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Ambivalence	By : PupshitDesu Category: Yu-Gi-Oh > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 4882 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: We do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any associated properties therein. We do not profit from the creation of this work.

Chapter List
- 17
- 18
- 19
Jonouchi had left work for the day and was on his way home. While he liked the safety of working uptown, it was annoying having to take the long trip through the metro to get back. Fortunately, it wasn't sunset yet. Then again, if it was, he could use the Kaiba Hotel for the night, so he was pretty well taken care of in that department.

As he walked by the Kaiba Corporation building, he wondered if Kaiba was still inside. Probably. He didn't seem to leave work until it was dark. Jonouchi wanted to see him, but he didn't want to be a pest. Running into him in the office building might not be bad, though. They could talk before Jonouchi went home.

He'd been a little downtrodden since he hooked up with Kitamura again. Most of it was because he'd deceived Kaiba entirely, and already knew he'd never tell him. But aside from that, he wanted to question Kaiba about Mai somehow. He wanted to know if they were dating or not, if only for his own closure.

Jonouchi walked into the building lobby. There weren't nearly as many people bustling around as usual, probably because it was getting late. He idly strolled around the big entry room, occasionally glancing toward the elevator that led to the CEO's office. He was probably wasting his time. He shouldn't wait for longer than ten minutes. If Kaiba didn't come downstairs by then, he could just head home. He had to get back before it was too dark...

Ten minutes later, Jonouchi resolved to wait another five minutes, even though it was getting a bit dark outside and the lobby was getting progressively emptier.

After that five minutes, Jonouchi figured it wouldn't hurt to wait another ten. He could stay at the hotel. It wouldn't be a problem.

Jonouchi continued in much the same fashion until a full hour had passed. The lights in the building were off, and the night security were watching him intently. He could tell, in spite of their sunglasses. Their heads were always facing him as he paced around the lobby. He was just shocked that they hadn't kicked him out yet. Had they called it in? Maybe Kaiba had told them not to arrest him.

He eventually got tired and sat in a chair in the lobby to wait. Kaiba would probably be downstairs soon, and he could figure out what to do after that. If Kaiba wasn't busy, then hopefully Jonouchi could stay the night. He didn't even know if he wanted to fool around. He couldn't wrap his mind around it right now. But he did want Kaiba's company, and badly. He was stable and full of sense for the most part, and Jonouchi needed that.

Kaiba descended to the lobby right as it got dark outside, nearly missing Jonouchi when he came out of the elevator. Immediately, he looked at Jonouchi, confused but not surprised to see him. One of the guards reported him hanging around the lobby since he first came inside, and although Kaiba was still too busy to leave, he wasn't going to throw him out. Not at this point in their relationship.

No, he just made Jonouchi wait until he was through, figuring that he was coming because he wanted to see Mokuba and needed a ride to the mansion. Or looking to fool around. He wasn't sure just which intentions Jonouchi had, but he walked over and stood in front of him, holding his briefcase in his right hand to ask.

"What are you doing here? It's almost eight, you know."

"Oh," Jonouchi felt very insecure all of a sudden. He'd waited an hour for the specific purpose of seeing Kaiba, and he couldn't really get around that. "I just wanted to say hi."

Well, that wasn't even close to the truth. A person didn't wait for an hour with nothing to do simply because they wanted to say hi to a friend. Jonouchi sighed, rubbing his eyes before standing.

"Actually," he muttered, "I wanted to see you. So I waited."

"See me for what?" Asked Kaiba, raising a single brow in question, "Most people don't wait so long into the night just to look at me. Even if I think I'm worth the wait," he joked, snorting and crossing his arms from self amusement, "But I highly doubt that's why you've been waiting here for so long."

"Uh," Jonouchi averted his eyes, feeling embarrassed, "Well, I was hoping to spend some time with you if you aren't busy. If you are, it's fine. I just wondered."

He didn't even know what he was doing there anymore. It wasn't like he could talk to Kaiba about what was going on, and he wasn't sure fooling around would even be on the agenda. Not that Jonouchi didn't want to. He'd always want to. But he didn't know if he should, and he didn't know if Kaiba wanted to.

"Well it's too late now to turn you away," he answered, rolling his eyes, "Just don't drink all my alcohol and end up barfing in my bathroom this time."

Leaving the lobby, he went walking off towards the indoor parking garage. He walked fast, but not fast enough to leave Jonouchi behind, trying to get home at a decent time even though he knew Mokuba might not be interested in visiting him, since he was mad at being grounded still.

Whatever. The little shit could hide in his room mad if he wanted to.

Jonouchi didn't comment on Kaiba's mention of what happened last time he visited. He wasn't planning to drink himself stupid again, lest he cause another crisis. He hadn't had any more dreams lately, at least not in that genre. He'd had the problem with hearing his name shouted as he was falling asleep, eventually realizing that it was Kaiba's voice in his head. It was very disgruntling, but there wasn't much he could do about it.

He kept pace with Kaiba and got into his car with him, not sure what he should say. Or if he should say anything. He didn't even know what he should mention. Lately, Kitamura had been the only thing on his mind, and Jonouchi had actively avoided seeing or thinking about Kaiba for a while. That was, until the avoiding drove him crazy and he felt the need to see him. He couldn't really explain why. He couldn't spill his guts or get any kind of closure.

"The job at the theme park is nice," he stated hesitantly, "I mean, cashier isn't exciting or anything, but watching the kids run around is fun, and the work is pretty easy for the pay."

"You get discounted park tickets too," said Kaiba, as he worked on pulling out of his executive parking space, "Not that you needed help with that in the first place. I'm sure Mokuba would take you back if you were interested in going again."

He was still pretty desperate for friends, but too stubborn and angry with Kaiba to invite Jonouchi over yet. It was like he thought just locking himself in his room and not speaking to his older brother was somehow a punishment for him, even though Kaiba couldn't care less. He wasn't the one who couldn't go anywhere after school and had to report to Isono before getting on the bus and after reaching the house because he decided to skip out and see a friend last time he was in trouble.

Teenagers were stupid.

"When he's no longer grounded, that is."

"Of course," Jonouchi chuckled, "I can't imagine he's happy about being confined to the house for another month. I'd feel bad for him if I didn't know what a brat he is."

He watched out the passenger-side window as they drove. Kaiba drove so ridiculously fast. It wasn't just a few kilometers over, he was speeding by at least ten. Jonouchi didn't complain, since he was getting the ride for free, but honestly. He knew Kaiba was a genius and all, but his driving didn't seem skilled enough to pull off that kind of speed. What if something happened? At least there weren't many cars on the road.

"He did it to himself."

Kaiba didn't feel bad for him. The kid deserved what he got, and he'd have to finish out his punishment like a man. He wasn't going to get away with guilt tripping Kaiba this time after the stunt with the office door, and after being locked in with Jonouchi all day and night, well, that shit wasn't going to fly. Regardless if they were fooling around by midnight together or not. Kaiba was still pissed over what happened.

And he drove quickly to the Kaiba Mansion, cutting through traffic and making a general spectacle of himself before he reached the suburbs. He hated getting caught in that afternoon rush, which was one of the reasons why he waited until evening to leave the office, besides just preferring to come to work later in the morning, and he reached the driveway in half an hour, pulling up and parking in front of the main entryway.

Then, getting out and grabbing his metal briefcase out from the backseat, he unlocked the door and waltzed into the house, heading up the stairs into his bedroom. Since Jonouchi was with him, following behind timidly, he figured he wouldn't get that much time to actually continue working. Not since he'd probably compete for his attention, and last time he ignored him, well, shit got crazy. Kaiba didn't want that this time.

So he let him follow into the bedroom before leaving his case at the foot of the bed and going into the closet to dress down.

Jonouchi was a little surprised that Kaiba went straight to the bedroom. Maybe he was putting off work. It made him feel bad. It was probably inspired by the fact that Jonouchi hadn't exactly had a good response after Kaiba blew him off the last time he was over. That wasn't really Kaiba's fault, though, and Jonouchi had no delusions to the contrary.

"So..." Jonouchi started, sitting on Kaiba's bed to wait. He didn't know what to do with himself. If it was just a couple of weeks back, he'd probably be trying his best to get Kaiba to fool around. Now he felt strangely timid about it. He blamed the damn dreams he'd had. Those had messed him up pretty well. "What do you do in here for fun?"

Kaiba snorted, leaving the door open as he worked on taking off his business clothes. For once, he was wearing an actual suit, something similar to the Gucci suit he had on during the party. He preferred it to wearing white, now that he was done with the park opening to KaibaLand in the states, and he never wanted to wear that dumb BEWD-inspired get up again.

No, he was working on taking off his tie before unbuttoning his shirt and dumping it into the hamper, then working on the white undershirt. He slipped off his KC belt, and then took off the black pants he was wearing and the matching socks, throwing them into the heap too, and standing there nearly nude and looking at the clothes he had folded on the shelves in front of him, he just grabbed some sweats before putting them on and going into the bathroom.

He wanted to clean himself up, he had already eaten dinner in the office and planned on sleeping in early since he was tired. Probably would knock out in another hour or two, depending on how much time Jonouchi was planning to demand from him.

Jonouchi had watched Kaiba going about his ritual with rapt attention. Whatever timidness he'd felt about trying to fool around was completely replaced by his sex drive. He tapped his fingers against the bed, wondering if he should ask outright or just try being forward. Whichever he chose, he'd have to do it after Kaiba was out of the bathroom. It was doubtful that he'd want Jonouchi trying to get on his dick while he was brushing his teeth.

He sat quietly at the edge of the bed while he waited for Kaiba to emerge. When he saw him, he looked up at him. Jonouchi had noticed that he didn't always defiantly meet Kaiba's eyes anymore, the way he had in the past to prove he wasn't intimidated. He didn't know if it was because he was more relaxed, or because his fucking ridiculous crush was making him shy.

When he did stare Kaiba in the eye, especially for a long period of time, it was usually while he was working up the nerve to mention fooling around. He was sure Kaiba must have noticed by now, genius that he was, but Jonouchi didn't feel the need to disguise himself.

"If you don't have anything else on your agenda," he began, "I know something we can do for fun."

"Yeah?" Asked Kaiba, cocking a brow for the second time that night, "What do you have in mind?"

He kind of already knew. Jonouchi had a sort of look on his face when he was lusting over him, and Kaiba was standing there without his shirt on. It wasn't like he did that on purpose, it was a little warm inside the bedroom and he didn't sleep with clothes on, but Jonouchi was taking advantage of that tonight apparently.

No matter. The attention didn't bother him in the least.

"Yeah," Jonouchi smiled, "Why don't you come over here and see how much I can entertain you?"

Kaiba seemed interested, thankfully. Jonouchi probably would have felt rejected otherwise. He shouldn't, but he would. He was just grateful that his behavior the last time hadn't completely put Kaiba off. It also might be an indication that there wasn't anything going on between him and Mai, but Jonouchi refused to think about that right now. He was busy, and didn't want to lose the mood.

The brunet smirked before taking his side of the bed, lounging next to Jonouchi and looking him in the eyes. He didn't do anything to instigate, since apparently Jonouchi already had a plan in his head over what he wanted to do, and he just watched him, daring him to do it.

Jonouchi took this opportunity to lead and didn't hesitate to straddle Kaiba's hips, grinning down at him when he was properly seated. He braced his hands against the bed and leaned down, choosing not to go straight for his lips. He worked his way up starting from the nape of his neck, nipping at the more sensitive skin on the way to make Kaiba jump a little. When he did reach his face, he kissed him a bit tentatively. He couldn't explain his hesitation, but now wasn't the time to examine it.

It wasn't important, anyway. When he made lip contact with Kaiba, he could already feel his body tingling, especially when he felt a hand resting on his hip and another working its way into his hair. He liked the way Kaiba touched his hair, like he was massaging his scalp. It was a small gesture of affection that Jonouchi didn't particularly expect, but he appreciated it more than he would probably ever admit.

Kaiba really enjoyed the attention, and he let go of Jonouchi's hip to stroke his back, feeling under his shirt and rubbing the small arch there as he felt him bend over to kiss him. His skin was soft, softer than he thought it would be, considering the his past of fighting, and he could feel a few scars from what were probably scuffles with people in high school, but it didn't do anything to turn him off. He liked that he wasn't some girly guy who timidly flirted with him and made eyes at him. There had always been something more assertive about Jonouchi.

And it didn't really come as a surprise, finding out he was gay, but Kaiba wasn't looking to do anything about it until the opportunity arose. It was surprising. He hadn't thought Jonouchi liked him that way, because he himself certainly wasn't interested; but after that first night, he couldn't lie and say he wasn't at least a bit attractive. Enough to fool around with.

He was certainly better looking than most of the men who tried instigating things with him in the past. Meeting Jonouchi's lips halfway each time they kissed, he enthusiastically participated in the contact, not shying away from having his mouth explored, sighing when he was starting to lose his breath.

Jonouchi broke the kiss for a few seconds to breathe, taking the opportunity to grind. He could feel heat building up between their groins, much more obviously in Kaiba's case. He was wearing sweats, a far cry from his usual leather pants that were more constricting. Jonouchi noticed a bulge growing, and the feeling of it rubbing against his groin as he rolled his hips made him shudder in anticipation. It was only a little stimulation compared to naked contact, but he supposed that would come later.

He engaged Kaiba in another kiss, this one more heated. Then he started working his way downward, over Kaiba's neck and collarbones. When he got to his pectorals, he ran his thumbs over his nipples. They were flat, and the only way to tell he was touching them without looking was the difference in texture. Kaiba seemed to appreciate the touch, since he was breathing more raggedly and pushing up toward Jonouchi.

He continued to work his way down the middle of Kaiba's chest, leaving light kisses and teasing with his tongue a little. He could tell it was tickling him by the way he squirmed, and how he clutched his hair, but Kaiba was restraining any verbal responses. Jonouchi chuckled a little bit. He was probably too embarrassed to be loud about it. A clear contrast to Jonouchi, who enjoyed making a ruckus.

Eventually, he reached Kaiba's navel, and he teased it with his tongue as his fingers hooked under the waistband of his pants. He'd never tried giving Kaiba oral before, and he wasn't sure if it would be allowed. That might be pushing Kaiba's limits. Still, Jonouchi figured he'd stop him if he didn't want it to happen.

He pulled Kaiba's pants down his hips until his erection was free, and he grasped the base while he took a few breaths. He didn't want to have to stop because he was out of breath right at the beginning. As he started trying to get his mouth around the tip, though, he felt Kaiba pushing his head away, and looked up at him questioningly.

"Do you not want me to?" He asked, hoping he hadn't spoiled the mood.

Kaiba was unsure about it. It didn't go past his limits so much as it was a pretty vulnerable thing to do, and most people considered it invasive, at least from the point of view of the person doing it. Kaiba didn't want to give the impression that they had to be like that to have fun with one another.

"If this is what you want to do, I won't stop you," he answered, sitting up a little, "But only if this is what you want to do."

Because Kaiba considered it rather personal, even if it wasn't penetrative sex. It was still gentials-to-mouth contact, enough that it took some trust to do, and he didn't want to piss off Jonouchi with it afterwards. Especially if it was because he was enjoying it.

"Of course," Jonouchi gave Kaiba an amused look as he very slowly stroked, "It's not like you're making me."

Kaiba was hardly expectant of oral sex, which was probably why Jonouchi was so comfortable just getting down and giving it to him. He didn't even know how he'd react if Kaiba asked for it. He supposed it would depend on whether it was an actual request, or a demand.

He decided to tease like an asshole and licked hard from base to tip, watching Kaiba's face as he did so. His reaction almost made him laugh. Not because he looked funny, but because it was funny to be able to get that reaction from him. Jonouchi closed his eyes and wrapped his lips around the head, sucking gently at first. Kaiba's musk was right up close now, and he was able to identify his scent very clearly. It didn't put him off; on the contrary, it was a little stimulating. The smell of sexual arousal certainly didn't bother him, especially knowing whose scent it was.

He bobbed his head very slowly, only taking an inch or so at first. He wanted to start gently, if only because it would get Kaiba more excited without getting him too close to coming. Hopefully. Kaiba seemed pretty into what he was doing, which was understandable. Jonouchi sincerely doubted he got this on a regular basis.

There were fingers in his hair, both of Kaiba's hands resting on his head; not pushing him or holding him, just kneading the locks. Jonouchi was glad for the contact. It wouldn't feel very personal without the touch. He looked up at Kaiba again as he took in more, picking up speed. His eyes were glazed over a little, like he was dazed, but Jonouchi realized after further observation that they were just darkened. His pupils were dilated, his eyelashes curving low in front of his eyes because the lids were only half-open.

He heard an actual moan when he sucked harder, pressing his tongue against the bottom of the shaft. The fingers in his hair tugged a little, but not unpleasantly so. He doubted Kaiba realized he was doing it. His breath was short, and he kept arching his back instead of thrusting upward. Jonouchi wasn't going to complain about that. He didn't want to end up gagging.

Kaiba only became more vocal when he pushed down all the way, relaxing his throat so he wouldn't end up coughing. He hummed, feeling the vibrations in his mouth and knowing Kaiba probably did too. Then he had to pull up for air. He felt a little water collecting in his eyes, but he wasn't gagging or coughing.

When his breathing was level again, he continued, sucking on the head and pressing his tongue against the slit. He felt Kaiba shudder, and detected a slick drop of precum on his tongue. It didn't bother him as much as he thought it might. It tasted like Kaiba's musk, and salt. He could deal with that. It certainly didn't deter him from bobbing his head again, sucking when he pulled up and enjoying the way it made Kaiba squirm and suck in his breath. Jonouchi wondered how long Kaiba would be able to hold out, but he chose not to test it. He wasn't in the mood to taste any more ejaculate, for one thing, and for another...well, he still wanted to get off.

He inhaled deeply when he sat up, and then started panting as he wiped his mouth. He didn't realize how much he'd pushed himself. He couldn't breathe much while he had cock in his mouth, even through his nose, but he'd been too preoccupied to really notice. Now his head felt a little fuzzy, but he wasn't dizzy or anything, so he assumed he was probably fine.

Jonouchi pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it before working out of his pants and underwear. Honestly, it seemed like the tight clothing was easy enough to get off anytime except when he was trying to fool around with Kaiba. It was probably just his urgency making him impatient.

When he'd stripped off his clothing, he looked back at Kaiba, who was watching him intently. Jonouchi couldn't help smiling over it.

"Enjoying the show?" He teased, crawling back into his straddling position. It felt so much better without the clothing.

"No more than you did while I was getting undressed," snickered Kaiba, putting his hands on Jonouchi's slim hips and lightly touching the skin with his fingertips, "I saw you watching me."

"It couldn't be helped," Jonouchi snorted, "I'm sure you're not upset. It's the reason I'm doing this right now."

He started pulling at Kaiba's sweatpants. They were barely on anymore as it was, and they'd only be restricting in the future. Jonouchi wasn't sure whether he was going to lead, or Kaiba was going to get him on his back again. He could never really tell before they actually got started. Kaiba seemed ultimately unmotivated up to the point that he actually took action.

The attention was fun when someone had to work for it, so Kaiba just didn't do more than was required to enjoy what he was getting. He liked having Jonouchi on top of him, touching his chest as he started rolling his hips into him. It was elating, and now that they were both naked and sharing skin to skin contact, it took a lot for him to breathe properly, becoming even more aroused on top of the oral he had just received.

He would have felt bad if Jonouchi didn't appear just as far along as he was. They were both hard, and it was nearly uncomfortable. Kaiba lifted himself to kiss Jonouchi, and as they moved against each other, he could feel their groins meeting.

He eased him onto his back, settling between his legs again and kissing his neck before sucking on his earlobes. It made Jonouchi shudder a little, and slowly but firmly rocking into him, Kaiba began trying to please him, putting a hand between them as he worked on jerking Jonouchi off. He could feel just how stiff his sex was in his hand, and he stroked, using the tip of his thumb to play with the head before getting firmer, working Jonouchi to the point that he was openly moaning.

It occurred to Kaiba that it felt better when someone else was touching him. There was a certain amount of surprise involved, as opposed doing it to himself. He worked on Jonouchi's lips, silencing him with his mouth while fondling him, using his other hand to feel the testicles that were becoming more taut from arousal; then he really began working his hand, trying to thrust into him more as his own desires started taking over his actions.

Jonouchi was out of breath and barely able to think at all under the treatment. Kaiba was putting so much effort into touching him, and stimulating him so extremely that it was driving him insane. He was shuddering so much that he was almost unable to keep grinding. He felt a strange swelling in his chest, and in combination with the tightening in his groin, he was completely overwhelmed.

He pressed his hands firmly against Kaiba's chest until he stopped and pulled back. He seemed confused and a little concerned, but Jonouchi didn't say anything. His actions made his intentions obvious enough when he rolled over, supporting himself on his knees and elbows. There wasn't a much more evident way to offer himself than that, so he knew Kaiba must understand.

"Kaiba," he had to work not to sound too desperate. His voice still sounded very pleading to his ears. "I have lube in my pants' pocket. Please..."

Looking at Jonouchi, Kaiba certainly felt very tempted, but he didn't take the bait. He just stared for a few seconds, baffled that Jonouchi would get into doggy position like that, but then again, there were a lot of things about him that surprised him. Sexual things especially that Kaiba didn't quite understand, but didn't feel like it was his business asking over.

This was one of those things.

"I'm not going to do that," he said, trying to be gentle as he rejected the offer and just rubbed Jonouchi's back instead, "You know I won't. Come on."

He knew how much Jonouchi wanted to. But he couldn't. Kaiba had his principles to follow, and fucking Jonouchi just because he could wouldn't be right. Especially since he felt more than Kaiba could return, and it would be cruel taking advantage of the situation. He wasn't going to do that. Oral sex was enough.

Jonouchi shoved his face into the pillow beneath him, clutching it hard in his hands. He couldn't really say anything. No amount of begging would change Kaiba's mind (and even if it did, it would probably be bad in the long run). He felt humiliated, not because he'd bent over and offered himself, but because Kaiba had utterly refused to take that offer. He didn't feel rejected, per se. He felt wrong in some way, and he didn't like the feeling very much.

He ended up lying on his stomach, his face still buried in the pillow. He was too embarrassed to turn around and look at Kaiba yet. His arms were shaking, and he felt a weird sensation in his chest like he was about to fall. He sighed when he felt fingers in his hair, combing through it and gently massaging his scalp. He felt horribly silly, in all honesty. Kaiba must think he was crazy at this point. He probably was. Jonouchi was slowly going more and more crazy.

"Are you going to avoid looking at me now?" Questioned Kaiba, lying on his side next to Jonouchi and frowning a little. Clearly Jonouchi was having a moment, and the fooling around stopped. It was disappointing, because he wasn't too far away from orgasm, but he would live.

"We can talk," he offered, "Don't be like this, Jonouchi."

Jonouchi felt bad and turned his head, looking at Kaiba sideways before looking away. He couldn't meet his eyes for very long. He felt too embarrassed, despite the fact that Kaiba didn't seem upset in any way. Still, he didn't want to put him off, so he sighed and worked up his nerve before turning over. He lay on his back instead, feeling extremely exposed, but he managed to look Kaiba in the face.

"I didn't think you'd offer yourself up like that," muttered Kaiba, "That isn't what I wanted."

"I know," Jonouchi admitted, trying not to sound as disappointed as he felt, "I know it isn't...it's what I wanted. I'm sorry."

"It's nothing to feel sorry about."

"I wrecked it," Jonouchi groaned, covering his eyes with his hands, "I shouldn't have done that. I knew you wouldn't..."

He'd known, but he'd still hoped that maybe Kaiba would change his mind and give in. One of these days Kaiba was going to get sick of his shit, he could tell. Not that he didn't have every right. Jonouchi was shocked that the man still spoke to him after the incident they had last time.

"Shit," he sighed, tugging at his hair in frustration. How was he even supposed to explain himself at this point? He'd probably just scare Kaiba if he told him anything about it, and that was a situation best avoided at this point.

"What's wrong?"

He felt his arousal dying down, but ignored it. Being young as he was, it would come back quickly if they decided to get back to things later, and he didn't want Jonouchi going through some shit while he was trying to get off. That would just make a mess of things.

"Will you at least try explaining to me what's going on?"

Jonouchi peeked at Kaiba through his fingers, wondering if he should say anything. Well, he should, since Kaiba was his friend and deserved an explanation at this point, but he didn't want to.

"I don't really think you'll want to hear it," he replied, removing his hands from his face, "There's a lot wrong with me. I'd rather not freak you out with it."

Considering who Jonouchi lost his virginity to and the circumstances surrounding it, Kaiba wasn't exactly surprised.

"I'm not going to freak out," he informed him, "I just want to know what's going on to help fix this. I can't do anything about it if you don't talk."

Jonouchi looked at the bed as he thought about that. He did want to talk. He wanted to, and yet he didn't. He wanted to tell Kaiba what was going on, but he didn't want to deal with negative repercussions. It was cowardly, perhaps, but he was messed up enough without Kaiba hating him.

Then again, Kaiba didn't really seem to respond badly to him the last time he'd had to fess up. He'd been scolding, maybe, but not hurtful.

"Kaiba," Jonouchi sighed, "I like you a lot more than I should."

Kaiba laughed, more to himself than anything, before ruffling Jonouchi's hair, "I could have told you that, I already knew since you stumbled into my room drunk off your ass. What about it? I don't see how that has to do with what's going on right now."

"It does," Jonouchi frowned at the laughter. He wasn't sure if Kaiba was just amused, or actually laughing at him. "You don't understand. I have these dreams about you, about having sex with you, and it hurts. I fucking hate it."

He wasn't the best at explaining his feelings. He avoided examining them when they arose, in the case of negative or overly complicated ones. The problem was, he felt a lot. And strongly.

"I just want you to have sex with me, Kaiba."

"I highly doubt that's exactly what you want."

But Jonouchi was getting worked up, and it seemed like he wasn't going to really fess up about what was bothering him. He looked uncomfortable, and Kaiba certainly felt uncomfortable, since his body was wanting a release, but instead he got cock blocked.

So, trying some initiative for once, he moved closer and started kissing him again, going slowly and trying to get him to warm up to the contact before touching his face and opening his mouth with his lips. He was slow about it, despite wanting the release. He moved Jonouchi until he was flat on his back again, and spreading his legs apart, he lay between them before rolling his hips against him, groaning into his neck.

He didn't want Jonouchi going to bed upset. And he wasn't upset about what was said to him, even if he felt some shock from it. It wasn't enough to be turned off, just a little surprised and maybe a bit awkward over being dreamed about, but instead of freaking out over the fact, he just continued what he was doing before.

There was a lot of heat between them, and the longer they went, the more it became hard to contain himself until they were just bucking against each other. He could feel Jonouchi's arms around his neck, playing in his hair and Kaiba allowed him that, holding onto his legs and making them wrap around his hips before he started really thrusting against him, no longer waiting after so long being teased. He felt his body relax, his vision going white before he shuddered and released, sighing into Jonouchi's shoulder and kissing him there while finishing off.

Jonouchi arched when he felt his climax hit, his fingernails dragging across Kaiba's back as he desperately called out to him in the heat of the moment. He was probably squeezing him too hard with his legs, but he didn't hear any complaints. When he released, he stopped crying out and just gasped, his vision white behind his eyelids as his hips rocked instinctively.

Then he lay flat on the bed, his hands still resting on Kaiba's back as he caught his breath. When he opened his eyes, he met Kaiba's gaze. Jonouchi felt he must look ridiculous, panting and looking up with his eyes barely open, but he couldn't do anything about it. He felt more than just the sexual release; he felt gratified by Kaiba's initiative, and that strangely affectionate way he went about doing what they did. Even though he felt exposed afterward, at least he wasn't still suffering with the painful feeling of longing that had almost suffocated him before.

He and Kaiba looked at one another. Jonouchi eventually got embarrassed, and he could feel his face heating up because of it. He averted his eyes, not sure what to do. He was still holding Kaiba in place with his arms and legs, unsure if he should let go. He didn't really want to.

Jonouchi was surprised when he felt Kaiba nuzzling his face into his neck. What was he, a cat? He could feel his pointy nose rubbing the skin, his breath tickling him as he chuckled. Jonouchi made an expression somewhere between embarrassed and bewildered.

"What's so funny?"

"You like me so much, you don't know what to do with yourself," snorted Kaiba, kissing his neck before pulling away and fixing his hair, "It's not funny. Just... special. I've never had that sort of effect on someone before."

"Oh," Jonouchi muttered, "Well...you're welcome? Kinda sucks for me, but I'm glad you're not upset."

"It would be a silly thing to get all worked up about. You can't help it."

Getting out of bed, Kaiba walked over to the bathroom and took a towel before returning. He cleaned himself before getting back into bed, handing it over to Jonouchi so they couldn't end up waking with dried semen on their bodies. It would stink, and he didn't like the feeling at all. Sleeping in his own cum was something he didn't want to do, considering he wasn't thirteen anymore.

Mokuba could have fun with that.

"Here."

"Thanks," Jonouchi took the towel and wiped up the mess on his stomach and torso. He didn't know which one of them had done it, but he'd managed to get ejaculate all the way up to his diaphragm. That was a little freaky.

He folded the messy side of the towel in and then dropped it on the floor, too exhausted to do anything else with it. He was trying to ward off the crap that was running through his mind now that the sex was over and he was more emotional than he wanted to be, but it wasn't really working.

"Kaiba," Jonouchi addressed quietly, lying on his side facing him. There was a question lingering in his mind that he needed answered for his sanity. He needed to reduce the number of things that were driving him insane.

"Are you dating anyone?"

"What would make you think that?"

He blinked before lying down on his stomach. It was comfortable to sleep like that, and he folded his arms and dropped his head between them, closing his eyes and letting his breathing slow down before answering, "I'm not. And if I was, I wouldn't be here with you like this. It wouldn't be right."

It would be like leading him on, which Kaiba was trying not to do. He only had sex with him because Jonouchi didn't want it any other way, and he tried to keep the romantic gestures to a minimum, but it was hard not being just a little more affectionate right after orgasm. He couldn't help that, but he wasn't looking for a relationship. And Kaiba thought Jonouchi knew that.

"I just wondered," Jonouchi replied, even quieter now. Kaiba's words were making him distinctly unsettled. "There are always rumors, you know...I just wanted to ask you."

"The press likes to assume every woman I go out in public with is someone I'm dating," he laughed, snorting afterwards, "Which is amusing. I wouldn't be dating a gold digger like Kujaku or any of the rest of them, even if I was interested in a relationship."

Disappointing as it was to hear that Kaiba wasn't interested in dating at all, Jonouchi felt unduly satisfied knowing he wasn't interested in Mai and ended up moving closer to him without thinking about it. He didn't say anything else, since he didn't want to come off as being too happy about Kaiba's single status. No need to spoil the mood.

He sobered fairly quickly when he thought about what Kaiba had said, though. That it would be wrong to fool around if he was dating someone. Jonouchi's mind immediately wandered to Kitamura, who he was supposed to be dating. He didn't know what to think. Wasn't he cheating? He didn't even really want to date Kitamura, much as he couldn't seem to stop dating Kitamura. It didn't feel like dating. More like he was on call to be a boyfriend on the occasion that he was in town.

Still, distant or not...it was still a relationship. And he was hooking up with Kaiba for sex. Hell, he was willing to do shit for Kaiba that he wouldn't even think about doing for Kitamura anymore. Like oral without a condom. Or voluntarily rolling onto his stomach for him.

Jonouchi rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling as he thought. He didn't want to contemplate that shit right now. Not right after he'd had such a good time. But it was necessary. He couldn't just keep fooling around with Kaiba. Even if Kitamura wasn't his ideal boyfriend or anything, it was still messed up. Kaiba didn't want to date him. He was a friend, and not even a potential boyfriend. And if he was...then Jonouchi would be leading him on. It wasn't like he wouldn't dump Kitamura to go out with Kaiba, but still.

Kaiba was falling asleep. His eyes wouldn't stay open, and after a while, his breathing slowed until the man was completely knocked out. Sex always tired him out, it took a lot of effort even if it wasn't intercourse, and he was even snoring little since he was laying on top of his chest and couldn't help it. Thankfully it wasn't too loud, or Jonouchi would be obligated to kick him.

He was feeling pretty content. His body was relaxed, his mind was clear, and even though he worried a little about Jonouchi and what was going on between them, his orgasm was too great to be stopped from sleeping. Everything felt too good, and that didn't happen often for him. Usually he was in his study by now, down half a bottle of vodka with chasers feeling completely numb about everything and trying to keep the demons at bay.

Now he felt good. The bad things were out of his head, and he felt comfortable sleeping there in his bedroom with the company. In the morning, he'd ask over what was bothering Jonouchi in greater detail, but for now, he was going to sleep off his orgasm and enjoy the peace of mind he had while it lasted.

Jonouchi heard Kaiba's breathing change as he fell asleep, the rate slower over time. He snored very lightly; more like a low purr than an outright obnoxious snore. Jonouchi could deal with that. He wasn't exactly a light sleeper, most of the time.

He lay awake with his thoughts, listening to Kaiba sleep, and becoming more frustrated by the second until he finally rolled onto his side and looked at the man beside him.

"Kaiba," he murmured, "Are you awake?"

There was no reply, so Jonouchi sighed and continued.

"I'm so stuck. I used to think you were sick in the head, but I think I've re-defined that," he admitted in a hushed voice, a little concerned that Kaiba might wake up and he wouldn't notice. He didn't want him to hear anything that was being said, at least not consciously.

"I wasn't completely honest with you about Kitamura. I wasn't just seeing him for money. He asked me to go out with him, so I did. Turns out that I wasn't just whoring myself out to my rapist. I've been his boyfriend for a while now," Jonouchi snorted, immensely grateful that Kaiba wasn't awake. If he knew, he'd probably be irate. At the very least. "I tried to break up with him, you know. I was at the restaurant you visited with Mai. I was there having dinner with him, and somehow you never even saw me...at the time, I was hoping you wouldn't, but I kind of wish you had. Maybe you would have smacked some sense into me."

Jonouchi felt like he was getting a headache. He grimaced, rubbing his forehead with one hand. How did he get into this situation? Actually, he wasn't going to answer that. He already knew. He didn't need a recap.

"What am I supposed to do? I don't even like him. I definitely don't like him the way I like you. Now I can't even stand it when he touches me. But when I'm around him, I can't seem to tell him to piss off, either. It seems simple to do, so why can't I?"

He lay on his back again, looking up into the darkness. How did Kaiba sleep in a room this large? It was creepy as shit. Jonouchi only hoped it wasn't Gozaburo's old room.

"Maybe I really don't have any respect for myself," he mused, surprisingly not very upset about that fact. He probably should have felt motivated to change that. "I don't know. I can't even say I'm confused, because the solution to my problem is really simple. I just can't do it."

He rubbed his eyes, grumbling. He still couldn't believe he was in this situation, most of the time. How could he be dating someone he hated more by the day while he wanted someone else?

"I know it's my fault," he began, rolling onto his side again and watching Kaiba's sleeping face, "But you really have no idea how much I like you. It's not just having a crush or wanting to date. It's more than that, and it really fucking sucks. You probably don't know what it's like being in love with someone who will never feel the same way, so I doubt you'd understand...not that I'll ever tell you, anyway."

Jonouchi watched Kaiba quietly. He seemed to be having a very restful sleep. His eyes weren't blinking or moving around, his face was relaxed, and his breathing was steady and even. Jonouchi half-wished that he was awake, if only because he would have heard. Still, it was best that he didn't. It wasn't as if he could help. Jonouchi got himself into this mess, and he'd have to get himself out.

"What I will tell you...probably...is that we can't fool around anymore. I'm sorry. It's not because I don't want to, because I do. I can't even describe to you how much I do. But it isn't right to do that, is it? So we'll have to stop."

He frowned, hoping that this resolution would last. Fucking himself over was one thing, but he couldn't mess with Kaiba like that. He'd definitely be upset. Jonouchi wasn't going to be the next person to make him bitter. No, he would be more responsible than that. Maybe he was fucked in the head and selfish, but he could extend the effort not to do that to Kaiba.

He sighed, closing his eyes. He felt drained and tired, the glow of satisfaction from the sex completely faded. It was too bad. For a few moments, he'd actually felt really fantastic. Relieved, even, for the first time in several weeks. But there wasn't much he could do about it. If he didn't make himself think that shit through, he never would.

He was jolted awake by his recurring problem of hearing his name called, and he felt strangely watched and chilly, but he tried to brush it off and moved closer to Kaiba. He lifted his arm, trying to cuddle up to him (clumsily, since he was half asleep). He heard Kaiba grumbling, but he let Jonouchi sidle up to him and wrapped his arm around him in half an embrace. It made him feel far more secure, his troubles forgotten for the moment as he enjoyed the contact. At least for now, he could enjoy it and get some sleep.
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Ambivalence