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Ambivalence	By : PupshitDesu Category: Yu-Gi-Oh > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 4882 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: We do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any associated properties therein. We do not profit from the creation of this work.

Chapter List
- 16
- 17
- 18
Kitamura was obviously pleased. Jonouchi was less so. He felt like crap. He shouldn't feel guilty about Kitamura, and he certainly felt guilty knowing he'd lied to Kaiba. How was he supposed to face him after this? And Kaiba was even in the restaurant while he sat here betraying him.

Why did he do this to himself? He should have just told Kitamura to fuck right off and then left. Chucked the phone away and gone on with his life. He cursed himself for being so sympathetic.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Kitamura asked, looking expectant. Jonouchi didn't even have an appetite right now. He shook his head.

"I'm not hungry. I didn't think you'd order food before I even got here."

Besides, he'd lived in the lower class long enough to know how much the cooks and servers in places like this reveled in sharing their bodily fluid with rude rich people via the food. No thanks, he didn't want to swallow anything weird.

"Oh, I see. Well, I'm finished, if you want to get moving."

Jonouchi didn't speak. He simply stood along with Kitamura, and the two of them headed toward the exit. Jonouchi was hoping all the while, as he followed the other man and glared at his back, that Kaiba wouldn't see him. Or Mai. God no, please not that. That would just be cruel. Maybe his stupid ass deserved it, but he couldn't take it.

He and Kitamura got into his expensive-looking car and started driving toward the mall. Jonouchi didn't say anything during the drive. He didn't want to say anything. He was still stewing over what a horrible decision this was, and yet he couldn't bring himself to back out of it. Why not? He acknowledged at this point that Kitamura had abused him, and then proceeded to use his body at his discretion. And yet, here he was.

He was also getting progressively more heated up about Kaiba going out with Mai. He really fucking hoped that was a business meeting. If they were dating or something...he couldn't handle that. That would be too goddamn much. He knew Kaiba was unattainable, but it was like salt in the wound to think about him being with someone Jonouchi had liked in the past.

When they got to the parking garage for the mall, Kitamura led the way inside. When they found a mall directory, he started looking it over, leaning on one hip and crossing his arms. What an odd pose to see him in, especially in casual wear. For the first time Jonouchi had seen, Kitamura was wearing jeans and a short-sleeved button-up. It wasn't even tucked in at the bottom. He certainly didn't look like an almost-thirty businessman. Although, with his longer haircut, he never really did. His hair wasn't as long and stylish as Kaiba's, but he had tailored asymmetrical bangs, and the hair at the back reached down to his collar.

Jonouchi had never really looked before. Seen, but not looked. He hadn't been overly concerned with taking in Kitamura's appearance unless there was something out of the normal fare about it. He was just the guy he met and fucked for money. Now, he might be turning into something different. Jonouchi didn't know. He wasn't sold on the idea of dating Kitamura, to put it lightly. Even if they already were, technically.

"What do you do for entertainment?" Kitamura asked unexpectedly, his dark but shrewd eyes observing the directory. Jonouchi thought about it. He'd kind of lost time and money for hobbies in the past year.

"I really like gaming, and Duel Monsters especially."

"Do you play on a computer?" Kitamura looked at him, his expression and tone that of someone who was entirely unfamiliar with gaming in general. Hadn't he ever played Nintendo? He was only twenty-nine. Not that old.

"I don't have a computer or anything. I don't really play anymore unless I'm visiting someone."

Kitamura made the strangest face when he heard that. Jonouchi couldn't quite place it. He seemed torn between pity and sheer, horror-struck disbelief.

"You don't have a computer?" He sounded as if this was some kind of crime. When Jonouch shook his head, Kitamura groaned, covering his face with his hands. Jonouchi felt a little insulted. What was he supposed to do, buy one? He barely made enough monthly for living expenses. He guessed he could try asking Mokuba for a computer he and Kaiba didn't need, if he really needed it, but he didn't need it. Besides, he'd only just met up with with Mokuba maybe two months ago. It would be terrible form to ask him for shit like that right after getting back in touch.

"Just how poor are you?" Kitamura asked, looking genuinely concerned. Jonouchi spluttered, unsure of what to say. He stopped trying when Kitamura shook his head dismissively. "Don't worry about it. I'll get you one while we're here."

"What?" Jonouchi's eyebrows shot up. "Are you serious? Computers aren't cheap. I know you're trying to bribe me and shit, but god..."

Kitamura cocked his head to the side, looking a little confused.

"It's not just a bribe, Jonouchi," he stated matter-of-factly, "It's a gift. I can afford it. You worry so much about money when you're with me. It's strange."

Jonouchi didn't know what to say to that. He was more familiar with Kaiba, who despite being wealthy was more careful where he put his money. It was probably due to having been left with nothing at one point in his life. Kitamura, on the other hand, threw money at whatever pleased him at the time.

"You just don't worry about it like a normal person does, Kitamura. The amount of cash you blow in one shopping spree is a fortune to me."

"Wow, that's really sad," Kitamura replied as he led the way through the mall, "I don't think I've ever met anyone as poor as you."

"Thanks for mentioning it," Jonouchi scowled, "How would you know, anyway? Getting young men drunk and having one-night stands with them all the time isn't the best way to get perspective on your social status."

Kitamura opened his mouth and seemed as if he was trying to say something, but whatever it was, he was having trouble getting it out.

"I...it's not as if-"

"Don't try saying anything," Jonouchi suggested, giving Kitamura a warning look. He sighed and looked a bit scolded. Jonouchi wasn't sorry.

They'd found a computer store. Kitamura looked inside from the doorway, peering in judgmentally. It looked like just regular retail to Jonouchi, but Kitamura's nose wrinkled. Maybe there was something wrong with it.

"...No, this won't do. Let's find somewhere else."

Jonouchi followed Kitamura confusedly. A computer was a computer, wasn't it?

"What is it with you and shopping?" Jonouchi asked boldly. He wasn't concerned about offending Kitamura, so why not? "Is this like your hobby or something?"

"Pretty much," Kitamura looked back at Jonouchi, his expression slightly depressed even though he was smiling a little. Jesus, he didn't have to look like a kicked dog about it. "I have money, so I preoccupy myself with finding things to buy."

"Does that include people, then?" Jonouchi raised an eyebrow. Kitamura looked away, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"Oh my god, Jonouchi," he muttered in English, sounding distraught. Jonouchi rolled his eyes.

"Don't act all scandalized. You didn't have any qualms throwing money at me to make me stick around."

"Why wouldn't I?" Kitamura's brow furrowed, his lips in an obvious pout. He didn't seem to understand why Jonouchi was chewing him out. "You had a price, and I paid it to keep you."

So it was Jonouchi's turn to be scandalized. He couldn't exactly argue with that, could he? He'd stuck around for the money, at the very least. That one evening they'd had dinner and Kitamura had given him "pocket money", he certainly hadn't refused. He'd even come back for more.

"Why did you even ask me to go out with you?" Jonouchi huffed, crossing his arms and looking out over the mall as they rode the escalator. "You kept paying me anyway, and you never treated me any differently. I don't see why you'd bother throwing a relationship into it."

He never even stayed the night.

"I did it so it would just be me and you," Kitamura replied. Did nothing phase him? He didn't even look offended by the question. Jonouchi couldn't even imagine how his mind worked. "You're the only person I've seen more than once. I considered it more beneficial to have a relationship than just pay you off."

Jonouchi thought about that silently as they walked before he spoke. Kitamura obviously didn't understand the meaning or purpose of a romantic relationship, unless he was just doing it to make Jonouchi feel committed. Which had failed, if his trysts with Kaiba were any indication.

"Haven't you had a boyfriend before? Or a girlfriend?"

"Not really," Kitamura shrugged, "It wasn't necessary. I take my pleasure where I can get it."

Jonouchi snorted at that. It wouldn't be a bad thing if he didn't manipulate scenarios through which to get his "pleasure".

"So you've done girls too, then?"

"When the opportunity arose."

Yeah. Opportunity. Jonouchi was starting to really wonder if Kitamura had ever come by sex honestly.

"Well, then I have another question," Jonouchi grinned, thinking he might have come up with a way to finally embarrass Kitamura. "When did you have your first? Was it a boy or a girl?"

He was expecting blushing or something. Instead, Kitamura had that vacant look again. Did he need to think about it that hard? Surely, it was a simple enough question.

Did he not remember?

"It was a man," Kitamura replied, his face returning to its usual state, "I started young."

"Most people lose their virginity young."

"Hmm?" Kitamura looked at Jonouchi questioningly for a moment, seeming a bit dazed. Then he snorted. "Yes, I suppose that's true. I don't think it's as normal to have an older lover, though."

"You're older."

"Not old enough to be your father," Kitamura looked slightly offended, and narrowed his eyes at Jonouchi. "Didn't I already tell you my age?"

"You could have been lying."

"Oh, please," Kitamura huffed, his scandalized posture coming off as being extremely gay in Jonouchi's opinion. Maybe Kitamura was at least bisexual. More gay than Kaiba, definitely. Whether he would ever admit it was what Jonouchi wondered. He wouldn't be surprised to find out Kitamura had some kind of complex.

Jonouchi almost ran into the man when he stopped in front of a very expensive looking computer retailer. Of course he'd hunt down the most expensive store he could find.

"This will do nicely," Kitamura hummed, striding into the store with Jonouchi in tow. Jonouchi rolled his eyes. Him and his fucking shopping.

He let Kitamura guide him around the store. He checked out several computers, but they were desktops. Jonouchi had assumed he was looking at a laptop. How was he going to get an expensive-ass computer into his apartment unnoticed?

"Um, I think I'd rather stick with a laptop," he told Kitamura, tugging at his sleeve to get his attention, "A desktop is too bulky. It'll take up too much space."

"Laptops aren't as good for gaming," Kitamura warned him. Jonouchi shrugged.

"As long as it runs, I'll be happy."

"Your simplicity is adorable," Kitamura chuckled, his eyes getting crinkly at the corners. Jonouchi wasn't sure if he should be offended. He didn't care enough to call him on it, so he let it slide.

Kitamura found him a laptop half an hour later. He gave it a test run before having Jonouchi do the same. He didn't see why. They were all the same to him. Once he gave his stamp of approval, Kitamura purchased it. And a shoulder bag. And an external hard drive "just in case", as well as several games that were on the shelf in the store. Skyrim, The Orange Box, and Call of Duty. Jonouchi didn't even have internet, what was he supposed to do with Call of Duty? He mentioned this to Kitamura, who had a small crisis over his lack of internet.

"This would never happen in Korea," he frowned. Jonouchi reflected his expression.

"Shut up."

Kitamura packed the bag up and then helped Jonouchi sling it over his shoulder with the manner of a woman helping her young child pack for school. Jonouchi was immensely displeased with this behavior, but he didn't say anything. It was relatively harmless.

"So," Kitamura began when they left the store. Jonouchi felt tired by the whole excursion. Shopping wasn't his favorite thing. "What else would you like?"

Jonouchi gaped at him.

"You can't be serious," he replied, "I don't even like shopping, and I don't need anything else. Is your gold credit card burning a hole in your pocket or something?"

"Always," Kitamura chuckled, "If you won't let me get you any more toys, at least let me buy you food. You never had dinner."

"I'm still not hungry."

"Not even for dessert?"

"Nope," Jonouchi replied flatly. He still hadn't regained his appetite. Despite the fact that Kitamura was being pleasant (as per usual), he felt a rising sickness in his stomach. "Not even for dessert."

Kitamura looked utterly confused, but didn't push any further. He started leading them out of the mall, looking more downtrodden the closer they got to the parking garage. Eventually Jonouchi couldn't stop himself from asking, despite his futile claims to himself that he didn't care.

"What's wrong with you?"

"You're still upset."

"Hate to break it to you, but some expensive presents aren't going to erase what's already happened," Jonouchi replied, warding off his feelings of guilt. He wasn't going to go there. Absolutely not.

"I thought it would at least cheer you up, though," Kitamura frowned. He had such pouty lips it was incredible.

"I'm not depressed or some shit," Jonouchi muttered. He was so uncomfortable now. He couldn't tell if Kitamura was a fantastic manipulator, or just genuinely didn't get it. He was probably only upset because he thought he wasn't going to get laid...which he wasn't.

"But you're unhappy. Usually you're all bubbly and optimistic."

Jonouchi didn't know what to say to that. It was true he'd flatlined a little bit since he'd spilled to Kaiba, but he was hardly in the dumps. Kitamura was used to his spunk, he supposed. It shocked him that it made any difference to him.

"Even I can only handle so much," Jonouchi stated flatly as he got into the car. Kitamura didn't reply, and only spoke after he'd turned on the car and backed out of his parking space.

"I'll drive you home," he offered, "Where do you need to go?"

Jonouchi felt a chill settle over him when he realized he couldn't go home. He couldn't let Kitamura know where he lived, he couldn't be seen at night getting dropped off by some queer in an expensive car, and he sure as hell couldn't risk an encounter with Rintama. But he couldn't tell Kitamura to take him to the Kaiba Hotel, either. Like hell if he was going to drag the Kaiba brothers into this bullshit by letting Kitamura find out they were friendly.

"First motel you see, I guess," Jonouchi sighed. It was affordable enough, and a good solution. As they drove, there was a thick silence for a few seconds, and then Kitamura spoke. His eyes were fixed firmly on the road, and he seemed tense.

"I can get you a room, Jonouchi."

He didn't respond immediately. He was treading on dangerous ground now.

"And what are you expecting as payment?"

"Nothing you don't want to give."

Jonouchi hummed, mulling that over. Kitamura might just be trying to deceive him. But, worst case, he could knock him out if he tried anything funny, and Jonouchi would skip off to Kaiba's hotel. Maybe Kitamura was being genuine. It was worth a try, he supposed.

"All right," he agreed. They were already uptown, so whatever hotel they were going to find was probably close. Good. Jonouchi was tired. He really needed to sleep today off. Dear god, he was sick of today. Too many bad things all at once...

When they got to the hotel, Jonouchi followed Kitamura inside. He was carrying a briefcase. Jonouchi had never seen him with a briefcase before. It was black leather, unlike Kaiba's titanium case. Kitamura only reserved one room, which Jonouchi found highly suspicious. He asked about it on the way to the elevator.

"I already got my room," he explained, "I'm in town for a few days. The overnight one I just reserved is for you."

Jonouchi didn't say anything to that. He was tired, exhausted by the situation and Kitamura's games. If they were games. He honestly couldn't tell at this point. At least with Kaiba, it was obvious when he was trying to fuck him over.

Kitamura let him into his room and presented him with the key, and then stood in the doorway awkwardly. It was the first time they weren't going into a room together. The bastard probably didn't know what to do with himself. Jonouchi cleared his throat and looked up at him.

"So," he mumbled, "I guess I'll see you around."

"'Goodnight' would have been more appropriate, I think," he chuckled, but it sounded almost like a nervous laugh. Jonouchi had never seen Kitamura this uncomfortable. He'd seen him angry, creepy, and horny, but never uncomfortable. He didn't even know what to think of this new development.

"Yeah. Well. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," Kitamura wasn't meeting his eyes. Fuck, he looked like an embarrassed teenager talking to their crush. Did he really not know what to do with himself if they weren't just fucking? Jonouchi didn't know if he should pity him or hate him for it.

"Jonouchi," his voice drew him from his thoughts, "I can kiss you, right?"

"Um," Jonouchi regarded Kitamura with an expression of confusion and suspicion. What was his game, exactly? Since when did he ask for kisses? Maybe he was trying not to push his boundaries. After an internal debate, Jonouchi gave up and decided it wouldn't kill him. May as well. "Sure, why not..."

The words had barely left his mouth before Kitamura leaned in and met his lips. Jonouchi had assumed it would be more chaste, but Kitamura lingered. He probably should have expected it. The horrible part was that the tentative contact was having an effect on him. Kissing was always nice, even with Kitamura, and Jonouchi couldn't deny that he was a little tingly over it, but he reminded himself that he wasn't putting out tonight.

When Kitamura pulled back, he exhaled a sigh, his breath hot against Jonouchi's face. Jonouchi caught his breath. Fuck it all. Could he help it if he liked being wanted?

"I'll see you tomorrow," Kitamura smiled his strange, curvy-lipped smile, and started to back into the hallway, but Jonouchi impulsively grabbed his shirt and stopped him. Shit. The guy was trying, a lot. And Jonouchi was horny now. Maybe if he did what he said he would...if he wasn't so forceful and demanding, then the sex might be good.

Kitamura looked at him questioningly, but he didn't get a chance to say anything. Jonouchi pulled him inside the room, and the door closed on its own. He heard the lock click as he grabbed the back of Kitamura's neck and pulled him into another kiss, this one deeper than the first. They were breathing heavily through their noses, Jonouchi leading the contact for the first time in their experience together. When he wasn't being forward, Kitamura's lips felt very soft and pliant. Warm and smooth and full.

He was getting into it and forgetting all his reservations about Kitamura until he felt hands gripping his shoulders. He stiffened and jumped back by a centimeter, breaking the kiss as he swatted Kitamura's hands away. He hated the way his grip felt. It was constricting.

Kitamura looked a little panicked. Rightly so; Jonouchi had never rebelled against his touch before. It was probably his own fault, but Kitamura's action had only reminded him of that first night. His hands heavy and firm on his shoulders, holding him as if he wasn't allowed to get away. It put Jonouchi right off.

"What's wrong?" Asked Kitamura, watching Jonouchi carefully. Jonouchi didn't have the heart to tell him a second time that the problem was him.

"Just lie down," he instructed, "And don't grab at me."

Kitamura hesitantly followed this order, looking rightly confused. Jonouchi was hardly going to explain himself. It wouldn't do much of anything to help this situation, anyway.

When Kitamura lay down (on his back), Jonouchi lay beside him, facing him. Kitamura turned so they were watching one another, Kitamura looking questioning and Jonouchi trying not to look as strange as he felt at the moment. He was having serious second thoughts, everything from his promise to Kaiba to the conversation they'd had at the mall running through his head. How did he even end up in this situation, again?

He tried another kiss, and this time Kitamura let him lead without getting hasty. He was probably concerned with scaring him off, as he should be. Jonouchi recalled what they'd talked about at the restaurant that night, and how Kitamura had suggested Jonouchi tell him what to do to improve the sexual situation. Maybe he was enacting that immediately.

Jonouchi felt a hand on his hip, one that was placed there carefully and didn't really settle until it was certain that he wasn't going to object. He still was wary of the touch; something about Kitamura putting so much as a finger on him made him feel chilly and ultimately ruined his sexual mood. He wasn't sure what to do about that. It wasn't like Kitamura was doing anything wrong at this particular moment, but Jonouchi had a very different perspective on what had happened between them now. With that fresh in his mind, how was he supposed to relax?

But he felt bad for thinking about just stopping and kicking him out. Jonouchi had been the instigator. He didn't really have any right to just give Kitamura the boot after tugging him into the room.

He couldn't have sex with him either, though. Definitely not tonight. He could tell Kitamura was getting excited and trying to restrain himself, only barely refraining from taking over the kiss while his fingers squeezed Jonouchi's hip periodically. When Jonouchi broke away, both for air and because he'd lost interest in the activity, they looked at each other for a few seconds.

Had they ever actually been in bed together without immediately having sex? Jonouchi could recall one instance when they'd been just lying there, but it had been a brief few minutes after fucking, and Kitamura had left after getting a phone call. Right now, Jonouchi probably wouldn't want to sleep next to him even if the opportunity arose. He felt bad for it, though he knew he shouldn't.

Jonouchi sat up suddenly, and felt almost like laughing when he saw Kitamura's expression of pure shock that came as a response. Did he think he was leaving? Probably. Jonouchi had been surprising him a little today, more than likely. It gave him a small sense of satisfaction knowing that he at least had some leverage.

He didn't get off the bed. Instead, he went for Kitamura's jeans, not bothering to explain since he wasn't asked. He didn't really want to have sex with him, but he couldn't kick him out, either. So, he'd have to use some kind of alternative. Something that would hopefully do the trick and put the whole thing to rest for the night. Jonouchi wanted to just go to bed more than anything now.

Kitamura was very obviously hard, to the point that it was apparent even before Jonouchi unfastened his pants. When he pulled the fabric down his hips, he heard Kitamura exhale as if in relief. Jonouchi's only thought on the subject (despite his will) was that he'd only ever been that easily excited by just kissing when he was with Kaiba. Probably not the best thing to be thinking about just now. Kaiba had turned into a touchy subject in his mind, not only because of his feelings of guilt, but also because he felt angry with him. Angry, and irrationally hurt, even if he didn't know for sure what was going on between him and Mai.

Mai had certainly been acting flirtatious. Jonouchi had known her for a while, and she'd never been subtle. Whether or not Kaiba made any positive responses to it remained to be seen. Or, not seen. Jonouchi doubted he'd be present if anything actually happened...

He didn't want to think about that. He dug around in his pocket for a condom, remembering quite well that he'd had unpleasant experiences with this before. He was reluctant to put Kitamura's dick in his mouth, and absolutely refused to swallow. A condom would probably feel strange, but it was better than the alternative.

When Kitamura saw him tearing the condom open, he didn't comment. He observed the packaging quietly, as if he didn't know what it was. Surely, he recognized a condom. Before Jonouchi had started putting it on though, Kitamura sat up enough to grab his wrist and stop him. Jonouchi glared at this blatant disregard for his only rule, but Kitamura didn't seem overly concerned.

"That's desensitizing," he informed him. Jonouchi blinked.

"What does that mean?" He knew what the word meant itself, but it seemed a little odd for a condom, of all things, to make someone numb. Then again, it was intended for anal sex...

"It means that you won't be able to feel your tongue afterward," Kitamura snorted, sitting up and moving to the edge of the bed. Jonouchi heard him rummaging through his briefcase, and eventually his curiosity got the better of him. He moved to the edge of the bed to look. He couldn't see the contents of the briefcase from where he sat, so he watched Kitamura's face while he searched instead.

"Ah, here we go," Kitamura grinned, pulling out several small black cardboard boxes with electric color strands on them. Jonouchi knew what a condom box looked like. He hadn't seen any that expensive-looking before, but they were definitely condoms.

"Why was that in your briefcase?" He asked, eyeing Kitamura suspiciously. Kitamura sobered a little.

"Before I talked to you today, I had planned on a long evening."

Before Jonouchi could respond to that (with disapproval, of course) Kitamura spoke again.

"Do you want strawberry, blue raspberry, or green apple?"

They had flavors? That put him off a little. Kitamura was packing condoms that were very obviously intended for oral sex. Then again, he hadn't expected Jonouchi to not want to have sex with him. Technically, it had been thoughtful. Technically.

"I don't even know what to think right now," Jonouchi muttered, "I guess the raspberry."

Strawberry just seemed too feminine for his liking, and he wasn't a big fan of sour apples. Raspberry would be okay, he guessed. He hadn't tasted the flavor in a while. He hadn't expected to encounter it next on a condom, though.

Kitamura moved his briefcase out of the way and started putting the condom on. It was bright blue, and Jonouchi could smell the raspberry from where he sat. Hopefully it actually would taste like it and not weird latex and lube. Otherwise, he'd probably just give up for the night.

Jonouchi sighed and knelt on the floor. It wasn't as comfortable as the bed, but it would be easier to perform from that position. And he worried a little that lying down would just make him more tired.

He grasped the base, his nose wrinkling a little when he felt something a bit slimy. It was probably lube, but he hadn't expected it and it grossed him out a little. Once he was over that little shock, he wrapped his lips around the tip. The texture was strange. Jonouchi didn't really make a habit of putting his mouth on latex, so it surprised him. At least it actually did taste like raspberry, with only a slight hint of the actual latex. He could deal with that.

Kitamura's hand eased into his hair as he started to bob his head. The smoothness of the condom and the lubricant removed traction and made it easy to do. Jonouchi shut his eyes so they wouldn't wander around the room. He wasn't sure how he could give oral while his mind was on anything but. Obviously it was possible, since he was doing it, but it was very strange. He felt a growing impatience, and hoped that Kitamura would come before he gave it up.

He took in more, pressing his tongue against the underside and swirling it around the head when he pulled up. He heard Kitamura's breath catching, and felt a slight tugging on his hair for a moment. Apparently he was doing something right. Jonouchi honestly didn't even know. It wasn't like he had all kinds of experience. All he knew about oral was what he'd seen in porn, but porn was drawn by men, so...

Jonouchi kept it up, eventually feeling a little sore in the jaw. It was probably the most effort he'd put into oral with Kitamura before, but it worked. It wasn't very long before he was pressing his forearm over his groin to make sure he didn't buck into his mouth. He could feel it expanding periodically, and it twitched noticeably here and there. Jonouchi was a little surprised by the sounds Kitamura was making. It seemed like he was trying to stay quiet, and most of the noises were little more than heavy breathing and sighs. Still, Jonouchi hardly ever witnessed him reacting to sex. The last time he did oral notwithstanding, probably the only time he'd had any verbal response was when Jonouchi made him pull his hair.

He heard Kitamura's breath catch, and noticed tension in the sheets like he was twisting them up. Jonouchi kept him from rocking his hips, fortunately, but he could still tell when he reached his peak. He wasn't that loud about it, but that was because any sounds he started to make were choked off. Jonouchi wondered why. Was he embarrassed? Jonouchi was pretty vocal during, himself, but he didn't have a complex about his sexuality either.

He sat back and looked up at Kitamura, who was now lying on his back and breathing heavily. Jonouchi stood so he could sit on the bed. His knees felt sore when he got up. It seemed that even nice hotels had shitty carpet. Still, he'd managed. Hopefully now he could just go to sleep. Tonight was just too much to deal with at the moment. With any luck, he'd feel less anxious about it in the morning and could deal with it rationally.

As rationally as was possible for him, anyway.

Jonouchi was lounging against the pillows with his eyes shut when he felt tugging at his pants leg. He looked down at Kitamura, who hadn't moved except to tilt his head enough to gaze at him.

"What is it?" Asked Jonouchi. Kitamura never gave him weird post-sex glances before, and Jonouchi wasn't comfortable enough for him to start now.

"Nothing," Kitamura replied, grinning as he sat up and left the bed. Jonouchi watched him walk toward the bathroom while in the process of removing the condom. Honestly, he was surprised he'd waited that long. It couldn't be comfortable having it on.

Jonouchi just sat on the bed staring at his fingers vacantly until Kitamura returned. He'd fixed up his pants, as well as his hair, which had been mussed while he was lying down. He sat on the edge of the bed, his body turned toward Jonouchi. He was quite obviously happy, judging by how his dark eyes sparkled and his mouth was curved into more of a smile than usual.

"I have a question," Kitamura met Jonouchi's eyes. They were even darker than usual at the moment from his pupils dilating.

"What's that?"

"Kaiba Corporation is holding a convention in the city soon," he began, "I'll be attending. I wondered if you'd like to go with me."

Jonouchi's eyebrows rose. Was Kitamura asking him out on a date? Like an actual date, and not just dinner or shopping preceding sex? He didn't know what to do with that. It only really made him feel uncomfortable. He didn't like the thought of running around the KaibaLand convention as Kitamura's date. He didn't even want to do it as a friend or associate. There would be loads of people there, and Kitamura had no sense of privacy. Worse than that was the fact that the Kaiba brothers would, of course, be in attendance. He didn't want Kaiba to see him with Kitamura, and he wasn't going to perform insane antics trying not to encounter both at the same time.

"It's a nice offer," Jonouchi replied hesitantly, "But I don't think I'll go."

"Why not?" Kitamura looked surprised at his answer. Did anyone tell him he was absurdly pushy? Someone probably had. Whether or not he'd listened was up for debate. "I thought it would interest you."

"Not particularly," Jonouchi shrugged. Actually, Kaiba's conventions had a reputation for being pretty great, but he sure as hell wasn't going there on a date with Kitamura. That was a bad idea all around. "I'd rather not go."

"As you like," Kitamura brushed off whatever confusion he felt and scooted closer. Jonouchi leaned back. He wasn't sure what he was up to, and tonight he was very suspicious of Kitamura. More than he ever had been in the past, certainly. Which didn't really do him any credit, since right now Kitamura was being less invasive than he had been...probably ever.

Jonouchi stiffened at first when Kitamura kissed him, but he made himself relax into it lest he seem frigid. Kitamura made a habit of kissing him before leaving. Usually, though, it was fairly brief. He lingered in this instance, which made Jonouchi wonder what he was up to. When Kitamura broke the kiss, he snorted slightly, grinning in amusement.

"What's so funny?" Asked Jonouchi, feeling as if there must be some trick being played on him. Kitamura just grinned more broadly.

"You taste like raspberries."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Jonouchi shoved Kitamura so he'd stand up, "Just get out of here."

He heard Kitamura actually snickering as he quickly grabbed his briefcase, and Jonouchi just rolled his eyes when the man facetiously blew him a kiss on his way out. He was being creepier than usual today, apparently. Jonouchi didn't move until he heard the lock on the door click, and after that he kicked off his shoes. He hadn't had a chance to take them off on his way in.

Jonouchi stripped down to his boxers, feeling horribly tired and lonely. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt lonely. It must have been in middle school, back when he was a little punk. Strange that the feeling should return now.

He got under the blankets, feeling exhausted. He'd been a little tired after work, but everything else that had happened that evening finished him off. He was at his capacity for dealing with bullshit for the day. Whatever else was going to get thrown at him, he could deal with in the morning.

He closed his eyes, willing away any puzzling about Kitamura or thoughts about Kaiba, his broken agreement, or Mai's giggling. Jonouchi worked to just lose himself in the blackness. It was harder than usual tonight, it seemed.

When he was half-asleep, he was startled awake by his name being called. He realized as soon as he was aware that it had just been his mind playing tricks on him, but it still bothered him a little as he went back to sleep. It had been a harsh yell, like someone was angry with him. It wasn't the last thing he wanted on his mind as he finally dozed off.
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Ambivalence