Adult-FanFiction.org : Yu-Gi-OH

Ambivalence	By : PupshitDesu Category: Yu-Gi-Oh > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 4882 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: We do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any associated properties therein. We do not profit from the creation of this work.

Chapter List
- 20
- 21
- 22
Kaiba sat on a bench alone, watching his brother and Jonouchi from afar. They were grinning stupidly, pointing at a troupe of monkeys that were throwing food at each other, and they resembled the animals in more ways than one. Especially Mokuba with his thick head of hair that he never seemed to have it under control, and he was just as hyperactive as the animals too, running through the zoo with Jonouchi in hand.
Somehow, he managed to get sucked into coming with them. It wasn't what he wanted, Kaiba wanted space after what had happened back in the house, but Mokuba was ignorant of the situation and begged his brother to come along. Jonouchi seemed offended when he resisted being sucked into another outing with them, so unwilling but not cold enough to refuse, Kaiba allowed himself to be dragged along.
Which meant sitting alone at a bench and working away on his phone. He hated the smell of zoo animals, they stunk and there were crying babies everywhere. At least his theme park was too mature for really small (and obnoxious) kids, but being stuck at the zoo, he couldn't get away from the mothers and their stupid strollers.
A few people recognized who Kaiba was, but he averted his gaze and didn't respond to anyone calling his name. Better play deaf than be annoyed all afternoon, and dealing with Jonouchi all day would wear him out regardless. He didn't need his fan boys all over him too.
"Nii-sama, stop being a party pooper and come look at the animals with us."
Jonouchi frowned at him. He knew the reason why Kaiba was keeping a good distance was because of him, but he didn't say anything about it with Mokuba around. It was like high school shit, this game of cat and mouse Kaiba was playing with him because he couldn't handle the situation. He didn't need to be so open in how hard he tried to ignore his presence, and Jonouchi felt offended. Really offended.
"I don't like monkeys."
That made Jonouchi snort. Kaiba didn't like them, but he certainly knew how to throw shit around like one of them.
"You're being a drag, Nii-sama," complained Mokuba, "I know you don't like the smell, but you could at least look with us."
"I can see them well enough from here."
Jonouchi snorted, rolling his eyes and grabbing Mokuba to take him to the next cage. He wanted to hit Kaiba upside the head for having such a silent tantrum, but he wouldn't. At least not in public, and he wasn't entirely sure if Kaiba would hit him back. That wouldn't be good, if he actually did try to hurt him.
Would he?
Ah, whatever. He was being an asshole and deserved it. Jonouchi glanced back at him, scowling a little, and he couldn't believe he wanted the asshole. Kaiba was just sitting there cross legged in his black sweater and leather pants, scrolling through his phone doing bullshit work he could have waited to finish once they were back at the mansion. He was such a fucking child at times.
"Kaiba," he yelled out, "Stop sitting there with a stick up your ass and look around with us. We're supposed to be having fun together, you know."
The man glanced up from his phone, but glared at Jonouchi, staring at him with his piercing blue eyes before going back to what he was doing. As if that would intimidate Jonouchi though; he let go of Mokuba's arm and marched right up, standing in front of him with his arms crossed before taking a deep breath.
"What's your damn problem?" He asked, staring him down even though Kaiba wouldn't look up at him, "Your brother wanted to hang with both of us, and you're sulking around behind like you have something better to do. I thought we were past this crap already."
"Go away, Jonouchi."
He huffed, kicking the gravel in front of Kaiba's legs and spraying him with a few rocks before grabbing his arm and trying to force him up, "Be mad at me if you want, but don't be a dick to Mokuba because you can't handle my feelings."
"I'm fine, let go of me," snapped Kaiba, slapping Jonouchi's grip away before straightening out his clothes and dusting off his pant legs. He left Jonouchi standing there, stalking over to Mokuba to get inside the reptile house before Jonouchi ran after him, trying to catch up.
He liked the reptile house. There were all sorts of neat animals in there, like snakes and lizards from all parts of the world. Mokuba was rushing around from place to place, looking at the different animals on exhibit while Kaiba casually glanced through the glass, not appearing all too impressed by anything at all. His attitude was sour, and waltzing right over to where he was standing, Jonouchi bumped shoulders with him.
"Don't do that," Kaiba hissed, giving Jonouchi a sideways glance, "What the hell is your problem?"
"I don't know, what's yours?" Jonouchi challenged back, cocking an eyebrow at him, "You've been determined to hate me or just ignore my presence all afternoon. What gives?"
"How about I want a break from you?"
Kaiba pushed him back, snorting, before walking off to look at the emerald tree boa, standing there with his arms folded and scowling. He seemed so prissy, like an angry girlfriend, and Jonouchi couldn't help but laugh from amusement before approaching him again.
"You know," he said, standing next to him, "I can tell you're trying really hard to hate me right now. And it's not working. You're not fooling anyone."
"Jonouchi, piss off."
"No, I won't," he replied back, standing there defiantly and trying to get Kaiba to look at his eyes, "I'm not gonna shrink away because you can't handle being around it. Get over yourself, Kaiba, I thought we were friends."
"I said piss off."
Jonouchi moved back, Kaiba's eyes a little too constricted for his liking, but he was relieved when the man just walked away again. He seemed determined to get his space, and giving up, Jonouchi huffed before joining Mokuba.
"What's with Nii-sama?" Mokuba was looking at a pair of vipers, only glancing at Kaiba once before sighing, "He's being more surly than usual. Did you do something to piss him off?"
"No," replied Jonouchi, "Not really. He's just being fucking ridiculous. As usual."
"Then you did something to piss him off," laughed Mokuba, "Or else he wouldn't be trying too hard to get away from you. He's always like this when he's peeved with someone, just leave him alone for a while."
Jonouchi frowned, but did as advised. It felt like giving up, but glancing back at Kaiba, he could see just how strained his face was. Maybe he was feeling uncomfortable about the outing; they hadn't been around each other like this since before they were fooling around. Being so close yet distant did feel a little weird, but Jonouchi couldn't lie and say he didn't enjoy the outing.
It would just be so much better if Kaiba wasn't focused on hating him for no reason.
He decided to give Kaiba his space, reluctant to do so but assured by Mokuba that it was the proper course of action. If they were going to interact with one another today, it would have to be later. Probably not in public, and hopefully by Kaiba's choice. The latter was very unlikely, though, given the circumstances. Kaiba was trying very hard not to be friendly. Jonouchi felt like he must be getting rusty at it. Or maybe he was just so used to it now that it was more of an irritation than anything.
Jonouchi focused on having fun with Mokuba and letting Kaiba sulk in the background (or wander off altogether, when the mood struck him). It wasn't like he didn't enjoy just spending time with the younger Kaiba brother. Mokuba was much cheerier and far less complicated, and having fun with someone at his own level of maturity improved Jonouchi's mood.
They ended up staying at the zoo for several hours. The time was prolonged because Mokuba and Jonouchi had stopped in the garden zone of the zoo, where they kept all the exotic butterflies and ponds of colorful fish. The two of them had run around the place playing tag, of all things, and driving Kaiba half-crazy because he couldn't keep up with his little brother in the enormous greenhouse. The temperature and thick scent of flower pollen in the air probably didn't make him any happier about it, but Jonouchi didn't really care. Kaiba was the cause of his own bad mood. No need to stop the fun to make him slightly less grumpy.
Mokuba was exhausted after their little game, since he'd been avoiding both Jonouchi and Kaiba (with expertise). Kaiba was impolitely relieved when they told him they'd concluded their visit, and the three of them drove to the brothers' hotel. Jonouchi sat in the shelf of a backseat the car, having decided against putting himself within arm's reach of Kaiba Seto for the moment. He didn't think he'd get smacked or anything, but Kaiba had a bubble of personal space that only Mokuba was allowed to break when he was this pissy.
When they got back to the hotel, Mokuba wanted to watch a movie in the living room of the suite. Kaiba ended up hiding in his room, and Jonouchi, being the completely illogical person he was, decided this was a great time to harass him some more. If nothing else, they were in private, so maybe Kaiba would be a little more amiable. Or he'd make even more of a scene. It depended on his mood, really.
Jonouchi excused himself from the movie with Mokuba, and heard him snort when he realized he was on his way to Kaiba's room. No matter, Jonouchi would be back soon enough if things went too poorly.
He knocked on the bedroom door before entering. He knew he wasn't going to get a response, but he didn't want the first thing he did to be surprising Kaiba with his entry.
"Hey," he greeted quietly, peeking around the door into the bedroom.
"What do you want now?"
Kaiba was lying on the bed, working on his laptop. His eyes never left the computer as he worked, focusing almost completely on the screen as he typed away. It was unlikely that he'd be doing anything else, since he didn't sleep well and work at least put him into ease instead of sitting there on top of the bed unable to rest or do anything.
"What do I ever want? Right now, I'd just like to talk, if that's okay."
He knew it wasn't. But Kaiba knew it was going to happen anyway, so it was doubtful that he'd comment on it. Jonouchi entered, shutting the door behind him and standing near it. He wanted to gauge where Kaiba was drawing the line with personal space at the moment before he moved any closer.
"Why are you so angry today?"
"I'm not angry," Kaiba replied back, still typing and now slowing down, "I just don't understand how you can't get the concept of giving a person space. No wonder people thought you were so obnoxious in high school, I just wanted to be left the hell alone today, and you just stalked me all over that damn zoo."
"We weren't even together half the time," Jonouchi corrected, rolling his eyes. Kaiba sounded like an angsting teenage girl, in his opinion, but it was best not to say that. "And you were the one doing the stalking in the garden. You wouldn't have seen me half as much earlier if not for that."
He took a few steps toward the bed, slowly. He wasn't kicked out just yet, so he decided to make a gradual approach.
"You aren't always like this. Something's under your skin."
"I wasn't going to leave Mokuba alone for you to watch," snapped Kaiba, now finally looking at Jonouchi with sharp eyes before shutting his computer and putting down the top, "That's the only reason why I went into that infuriatingly humid garden in the first place. It wasn't because I wanted to, and certainly not because you were busy running around like a damn five year old inside there too.
All I wanted today was space..."
"So full of hate," Jonouchi snorted, "Don't be so mad. I didn't mean to piss you off, really. I was just trying to spend a little time with you casually, and you were surly. So I left you alone for a while."
His expression sobered as he looked at Kaiba, who was still seething on the bed. This anger was so different from the usual. Jonouchi knew from dealing with others that there was a difference between rage, and anger that was covering up something else. Kaiba was probably the first man he'd ever seen doing it, but he noticed the same signs. Irrationality, imagined slights, being disproportionately pissy about things that weren't very important...
"I'm sorry I made you feel imposed upon," he apologized, "But you acted like there was something wrong, and I wanted to know what. I'm not just trying to be nosy, Kaiba. You're my friend. I care about you."
"Yeah well, your problem is you care too damn much," replied Kaiba, turning onto his side and turning off a lamp to give Jonouchi a clue to leave, "I didn't need you asking after me, and I don't want your company, so just leave me alone already."
He just laid onto the bed on his stomach, throwing a pillow over his head and shutting his eyes. Kaiba knew he wouldn't fall asleep, not for several hours if he was sleeping alone in the dark, but he didn't want Jonouchi around either. It bothered him, the way he looked at his eyes intently, and he tried moving away when he felt the bed compress from the weight sitting down by the edge of it.
"What's the matter?" Jonouchi asked quietly. "I can tell you're upset about my feelings, and I understand that. To be honest, I didn't expect you to care so much about it. I'm kind of flattered."
He was leaning toward Kaiba now, bracing himself with one hand on the bed. How was Kaiba breathing with that pillow pressed over his face?
"You don't need to be this upset about it," he muttered, "It isn't that important. For you, I mean. I'm not going to try to encroach on your love life or anything."
There was a snort, but nothing else. Kaiba wasn't budging and just flipped onto his side so his back was facing Jonouchi before sighing and pressing the pillow into his face harder. Like hell if Jonouchi thought he could try something now that he wasn't drunk and Mokuba wasn't around, he just wanted to be left alone and wait for three am to come along so he could eventually fall asleep.
Mokuba was probably wondering what Jonouchi was doing too. Why he had left to Kaiba's room for so long, and shrinking from that, he felt embarrassed for himself and the remote possibility that his brother would figure it out. It wasn't like Jonouchi was subtle about who he gave inexplicit attention to.
"Look, Kaiba, your friendship is more important to me than anything. I can deal with my emotions, okay? It's not a big deal. I know I fucked up, thinking I was going to be able to fool around with you and not care, but at the time I didn't even think I could feel that strongly. I thought the same way you did. I assumed it was a crush that would go away."
He sighed, deciding to sit with his back to the headboard. Might as well get comfortable if he wanted to have a proper conversation with himself.
"I've come to terms with it. It's a lot easier without the sex," he admitted quietly. He felt strangely embarrassed and exposed. "So you don't need to avoid me. If anything, that just makes it a lot worse, Kaiba. Love is a funny emotion. Being shunned or abused by someone isn't going to drive a person away if they're in love. It's just the way things are."
There still wasn't any response, but he could tell Kaiba was listening. His breathing was quiet, nearly undetectable, and the pillow wasn't being crushed as hard to his face.
"Stop making yourself mad about it and just spend some time with me and your brother, why don't you? It's not like the two of us have all that much opportunity to hang out anyway, and I'm sure Mokuba would like to have our company without the bickering."
Jonouchi sat quietly, wondering if Kaiba was thinking or stubbornly ignoring him. If he was ignoring him, well...Jonouchi would just stay there until he paid attention, probably. Just talk at him about shit like he usually did when Kaiba was asleep, except now he was awake. And sober, even.
"Kaiba," Jonouchi grinned, gently tugging at the pillow in a playful fashion. He heard Kaiba intake a sharp breath, and felt the bed shift as he tensed a little, clutching it close again. "Don't hide your face. It makes for great scenery. Plus, you're going to smother yourself with that pillow..."
He leaned close enough that he could peer over the pillow when he bent it, and he could see one of Kaiba's eyes, nearly but not quite obscured by his tousled bangs.
"Why are you shy, anyway? I'm the one who's getting rejected."
"Screw off."
"Not tonight," Jonouchi replied, unphased, "And probably not in the future. You know I'm not going to leave you alone."
Kaiba laid there for a while in silence thinking over it. He didn't want to move, but his personal space was being encroached upon. Maybe if he moved to the living room, he'd end up getting more space and Jonouchi would leave him alone because Mokuba would be there to watch. It seemed more plausible that Jonouchi would back off, since his gayness would be showing, and shifting again, he sighed before taking the pillow off.
And silently, he rose up from the bed, dumping the pillow onto Jonouchi's lap, and said nothing before leaving the room and shutting the door behind him. Entering the darkness of the living room, he was surprised to find that Mokuba had left (probably for bed), but he went to lay down on one of the couches anyway, not paying the movie any mind.
He didn't really care for films much. They were usually too simple for him, and the only ones he liked were the rather pretentious European movies his mother used to watch when he was a kid, although he didn't understand what was going at the time. It was almost a comfort now, zoning out to Shakespeare and the like, and Kaiba mellowed out once he realized that Mokuba was watching Lord of the Rings.
At least that film was decent.
Jonouchi sat by Kaiba cautiously. He seemed to be a little dazed, or at least less angry. Maybe watching a bunch of confused British people running around was improving his mood. Jonouchi sat in the floor with his back to the couch, trying to stay near. Kaiba had chosen to lie on the seat with the best view of the television, so it was his own fault if Jonouchi was in his personal space.
The movie was interesting to him. He'd never seen the Lord of the Rings all the way through; only bits and pieces of each movie on the television sometimes when he was out of the house. He watched intently for a while, but the movie was long, and his ass started to go numb from sitting on the floor. Once he'd exhausted every possible position trying to get more comfortable, he turned his head to look at Kaiba.
"It's really uncomfortable sitting here," he complained pathetically, "Can I sit on the couch, please?"
Kaiba glanced down at him, glaring, but moved enough that he'd have a place to sit down. Not much else, since he had his legs hanging off the side somewhat and he didn't already like having his personal bubble invaded, but apparently Jonouchi couldn't go sit in some other couch in the living room.
Whatever.
He didn't complain verbally when Jonouchi moved, and it was awkward when that warmth was near his face from Jonouchi being so close, but he tried not to think about it.
"Kaiba, for fuck's sake," Jonouchi chided, idly running his fingers through his hair in an attempt to coax him into a more comfortable position, "Don't make yourself uncomfortable trying to spite me. You can put your head in my lap if you want."
It would be more comfortable than whatever he was trying to do at the moment, anyway. His skull was pressing hard against Jonouchi's thigh as it was. May as well stop being stupid and lie more naturally.
"Come on," he peered down at Kaiba, who still looked very irritated, and had a sort of long-suffering expression on his face. Didn't he ever get tired of being this stubborn? "It'll feel better. I promise I won't tell anyone."
"You enjoy this too much."
Kaiba was angry, but he did as asked, moving his head onto Jonouchi's lap and averting his gaze so he was only looking at the movie. He didn't like being peered at, but thankfully it was pretty dark in the room and Jonouchi would strain his eyes doing that. He could already feel him leaning somewhat to get comfortable, his legs crossed at the ankles, and Kaiba was glad Mokuba was gone. Hopefully asleep and not planning on returning.
"Enjoy what?" Jonouchi chuckled. "Having to coax you into simple contact? Or do you mean I enjoy having you lie down with your head in my lap?"
Jonouchi stroked Kaiba's hair rhythmically. It was making him almost sleepy to do it. It reminded him of sleepovers he'd had at Honda's house, where his friend's pet cat had been completely unfriendly except when it wanted to cuddle at night. Jonouchi still remembered the feeling of it purring while it was lying on his chest and he tiredly stroked its fur until he fell asleep. And of course, the next day the cat would act as if nothing had happened.
So Kaiba was kind of like a surly cat.
"It's nice. The contact, and the companionship," Jonouchi mused, "I don't mean to make you uncomfortable."
"Sure."
As long as Jonouchi wasn't staring down at him, he wouldn't get huffy. That shit annoyed the hell out of him, feeling studied. Or admired. Most people liked looking at him, for purely physical reasons, but when Jonouchi looked at him, it felt too personal. Like Kaiba was exposed to him, and he didn't appreciate those kind of stares, especially at close quarters. It was one of the reasons why he tried so hard to avoid him at the zoo.
But it didn't exactly work out the way he wanted. Jonouchi still watched him, from afar, like he was keeping tabs on him. It made Kaiba scowl, when he caught his hazel eyes on him, but he couldn't snap at him from a distance, it would only cause a scene.
At least he wasn't doing that now. Feeling tired as the day wore down on him, he started to close his eyes as the movie wound down and eventually couldn't stop himself from passing out in Jonouchi's lap. It was comfortable and warm and he couldn't stop when his hair was being stroked.
Jonouchi was bending his head, not so much to intentionally stare at Kaiba as because he was too tired to hold it up. Was this adulthood? Being exhausted after keeping up with a fifteen-year-old all day? Ah, well. It was working in his favor. He ignored the movie entirely, watching Kaiba while stroking his hair. He still wasn't sure how he'd convinced him to rest his head in his lap. Maybe Kaiba hadn't been just drunk lying when he'd claimed to like him.
Just a little, of course, but like was like. It wasn't nothing. Even if Kaiba didn't think he was worth dating, at least he knew he wasn't completely turned off to him.
He thought about that while he watched Kaiba rest. Or maybe he was actually sleeping. Whichever, Jonouchi was pretty much alone with his thoughts again, and being in Kaiba's presence tended to provoke meditation. There had to be some chance he could get Kaiba to date him, someday. After he was done with Kitamura and figured himself out again. Maybe he'd never really been figured out in the first place. He must not have been, if he got into this situation in the first place.
No, that wasn't true. He didn't make Kitamura take advantage of him. Jonouchi had made some stupid decisions that night, but that didn't excuse rape, did it? Of course not. If someone did that shit to a friend of his, or his sister, he wouldn't be blaming her for making childish mistakes.
It seemed different looking at his own situation, though. He blamed it on a lack of self-worth, since Kaiba seemed adamant that it wasn't his fault. Surprising, really. He'd expected chiding, or at least some incredulousness about Jonouchi going along with everything. But Kaiba wasn't an average person.
Jonouchi sighed. He realized he was doing a lot of sighing lately, normally over him. He'd heard before that sighing all the time was a sign of being in love. He believed it, but he was of the opinion that it was pretty shitty. Shouldn't he be overjoyed? Not that it was possible, since those feelings weren't returned. He'd have to do something about that, if at all possible. Anzu had suggested winning Kaiba over, or at least trying. Of course she would say something like that, headstrong as she was. Probably thought he could shame Kaiba into dating him if he tried hard enough.
But her intentions were good. She didn't like seeing him miserable, and Jonouchi knew well enough to apply her advice if and when needed. It might be worth a try, though. He didn't really have anything to lose in that department. Either Kaiba would be convinced, or things would stay the same. Maybe be a bit awkward for a while if Jonouchi tried getting romantic.
That would have to wait for the future, however. Now wasn't the time. Jonouchi knew, even as much as he couldn't fix the situation, that he was too messed up to be in a relationship. Even if he did finally work up the guts to dump Kitamura, he wasn't sure he'd be ready for anything serious. Not that he wouldn't try, of course. He'd have a better start if he wasn't in the midst of trying to figure shit out.
Kaiba made himself hard to resist, though. It was almost infuriating. He was already pretty when he was awake, but sleeping it was increased tenfold simply by his lack of constant negativity. It put his looks on full display without the distraction of his attitude. It was a good thing he was asleep, or at least resting his eyes, because he'd be pissed if he knew Jonouchi was observing him so closely. He was too attractive to ignore under regular circumstances, much less the current ones.
Jonouchi couldn't get over his eyelashes. How dark they were, how they curved perfectly, as if they were tailored (though he knew Kaiba did no such thing). So long for a man, but they fit his face somehow. Kaiba looked feminine in his facial features for the most part anyway, but it really came out when he was sleeping. Maybe because his deep voice and constant pissiness weren't being a distraction.
Exhaling a deep breath, Jonouchi let his head tip back. He kept nodding off, in the literal sense. His vision would go black and his head would fall in some direction, waking him back up. He felt Kaiba move a little, and the slightly clumsy way he shifted made Jonouchi sure he was sleeping. He opened his eyes, lifting his head again with some effort and looking down. His hand was on Kaiba's forehead, where it had come to rest after he'd grown too sleepy to keep stroking his hair. He moved it, since it was causing Kaiba to make a face in his sleep, and he tucked his bangs behind his ear.
He felt like he must have dozed off again, but wasn't sure until he felt pain in his neck and realized his head had fallen forward, his eyes still open. He was slumped enough that he was near Kaiba's face, and his breath caught for a moment when he stirred. Heaven forbid he wake up now and think Jonouchi was up to something.
Which, he wasn't. He was just leaning very close (accidentally) and not really doing anything to change that. It wasn't his fault Kaiba only got more beautiful upon closer observation.
Jonouchi gave in to his exhaustion-addled brain and followed the impulse to lean closer still. While his eyes were still open, he caught sight of a small, light brown spot. A flat beauty mark on Kaiba's skin, near the joint of his jaw and just below the ear. Jonouchi had never noticed it before, but he'd never really been up close to Kaiba when there was light in the area.
He had a very faded dusting of freckles across the bridge of his nose, too. It was fascinating, really. So Kaiba didn't have such coveted, unblemished skin. Not that Jonouchi thought marks like freckles or moles were ugly; they were common enough, even if most people tried to cover them up. It was just a strange feeling, finding out that Kaiba had such normal features.
Jonouchi planted a kiss on Kaiba's cheek, being careful not to get the wet part of his lips on his skin. It was brief, and it apparently tickled since Kaiba's hand swatted where Jonouchi's head had been just a split second after he moved away, but it didn't wake him up.
Probably for the best. He'd flip his shit if he knew.
After placing a couch pillow behind his head, Jonouchi let his head fall back and gave up trying to stay awake. Odds were, Kaiba would wake up before Mokuba walked in on them. If not, then it was going to be a fun morning. Jonouchi would laugh and laugh and laugh.
His breathing was already deep and steady, and it took minutes (if that) for him to doze off. He had contented dreams for the first time in ages, despite the movie that was playing as he slept. Maybe something had gone right, or he was getting himself together. Either way, Jonouchi was grateful for the reprieve from his increasingly more frequent nightmares.
- 20
- 21
- 22
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Ambivalence