsed onto the couch, only barely propped up enough to drink without choking as he tipped the bottle back. He didn't even want to think. He didn't want to feel anything. He could deal with his shitty dream and his shitty situation and everything if he could shake off those horrible feelings. He didn't have any anger left for it. He seemed spent in that department. But the ache remained, and he couldn't tolerate that.

By the time the bottle was half-empty, Jonouchi was numb enough that he could handle his depression mentally. He definitely cared about Kaiba, far too much for the circumstances. It had been bearable, in his opinion, when he could just brush it off like it didn't matter. Now things were different. Now he couldn't just shrug off his feelings. He wanted Kaiba to reciprocate. He wanted something, even if it was just some affirmation that he cared at all. Surely, he must. Jonouchi could only handle so much.

He topped off the bottle. The room kept moving around without his volition, and he'd come up with a perfect plan. His hopeless situations with both Kitamura and Kaiba could be solved, and very easily. He just had to find Kaiba and tell him. He'd have to agree, it was too logical for him not to. Right? Of course, yes. As soon as he managed to stand up without falling back to the couch, he would go to Kaiba's room and talk to him. He'd get everything sorted out.

He had to lean against the wall to make it to Kaiba's bedroom, and even with that assistance he'd fallen to the floor a couple of times. He hadn't been this drunk the night Kitamura took his virginity, even; he didn't usually get quite this trashed. But that wasn't a thought for right now. No, he didn't need to have that running through his mind...

Jonouchi forgot to knock on the door and simply opened it, half-falling into the room as he leaned against the wood and turned the knob. He managed to catch himself before he face planted into the carpet and fumbled for a lightswitch as he kicked the door shut. He managed to get a light on. It was painfully bright. There was an ache behind his eyes now, but it was a good distraction from the one in his chest.

Kaiba hadn't been asleep for long, and he turned around with a cross expression on his face before sitting up a little, wearing nothing but boxers. He looked at Jonouchi, who was wearing nothing but his snug jeans, before sighing and motioning for him to turn off the lights.

"What are you doing in here?" He asked, rubbing at his eyes. "It's past two in the morning."

"Kaiba," Jonouchi almost shouted, his volume control completely compromised. He stumbled toward the bed, losing balance on the way and falling onto it when his knees hit the side. He sat up as much as he could, using his arms to support himself as he tried to focus on Kaiba. He kept drifting back and forth. "Kaiba listen to me, I need your help."

That much was obvious. Somehow Jonouchi got into one of his stashes of sake, he could smell it on his breath. Kaiba wanted to yell at him for doing so, but since the blond was so fucked up, he kept himself from losing his patience.

"I can tell," he replied, unsure of what exactly to think, "You're smashed. And you stumbled into my bedroom after the fact. Jonouchi, what is wrong with you?"

The fact that he stole his alcohol, for one. Shamed him for being drunk silly at a hotel, but there he was unable to walk or even stand straight, and it wasn't even his own shit he was drinking. It made Kaiba's jaw tense up in frustration, but he laid there trying to keep calm enough to hear the other male out first before getting snappy.

"Okay, listen," Jonouchi couldn't see. He realized that his eyes were closed, and opened them. Then he had to remember what he'd been saying, so there was a few seconds' delay as his eyes wandered vacantly before finding Kaiba again. "I have an idea. It'll fix everything, okay..."

He was starting to feel a little sick, but he ignored it. He'd been more wasted than this in his life. He could handle it.

"I just need you to fuck me," he explained, making sure that he kept his thoughts straight long enough to properly express his great idea, "And pay me for it. And then everything is fixed."

His face hurt, so he reached up clumsily to see what was wrong with it. He was grinning uncomfortably hard, and forced himself to stop.

"Excuse me?" Asked Kaiba, "You woke me up in the middle of the fucking night for that? Jonouchi, go to bed... I can't deal with this right now, I'm exhausted and I don't even know what you're talking about..."

"Kaiba, no, you don't understand," Jonouchi exclaimed desperately, trying to lean forward and almost falling to the bed in the process. He watched Kaiba, meeting his eyes with a panicked expression on his face. "It's perfect. You have to, because then I can eat and we'll have sex. Kaiba, please."

Jonouchi crawled closer to where Kaiba was lying down, putting a conscious effort into stopping his elbows from buckling. The vertigo was getting to him too much.

"I promise it'll be good. I'll do whatever you want, you can be rough. You can pull my hair and smack me around, I won't mind. I can do oral..."

"That's great and all," replied Kaiba, completely unsure how to respond to any of that, "But it's almost three am in the morning. Can't this wait?"

He tried getting Jonouchi to at least lie down, since he was too trashed to sleep alone, but he wouldn't budge. He seemed determined to follow through his plan that formed in his head, and Kaiba let out a frustrated sigh when he couldn't get him to relax.

"I don't want to pay for sex," he said, shaking his head, "You know that."

"Kaiba, please," Jonouchi continued to beg, feeling more anxious by the second. He was only vaguely aware of Kaiba trying to make him lie down, but he refused to do it. He might black out, and then what would happen? He'd miss his chance. "You have to pay me, or it won't work. I have to pay rent still. Just please fuck me. Please."

He managed to get hold of Kaiba's wrist despite his shifting vision. He tried not to squeeze too hard, since that wouldn't be helpful, but he felt like he was about to fall periodically and his grip on Kaiba was the only thing stopping him.

"I have experience, so I know what I'm doing," Jonouchi offered. So this was what a whore's resume sounded like. Maybe he should have provided one that was typed. "I'm not particular, I'll do whatever position you want. We can do doggy, I'm okay with that."

Kaiba had a scandalized expression at that; he could feel his face warming up, but he tried not to overthink it. Why was Jonouchi even offering? Why was he so fucking trashed?

"I don't want to be anyone's John," he informed him, "Least of all, a friend's. Why don't you just go to sleep, Jonouchi? You'll feel better if you do, and then we can figure out this whole thing tomorrow. It can wait."

Maybe the offer would appease him. Kaiba wouldn't deal with this, he was too tired and his patience was wearing. He didn't know what to do with Jonouchi, and he was holding tightly onto his wrist.

"I'm not going to screw around with you while you're drunk," he told Jonouchi, trying to make him look him in the eyes, "That's not right. Go to bed."

Jonouchi couldn't think of anything to say to that. Kaiba wouldn't screw around while he was drunk, because it was "wrong"? He felt horribly sick for a second, and then he felt like he was going to fall down. He caught his breath when the ground disappeared from beneath his feet, but he hit something soft. He felt a hand on his shoulder, but he couldn't see anything. It was dark. Or his eyes were closed. When he opened them, he saw Kaiba's torso, and then got dizzy as he moved and his heat was gone. Then it was dark, and Jonouchi felt the horrible sense of vertigo overtake him again until he felt weight on the bed and detected Kaiba's scent.

He grabbed Kaiba a bit suddenly to stabilize himself, and then moved closer to him carefully until he was pressed against him. The body heat was comforting. Jonouchi felt sick, but this time it wasn't his stomach rebelling. He felt sick in another way, one he couldn't really think clearly enough to identify. He tried to ignore it and settled in with Kaiba instead, sighing as he stopped struggling to stay conscious. They would talk in the morning. He could explain then. A few more hours wouldn't hurt.

Jonouchi felt pressure against his scalp, and the gentlest tugging on his hair. Kaiba was stroking it, his slender fingers combing through the blond locks. It was comforting. It made the bad feeling in his chest and head ease a little, to the point that he noticed them progressively less as his attention was diverted to the touch. He didn't consciously fall asleep; it was more blacking out. But it was a good thing. It wasn't a great night, and at this point, he preferred sleep to dealing with it any longer.
- 14
- 15
- 16
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Ambivalence