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Ambivalence	By : PupshitDesu Category: Yu-Gi-Oh > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 4882 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: We do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any associated properties therein. We do not profit from the creation of this work.

Chapter List
- 18
- 19
- 20
Jonouchi was enjoying a half day, or rather, enjoying the free half of the day. With so much spare time on his hands and both Kaiba brothers currently preoccupied, he hardly knew what to do with himself. Reluctant to go to his apartment and be trapped in that shitty place with just himself, he went out to eat.
He was sitting outdoors, his plate long-since cleaned. He was working on the milkshake he'd ordered to go with it and fully enjoying it. He hadn't had anything like it in quite a long time. Needless to say, he was happy to treat himself, and it was vastly improving his flat mood.
Then he heard a familiar voice calling his name. Recognizing it as Anzu, he turned around, hoping he could spend some time with a friend today after all. His good mood was immediately dashed when he saw that she was joined by Kujaku Mai. Of course. It was no surprise that Anzu would hook up with her while she was in Domino, but Jonouchi had hoped not to encounter the woman himself. Even if he still treasured her as a friend, he'd still seen her with Kaiba, flirting up a storm. That didn't make him eager to speak with her.
Still, he didn't let it show on his face when he stood to greet the two of them and invited them to sit at his table.
"How did you two end up hanging out together?" He asked, recalling that Anzu and Mai had never really got on. Mai was always too much woman for Anzu to handle, not to mention she'd flirted shamelessly with both Yugi and Jonouchi. Anzu wasn't appreciative. Oh, and there was also the time Mai joined the Doom cult and tried to kill them. Though that one she couldn't be held responsible for doing, considering the brainwashing involved...
"We ran into each other in New York," told Anzu, taking a seat and picking up a menu. She hadn't eaten anything since lunch, and going over the food options, she decided upon a burger and fries. She liked American food a lot. "So we saw some shows together."
It was easier getting along with Mai without the guys around. That was the only reason why Anzu could tolerate her now, and Jonouchi was currently unavailable... forever. So, watching her flirt shamelessly would be more amusing than anything else, since she had no idea. Mai had been pretty excited about seeing Jonouchi again.
"There were some dueling competitions going on in the city, so it just happened to work out like that."
"I see," Jonouchi nodded before turning to Mai. She looked as bright as ever, unsurprisingly. She always found something with which to amuse herself. "Nice to see you again, Mai. What have you been up to lately?"
"What am I ever up to?" She laughed her high-pitched laugh. It brought back memories. Most of them were unfortunately not that pleasant. "Trouble, of course. I'd forgotten how slow Domino is compared to NYC, though."
She seemed genuinely discontented with the city. Jonouchi rolled his eyes. Maybe Domino wasn't that glamorous, but it was his home. Maybe if she'd ever seen it before Kaiba took over Kaiba Corporation, her opinion would be a little less biased. The city had come a long way, as most of the residents knew.
"Are you still dueling, then? Or are you just playing around at competitions?"
"Oh, I'm not really shooting for the stars anymore," Mai waved her hand dismissively, "So yes, I've been at small tournaments, just locally. It nets me a little money here and there and keeps my sponsors attentive."
So Mai had sponsors. How had she managed that when Jonouchi, a top five player, hadn't? Then again, she was female and attractive. Jonouchi was street trash.
"What about you, Jonouchi? Have you been playing?"
Yes he had, mostly with cocks. But that wasn't really conversation for lunch.
"Not really. I haven't had the time or spare cash. I've got a better job now, though, so hopefully I can get started again before too long."
"Psh, jobs," Mai snorted, "Just find yourself a rich and lonely bachelorette, Jonouchi. You'll be set for life."
"Yeah, right. What would a rich girl want from me, hmm?" He challenged with a sly look. Probably whatever had made Mai vaguely interested in him. That said, it obviously hadn't been enough...
"Some girls like a rough man," she winked. Jonouchi saw Anzu's eye twitch a little. "And you're still a looker, you know."
Jonouchi chuckled. Yes, he knew. He probably couldn't fool around with two guys at once if he didn't have something about him. Kaiba didn't seem to be into "rough" men, so it must be looks. Kitamura didn't count so much, since he'd sleep with pretty much anything. He was hardly a basis for taste.
"I'm surprised you haven't got some billionaire on your arm," Jonouchi smirked at Mai, who started to giggle.
"Well, I have been trying," she replied, only half-joking, "I met up with Kaiba Seto recently, but he wasn't really interested. Ah, well...it was worth a try."
Jonouchi noticed that Anzu was getting very uncomfortable and was probably barely containing her irritation, so he chose not to explore the topic further. So Mai had been trying to get Kaiba to go out with her? And Kaiba had obviously not been of the same mind. It made Jonouchi feel unduly smug, but he didn't let it show on his face. Both Anzu and Mai would pester him endlessly if they saw such an expression.
""Anzu," he addressed his exasperated friend, "Do you have any plans for later?"
"Nah, but I should get to studying," she said, staring at a glass of water a waiter had brought over, "School will be starting soon and I can't miss any time this semester just fooling around. Why, did you want to hang out later today? That would be really fun."
Her eyes trailed on Mai, internally hoping the blonde would lose interest and leave. Now that Jonouchi was there, it was like she was actively trying to make him jealous for attention. And even though it wasn't working, it still kind of pissed her off.
"I'm sure Mai has plans though. Another date, I'm sure."
Although probably not with Kaiba Seto. Apparently her charms weren't enough for him.
"Of course!" Mai replied, completely unashamed. "A girl has to stay busy."
Jonouchi couldn't imagine what Anzu would think of his "relationships" if she was this disapproving of Mai. At least Mai didn't seem to be sleeping with everyone who'd let her.
"I'd like to hang out, if you're free," he nodded. If he was honest, he really needed someone to talk to. Someone who wasn't Kaiba. Maybe he wasn't upset about Jonouchi crushing on him, or whatever, but he couldn't tell him how he really felt. At least to Anzu, an outside party, he could spill his guts and depend on her not to inform Kaiba at any time. At least, not before he did. If he ever did. Which he likely would not.
He wished he could talk about Kitamura. God, did he ever wish...But that wasn't possible. Anzu's judgment and blunt advice wouldn't help him at all, and he knew it. No reason to drag her into it if he was just going to keep fucking himself over.
"Excuse me, darlings," Mai stood, a little flustered. She'd finished her food. "I need to visit the powder room."
Of course. She didn't even seem to wear that much makeup. Why did she need the powder room? Was it that hard to re-apply her lipstick at the table with a mirror? But he was a man, what did he know about it...
He turned to Anzu, and from the look she gave him, he knew she probably saw in his eyes that he needed someone to talk to. She'd always been attentive to things like that, despite seeming so unsympathetic.
"Anzu, I think I'm going to lose my mind," he groaned, banging his forehead into the table in defeat. Anzu would probably be unmoved by this display, but it made Jonouchi feel a little better.
"Yeah, why's that?" She asked, tilting her head, "Did something happen? Is Mai bothering you? Because if she is, we can leave and I'll just catch up with you later, I don't mind. She gets on my nerves sometimes too. Oh, and she doesn't know. I didn't tell her anything, I thought if you wanted to, you'd tell her yourself."
She didn't know what was wrong with Jonouchi, but he seemed to be as overly dramatic as ever. He was always making such a big show over silly things, and rolling her eyes, Anzu stroked his hair once before snorting.
"Stop being such a baby about it, Jou. Get up."
Jonouchi sat properly in his chair, sighing. Anzu thought he was talking about Mai? That was a little funny...
"It isn't Mai," he told her, staring at the table, "It's Kaiba. He didn't do anything to me, so don't get all worked up...it's me. Fuck, Anzu, I really like him more than I should. More than just crushing. It's so stupid, but it really just..."
He didn't know how to explain, but maybe Anzu would understand. After all, she'd had feelings for Atem. Deep feelings. She'd been pretty broken up when he left, at least for a while.
"It hurts. A lot. And it's driving me crazy."
"What?"
Jonouchi liked Kaiba? More than just crushing? None of that made sense. She knew they were talking to each other, but... That didn't make any sense. Jonouchi and Kaiba didn't get along. How could they be so civil that Jonouchi would feel anything as deep as-
"You can't be serious, Jonouchi Katsuya, that doesn't make any sense. I mean, Kaiba? Of all people? Why the heck would you like him so much? He's an asshole."
No, she didn't understand at all. Atem was someone who she'd looked up to, admired, and he had protected them all. Even though she fooled herself into loving him and hoping one day it would work out, she realized later that it was because there were so many things about him that were worth loving... but he wasn't right for her.
But how could Kaiba be worth loving? Or even be likeable?
"I mean, sometimes he can be decent," corrected Anzu out loud to herself, "But most of the time he's just a jerk."
"I know," Jonouchi muttered, "But he's nice when he starts being a little more trusting. Well, not super friendly or anything, but he's not a giant asshole to me anymore."
Kaiba was more than tolerant, all things considered. He had a way of being supportive that was more like a caretaker than a friend. Yugi had always been the type to offer sympathy and try to give emotional advice. Kaiba was more likely to listen sympathetically and give very blunt advice. And Jonouchi had duly noted that he wasn't afraid to be brutally judgmental. It was like dealing with Anzu, except Kaiba was...
Was what? A lot of things. Not least of which the object of his affections.
"I can't get into detail about everything, but he's been really great, believe it or not," Jonouchi continued, "He found out I didn't have enough work to pay rent and gave me a job at KaibaLand. That's the only reason I can afford to eat here right now."
"Oh, well..."
Anzu didn't know what to make of that. What was going on between them? She was almost afraid to ask, but kicked herself mentally and just decided to push the limits a little.
"Does he at least... like you bacK?"
"No," Jonouchi lamented, resting his head on his folded arms, "He's never going to feel the same way I do, Anzu. It's too much to deal with...I'm sorry for venting at you, it's just hard to think about. I don't have anyone else I can really talk to about it."
Out of all the people he knew, Anzu was the only one he could complain to about his boy troubles, even if she was probably more frustrated than anything. It wasn't like Jonouchi could help it. Why would he choose to love someone who didn't care the same way? He wasn't that masochistic.
"Why do you say that?" Asked Anzu, "I mean, you two never got along well but... if he's been nice enough to win you over, I don't see why you can't do the same. I mean, if he's like you. You're not bad looking, Jonouchi. I always thought you were pretty cute, and I'm sure if you worked that charm on him, you could win him over, right?"
Maybe she was being too optimistic, but Anzu didn't like believing in unhappy endings.
"I don't see why you couldn't convince him. Have you asked him what he thinks of you?"
"Kind of," Jonouchi didn't want to reveal too much about that. He hadn't really asked Kaiba straight-up what he thought about him or how much he liked him. Right now, Kaiba treated him like he was a friend whose company he enjoyed (as much as Kaiba enjoyed anything) in and out of bed. That wasn't anywhere near how Jonouchi felt.
"I'm not sure if I could convince him..." Jonouchi muttered, but he was already wondering. He hadn't really considered trying. Would that even be possible? Maybe, if he appealed to Kaiba's inner romantic. But he wasn't exactly a romantic person himself, and he was so screwed up at the moment that he probably didn't have the capacity to shower anyone else in love.
Or, maybe he did. He hadn't exactly tried. Now that Anzu had mentioned the idea, it seemed glaringly obvious, actually. Jonouchi was astonished by himself. A few months ago, his first resort would have been trying to get Kaiba's affections with nice actions and words, and dates if he could get away with it.
He really was losing his mind, wasn't he?
"I don't know. I don't want to alienate him by trying, but at the same time...it might be worth it. I'm sure he won't be shy about telling me to quit it if he doesn't want me to."
"Well, could he like you?"
She didn't know if Kaiba went on both sides of the fence. It was confusing for him to be dining out with Mai one night, but then Jonouchi was lamenting over him like... Anzu wasn't even sure. People didn't just get crazy over another person without a little pushing, so something had to be going on between them that Jonouchi was keeping secret.
"I don't know. Maybe? If he does, he doesn't show...it?"
Or maybe he did. God, why did this have to be so hard...
"I don't want to mistake just nice things he does for him liking me," Jonouchi frowned, resting his chin on his arms, "He doesn't seem interested like I am. I don't want to assume."
"Is he at least... a little gay? I mean if he is, then you should have some sort of chance, right?"
"Um," Jonouchi didn't know if he was at liberty to tell Anzu that. It was Kaiba's business. He was definitely at least a little gay. Jonouchi didn't have blurry lines about shit like that. If he was doing sexual things with a man, he was at least a little gay. Not that gay, since Jonouchi had to instigate it all most of the time, but still.
"If I can get his attention, then maybe," Jonouchi squirmed in his seat, "But if he is into men that much, it doesn't exactly mean he'd be into me."
"Come Jonouchi, give yourself more credit," teased Anzu, "You're just as good looking as he is, and with a better personality by far."
"Better personality than who?"
Jonouchi looked toward the restaurant. Mai had emerged and looked very curious about what was going on. Probably because she hadn't really seen Jonouchi this distraught in quite a while.
"A lot of people," Jonouchi joked, trying to avoid telling her what was going on. Ironically, Mai would probably sympathize and have all kinds of advice, but he really didn't feel comfortable telling her. Even if they were good friends, they weren't that close. And he was pretty sure any advice from Mai would be enough even to make him blush.
"Oh, come on Jonouchi, I'm not as dumb as I look," she laughed, twirling a strand of her blonde hair around her finger, "I won't stop pestering you until you tell me. May as well confess!"
"Mai, come on, leave him alone," scolded Anzu, "You're butting into a two-way conversation."
She stuffed her mouth with fries once her plate of food appeared, giving Mai a rather irritated expression while the beauty queen scowled back. They were no longer enjoying each other, probably from being too close for too long. There was only so much "woman" they could handle between themselves, and Anzu didn't feel the need to share her best friend.
Jonouchi was her friend first.
"And I think you'll be fine Jonouchi," she encouraged, giving him a smile, "Just be yourself. You can be pretty charming when you want to be."
"Oh my god," Mai gasped, and Jonouchi knew already that she was about to embarrass him, "You're having girl problems!"
Jonouchi just laughed nervously and started sucking on his milkshake like he had a vendetta against its kind.
"Jonouchi, you shouldn't worry so much," Mai sniffed, "You've always been a cute thing. Just show off a little and be confident."
"Yes, thank you, Mai..."
"Also," she leaned across the table, holding her hand beside her mouth as if it would prevent Anzu from hearing, "Make sure you give oral."
Jonouchi choked on his drink as Mai laughed at his expense. He should have expected something like that from her, but honestly. So blunt. It wouldn't be so bad if he hadn't already done it, but he couldn't really help that...
"Well, I don't really have a problem with that. Got any other advice?"
He heard Anzu choking, and looked at her as Mai started patting her back.
"Are you okay?"
Anzu was still coughing as she nodded, but her slightly sour expression told him that he'd probably hear about this later.
"Jonouchi," Mai folded her hands and rested her chin on them, "How long have you been after this girl?"
"A couple of months, maybe?"
"What?" Mai looked appalled. "And she still won't go out with you?"
"I haven't exactly asked, Mai," Jonouchi blushed. How was he supposed to ask Kaiba that? The man had made it obvious that he wasn't interested. At all.
"That was always your problem, Jonouchi!" She exclaimed, her tone chiding. "You have to take matters into your own hands. Make your intentions known."
"But Mai-"
"No buts!" She cut him off, holding his gaze sternly. Jonouchi sat quietly, realizing that there was probably no stopping her now. "If this girl intimidates you so much that you can't even ask her out, then have some self-respect and find someone else."
Jonouchi stared into his milkshake glass. It was a little funny, really. Mai had missed the point and hit the nail on the head at the same time. Maybe she could tell he had self-respect issues. Or, maybe she just understood relationships better than he did. She probably did. She'd never dated her rapist, after all...
"I can't," he stated firmly, "She's too important to me."
"Then you'll have to prove it," Mai sniffed, flipping her hair over her shoulder, "A girl needs to know that you're not just yanking her around. Any guy can act nice long enough to get into your pants. You have to seem like you want more than that."
Jonouchi cleared his throat. That was relevant advice, he supposed. He hadn't really done much "bonding" with Kaiba, not in any way that would precede a romance. Jonouchi hadn't wanted to risk himself further by trying, especially while he was tangled up with Kitamura.
But it was good to file away for later.
"I don't think Jonouchi's exactly having that problem, right?" Asked Anzu, looking at him pointedly and waiting for the answer, "This girl doesn't seem to be the type to drop her pants over a few nice words. Even if Jonouchi is "cute".
Besides, I think Jonouchi would be more respectful than that."
Jonouchi didn't respond to that. It wasn't so much that he didn't respect Kaiba as...well, they were both men. It wasn't the same. They weren't even having intercourse, so it wasn't all that personal. Not as personal as it might be, and certainly not so much that it would require lots of care.
It didn't seem like a big deal to him, but Kaiba seemed to be of the same mind as Anzu. Otherwise, they probably would have fucked by now...
"Or am I wrong?" Anzu gasped, her eyes getting big, "Are you two like...?"
She couldn't even finish the sentence before stuffing her face with food. Mai was rolling her eyes, but she had no idea what Jonouchi was talking about. Or rather, whom. Because the love interest he was lamenting over was no female...
"It doesn't matter how quickly she "drops her pants" as long as Jonouchi treats her right afterward," she looked at Jonouchi as if warning him that he'd better not be a dick about it. She had no idea what his situation was, so it made sense, he supposed. If she knew, she'd probably be telling him to be careful and take his time. Not to give it up too quickly.
"Do you mean cuddling after?" Jonouchi smirked. "Because I'll never complain about doing that."
"Then what's the problem?" Mai demanded, seeming exasperated. "You're a good kid, Jonouchi, I've known you long enough to tell. You should be able to woo a girl if you like her that much."
"It's complicated."
"You're nineteen years old," Mai rolled her eyes, "It's probably not as complicated as you're making it."
"Don't get up on a pedestal, old lady," Jonouchi stuck his tongue out at her. At least her dramatic delivery and good sense of humor kept him from feeling too awkward.
"Well, I think you shouldn't rush," butted in Anzu, still eating in a rather irritated manner, "It seems like you don't know enough about her yet to do anything hasty, and until you do, just slow down a little. I mean, you don't know what kind of mess you might be running into, if she doesn't like you, and we both know how complicated this situation really is... So, I don't know. Take your time and be careful."
"Thanks," Jonouchi smiled, "I appreciate the advice. Even yours, Mai."
Mai snorted and rolled her eyes.
"I'll see what happens," he topped off his drink and set some money on the table for his meal and the tip. He might have some pocket money now, but he couldn't afford to pay for both of the girls' meals.
"Let me know, Jonouchi, what happens," requested Anzu, frowning a little, "You can always talk to me. Anytime."
"You'll probably be hearing from me soon," he grinned, standing up. Yes, she would, most likely. One way or another. Hopefully it would be good news, next time.
Jonouchi said his goodbyes, knowing that the other two had plans for the day. He didn't really want to get pecked at by Mai any further, anyway. He knew she was trying to help, but she didn't know enough about what was happening. Her advice might be good if what she thought was true, but with Kaiba...
It was complicated. Even if he was only nineteen years old, shit was really complicated. His whole life had become very crazy in a very short time, and when he thought about it, the trigger had probably been the night he slept with Kitamura. Or, that Kitamura took advantage of him. Whatever, the point was that it was the ultimate cause.
So what was he going to do about it?
Nothing, it seemed. The most he could do now was try to keep Kaiba out of it until he got his shit together. It would suck not fooling around with him, but that was the way it would have to be for a while. Hopefully he'd have the opportunity to vie for Kaiba's affections after he got over...what was happening. He didn't even know what was happening anymore. He couldn't justify or excuse it, but he couldn't stop, either. It was like watching the meth-addicted neighbor he'd had. Well, before the man had blown himself up trying to cook his own.
What was he going to do now? He preferred to avoid home, even if his computer was there. He didn't have internet, and he didn't feel like sitting in a room alone playing video games. Maybe Kaiba or Mokuba would be free later. It was afternoon now, so if he waited another six hours...
Maybe Kaiba would get off early. It was a Friday. He knew he was probably busy getting ready for his convention, but there was still a slim chance. Better to go there too early and come back later than come too late, right?
Jonouchi walked the few blocks to central, where the Kaiba Corporation tower stood like a sentinel. It was at the very heart of the city.
Kaiba was working again, cruising through his work load without stopping for a break. It was the best way to get things done, and reviewing through Mokuba's tasks, he ensured that everything was set for the convention that would start by the end of next month. He wanted things to go smoothly, especially since Mokuba would be hosting it and Kaiba was planning to stay in the back to watch.
His brother was old enough to take more leadership, and he didn't want him thinking he had no faith in his abilities. Mokuba was young, but very smart, and putting his skills to the test, Kaiba swore to stay back and just watch. He wouldn't impede on what his brother's plans were, but would observe and help if asked to assist.
There was still daily things that needed to be cared for from an executive level too, and typing away at his computer, it came as a small surprise when he got a buzz from one of his assistants alerting him of a guest.
"Kaiba-sama, you have a visitor waiting for you in the lobby."
It piqued his interest. Most people didn't come so late in the day, and replying to the message, he told his assistant to just allow the visitor into his office, so he could take care of whatever they wanted before he left the office, which he planned on doing within the hour.
He just had to do a double take when it ended up being Jonouchi Katsuya who had showed up.
"I didn't know you had scheduled a meeting with me," teased Kaiba, sitting back in his chair and crossing his leg, "Any reason for this intrusion?"
"I was gonna wait in the lobby," Jonouchi shrugged, deciding to sit in a chair in front of Kaiba's desk, "But I ended up being "escorted" here, so here I am."
He hadn't expected the security to approach him like that, and he'd thought he was in some trouble for a minute there. Turned out he was just being told he could go up to the CEO's office. He had to be accompanied up the elevator, of course, just in case he got any funny ideas. What was some street trash like him gonna do? Sneak into a cubicle and blue-screen someone's computer?
"I'm free for the rest of the day and wanted some company. Mokuba says he's preoccupied, so I figured I'd see what you were up to when you left work."
"I'll be done in half an hour," replied Kaiba, his eyes returning to his computer screen, "And then I'm going to get dinner and drive home. Were you planning on staying over again then? Because I'm starting to think I should be charging you rent for how many times you've been sleeping over in my bedroom."
Jonouchi shifted in his seat, feeling his cheeks heat up in embarrassment, but he tried not to let it show too much. Since when did he care? Normally he'd laugh off something like that.
"If you're okay with me sleeping over, I'd like to. You can drop me off at the hotel otherwise, I guess."
"That's too much work."
"You're the only person I've ever met who takes someone home because doing otherwise is "too much work"," Jonouchi laughed, sitting back in the chair. If they were going to be here for another thirty minutes, he may as well get comfortable. Although, the time might be prolonged if he kept distracting Kaiba with chatter. He was surprised he wasn't annoyed yet, to be honest. He still remembered bugging him in his office at home that one night.
"Where are you eating? Can I come with, or is it going to be something I can't afford?"
"Why would I offer to take you home if I was just going to starve you?" Asked Kaiba, scoffing and shaking his head, "I'm not planning on going anywhere too fancy. Just sushi for dinner, and no where that ritzy since you're not exactly dressed for uptown. Don't worry about it. You'll get your damn dinner..."
Jonouchi just grinned, folding one leg over the other and settling down to wait. He hadn't really asked because he didn't know. He just liked watching Kaiba act like being nice to him was common sense. It allowed him a small sense of gratification.
He somehow managed not to be too twitchy in the office. He supported his head with his hand, his elbow resting on the arm of the chair, and he waited with his eyes closed for Kaiba to finish working. The rhythmic sound of his fingers flying over the keys was nice background noise. Jonouchi wished he could just chill up here when he was alone and unpreoccupied after work, but it would be a strange thing to ask. Kaiba would probably have private meetings in here during the day, anyway.
Jonouchi sighed. Not that he didn't want to go home with the guy, but it was going to be awkward and difficult telling him he didn't want to fool around anymore. It was a bold-faced lie, of course. Jonouchi wanted to fool around, and badly. But he couldn't. It wasn't right. He wouldn't be able to tell Kaiba the primary reason, but at least he could give him the others. Ones he was sure the guy would find understandable, romantic that he was.
He still couldn't wrap his mind around what to do with Kitamura. He texted about once a day to have brief conversations. Usually he asked how Jonouchi was feeling. What a strange thing to ask. How did he feel? Not good, most of the time, but he didn't bother informing Kitamura. He simply did not understand, and it was unlikely that anything would change that. Something in that guy's head wasn't quite right. He made Kaiba look almost normal...
Maybe next time he saw him, he'd tell him to fuck off for good. He didn't really have to be mean about it. That hadn't worked the first time. He'd have to figure something out. He hadn't heard anything about Kitamura coming to town soon, but it would happen eventually. Jonouchi would have to try again when he returned. Probably. If he could find his balls. Maybe Kitamura had them in his briefcase with all those fucking condoms.
He opened his eyes and looked at Kaiba, who was shutting his laptop. Jonouchi sighed in relief. He'd rather skip off and enjoy the evening for now. There'd be time to think over the bullshit with Kitamura later on. The worst part of it, in Jonouchi's opinion, was that he was determined to be rid of him all the time except when he was actually in his presence. It couldn't be helped, it seemed.
"Are we leaving?" He asked Kaiba, standing and stretching. He didn't usually sit still for that long.
"Yes, I'm done for now."
He placed his computer into his briefcase and got his papers together before locking the case and picking it up and leaving the room. This time though he wasn't rushing so much to get out of the office, turning off the nights behind him and illuminating the skyline view that stood behind his desk. It was nice to look at, and turning around, Kaiba glanced at the view before leaving and shutting the door behind Jonouchi.
Kaiba Corporation was mostly empty. People typically left an hour before, since it was six by then, and he only passed a few roving security who were in the hallways, before reaching the executive elevator and riding down into the parking garage.
There stood his red Ferrari, waiting for him, and Kaiba unlocked the door and got inside before putting his case in the back seat and waiting for Jonouchi to get his seatbelt on. He pulled out quickly, speeding a bit more than what was appropriate in the city, and it amused him when Jonouchi sat next to him gritting his teeth, a bundle of nerves, while he rushed through Domino before finding the small sushi place he was looking for.
"We're here," he said, alerting Jonouchi and finding a parking space after some searching (or rather, alerting the restaurant of his arrival, they knew what his car looked like), and he waltzed into the place before finding a booth in the back to sit at.
Jonouchi followed quietly until they got to their table. He was hoping he had enough money on hand to get a decent-sized platter. Sushi tended to be pretty filling, but he also tended to be pretty hungry. Fortunately, the job he had at KaibaLand paid twice what he was making at the soba restaurant even with tips. He usually had more spare cash than he knew what to do with, now.
He looked at the menu that was sitting in front of him on the table. He decided to order some spicy rolls and something with salmon on it. Salmon was definitely his favorite when it came to sushi, mainly because of the texture.
"I didn't think you ate in places like this," Jonouchi stated, "It's not that expensive at all. I figured rich people only ate in restaurants where all the waiters are rude and they get charged out the ass for food..."
He snickered. Kaiba wasn't all that much of a snob, but it was fun to pick at him. If he was smart, he avoided those upscale kinds of restaurants. The waiters were a little more than rude and begrudging. They tended to take revenge through the food, and the customers would be none the wiser.
"I like hole in the wall places where only the locals know about it," said Kaiba, rolling his eyes, "I don't like spending money on overpriced meals I could get at home. This is just nice for a little change."
Kaiba didn't like feeling like some side show when he ate out. People sometimes stared, at the nicer restaurants, because they didn't expect him to just show up. Not that he was afraid of people spitting in his food, he had enough sense to be polite and tip well when he went out to keep his servers happy, but being watched...
No. Smaller places were much better.
"I let the chef go home early tonight, so I had to eat out or cook for myself. And I hate cooking."
"You hate cooking?" Jonouchi tilted his head. "Why's that? Are you just bad at it, or what?"
He didn't mind cooking. There was a sense of satisfaction that came with preparing food himself, especially since that meant getting it the way he liked it specifically. Still, he was too lazy most the time, or too broke to afford ingredients that might require cooking.
Jonouchi paused when a waitress appeared to take their orders. Once she left, he turned back to Kaiba. He had his elbows on the table, which was terrible form, but he knew Kaiba wouldn't care.
"It's not important...I'm more interested in what you want to do at your place. All I've seen you do at home is work, drink, and sleep."
"That's what it's there for," snorted Kaiba, picking at the starter sampler that was placed in front of them by the waitress, "I don't really do that much else at home. Not anything of importance, I get much of my work done at the office, or else I'm in my study. That's pretty much it. It's not like I duel anymore."
He didn't have a social life, nor did he waste time getting his nose into things that didn't really interest him. Kaiba Corporation was a full job and a half, so most of his time was dedicated to his company, or trying to keep his brother out of trouble. There wasn't much else left by the end of the day to do, besides those things, which was why he looked at Jonouchi with a rather puzzled expression.
"What would you expect me to be doing?"
"I don't know," Jonouchi muttered, "Most people have hobbies outside of working themselves into the ground, you know. Don't you watch movies or TV shows? Or play video games for fun?"
Of course he didn't. Kaiba hadn't even played Duel Monsters for fun. Except maybe to feed his personal brand of fun, which was making other people feel crappy at the time. Then again, that wasn't overly uncommon in the case of gaming. It was about the competition, and it wasn't very common for players to be good sports. Yugi had been very different, in that regard.
"You have to do something to relax and enjoy yourself, Kaiba. Let that big brain of yours wind down. Alcohol doesn't always need to be the thing that does it..."
"Sometimes I zone out to classical music. But not often."
"You're so upper-class it hurts a little," Jonouchi groaned, rubbing his eyes, "Classical music? Are you serious? You're like a perfect little soldier of business. You gotta do something for fun once in a while, don't you?"
"Are you disappointed to learn, Jonouchi, that I'm actually a boring person?" Inquired Kaiba, raising an eyebrow, "I find orchestral music relaxing. It helps me settle my mind before I go to sleep, since you aren't around often to wear me out, so I'll do what I know works. Especially since people say drinking in excess is bad for one's health...
I like playing chess sometimes, too. But Mokuba is the only person who can keep up with me, and he doesn't enjoy the game as much as I do."
"Nice," Jonouchi snorted, "I don't think you're boring, Kaiba. You're just...I don't know. You don't do things to make yourself happy. You don't indulge yourself. That's bad for your health too, you know."
He didn't know if Kaiba was just naturally the kind of person who didn't desire things like that, but it was unlikely. A person had to learn that kind of behavior. It was natural to procrastinate work and want to do things that were technically "useless" but had more intrinsic value. Kaiba didn't seem to begrudge his work, but it couldn't be anything that stimulated him that much. Not in a pleasant way. Otherwise, maybe he wouldn't drink so much.
"If you don't think movies are too dumb for you, we should watch something," Jonouchi suggested. He wouldn't exactly blame Kaiba if he found movies too dumb, in all honesty. Jonouchi found most movies too dumb for him, but that was probably because he was mostly interested in action and adventure. That particular genre didn't have a very picky audience. Still, on the occasion that Jonouchi was able to fish through a video rental store for something to watch, he usually found something.
"I don't really care for films that much."
He glanced away from the table before the waitress came back, bringing a platter of sushi dishes to try and two bowls of miso soup. Kaiba immediately started at the soup, sipping with a large spoon, and he ate the tofu in the bottom silently as Jonouchi just stared at him.
It was a little awkward. He felt like Jonouchi was trying to feel him out, and Kaiba didn't exactly know what to think of that. There wasn't anything wrong with him, for not really going out of his way to do things. Really, he was too busy for shit besides his job, and the only "hobbies" he really liked were things that actually had something to do with business. Like dueling. And sometimes theatre, because it was required of him, and he could sit through music concerts and the like without complaint as long as they were well done.
"What are you interested in, then?" Jonouchi asked before stopping to eat a piece of sushi. "And don't say nothing, I won't believe you. You're too smart to be interested in just droning through work all the time."
Jonouchi didn't really consider himself an intellectual. He considered Anzu one, however, and he knew she was interested in all kinds of things that he personally didn't think about on a daily basis. Art, history, theater, things like that. Not that Jonouchi couldn't enjoy pretty much anything that he could interact with (even if that meant just viewing), but those weren't the first things on his mind when he thought "entertainment".
"Come on, there must be something," Jonouchi smiled, "You don't need to look so uncomfortable."
"I don't think the things that interest me would interest you all that much," explained Kaiba, "I enjoy reading old books and listening to foreign theatre. Especially operas, and I know you think that shit is gay, so you don't even have to tell me. It's what I've been introduced to at an early age, and I found it... engaging."
"Operas?" Jonouchi's brow creased.
"Especially Italian operas."
"I don't know Italian," Jonouchi muttered, nibbling another piece of sushi, "But if that's what you're into, you know, I'd go with you. I've never really seen an opera. Can't promise I can talk to you about it afterward, but I'd go."
The way Anzu described opera, it sounded like a whole lot of whining to Jonouchi. Being a young man from the lower class, watching rich people whine didn't appeal to him that much. Still, she claimed the music was good. Maybe if he could understand what they were saying, he wouldn't care so much. He did like performance, after all.
"And I don't think it's "gay", for your information. It just proves that you're upper class..."
"My mother liked music," continued Kaiba, now actually eating his dinner instead of just picking at the sushi with his chopsticks awkwardly, "She liked chamber music and used to play piano and cello in the house. Cello was what she was best at, but I was too small to learn, so she taught me piano instead..."
There was actually a piano in the Kaiba Mansion, but Kaiba didn't often play it. He had it stored away where no one could mess with it, since Gozaburo usually kept instruments as decor instead of actually using them for their true purpose, but once he died, Kaiba went searching for his mother's old piano and cello.
And found it, after a long time. It was hard, trying to get those old relics of the past back, but he had, storing them where they couldn't be bothered, and even Mokuba didn't know about it. Talking about their mother was too painful, so Kaiba just found it easier keeping a small piece of her with him, but not speaking about it. It was better letting that pain stay with him than burdening his brother with it.
Jonouchi was surprised that Kaiba had mentioned his mother. It seemed like a bit of a sore spot, from the wistful way he spoke about her, and the fact that he didn't look up while he talked.
"I didn't know," he wasn't sure quite how to react, "So...does that mean you play the piano?"
That would be interesting to see. Maybe Kaiba didn't play anymore, though. Jonouchi didn't know much about Gozaburo, but he didn't seem like the type to allow music lessons to a kid he didn't even like.
"Yes, I can play piano. I just chose not to anymore. I'd rather listen to people play it who are far more talented than me."
"Oh," Jonouchi felt like he'd hit a nerve, but he didn't know why. Something seemed off about Kaiba's tone. He decided not to press, in case it put Kaiba off, but he resolved to try finding out later. "Well, I like music. I'm not even sure what "chamber music" is, but I'll listen. I didn't know you were into like...artsy stuff. You and Anzu would get along."
That reminded him, Anzu actually wanted to meet up with Kaiba, didn't she?
"She wants to say hi to you, actually."
"What?"
Why would he want to talk to Anzu? They were acquaintances, and getting a little irritated, Kaiba snorted before stuffing his mouth with more food. Being around more people didn't interest him. It was hard enough getting used to Jonouchi, but dealing with another member of the friendship squad didn't interest him. She was especially self-righteous too, he could remember that well, and dealing with her shit was not going to happen.
"I'm not looking into hanging around people I don't even like."
"What do you mean, people you don't like?" Jonouchi bristled. Maybe he liked Kaiba (a lot), but he wasn't going to let him talk shit about Anzu. "Anzu's done a lot for you and Mokuba. You shouldn't be so hissy about it. She just wants to see you. It's not like you've known each other for five years."
"Jonouchi, she's annoying. Almost annoying as you are, actually, and I don't need to guilt trip myself into hanging out with her when I have more important things to be doing with my time, like running an international company. I'm not obligated to spend time around people who piss me off, even if they did do a few good deeds. I'm not indebted to her."
"Not indebted? The fuck is wrong with you?" Jonouchi growled. "I didn't say you owed her anything, I'm saying there's no reason for you to be an asshole about it. And what do you mean, she's "almost as annoying as me"?"
He leaned across the table, his chopsticks now pointing threateningly at Kaiba's chest.
"You can be as much of an asshole as you want on your own time, Kaiba," he muttered, glaring directly at him, "But don't you dare insult Anzu in front of me. She's a better person than you could ever hope to be."
Kaiba didn't say anything. He just snorted before wiping his mouth, thinking internally if he actually wanted to deal with Jonouchi for the rest of the night or not. His attitude was obnoxious, and Kaiba was nowhere obligated to spend time with people who kept begging for his time in the past. That shit was over now, and throwing the napkin onto the table, he got up and left before leaning against the side of the building, taking out a pack of cigarettes.
Leaving Jonouchi at the restaurant over a stupid argument would be bad, but he didn't feel like talking to him. Not over something as stupid as calling Anzu annoying. She was annoying, to him, with how she got in everyone's faces trying to tell them how to act when she didn't have the full story about anyone. Her know-it-all attitude was obnoxious, and if Jonouchi wanted to deal with it, fine. Good for him. That was his friend, not Kaiba's.
Besides, wasn't he the one who ensured Jonouchi didn't have to whore himself out to the guy that stole his virginity from him? Better person his ass...
Jonouchi ended up losing his appetite and tapping his chopsticks against the table, stewing. He wondered if Kaiba had actually left, or just stepped out. If he had left, then Jonouchi fully intended to pay his own part of the bill and run. He couldn't afford to cover Kaiba's too, and he wasn't going to pay it off if he'd decided to skip.
Still, it was too early to know. So he sat, feeling a simmering rage in his chest and trying to control his breathing. Honestly, he was probably more angry than he should be. He knew how Kaiba was, and he hadn't been that bad. Not normal or good, by any means, but he could have said worse. Not that he should be excused, in Jonouchi's opinion, but at least he was trying...
He snorted, internally chiding himself for always making excuses for people doing slightly less bad things than they could be. That was no way to run his life, was it?
But he felt bad for snapping at Kaiba. He shouldn't have insulted him, not like that. Jonouchi couldn't really help being defensive about his friends, though. If Anzu had openly insulted Kaiba, he would have told her off, too. It wasn't personal. It just really put him off that Kaiba would say something like that. Jonouchi had almost forgotten what an asshole he still was. If he was smart, it might make a difference, but of course it didn't. Being pissed at him didn't stop him from being irrationally smitten.
He wanted to get up and see if he could find him to apologize, but he didn't want the waiters to think he was ditching without paying the check. So he sat and waited, sighing as his anger melted into brooding. Which was fairly common for him, but he didn't have to like it. He didn't know if he should be glad or pissed that he always felt guilty for shit. Kaiba never did, and he was doing fine. Neither did Kitamura, and he was pretty much floating through life...
But he didn't really want to be like Kitamura. So maybe it was for the best.
Kaiba came back inside once he finished his cigarette, the nicotine working to cool his anger before he sat back down and ate his food. His eyes didn't look up at Jonouchi, just focusing on the food as he continued what was in front of him, using his chopsticks like an expert and eating his food gracefully. Maybe the silence was awkward, but it was better than bitching at each other from across the table.
Jonouchi could probably smell the smoke on his clothes, but Kaiba didn't matter. He wasn't a chain smoker, and he rarely ever indulged. It was something he only did when pissed off, and usually that was only one cigarette a week, most of the time even less than that.
Jonouchi detected the smell of cigarette smoke. He hadn't known Kaiba was a smoker, but it didn't really surprise him. Drinking and smoking often went hand-in-hand as vices, so it wasn't unexpected. He sat, still just picking at his remaining sushi. He wasn't sure what to say. Kaiba was a hard person to apologize to, in Jonouchi's opinion. It wasn't as if he'd refused an apology before, but they were both stubborn, as evidenced by their equal reluctance to speak or make eye contact.
It took a few minutes, but Jonouchi worked up his nerve and set his chopsticks down, looking across the table at Kaiba. His eyes were deliberately focused on his plate. It was so strange, having an argument with him now. A few months ago, Kaiba probably would have stared him down and insulted him before leaving. This was different. Jonouchi wasn't sure what to make of it, because of how awkward it was, but at least Kaiba hadn't skipped off.
"Kaiba," Jonouchi addressed quietly, trying to look non-threatening. He could put away his pride long enough to try to apologize. Kaiba sure as fuck wasn't going to do it. "I'm sorry for snapping at you. And for what I said. That wasn't right."
He didn't reply back. Just sat there and stared at the food, poking at the piece of salmon in front of him before sighing. No one really ever apologized to him, and Kaiba didn't know the proper way to respond, so silence was what he was most comfortable with. It was better than saying the wrong thing and offending Jonouchi, so he decided to just keep his mouth shut.
"I mean," Jonouchi muttered, not sure if Kaiba was still pissed or not. He was staring quietly at his sushi, poking it with his chopsticks. It reminded Jonouchi a little of a scolded child, except taller and with slightly cooler eyes. He didn't look angry, but Jonouchi wasn't sure if he was fine or not. "I'm not going to give you an award for being less of an asshole than you could have been, but I overreacted. I know you didn't mean anything by it, really, and as your friend I should have taken that into account.
If someone else was talking smack about you, I would have done the same thing, so I hope you don't think I'm villainizing you or whatever..."
Jonouchi decided to stop babbling and started picking at his sushi despite his lack of appetite. He didn't want to sit there staring at Kaiba and running his mouth. That would probably just annoy him, and Jonouchi didn't want to put him off further. Kaiba was the only person he'd ever had this much trouble being friends with. Even Anzu's judgmental words and actions didn't get under his skin that much. He didn't know what it was about Kaiba. Maybe it was just that Jonouchi cared too much. With everyone else, he was aloof to a degree. Not that he didn't care, but things they said just didn't get him.
With Kaiba, it was different. Everything he said mattered to Jonouchi. Before, there was no real reason for it. He admired Kaiba back then, but that was all there was to it. Now, though...well, his words held a lot more precedence now that Jonouchi was into him.
"I'm almost done," muttered Kaiba, eating his last bite of salmon, "And it's late. Are you ready to leave?"
"Uh," Jonouchi looked at what was left of his sushi and quickly finished it off. Since when did Kaiba finish eating before him? "Yes, I am."
He tried not to look too happy about the fact that Kaiba wasn't leaving him there, but he ended up smiling broadly all the same. Hopefully that wouldn't tick Kaiba off. It wasn't like he was smug. Just relieved.
Kaiba dropped enough money on the table to cover the bill and tip before stalking off outside to the car. He didn't want to be out in public anymore, where people could be watching him, and he was quick to slam the door of the car before turning the engine on and getting some soothing piano music playing so he could relax into driving back home. Usually he enjoyed that sort of thing, cutting off people in the highway, but tonight it just felt spoiled.
Which was unfortunate, since he had a long half an hour drive to make before they'd reach the suburbs. Jonouchi appeared content again, but quiet, however Kaiba wasn't going to complain about that. The quiet was nice, he could think while his radio went on just barely as background noise, and his car was silent as it sped through the freeway.
Mokuba was usually a chatter box during drives. He used the time as a way to get all the attention he wanted since Kaiba wouldn't be able to escape him until they were parked somewhere, and he was glad Jonouchi didn't have the same idea. Glancing at him, he looked content to just relaxing against the seats and not saying anything at all.
Jonouchi figured Kaiba might be brooding still, and even if not, he probably didn't want to be harassed through the entire drive. Jonouchi didn't want to smother him, especially after things got a little touchy. Kaiba liked his quiet. That had been made very clear in the past, and Jonouchi would have to learn to work with that. He preferred to fully engage with people while he was in their presence. It was part of why people liked him so easily; he gave them full attention and treated them like they were worthwhile. Most people liked that.
Still, everyone was different. Kaiba didn't seem to give a fuck whether he was fully engaged or not. Just Jonouchi being in the room seemed to count as company in his book, so he'd have to try not to make his presence unbearable.
When they got to the mansion, Jonouchi followed Kaiba to the front doors. He still didn't speak, unsure of what to say or whether he should talk at all. He didn't even know what they were going to do. Kaiba might just skip off to his study and lock the door, and Jonouchi would have to find something else to entertain him. He could deal with that, it was Kaiba's decision. Besides, not being around each other would make Jonouchi less tempted to have sex with him.
Kaiba didn't stop him from following, so Jonouchi trailed him through the house, wondering what was on the agenda. Kaiba seemed more focused than angry, so maybe he wasn't speaking because he had something on his mind.
His attention was on his study, locking himself into the room (and closing Jonouchi out unceremoniously) and turning on his laptop to work some more. And drink. He had more sake placed in his fridge, after Jonouchi raided it, and drinking while working seemed to keep his mind focused for some time before everything went shitty. He could deal with that, overlooking whatever drunk nonsense he ended up writing in the morning.
Usually it wasn't too bad. Just not detailed enough for anything worth showing, and it at least freed his mind enough to work without hesitation, especially while doing concept work. Thinking too hard about ideas was always an inventor's enemy, and he kept himself in control, engaging himself in engineering programs as he looked over his research and drank before his mind began blanking and he couldn't focus on anything.
Everything felt warm. His brain was fuzzy, and he half remembered Jonouchi being at his house, but he didn't know where. And he didn't like being ignorant of that, so he stumbled out of the study looking for him.
Jonouchi had gone to the guest room to shower and get into bed, since there wasn't much else to do in the mansion while Mokuba was asleep. Kaiba had locked himself in his study (shutting the door in his face, to boot), so he assumed he was preoccupied for the night and tried not to feel rejected. Kaiba didn't owe him anything. If he needed his space, Jonouchi would have to give it to him.
He sighed, getting under the blankets in the comfy bed. He couldn't help being a little upset, really, but it wasn't Kaiba's fault, was it? He couldn't help it if Jonouchi was head-over-heels with him and being completely irrational. He decided to try going to sleep, even though he wasn't tired in the slightest. He didn't have much success, and ended up staring at the darkened ceiling for quite a while.
It was maybe an hour or two after he got into bed that he heard noises in the hallway. Jonouchi sat up, worrying that there was somehow an intruder. And a very clumsy, noisy one at that. It turned out his concerns were unnecessary. The door opened a bit quickly, and Jonouchi could make out Kaiba's silhouette against the light of the hallway that was shining into the room.
"Kaiba?" Jonouchi felt his heart speed up a little bit, simply because he was panicked. What was he there for? Was he pissed, or was he in the mood? Jonouchi was hoping the latter wasn't the case. He was still trying not to fool around, and wasn't sure how well he could resist if Kaiba really tried. Fortunately, he wasn't usually the instigator.
"Why are you in here?" He asked in a slurred, confused voice. Walking over to the bed, he sat on the side before huffing. "I thought you just left off on me. I had work to do, and I didn't want you distracting me by making faces and shit like you usually do..."
Jonouchi was giving him odd looks, but Kaiba didn't think much of it. He was far too gone to get offended. "Why are you hiding in here? Is my bedroom really too scary for you now?"
He moved over towards Jonouchi, smirking and getting right up in his face before bumping noses and slumping over to lay on his chest. "I told you before, it's not haunted."
"Says you," Jonouchi muttered, surprised by having Kaiba fall on his chest, but he didn't complain. If he felt like snuggling up, who was he to stop him? He ran his fingers through his hair, fully aware that Kaiba must be drunk. Otherwise he wouldn't be here to begin with, most likely. "I know why you locked me out. Would have been nice if you'd said something, though, not gonna lie."
He combed his fingers through Kaiba's hair, feeling a little tingly when the other man's hand somewhat clumsily landed on his bare side. Was Kaiba planning to pass out in here with him? Jonouchi wasn't opposed to carrying him back to his bedroom and then returning. Then again, Kaiba was drunk, and someone needed to be there on the off chance that he threw up and started to choke...
"You get mad when I drink," explained Kaiba, lamenting while dropping his head on Jonouchi's chest, closing his eyes, "And I don't like it when you get all huffy about it. I should be allowed my vices, especially when I'm at home. Everyone expects so much of me, but I can't always be perfect... I'm not some robot."
"Who says robots are perfect?" Jonouchi snorted. "But Kaiba, I don't get mad when you drink. I get upset about why you drink. You're allowed to have your vices, I just worry about you."
He was probably sounding ridiculous, but who gave a fuck? Kaiba was drunk off his ass and most likely wouldn't care for at least eight hours. And he sounded so genuinely put off that Jonouchi felt like he should try to comfort him.
"I'm fine," lied Kaiba, smirking a little as he blinked his eyes open, "I can handle my shit."
He glanced at the bedroom door, realizing it was still open. That bothered him. Someone could go walking in on them, and he didn't like the idea of having his privacy ruined in his own home. Especially by Mokuba, who didn't always go to bed on time.
"Come to my bed with me, Jonouchi."
"Um," Jonouchi tried to protest, but Kaiba was already in the process of clumsily standing and tugging him along as he went. Jonouchi sighed and followed him, figuring Kaiba just wanted to go to his room and would probably end up passing out when he got there. He hoped so, anyway. If he wanted to do anything else...
When they got to Kaiba's bedroom, Jonouchi wondered if Kaiba was sober enough to get undressed before bed. He hoped so. Jonouchi didn't want him flipping shit if he ended up having to do it. Before he could follow that line of thought, he felt a hard shove on his chest, and he fell onto the bed, wind rushing out of his lungs. He watched Kaiba with wide eyes in the low light of the bedroom. The lights were off except from a very dim lamp on a desk by one of the windows. The light was blue, probably more intended for atmosphere than visibility.
"What's gotten into you?" Jonouchi asked nervously. Shit, any other time, this would be the most exciting thing in the world. Now it was just frightening, not because Kaiba scared him, but because Jonouchi was afraid of what he'd do.
"I drank a lot," said Kaiba, grinning as he crawled over the bed on all fours, "And then I felt bad about shutting you out, after that whole thing during dinner. You were really butt hurt. But I can fix that. Sort of."
He took off his shirt and threw it to the floor after it got past his head, exposing his chest muscles. Kaiba wasn't shy about showing off his body when he wanted something from someone, and he glanced at Jonouchi's shocked face before taking off his belt and sliding his pants off from his hips and onto the floor. Now he was near naked, kicking off his socks, and he moved to open up Jonouchi's legs before sliding between them and breathing against his neck.
"I think it would be a great idea to just have sex now," he said, still smirking as his nose rubbed against Jonouchi's jaw, "It's what you want and it'll make you feel better."
Jonouchi's heart was beating so quickly, and so heavily, that he thought it might burst from his chest. He was breathing rapidly in panic, his eyes wide as he cursed profusely in his mind. Was this a dream? It had to be another dream. This wasn't happening in real life.
He wished. If it was a dream, he could go along with Kaiba's plans and give no fucks. But he knew better, unfortunately, and it was killing him. Everything he wanted offered to him on a fucking silver platter, and he'd have to say no. He couldn't have sex with Kaiba. That would mean too much, to both of them. And if it happened, Jonouchi would have failed completely.
"Kaiba, I can't," he barely managed to speak without stammering, his body shuddering when Kaiba nipped at his neck. Did he have to make it so hard? Jonouchi wasn't that strong. The only thing keeping him under control at this very moment was the knowledge of how upset Kaiba would be if he got strung along. "You're drunk. Don't you remember? We can't have sex. I care too much."
He immediately regretted trying to ward him off, but it had to be done. He cried out in a terrible combination of elation and fear when Kaiba ground into him, obviously already getting hard. Jonouchi wasn't far off himself, honestly. How could he resist this? Kaiba was coming after him for sex. There was pretty much nothing else he wanted out of life at the moment.
"Kaiba, please," he begged, "I can't. I don't want to hurt you. Just don't."
That sobered Kaiba into stopping, although he didn't move. His breathing was slowing down as he huffed against Jonouchi's neck and held onto his hips, but he was no longer trying to do anything. It was just strange that he was being rejected, and for reasons he didn't quite understand, but Kaiba knew well enough to quit when the word "stop" rang through his head.
So he just moved away, defeatedly, before lying on the side of his bed. He had too much energy to sleep. Usually drinking helped calm him down, but with everything that was going on, he felt like he was going to explode if he didn't find some way to wear himself out. And sex sounded like a fantastic idea. Until now.
"Please don't be upset," Jonouchi sat up, looking at Kaiba and trying not to shake too much. He felt a horrible ache in his chest, and he was so tempted to give up and let Kaiba have his way that he could barely focus. "I want to. I really want to, Kaiba. It's actually causing me physical pain."
He felt his fingers shaking and clutched the sheets, trying to calm himself down. Why did this happen now, of all times? Couldn't it have been earlier? Couldn't it have been sometime when Kaiba was sober, and Jonouchi knew it was because he really wanted him and not because he was too drunk not to?
"I can't do this," Jonouchi slumped over, resting his forehead on Kaiba's chest. He felt the corners of his eyes stinging and breathed deeply to ward it off. "Kaiba, you were right. It's fucked up to fool around while I'm dating someone, even if it's just a shitty relationship. I don't want to string you along. I don't want to do that to you..."
"But doesn't your happiness matter to you?" interrupted Kaiba, looking up at Jonouchi and smirking, "I could make you so happy, and you don't want me to because you think I'll get upset. I'm not some kid, I can handle this."
"You wouldn't be saying that if you were sober," Jonouchi lamented. If only. If Kaiba didn't care, he'd sleep with him in a second. He didn't care about the moral repercussions, he cared about his friend's feelings. "If you were sober, you'd be irate. If you knew who I was dating-"
He cut himself off, feeling too choked up to continue. Like hell if he was going to cry over it. Especially right now, he didn't need to start sobbing uncontrollably.
"I'm sorry," Jonouchi murmured, "But I know how you felt sober."
"It's fine," sighed Kaiba, closing his eyes and snorting to himself, "If you don't want to, then I can't make you. I'll just have to wait until you change your mind... You should dump whoever this guy is, if he's standing in your way. He's obviously not doing anything for you, if you're running off into my bed, right?"
He flicked Jonouchi's nose as he said that, still too drunk to realize just how upset he was over the situation. The alcohol was making him feel pretty good, giddy and happy for once that he wasn't alone to brood in the dark, and he didn't understand why Jonouchi had to be so dour about being with him. Usually he was so upbeat. They would have had the most amazing sex, if he wasn't so depressed.
"You should dump him for me," he advised, playing with a lock of Jonouchi's hair, "You should leave him and then we could do whatever we wanted to. Would that make you happy?"
Jonouchi burst out laughing, not so much because he was happy or thought the situation was funny as...well, he was trying not to sob.
"Fuck off, Kaiba," he laughed, and he heard Kaiba snort, "You're gonna make me cry."
Why couldn't he say anything like that when he was sober?
"Of course it would make me happy. I would have assumed you knew that. But it doesn't matter, does it? Because you're drunk. You don't even like me, Kaiba. Not the way I like you, and certainly not enough to date me. Don't say things like that..."
Damn it all. Why couldn't Sober Kaiba be like this? Chasing him down for sex and telling him to dump his boyfriend for him...if he said anything like that in his right mind, Jonouchi would probably do it in a heartbeat. He'd give Kaiba whatever he wanted, if he really meant it.
"Don't say things you want to hear?" He teased, still playing with Jonouchi's hair, "Why not? You're not happy, like you were in high school, and I think we could have a good time together if you'd just drop whoever this guy is onto the side. Obviously he's not good enough to keep you from wandering back to me, and I don't care if I'm drunk," Kaiba sniffed, "I'm right. You want me. And I want you, so I don't see any reason not to just fuck already."
"You wouldn't say that if you were sober," Jonouchi insisted hopelessly. Kaiba was turned on, and he knew it. Anything that led to sex seemed like a good idea when a boner was doing the thinking. "Kaiba, you wouldn't want to touch me if you knew how fucked up I was. You know the worst part? I would dump him just so I could fuck you, if you said that sober. I definitely would, if it meant you'd have sex with me. I don't even need the promise of a relationship. How messed up is that?"
He sighed, his breath shaky and warm against Kaiba's chest. The hair touching made him feel a little better, but not much.
"I can't leave him, and I don't know why," he admitted defeatedly. Fuck his life if Kaiba remembered this in the morning. "I don't even know...I hate him, and I can't dump him. What the fuck is wrong with me?"
"I don't know," mused Kaiba, "Why would you leave your boyfriend for a one nighter with me?"
"Because," Jonouchi huffed, "I want to have sex with you. You know I'm desperate. It's not like I haven't made it obvious..."
"Jonouchi, everyone wants to have sex with me..."
"No, you don't understand," Jonouchi grumbled, "It's not just because I want the sex."
Kaiba hadn't really understood the last time Jonouchi tried to talk to him about it, but Jonouchi hadn't been very informative, either. He'd been too wary of the consequences at the time, but at this point, it was futile to be concerned.
"Kaiba, I'm in love with you and have been for a while. I appreciate that you aren't freaked out by my "crush", but..."
But his indifference was painful.
Kaiba was stunned at first, before he blinked.
"I didn't think it was that serious."
His brain sobered up just enough to realize what Jonouchi had said, but he didn't move away or anything. Just stared enough that it was a little uncomfortable, before he got on his back and started trying to fix his hair. He didn't know exactly what to say to that, because he certainly wasn't aware of that sober, and being drunk, his reactions to things were slow and rather clumsy. Sex still seemed like a fantastic idea, but then Jonouchi was having feelings... And that was tricky.
"Well, it is," Jonouchi muttered, heat rising to his cheeks. He was more embarrassed than anything now. Kaiba seemed a little worked up, despite how drunk he was. "So don't say shit unless you mean it, okay?"
Not that it was very helpful advice to a drunk person. He probably did mean everything he said. For now. When he sobered up, things would probably be different, or at least more rational. Maybe Kaiba did want to have sex with him, but when he was sober, he took more into account than how horny he was.
"I always mean everything I say," replied Kaiba, rolling his eyes and moving to lie on his side while looking Jonouchi in the eyes, his own still half-lidded from sexual desire and not quite there enough to really understand what was going on, "And I wasn't lying about wanting you. But since you want to get all huffy about it, we can just go to bed. I thought you'd want this, but apparently you don't. What a disappointment."
"Well, I'm so sorry to disappoint you," Jonouchi grimaced, sitting up, "It's not like you're tying me up in knots constantly. It isn't that I don't want to have sex, Kaiba, you know I do. But you won't be happy about it in the morning, if you even remember. I'll do other things if you want..."
Even though he wasn't supposed to be fooling around with Kaiba anymore. That hadn't lasted long, had it? But how could he help it when the man was coming after him so hard?
"Things like what?" Asked Kaiba, snorting indignantly, "We've done almost everything there is to do outside of the actual thing. You should just dump that guy you're so hung up on... Then this wouldn't be such a problem."
"It would be," Jonouchi insisted quietly, "Because I'm in love with you and you don't feel anything for me. I'd have sex with you anyway, because I'm too fucked up to turn you down, but it wouldn't be any good for me."
It was like talking to a sexually aroused wall. Kaiba wasn't hearing what he said, at least not in the right context. Jonouchi could understand not liking the rejection, but honestly...
"I like you," Kaiba tried, batting his eyelashes at Jonouchi before moving closer, "Shouldn't that be enough? It's not like you wouldn't enjoy what we'd be doing, I'd even let you decide how you want it. I'm game for anything, and I wouldn't hurt you like that other guy did..."
Jonouchi stiffened a little at the mention of Kitamura, and wondered at the possible consequences of actually having sex with Kaiba while he was drunk. Wasn't Kaiba a virgin? Didn't he want sex to be "meaningful"? Jonouchi didn't want his first time to be ruined because he was too weak to stop him.
"Kaiba, listen," Jonouchi moved closer to him, meeting his eyes and hoping his meaning would be properly understood, "It sounds great, really. I promise, if you want to when you're sober, I'll let you do whatever you'd like with me. But not now. I don't want your first time to be like mine."
Which was badly regretted and mostly forgotten. Or blocked out. If Kaiba remembered at all, he probably wouldn't be happy to wake up to fuzzy recollections of intercourse.
"Then what shall I do with you now?" He asked, huffing and feeling pretty defeated. Usually making eyes made people do whatever he wanted them to, but apparently Jonouchi wasn't going to be won that way, and he didn't think batting his eyelashes and getting in his personal space was going to get him anywhere anymore. Jonouchi seemed pretty staunch on not going past foreplay.
It had never happened before, being rejected. Usually people went after him, and he was the one telling them no. He liked Jonouchi, who was probably the only person he could stand in a personal relationship at this point, and it seemed like enough to him right now, but that was probably the drink talking. Everything seemed great after alcohol, and he wasn't exactly depressed for once since he found himself in the company of another person, so it felt like a good idea to celebrate. With sex.
But that wasn't going to happen. And becoming slightly sour over it, he moved away and closed his eyes.
"Don't go and sulk about it," Jonouchi leaned over Kaiba, feeling guilty. He wasn't sure if he should or not. "You can do whatever you want with me, Kaiba, except stick it in. I know it seems like the best idea ever, but it's just not a good time."
He couldn't believe he was insisting so hard. If Kaiba didn't remember this in the morning, he was going to make very sure that he found out. Jonouchi never wanted to be in a situation to turn Kaiba down for sex again.
"Come on," Jonouchi pressed his lips against Kaiba's neck, tickling his skin with his breath, "What can I do to cheer you up?"
"Dump this boyfriend," he snorted, "So you won't feel so guilty over shit. Then I'd cheer up."
"Well, write yourself a mental note to tell me again in the morning," Jonouchi snorted, "And I'll do it."
"I'm too drunk... Just remind me."
He opened his eyes finally, looking up at Jonouchi and smirking. "But since it's not morning yet, you need to suggest what you are willing to do. I don't want to go beyond your comfort level, but I have ways of making things feel almost like the real thing. Do you trust me?"
"Of course," Jonouchi replied a bit quickly, in his mind. That probably should have taken more thought. He did trust Kaiba, but he was pretty fucking drunk. "I trust you implicitly."
He watched Kaiba curiously, wondering why he'd felt the need to ask in the first place. The suspense was a little exciting, but Jonouchi didn't know if something was actually going to happen, or Kaiba was just being drunk.
"What exactly are you planning?"
"It's a secret," teased Kaiba, pushing Jonouchi to get up, "And promise me you won't look back to see what I'm doing until I tell you to. Or you don't get the surprise. Promise?"
"Um," Jonouchi's brows furrowed at this odd request, but he didn't really feel nervous. Even if Kaiba was drunk, he could probably be trusted not to hurt him. "If that's what you want, then I'll do it."
"Good."
He got up and snickered, walking off toward the bathroom.
"Don't get surprised by what I'm doing. I promise I'm not "sticking it in", so don't get all flustered. Just relax and trust me. I know what I'm doing," he laughed, digging crap out from under his sink, "And you promised not to look at me. Right?"
He came back with two things in his hand. A realistically molded dildo, from his younger experimental period that had failed, and a bottle of lube. The pleasure Jonouchi would get from it was not something he found exciting, it was uncomfortable the few times he tried it (and got so embarrassed that he locked the toy away for the longest time before admitting to himself he'd even used it), but now he found a better use for it.
"So," Jonouchi was lying on his stomach to better keep his end of the bargain, feeling sorely tempted to look back. Not that he was nervous, but he was nosy. Kaiba was never devious about what they did, but right now he seemed to have some outlandish plan. Jonouchi couldn't imagine what he had on his mind, but he was obligated to keep his eyes fixed ahead. "What are you doing with me, exactly?"
"I said it's a surprise."
He was sitting on his knees, opening a cap of lube and coating his fingers with it before leaning over Jonouchi. "You said you trusted me, so don't get all flustered and think I'm doing some crazy ass shit to you."
With his dry hand, he rubbed on Jonouchi's back, settling him down, before pressing wet fingers into him. It was a tight fit, but he didn't go very far. He stroked a little and waited for the muscles to relax before they relaxed more and he could sink his index two fingers deeper. Eventually, he managed to get in all the way to the second knuckles.
Kaiba had never tried it before on another person. Just once on himself, and it wasn't that comfortable. He found the pressure to be a cock block, and it didn't do much for him, but Jonouchi seemed to enjoy it. His breath was getting harder and he was holding onto the sheets with a death grip before Kaiba even started pulling in and out, rocking his fingers into him slowly while trying to get deeper inside of him.
"How does that feel?" He asked, purring into Jonouchi's ear, "I've never done this to another person before."
"Could've fooled me," Jonouchi shuddered, catching his breath, "It's good...just don't stop. And go faster."
He was being impatient (maybe too impatient for his own good), but he was extremely excited. Kaiba had never done anything like this to him before, and possibly wouldn't have thought to do so if he wasn't drunk off his ass, but Jonouchi wasn't going to complain. If Kaiba wanted to finger him, that was perfectly all right. It wasn't like it was something that would scar him for life when he found out in the morning.
Jonouchi wanted to get up and push back toward Kaiba, but he wasn't allowed to do so when he stirred. He grumbled a little at that, pressing his face into the pillow and enjoying the feeling of Kaiba's hand rubbing his back. It wasn't like he needed comfort, or anything, but the contact was nice; that little bit of extra consideration that made Kaiba think to do it, even while he was drunk, made Jonouchi feel all funny in the gut.
"You're torturing me," he complained, squirming at the slow pace, "Don't tease."
Kaiba didn't obey him, which made Jonouchi a little frustrated, but that didn't last for very long when he felt fingertips poking his prostate. Kaiba evidently had his own plan for how the evening was going to play out, and Jonouchi's impatience was irrelevant. Despite how good the fingers felt, it wasn't the amount of stimulation and pressure he really wanted. He was getting more desperate by the second, the feeling of Kaiba's fingers sliding in and out just enough to get him flustered, but not enough to get him really aroused.
It got to the point that his face was flushed, his eyes shut and lips parted as he huffed shallow breaths against the pillow. He'd given up moving entirely and only shuddered on occasion when the sensations built up too much or Kaiba nudged his prostate. Jonouchi was starting to feel warm everywhere, like it was radiating from his groin and spreading through him. It was very new and unexpected, and feeling out of his element, he chose to lie obediently and deal with what he got.
Kaiba withdrew his fingers, snorting before picking up the dildo and coating it generously with lubricant. It was about the same size as an actual man's erection, give or take a few inches depending on the individual, and he found it funny that he'd bought it in the first place. He hated what it looked like, and how it felt to him, but maybe Jonouchi would get some enjoyment out of the toy. It was certainly molded realistically, and he'd paid a shit load for it to ensure the quality. Once he pressed it into Jonouchi, he could see the difference immediately.
Jonouchi was shuddering in pleasure, pressing up against it to get more. Kaiba was slow about penetrating, he knew he was drunk and didn't want to be going any further than necessary to get it in, but Jonouchi was almost fighting against his careful measures. He was loud, breathing hard and huffing before the toy was fully inside of him, and stopping to massage the blond's hair, Kaiba just kissed his neck a few times, waiting for him to relax, before sliding it in and out.
He could only imagine what it would feel like if he was actually doing it. The warmth, the wetness from the lubricant, and the tightness from being inside Jonouchi. People had said anal penetration was generally more arousing than vaginal, that girls lost some of their thrill after too many times and babies, which they couldn't be faulted for, but Kaiba didn't feel like he was missing much sexually. Not if it was this easy to get Jonouchi worked up, just by giving him anal stimulation. He started kissing him around his throat before working the toy into harder thrusts.
Jonouchi knew from the lack of motion against the mattress that Kaiba couldn't be penetrating him personally, but that didn't diminish the effect. He was already starting to moan, and none too quietly. He'd heard Kaiba snort in response at first, but his amusement had apparently faded. Jonouchi was trying to push back, wishing Kaiba would push harder and preferably faster, but there wasn't much he could do about it.
The pace drove him crazy. Not that he wasn't fully enjoying it, of course, but it was wracking his body with sensation that was incredible and mind-blowing, yet not quite enough. He shuddered every time Kaiba pulled whatever it was out of him, and caught his breath when it pushed back in and rubbed against his prostate. He was twisting up the sheets so badly that it was a wonder they weren't tearing.
"Kaiba," he pleaded desperately, trying to turn his head to look back and finding himself unable. Kaiba had stopped him. "Kaiba, please..."
Jonouchi gasped and cut off when he felt a particularly intense jolt of pleasure, but Kaiba still didn't pick up the pace. Either he was being careful, or he was enjoying putting Jonouchi through torture. Whichever was the case, Jonouchi started rocking back harder, trying to do so in time with the penetrations. The feeling of extreme pressure had eased enough that he could move on it easily, and it wasn't forcing his vision to go black periodically. He was surprised at the level of comfort, really.
"Dammit," he bit down on the pillow when his prostate was rubbed again. It wasn't done consistently, so he could never see it coming. Somehow, that only made it more exciting. "Kaiba, please, stop fucking with me. Just move faster already..."
"If you'd stay still, I would."
He didn't want Jonouchi moving too hard against it and hurting himself. Kaiba was intoxicated, but aware enough of the situation not to do something stupid, and he used his free hand to massage Jonouchi's hair and press against him to keep him down before rubbing against him, using the momentum to work him harder while ensuring he wouldn't buck too hard against the dildo and hurt himself. He didn't want him complaining in the morning about his grand idea, and watching was a turn on. If Jonouchi didn't get off, well, it would leave the night on a bad note. And Kaiba didn't want that either.
So when Jonouchi didn't put up a fight against being held down, he moved his weight until he was right up against him, his erection sliding against his rear while he used his elbows to keep himself up. His right hand was still thrusting the toy into him, harder now that he was also grinding against him in time, and he could feel himself starting to shudder from the feeling. It wasn't as great as actual sex would probably feel, but Jonouchi's back was slick with sweat, and hot, and it made the feeling very arousing.
Enough that it was better than simple frottage, Jonouchi was in such a state. He stopped messing with his hair and just held down one of his hands to ensure he didn't buck up too hard, his teeth scraping against Jonouchi's neck as he rammed into him a few more times, listening to him cry out before he shuddered, his back dipping low and his face relaxing; Kaiba let go of the dlido before biting him and thrusting against him a few more times, feeling his mind go blank.
Jonouchi felt warm liquid splatter across his lower back, and wasn't sure if he should feel turned on or grossed out. He was only just getting over his orgasm, so frankly he found it strangely stirring, but by the time he caught his breath he doubted he'd feel the same way.
For now, though, he was lying on his stomach, panting. He heard Kaiba breathing heavily behind him. He hadn't collapsed, which was probably for the best. He would have had cum smeared all over his stomach otherwise. Jonouchi was going to try saying something to him, but he was too out of breath and spent. His insides still felt tender, enough that he made quiet murmurs in response when Kaiba carefully pulled the dildo out of him. Or, Jonouchi assumed it was a dildo. He couldn't imagine what else it might be. That was kind of embarrassing, honestly, but it had been a good simulation.
He wanted to roll over onto his back, but he'd have to wait until he could clean up that mess. Maybe Kaiba would help him with it later.
"That was incredible," Jonouchi sighed, stretching his legs before relaxing entirely. He was still enjoying the euphoria of the orgasm he'd had. Kaiba hadn't even been actually penetrating him, but the whole situation had been incredibly arousing. Jonouchi couldn't remember a time that he'd been so turned on that it took conscious effort to lie still for any period of time.
"I didn't think I'd ever find another use for this stupid thing," snicked Kaiba, rolling off his back and leaving into the bathroom for a towel, "And you have cum all over your back. It's kind of sexy."
He was snorting in amusement as he dumped the overly expensive sex toy into the sink to clean later. He grabbed a towel returned to the bedroom to wipe Jonouchi's sweaty back off so he wouldn't have dried semen all over him. Then, after grabbing his arm to make him sit against the headboard, Kaiba took the comforter off and went into the closet to grab another one, since sleeping in Jonouchi's spilled semen wouldn't smell or feel good. Especially if they tossed around.
Jonouchi was silently sitting against the headboard, messing with his own hair before Kaiba came back. He seemed rather out of it, but Kaiba didn't think much about it. He was tired, the alcohol was wearing off, and he wanted to sleep everything off.
Jonouchi almost didn't notice Kaiba get on the bed. He was rubbing at his eyes; the lashes felt strangely clingy, and he was wondering if he'd gotten sweat in them. He realized as he wiped at it that he must have teared up a little, for whatever reason. It might have been the intensity, or just his inability to ward off his near-breakdown from earlier while he was being so thoroughly fucked. He was just grateful that he hadn't actually started crying. That wouldn't have ended well.
He lay down as Kaiba did, turning his head so he could look at him. They were still both overheated, so he chose not to get close immediately. The glow of sex seemed to be warding off the bad feeling the room usually gave him, at least for the moment. Jonouchi wondered why the room felt so strange to him. The guest bedroom made him paranoid because of the size, but in Kaiba's room there was almost a chill.
"Kaiba," he addressed when he saw his breathing even out a little. Jonouchi wanted to catch him before he fell asleep. "What about cum on my back is "sexy" to you, hmm?"
He wasn't exactly upset about it. It was a little kinky, and Jonouchi could get behind that. He just hadn't expected it from Kaiba, of all people. It was like dealing with another version of the same man when he was drunk. He had none of the reservations that Sober Kaiba had.
"You have an attractive back," replied Kaiba, his eyes closed and breathing slowing down, "It looks nice when it's all glistening and you're bending down, and having my own cum on it is hot. I can't explain something like that, don't pick on me over my tastes."
Jonouchi hadn't complained about it. He was trying hard to rub against him (or the dildo), and Kaiba had to push him down to keep him from hurting himself. It made him wonder what actual sex would be like. Who would have the better endurance, and if Kaiba would even be able to keep up with him. Once he was sober, he thought to try it out.
"I'm not picking on you, I promise," Jonouchi replied, smiling with more pride than he probably should have, "I'm just interested. You've never put me and sexy into the same context before."
Not verbally, anyway. Jonouchi had certainly said plenty on the subject, even if not in so many words, but Kaiba had always responded to attention as opposed to instigating. Probably for the best. Jonouchi would be embarrassed if Sober Kaiba ever saw what a giant slut he could be for shit like that. Responding to attention was one thing; everyone liked attention. But the other things...
"I hope you'll remember at least some of this when you're sober," Jonouchi sighed, "I really do. I want to do this with you again. I want to do more, even, assuming you don't get all your reservations back when you wake up."
"I can't be drunk all the time," laughed Kaiba, "And I can't be that dull when I'm not. Come on, don't get all emotional over it. I know you feel deeply about me and all, but we can't do everything... not really, until you drop this boyfriend of yours. I'm not going to be the other man in the relationship..."
He would never forgive himself for doing something like that. Kaiba still had principles.
"Do you want me for anything more than sex?" Jonouchi asked, the amusement now faded from his eyes. It was replaced by an almost pleading look, his pupils dilated and making the hazel irises shrink. "Because I don't want to just end up with the same thing."
"... I enjoy your company."
"But you don't want to date me?"
"It would be very difficult doing that sort of thing," mumbled Kaiba, sighing, "And I prefer you as a close friend. Wouldn't that be enough? We do all the same things without the title of "dating", I don't see why it would matter all that much. It's not like you're going to tell all your friends about me..."
Jonouchi wasn't sure what to say. If Kaiba didn't understand, then it was unlikely he would with prodding. He sighed, turning over and lying with his back to Kaiba. It seemed that was a bust, after all. What was the point in getting wrapped up with Kaiba if he didn't want any emotional commitment? It would just be the same crap over again. Maybe Kaiba wasn't awful like Kitamura, but Jonouchi actually cared about him. He couldn't tolerate something like that, just being "friends with benefits". He needed it to mean more.
He scoffed at himself. Looked like he was turning into a romantic. Or, that was what he wished was the case. More likely, he was just too much of a coward now to be in love with someone who just wanted his "company" and sex. Maybe before Kitamura, Jonouchi would have thought he could deal with that. Now he knew better. It was bad enough only being good for sex without the unrequited love thrown into the mix.
"Will you dump this boyfriend of yours?"
"If I do," Jonouchi replied quietly, "It won't be for your sake."
"Tch. I'd hope you'd do it because you're clearly unhappy. I didn't ask you to come over and start fooling around with me only for your feelings to get all caught up in it. That's not my fault, Jonouchi, so don't get all snippy with me over it."
"I don't care whose fault it is," Jonouchi looked back enough to scowl at Kaiba, "It's a shitty situation, and your drunk ass is treating it like it doesn't mean anything. I'm not going to start something with you just so I can be a sex and sleeping aid."
He lay down again, huffing. Kaiba always talking about how shit wasn't his fault. He was keen not to take responsibility for anything, wasn't he?
"What's the point in that? I'm already being used. At least I don't care about him like I do you. I'd rather deal with that than be your toy on the side."
"Then forget I mentioned anything..."
"Why not? You probably will," Jonouchi muttered, his brows furrowing. He was more hurt than anything, but it was easier to be angry. "You wouldn't even think I was good enough to fuck if you were sober. I don't want to throw myself into any more shitty situations, thank you very much."
He could only really handle one at a time, his living situation notwithstanding. Kitamura already had him on the verge of a breakdown with no real change in sight. It wouldn't be a good idea to jump straight from that to Kaiba, who despite his more friendly behavior still considered him unworthy of a romance. Jonouchi didn't know if that was better or worse than Kitamura, who didn't seem to understand the concept of romance in and of itself.
Jonouchi groaned, rolling onto his stomach and burying his face in the pillow. He could tell himself as many times as he pleased that he needed to get his shit together, but it seemed to be futile. He just couldn't seem to do anything about his situation, and he couldn't quite identify the root of the problem. Mai's flustered "advice" about having some self-respect kept returning to his mind, and the more they did, the more uncomfortable he felt. He'd always had low self-esteem, but that was whatever. A lot of people had that problem. It had never been too bad; in high school he'd had friends to support him, and then he'd become an adult. Kind of.
But this was something else entirely. Throwing himself at someone who would never love him while letting his rapist keep him as a pet wasn't the best thing that could have happened. It seemed like he couldn't catch a break, between Kitamura somehow constantly swaying him and Kaiba treating his emotions like they weren't that important. Like he was a girl in high school swooning over someone. Did he take him seriously at all?
"God dammit, Kaiba," Jonouchi sighed, resting his chin on the pillow, "I want you to love me back. That is literally the only thing I want at all, and you refuse to feel anything romantic about me."
He didn't hear a reply, just some heavy breathing. He turned his head to see if Kaiba was upset, but it looked like he was asleep. Jonouchi glared at him.
"Asshole," he grumbled, "You always miss the important things."
At least tomorrow Kaiba would be sober and stop sending mixed messages. He was a little more responsible when he was sober, and less likely to insist on sex while professing a complete lack of romantic engagement between them. If he did, well...Jonouchi would probably just go home. And not come back. It would just be easier. Besides, if he did that, he could quit fooling around with Kaiba and just have Kitamura left to deal with. He could handle being a whore for one of them, but both at a time was just too much.
Jonouchi lay on his side, his back to Kaiba, and he sighed tiredly as he closed his eyes. The room was giving him a chill again, and he felt like there was someone watching in the darkness, but he tried to ignore the sensation. He was superstitious, more than most Japanese, and he didn't want his imagination giving him more nightmares.
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Ambivalence