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Ambivalence	By : PupshitDesu Category: Yu-Gi-Oh > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 4882 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: We do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any associated properties therein. We do not profit from the creation of this work.

Chapter List
- 21
- 22
- 23
Kaiba was not the first one to wake up in the morning, nor was it Jonouchi. It was the younger Kaiba who stumbled out into the living room, stunned but not that surprised to find both males on the couch sleeping together comfortably. His brother was practically snoring and Jonouchi was knocked out cold, his hand still in Kaiba's hair as he sat there with his head bowed and breathing deeply.
He almost felt like waking them up, but decided not to. Kaiba would probably get embarrassed for being caught like that, and Jonouchi would get all flustered. It wasn't like Mokuba was completely ignorant to what was going on; he knew his brother's habits better than most, but it was still a slight surprise that he chose Jonouchi of all people. Even though they fought more than anything else.
Ah well, that was his way, and shrugging, Mokuba went into the kitchen and took out some food before snickering past the pair and turning off the television. Apparently they were too distracted to turn it off the night before, and probably didn't even finish it, although Mokuba was no better. He couldn't stay up for the entire thing, he was too tired from chasing Jonouchi around the zoo, and taking cereal and a peach into the bedroom, he slammed the door loudly before hiding inside.
Maybe one of the two would wake up.
Jonouchi jumped at the sound of the door, immediately defensive as he looked around the suite urgently. Outside of the man who was sleeping with his head in his lap, there was no other sign of life. Realizing that it had probably been Mokuba bumping around, Jonouchi settled back down with a sigh, wincing as he rubbed his neck. It was cramped up and sore from being in such an awkward position all night. Hopefully Kaiba had rested more comfortably. He didn't need any more reasons to be grumpy.
He tried to devise a way that he could leave the couch without waking him up, but it seemed impossible. Jonouchi's thighs were numb, his legs stiff from not moving all night, and he really needed to piss. And shower. Sleeping in his clothes had not been a good idea.
"Kaiba," he called quietly, his fingers combing through his hair, "Are you awake?"
How he could have slept through the noise of Mokuba slamming doors was beyond him, but maybe he was just determined not to wake up.
There was a grumble in response, when the brunet dug his face into Jonouchi's inner thigh as if it would hide his embarrassment. He didn't mean to fall asleep in the other man's lap, and finally moving away and blinking his eyes, Kaiba was slow to get up, trying to fix his hair before lifting off the couch and sitting up next to Jonouchi.
A bed would have been better, but his sleep was at least uninterrupted, and usually he didn't have such an easy time unless he was with company. Rubbing his eyes, he tried blinking them before he could focus his vision, and he glanced at Jonouchi's sleepy face before he realized what happened.
And made more incoherent noises before getting up and dragging himself into his own bedroom to take a shower. He wasn't comfortable after sweating in leather pants all night, and he was quick to strip down into nothing and get under the shower to wash off. Kaiba hated feeling dirty.
Jonouchi was hardly surprised by how quickly Kaiba had run off, but it had been a little rude, in his opinion. Could have said good morning, at least. Or, maybe he had when he was grumbling nonsense. Jonouchi decided to forget about it for the time being and went to knock on Mokuba's bedroom door. He knew he was awake, and the only other place in the suite to shower was in Mokuba's bathroom.
"Hey," he called, rapping on the door with his knuckles, "Can I come in?"
"Yeah, sure."
Mokuba was laying on his bed, watching TV and eating. He stared at Jonouchi as he walked into the room, grinning stupidly as he thought of something smart to say. Something that would get him flustered, because making people get bent out of shape was too funny in his opinion.
"Did you sleep well last night?" He asked, "You can move it to the bedroom next time if not."
Jonouchi stopped short in the doorway, staring at Mokuba as the statement sank in. What exactly did he think was going on? Or, more appropriately, did he know what was going on?
"Move what to the bedroom?" He asked, mostly to figure out just how much Mokuba knew about the shit he and Kaiba had been doing. Maybe Mokuba had seen them on the couch and just assumed. He hardly seemed upset about it, but Jonouchi was still wary.
"Your cuddling session, obviously. What did you think I was talking about, Jonouchi? Haha, aren't you all embarrassed..."
It was exactly the reaction he was looking for, and he couldn't help grinning more widely over it. Jonouchi was much more fun to tease, since he didn't have any authority over him. Messing with Kaiba was like poking at a hornet's nest, and if he went too far, he could end up getting grounded. Like what happened with the office door. He wasn't going to try anything silly like that again for a while.
"I just thought it was cute, after how much you two were avoiding each other at the zoo..."
"Yeah, well," Jonouchi knew he was blushing, but there was nothing he could do about it now, "Can't fight all the time."
Mokuba was messing with him, and he knew it. Unfortunately, there was nothing he could do to stop him. If he got snappy, it would probably hurt his feelings or something, and that could only lead to trouble. Jonouchi cleared his throat.
"Can I use your shower?"
"Go ahead," replied Mokuba, rolling his eyes, "Just don't take too long in there. I gotta shower too."
"You don't seem like you're in that much of a hurry," Jonouchi snorted. It wasn't like he took long showers anyway. He escaped to the bathroom, glad to be away from Mokuba's teasing. Hopefully he wouldn't do the same while they were in Kaiba's presence, but he supposed it depended on how fun Mokuba would think it was.
After getting cleaned up, Jonouchi returned to Mokuba's bedroom. He hadn't thought to bring spare clothes with him, unfortunately, but at least his didn't feel too messy.
"You know Jonouchi," Mokuba was finishing up his breakfast and about to leave the room, "If you asked my brother, he'd probably loan you some clothes so you don't have to be dressed in the same stuff as yesterday again. Just ask nicely, and I'm sure he'll lend some to you."
He was snickering before shutting the door and dropping his dishes in the sink.
Jonouchi flushed red, but it wasn't a bad idea. He didn't want to wear the same clothes he'd been sleeping in. May as well see if Kaiba had any to spare, assuming he wouldn't think Jonouchi would contaminate his clothes by wearing them.
Kaiba was busy getting dressed when he heard his door being knocked, and he opened to find Jonouchi grinning there, putting his hand into the frame before he could shut it on him.
"You're still here?" He exclaimed, looking back at Jonouchi's amused face sharply, "What do you want?"
"What do you mean, I'm still here?" Jonouchi snorted, grinning at Kaiba amusedly. "I wanted to see if I could borrow some clothes from you. I'll wash them and bring them back, I promise."
Kaiba probably wouldn't want them back. Jonouchi found that insulting, but hey. Free clothes. Even if they wouldn't quite fit, it was still something to wear. The thought crossed his mind that they would probably smell like Kaiba for a little while, too. It sobered his expression a little, but he caught himself before he could make any weird faces.
It seemed like Kaiba still wasn't overly pleased to see him, but he could get over it. Jonouchi felt that he was being unnecessarily standoffish. He was probably embarrassed or uncomfortable, and it showed. Jonouchi knew the man's habits. When he opened the door and saw someone he didn't want to see, he stared them down. He never took the escapist route of trying to shut someone out. So anger couldn't be his sole motivation.
Which was comforting to know. Jonouchi had been concerned that Kaiba really was starting to hate him. It was just a tiny nagging doubt, but it was ignorable now.
Instead of answering with a yes or no, Kaiba just stalked off into his closet, leaving the door open as he glanced through a stack of leftover clothes. They were mostly things he'd forgotten about, some of which were from high school days and could probably fit Jonouchi's height but the shirts would be snug across the chest. Grabbing some pairs of whatever he could find, he tossed them at Jonouchi, before walking out and closing the door.
There were four shirts, three pairs of jeans, and two white undershirts in the pile, along with a sweater. None of it actually fit Kaiba any longer, and he snorted before going into his bathroom and shutting the door behind him.
"Thanks a lot," Jonouchi muttered, ignoring Kaiba's hissy fit for the time being. He changed his clothes quickly, grimacing when he found the shirt was even tighter than the crap Kitamura had bought him. At least those had been stretch. This was pure cotton and wasn't giving anytime soon. Still, it was better than slept-in clothing. The jeans were tight to the point of being embarrassing, and a little long, but Jonouchi didn't have a problem after turning up the bottom hems.
He took the other clothes with him when he left the room. Evidently Kaiba didn't want them, so why not? If they were too uncomfortable to wear, Jonouchi could pawn them or something. Probably along with that damned watch Kitamura had given him. He certainly didn't plan on wearing that again.
Jonouchi tried to find Mokuba after that, hoping that he was out of the shower. Mokuba was more fun than Kaiba was being this morning, so maybe the two of them could find something to preoccupy themselves with until Kaiba felt like being less anti-social.
Between the two Kaiba brothers, he was certainly more outgoing, trying to immediately pursue Jonouchi into going down town with him and look around at shops. His older brother didn't enjoy just wandering around the city as much, probably because people knew who he was, but Mokuba found it enjoyable, looking out for tourists and eating all the street food.
He dragged Jonouchi outside over to where the food stalls stood, to get him breakfast. It was much better than the continental crap Kaiba was probably eating in his room while working on his laptop, and maybe even cheaper too. Everything was hot and ready, like the yakitori on shrewers and octopus balls with mayo, they were a crowd favorite.
There was just so much to do, and so many malls congested together near uptown, taking advantage of KaibaLand's booming tourism. It was a popular district, and Mokuba went wild looking at electronics and games and whatever else he could find before they reached the Domino City Convention Center, which was already advertising Kaiba Corporation's Annual Fall Season Show. There were banners everywhere, along with a huge blue eyes white dragon standing in front of the building.
"Hey Jonouchi, you wanna take a tour inside?" Asked Mokuba, heading towards it, "I'm sure I could get us in and show you some VIP stuff before the actual convention, so you know where to find me. Probably get your pass while we're here too."
"Uh," Jonouchi was surprised by the offer. Mokuba was always generous with him, but he hadn't expected to get a look inside the convention building until the actual con rolled around. "Sounds great, actually."
Jonouchi wondered if Mokuba liked spoiling him just because he could, or because it gave him an opportunity to show off. Not that he was complaining. He was figuring out that he seemed to have a knack for getting people with money to throw it at him, which was perfectly fine in Mokuba's case. At least he knew the kid wasn't trying to get into his pants anytime soon. Probably. No, that wasn't going to happen...
He followed Mokuba through the empty convention center, getting a peek at all the booths that were being set up and the companies that had reserved the space on the main floor. He also got to tour the rooms where there would be panels and early showings of films and trailers, as well as some independent media.
The most impressive part, of course, was the auditorium. It was a gigantic room with theater seating and a massive stage at one end, facing the area where the crowd would be. Jonouchi watched people bustling around onstage, setting up lights on the scaffolding above and repairing the stage itself where necessary. There was an enormous flat television screen above center stage. Mokuba said it was to project the image of the Kaiba brothers so that people at the back of the room could see what they were doing.
All the banners advertising the Kaiba Corporation show were set up, it seemed. Everywhere in the convention center, Jonouchi always knew which direction to go for the auditorium, because there were signs bearing Kaiba's Blue-Eyes crest showing him which way to go. He could understand them ensuring everyone knew, he supposed. The show would only be done once, as opposed to a few times per day or once a day. Jonouchi didn't know or care who would have the auditorium after the Kaiba brothers, and apparently no one else did either, because only Kaiba Corporation was being advertised across the building.
"Don't you ever get nervous on that stage?" Jonouchi asked Mokuba, recalling the time during the KC Grand Prix when he'd had to stand on a stage in front of a stadium of ten thousand viewers. He hadn't been too nervous to function, like Yugi, but he'd been worried. Back then, his self-esteem had been even lower, and it was a miracle that he'd fooled himself into confidence long enough to act relatively sensible.
"Nah, not really."
He was smiling as his eyes fell on the stage. Mokuba had put a lot of himself into making the convention, something of his own pet project with Kaiba only supervising from the background, not really taking the leading manager role for once. It was something Mokuba was rather proud of, having handled the whole ordeal with his own team, that he picked out himself, and although he took his brother's advice on what to do, it was still his show.
"I do this because I enjoy it," said Mokuba, looking back at Jonouchi, "Nii-sama never forced me into working for Kaiba Corporation, and I hope to someday becoming CEO myself, if he ever allows himself to retire. This is fun for me, even if a bit of a headache at times... I just hope I'm half as inventive as Nii-sama is, but yeah. Being on stage in front of thousands of people is no big deal. As long as I'm not on stage naked."
Mokuba had the advantage of an older brother who fed his ego for many years, and he had a very high opinion of himself. Not so bad that his head was huge and he couldn't see his own faults, but Mokuba did believe in himself. His brother pushed him to excel in what he wanted, and had told him that he couldn't fail at anything he tried, and Mokuba believed him.
So, it came easy to him, dealing with business. It was something he grew up with and felt comfortable about, and smirking at Jonouchi and leading him backstage, he wanted to make sure he'd know where to go once the show was done.
"Nii-sama has a private room up here, for after the show. He's not doing any panels, unfortunately, so I guess he's just planning on hiding out here like a sour puss."
They had to climb up several cases of stairs, but once they reached the top, they came to a large room, almost like the living room of a penthouse, that overlooked the auditorium. He could just sit there alone and watch everyone in peace without the fans knowing where he was hiding out.
"It always amazes me that Kaiba can be such a show-off and such a recluse at the same time," Jonouchi muttered, mostly to himself, "But I guess making a crowd of people worship him is different from having a one-on-one with an admirer."
If there was anything Kaiba couldn't seem to handle, it was people being nice to him on a personal level. Jonouchi was pretty sure he might have accidentally broken him in by falling in love with him, if his actions were any indication. He was either unreasonably angry at him now, or acted like he didn't know what to do with himself. Jonouchi had thought he'd brush it off like he had everything else, but it seemed that wasn't the case.
"He must be glad he's got you to handle things, then."
"Yeah, I actually like people!" laughed Mokuba.
They headed back downstairs. It was noon already, and Mokuba wanted to chill out before dragging Jonouchi out some more. Probably for dinner, he liked going out and being around the masses and trying new things, very much unlike his older brother. But that was the difference in how they were raised, and Mokuba excitedly dragged Jonouchi back towards the Kaiba Hotel before Jonouchi stopped, his face turning white.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
He had his phone in his hand, staring at the screen with hazel eyes, and it looked like Jonouchi had seen a ghost. When Mokuba tried looking at the screen, he moved it over the kid's head and pocketed it, looking very bothered but forcing a smile on his face.
"Did Nii-sama shit in your guest room or something?" Teased Mokuba, trying to move to grab his phone playfully, "What's gotten into you?"
"Ah, nothing, it's fine," Jonouchi tried to look cheerful, but he couldn't quite force a smile. He continued working to keep Mokuba away from his phone. It was annoying that he was taller now. His reach was improved significantly from what it had been before his growth spurt. "It's nothing, really. I'm gonna have to leave and take care of something, but I'll be back later on if you're not busy."
It wasn't like Kitamura ever stayed the night. Jonouchi fully intended to skip when they were done doing whatever they were going to do. Hopefully that would be Jonouchi telling him to piss off, but he already knew that was unlikely. Otherwise, he wouldn't be leaving, right? He didn't know. He just needed to get out of Mokuba's presence before his upset started to really show.
Mokuba seemed concerned about him. Jonouchi felt guilty for lying to him, but there wasn't much else he could do. Mokuba really didn't need to know about the crap with Kitamura. Hopefully he wasn't so concerned that he'd talk to his brother over what he'd seen. Jonouchi didn't want Kaiba after him about it, not on top of all the other shit they were sorting through.
He said his goodbyes and started the walk toward the hotel where Kitamura wanted to meet him. Jonouchi snorted, a little ticked that he wasn't even getting dinner first, but it didn't matter. He wasn't hungry yet. Mokuba had filled his stomach very well.
When he arrived at the hotel, Kitamura was seated in the lobby, waiting. It looked like he must have changed and showered before Jonouchi arrived, because his hair showed signs of being a bit damp and his clothes were fresh. He was dressed in jeans and a button-up again. Jonouchi was starting to wonder if he even owned a t-shirt.
Kitamura stood and approached when he saw him, offering a smile in greeting. Jonouchi didn't respond in kind, but he never really did with Kitamura. Had he ever smiled around him? He couldn't remember a time that he had.
"It's good to see you," said Kitamura, leading the way to the elevator. Jonouchi scoffed.
"Sure. What's this, you aren't even offering me dinner first?"
"I'll order food if you're hungry."
"That wasn't my point," Jonouchi rolled his eyes, but he didn't discuss it further. Kitamura probably wouldn't get it even if he did explain. "Have you considered getting together for something that isn't sex?"
Kitamura raised an eyebrow and looked at him as they stood in the elevator. Jonouchi didn't bother protesting the decision that they were going upstairs. It would be a waste of time. He knew he'd end up going along with it eventually, and Kitamura probably did too.
"We've gone out to eat before," Kitamura replied, as if correcting him, "And I did take you shopping a couple of times."
"Yes, but that was a precursor to sex," Jonouchi argued, "Are you even slightly interested in doing other things?"
"Usually when I'm not with you, I'm working," Kitamura shrugged, somewhat vacantly observing the floor number displayed inside the elevator, "My business is very time-consuming. It doesn't help that I only see you while I'm in Japan."
Jonouchi sighed. He considered demanding that Kitamura make time, but that would probably not work out in his favor even if he did. The less often Kitamura was around, the better. Jonouchi even managed not to think about him most of the time when he was gone. If he had to deal with him every day, even if for a short time, he'd probably kill him. Or himself. Either way, bad endings all around.
He quietly followed Kitamura to the hotel suite, stepping into the room once the door was open and removing his shoes in the entryway. While Kitamura did the same, he glanced around the suite to distract himself. He didn't even know what he was doing here. He should have just gone back to the hotel with Mokuba and ignored Kitamura entirely. But then he could have tracked him with the damn phone, and found out he was at the Kaiba Hotel...
"Jonouchi?"
He turned at the sound of his name, surprised to find Kitamura looking a bit hesitant.
"What?"
"You seem unhappy."
Jonouchi didn't reply. Nothing he said was going to matter, so it was a moot point. He just sighed and crossed his arms, waiting for Kitamura to figure out what he was going to do. Maybe he'd get uncomfortable and leave, but that was hoping for a lot.
He stared at the floor, and didn't raise his head when Kitamura's feet came into view. He felt his hands on his shoulders, and lips against his neck like he was trying to coax him. Surprising as it was that Kitamura cared enough to try coercion, Jonouchi wasn't moved. He didn't respond to much of anything until they made lip contact, and even then it was minimal. He just let Kitamura lead, opening his mouth when prompted.
Jonouchi's breath caught when he felt Kitamura's hands leave his shoulder and land on his hips instead. The feeling made him want to jerk away, but something prevented him from doing so. He couldn't help being a little responsive when Kitamura pulled Jonouchi against him, making him grind. It was unexpected, and piqued Jonouchi's interest physically enough that he was able to enjoy it a little. May as well, if he was going to just run with it.
The kiss got more heated when Jonouchi became responsive, reciprocating with equal force until he was surprised by the feeling of being turned. His eyes opened and he gasped when his back hit the wall and Kitamura pressed against him, but he was hardly complaining. It was interesting, at least. He didn't mind a little aggression. It wasn't like he couldn't shove Kitamura if it got to be too much...
His head tipped back and he closed his eyes again when he felt lips on his neck, and while it was a little uncomfortable on his back to have Kitamura grinding into him against the wall, the friction wasn't unappreciated. Jonouchi shuddered slightly when he felt fingers ghosting up his sides beneath his shirt, and raised his arms cooperatively so the clothing could be removed altogether. He disapproved of how quickly he was being stripped, not because of the pace itself, but because he wasn't nearly aroused enough for it and it was obvious.
But he sincerely doubted that was a concern for Kitamura, all things considered. He rested his hands on his shoulders so he could do something with them, and for the next few seconds tried to focus on what little sensation he got from the grinding until his pants were unfastened. Jonouchi felt the need to protest, but he couldn't find his voice when the urge struck him, and after that it seemed too late.
Once he was fully undressed, his ridiculously tight borrowed jeans now resting around his ankles with his underwear, Kitamura took a step back. Jonouchi inhaled in relief when the pressure of his weight left his chest, but it was a short reprieve. He was abruptly turned about-face and pressed into the wall again, this time with Kitamura at his back. Jonouchi stiffened, his discomfort threatening to change into panic when he heard Kitamura unfastening his belt, and then his zipper. He cried out in shock when he felt his bare erection rubbing against him, terrified that he was thinking about going dry.
"The fuck are you doing?" He demanded, trying to push back, but Kitamura didn't budge. He did stop moving, however, and chuckled in his ear.
"Calm down," he sounded like he thought Jonouchi was being silly. He wasn't being silly, was he? No, not in his opinion. Maybe he wouldn't be so paranoid if Kitamura wasn't such a prick. "I'm just teasing. I don't plan on breaking you."
Jonouchi grumbled quietly at that. Let him try. Then they'd see who got broken. Hirutani didn't call him his "star hitter" for nothing.
He stepped out of the retraining pants with some difficulty, internally cursing Kaiba's lean physique (and then apologizing for doing so). Then he turned as much as he could with Kitamura holding him in place stubbornly.
"I don't want to do it here," he stated, "Can't we go to the bed?"
Kitamura got off of him finally, and guided him to the bed. As if he couldn't find it on his own...
Jonouchi got on his back, feeling lazier than he ever had about sex in his whole life. He definitely didn't want to stand against a wall with his knees buckling and thighs shaking while Kitamura crushed him uncomfortably against the plaster. He could lie on his back in bed, at least.
He was half hard at the very most at the moment. It didn't seem to have any real bearing on the situation, at least on Kitamura's end, because he wasn't doing anything to solve the problem. Jonouchi was waiting for Kitamura to get on top of him, but instead he was pulled toward the foot of the bed, and forced to turn over. Being familiar with this strategy by now, Jonouchi immediately protested and grabbed Kitamura's wrist when he started pulling him into downward dog.
He yelped and was stunned into stillness when he felt a sting on his left buttock, and realized he'd been slapped. Usually, he would be okay with that kind of thing, but this wasn't the right situation.
"Be good," Kitamura commanded, getting his wrist out of Jonouchi's grip and holding his hips a bit too firmly. Jonouchi turned his head enough to look back at him, glaring, but Kitamura didn't see. He was digging through his pants pocket for lubricant. When he twisted the fastener off, he squeezed some onto his index finger and pushed it in. Jonouchi sucked in a breath, more surprised than anything. He rested his head against the mattress, squeezing his eyes shut and making himself relax. He knew he was fairly limber, and just a finger shouldn't be much of anything (especially with so much lube). Most of his discomfort and tensing was because he was reluctant, but he wasn't about to feel bad about that.
Jonouchi lay quietly when two fingers slipped in, sliding in and out with increasing speed until his body stopped clenching hard around them. He was in disbelief, really. With how much he usually enjoyed anal, even with Kitamura a little, he'd thought he could get something out of it. Instead, he just felt invaded, and it wasn't enjoyable in the least. Not painful, but certainly not pleasant. Kitamura's fingers seemed almost probing to him, but when he shifted away slightly, the hand that was still on his hip held fast.
He held his breath when Kitamura's fingers left him. He heard a condom packet tearing, and then a slick sound that was probably lube against the latex. He clutched the sheets when Kitamura pressed against him, his grip getting progressively tighter as he pushed in. Jonouchi was flexible enough for it, and he was grateful that at least nothing hurt, but he felt nothing in the way of pleasure. It turned him off to the point of feeling chilly. At least when there was a little pleasant stimulation, he could start fantasizing about Kaiba and deal with it.
This was completely different. Now, there wasn't any pleasure to begin with, and even if he'd wanted to fantasize about Kaiba, he wouldn't. Jonouchi felt angry more than anything, and his cheeks burned when Kitamura increased pace, his impatience doing nothing to improve his mood. He'd never had the experience of just waiting for it to be over before. And the shitty thing was, it seemed like it was taking longer than ever, but that might have just been because he wasn't into it. At all.
Maybe that wouldn't be so awful if he felt like he could say something, or that it would make a difference to the person he was with, but that wasn't the case. So Jonouchi bore it quietly, his breathing shallow and his hands unmoving on the bed. He felt his legs starting to fall asleep from the lack of heat and motion, and by the time Kitamura finished and stopped, his chest was burning from the intensity of his anger.
He sat back on his heels when Kitamura wandered to the bathroom to dispose of the condom, and the moment he had feeling in his legs again he got up and got dressed. No way in hell was he staying here a minute longer. Kitamura could go fuck himself.
He'd shoved his feet into his sneakers and managed to properly fix Kaiba's overly-tight clothes onto himself by the time Kitamura emerged, his hair back in place and his clothes straightened out. He looked surprised that Jonouchi was leaving. Jonouchi fully intended to ignore him and just go, never to return, but his wrist was grabbed as he was on his way out the door. It was an uncomfortably firm grip.
"Where are you going?"
The question itself made sense, but Jonouchi didn't like the tone. It was a tone that asked why he thought he was allowed to leave, not where he was going when he did. His already thinly-stretched nerves finally snapped, and Jonouchi felt something of a thrill almost like joy, because he was utterly pissed when it happened and not depressed. If the latter were the case, he might have fallen to the floor and started bawling.
As it was now, he was already inches away from beating the next person he saw into a pulp, and the grabbing and possessive questioning tore it. Jonouchi spun around, hooking a solid punch into Kitamura's jaw as he did. It had been so long since he'd really hit someone. He'd forgotten how therapeutic it was.
Kitamura's hand left his wrist, and it almost seemed like he fell to the floor in slow motion. Jonouchi knew from experience that it was just adrenaline, his senses so piqued that everyone around him seemed slowed down. If he was younger, he probably would have landed a couple of solid kicks in his ribs for good measure. Just to make sure he learned. But Jonouchi was an adult now, and he didn't feel like increasing his jail record anymore tonight. Kitamura could stay on the floor, hopefully with a broken jaw.
Jonouchi left the hotel, his gait quick and light but grounded. He felt like he had back when he was with the gang, almost, but now he didn't run with a pack. He was a "lone wolf", so to speak, wandering around doing as he pleased, with no leader to answer to. It was almost like a power trip, his initial rage channeled into a state of almost sickly calm. It was how he got when he was fighting, unless he smacked someone just out of anger. Usually that only happened with Honda, and those weren't real punches. When Jonouchi wanted someone on the ground, he put them there.
It had been a long time since he'd done that, though. He could hardly believe it, honestly, but he didn't feel bad. He was glad he hadn't broken Kitamura's ribs. Otherwise, he might feel a little guilty for going too far. Not that Kitamura didn't deserve it...
Jonouchi wasn't done yet. He needed another target, something else to receive his anger until it was depleted. He wasn't a young punk anymore, so he at least had enough conscience not to start pounding people on the street. Instead, he wracked his brain for someone who had been a thorn in his side lately. He considered going downtown and beating the new Rintama kids senseless to remind them that he ran that neighborhood first, but he got a better idea.
He walked briskly to the Kaiba hotel, ignoring the looks he got from people walking by as he beelined down the sidewalk. He'd found over time that if he had a "loud" enough presence that people would part around him, so he didn't have to be considerate. It was a dick move, and something he wouldn't do in his right mind, but right now he was pissed. Random assholes on the street could go fuck themselves.
The attendant in the lobby of the hotel seemed concerned when she saw him, but Jonouchi flashed a smile at her, and apparently that was enough. He took the long elevator ride back to the Kaiba brothers' suite, hoping that Mokuba had something to cover his ears with. Jonouchi felt a little bad already, almost, but he shook it off. Kaiba was a royal prick and deserved what he got. He was lucky he was getting off with an earful, honestly. And that Jonouchi only just now worked up the courage to tell him off.
He rang the little doorbell outside the suite and stood quietly, waiting. He didn't bounce on his heels or look around the hallway impatiently; he just stood, his fingers resting in his pockets casually as he watched the door peep.
Mokuba opened the door. He seemed pleased to see him, but he had that same look in his eyes as the woman in the lobby. Jonouchi was torn. Part of him wanted to laugh, and the other part wanted to let Mokuba know nothing was wrong. He opted for flashing a grin at Mokuba and waving.
"Told you I'd be back," he said, "I need to talk to your brother, though. Is he in his room?"
"Yeah," Mokuba tilted his head, confused but not wary enough to lie over his brother's whereabouts, "But he's busy with work right now and I don't think he wants to be disturbed."
"Sucks for him," Jonouchi laughed, entering the suite. He was probably scaring Mokuba. He turned around, walking backward toward Kaiba's bedroom door. "Don't worry about it, I'm not gonna run away just because he's pissy."
"That's not what I'm concerned about," muttered Mokuba, averting his eyes and leaving to his own bedroom, "But you're probably going to do what you want." He sighed, turning around to open his door, "Good luck I guess."
"Thanks."
Jonouchi didn't knock. He quickly opened Kaiba's bedroom door, stepping in and shutting it behind him. He was working in bed again. Why he would hole up in his room when it was just him and Mokuba in the suite was beyond Jonouchi. Maybe he was sulking harder than he'd thought. Jonouchi approached the bed and stood at the side of it, grinning down at Kaiba. It didn't really reach his eyes, but that was because he was pissed, and couldn't be arsed to try for a real smile.
"Miss me?"
"No."
"Too bad," Jonouchi snorted, "Is there a reason you're being more of an asshole than usual? You do realize you're being completely irrational, right? You probably think you're smart, trying to put me off by being pissy all the time, but obviously you weren't listening when I said it wasn't going to work."
He sat down on the bed, practically falling into it and making the mattress bounce. It messed up Kaiba's typing rhythm, and now he looked annoyed. Good, Jonouchi felt like ruffling his feathers. Intentionally, this time.
"If you had any sense at all in that thick skull of yours, you'd get out of my damn bedroom," snapped Kaiba back. His eyes never left the screen of his computer, as he tried getting his head focused back into crunching numbers and doing the equations that he loved, but he could feel Jonouchi's irritating glare over the top, "And I'm not compelled to be nice to you because you got your feelings all tied in a bunch. If you had any "rationality", you'd piss off already."
"I never claimed to be rational, and I especially don't right now," Jonouchi replied coolly. He heard Kaiba snort, but he didn't get a chance to retort. "I don't know if you noticed, Kaiba, but I'm beyond mad. I am utterly and completely irate, and I'm not here to argue with you. Especially while you insist on being so full of it I can't even make a valid retort. If you had any sense at all-"
He moved quickly, slamming down the lid of Kaiba's laptop. He only barely got his fingers out of the way in time. Jonouchi's weight was bearing down on the computer, his face less than a foot away from Kaiba's as he stared directly into his eyes.
"-then you'd show me some fucking respect."
His eyes narrowed. Kaiba certainly didn't look threatened, but he seemed surprised. Then again, Jonouchi had never confronted him in quite so aggressive a manner before. He'd been angry, flustered, even cold that time he'd dumped coffee on him. But Kaiba hadn't known him back in his gang-banging days, and he'd never seen him in a fight, so this was something new. Jonouchi could practically see the wheels turning in his head.
"Is that all you want?"
Kaiba really wanted him to go away. He didn't know where Jonouchi got off just barging into his bedroom and demanding personal time with him like it was owed. If Jonouchi was anyone else, someone he wasn't so personal and intimate with, Kaiba probably would have decked him in the face. No one touched his computer. Or any of his shit.
"You could have said so without slamming my laptop," he mumbled, trying to lift it but glaring when Jonouchi wouldn't let up on the top, "Let go of it before I make you."
"Excuse me, did I say I was finished?" Jonouchi growled, shoving the laptop away entirely. It landed on the empty part of the bed about a foot away from where Kaiba was sitting. "How about you shut up before I break your jaw?"
May as well get a two-for-one, right? But no, he wouldn't actually break Kaiba's jaw. He was too pretty for that. Jonouchi wasn't going to be held responsible for ruining his face. He might smack him, though. A little. Just as a warning.
"You're a serious piece of work, you know that? You were perfectly fine fucking around when you thought I had a crush on you, and even when I told you that I liked you-a lot-and don't pretend you don't know what that means, Kaiba, you were born and raised in Japan. But the moment shit got too emotionally close for you, you started being a complete twat about it.
I'm getting sick of your shit. At the very least, you could have some consideration for our friendship, which, by the way, you have acknowledged, so don't try to back out on it. You're punishing me for being in love with you, and either you don't understand how shitty that is, or you don't care. I'd like to know which it is so I can decide how bad I should hurt you."
He met Kaiba's eyes through this announcement, knowing that Kaiba would try to stare him down no matter how uncomfortable he was. And he was definitely uncomfortable. Jonouchi could see it in his face, and in how his eyes twitched, looking from one of Jonouchi's to the other periodically as if searching for a weakness. Jonouchi wasn't afraid to let it show that he was hurt. It didn't matter in the long run, right now, because either Kaiba wouldn't care and Jonouchi would beat him up, or Kaiba would care. And maybe then they'd be getting somewhere.
"You're more fucked up in the head than I originally thought if you think punching me in the face is going to solve your romantic crisis."
Kaiba didn't even blink, staring Jonouchi down before snorting and moving to sit against the bed frame and crossing his arms in anger. He wanted to physically remove Jonouchi from the room, but that wouldn't work out well. Not if he was really angry, and they were too close in physical strength to try duking it out. Not before the convention, he didn't need any bruises on his face, and then Mokuba was right in the other room...
No, that would not do at all. But he wasn't going to get bullied either, and moving his computer so it was out of harm's way, he got off the bed and looked down at Jonouchi, glaring at him.
"But if you must know how I feel about this whole ordeal, I pity you, Jonouchi. You'll never get what you want from me, and you know it. Trying to think otherwise is just fantasy, and unfortunately for people in your position, it's all you really have to hold onto."
"I'm not here for more of your never-ending bullshit, Kaiba," Jonouchi grimaced, "You better get off your high horse, because you're cruising for a bruising. I already beat down one asshole who messed me up today, and I'd prefer not to make you the second."
He moved closer to where Kaiba was standing as he crawled across the bed. What was he going to do about it? Nothing. The point that Kaiba decided to hit him was the point when all was lost and Jonouchi intended to go out guns blazing.
"But I'm sick of being looked at like I'm inferior, and I'm not putting up with it. Straighten your shit out and try actually talking to me, why don't you? Because if you actually felt that way, and your only reason for trying to put me off is because you're a giant fucking snob, then I'd know. You aren't a subtle person, Kaiba, even if you think you are. You've been trying to cover your ass since you found out how I feel, and I want to know the real reason why."
Jonouchi was reaching the end of his rope with Kaiba's constant rejection. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad if it was simply because he wasn't interested, but it was more than that. He had reasons for his disinterest that made Jonouchi feel like he wasn't good enough. Jonouchi was sick and tired of that. What had happened to him? Just six months ago, at the most, he would have beaten the crap out of anyone who implied that he was unworthy somehow. Another piece of his self-worth Kitamura had ruined, probably, but Jonouchi had already punched him today. Right now, it was about Kaiba.
"I know you feel something for me, Kaiba. Maybe it's not what I feel for you, but it's something. You can't fool me into thinking that you're doing all this out of some self-important pity."
Kaiba didn't answer back, his jaw tensing up and he just turned his back on Jonouchi, crossing his arms. He didn't know how to answer back to all those accusations, and if he had any sense at all, he'd just leave the room. What could Jonouchi do about that? Nothing at all. If he tried putting up some stupid macho fight, he'd only end up in trouble, especially if Mokuba ended up freaking out and called security on him.
Probably wouldn't happen, though. The kid liked him too much.
"You're hopeless," Kaiba had his hand on the knob of the door, but he couldn't make himself open it to leave. Instead he had his forehead resting against the frame of the door, debating with himself still if he should just run off to the corporate office. If necessary, he could even sleep there. Just to get away from Jonouchi's insufferable company.
"I've already told you several times, I don't want a relationship. Least of all, with you. How could you even think I'd lower myself to your level, when I know what you're doing and with who right now? You might be my friend, but you're also not at my league... not even of the same class. You're so below me in everything I could possibly name, and you think you have some right to demand shit from me? Tch. Please. The day I give you any of the respect you claim to want is the day you give yourself the respect you don't even seem to think you deserve."
He was saying that all to the damn door in front of his face, his eyes closed as he worked on controlling his breathing, but Kaiba knew his voice trailed and Jonouchi had heard him. His breath had caught at that last part, like it had hit him hard, and Kaiba almost felt bad about hitting him so personally, but it was true. Jonouchi looked down at himself as Jap trash, so why should anyone think any differently?
Well, Kaiba didn't think he was trash, but he was certainly something else. Something he couldn't understand, when he willingly ran off to meet his rapist and whored himself out for money instead of just asking for help.
But there was only so many things he could do, and it wasn't his place to mother him because he couldn't get his own life together.
"Didn't you just come back from one of your little trysts?"
Jonouchi stood, stunned, as he stared at Kaiba's back. He almost felt like he couldn't breathe; his chest was constricted, his skin chilly as he started breaking into a cold sweat. He didn't even know what he felt about it all. Not even just what Kaiba knew, but what he thought. Kaiba couldn't possibly be that elitist, could he? Jonouchi didn't want to believe that.
He didn't want Kaiba to know about Kitamura, either, but he supposed that was unavoidable. Maybe he shouldn't care about Kaiba's opinion, if he looked down on him so much in the first place. Where did he get off, saying shit like that? After the things he'd done in his life to others, not himself? The things he continued to do to others, because he was too self-important to think he should have any common decency...
How could he have mentioned Kitamura? Did he even care how much that hurt? Or was he just too selfish to have any regard for Jonouchi's feelings? Jonouchi's fists clenched, and he started to shake when he remembered the feeling of lying in bed less than an hour ago while Kitamura fucked him; the horrible, sickening feeling of violation that he hadn't experienced since the first night, and never wanted to feel again.
Kaiba had absolutely no idea what he was saying, did he?
He grabbed Kaiba's shoulder, spinning him around before grabbing his black turtleneck and shoving him against the door. Kaiba's body was dense; the sound of his back hitting the wood resonated through the room. Jonouchi felt his slender fingers wrap around his wrists immediately. He had a strong grip, and he was twisting as he squeezed, like he was about to break them. Jonouchi knew a stalemate when he met one, but it didn't even matter to him at this point. His vision was blurry, and he thought it was because of his anger, at first. It wasn't until he felt stinging at the corners that he realized he was crying. Fuck it all.
"Don't you fucking mention that!" Jonouchi shouted, too distraught to be concerned about volume anymore. Kaiba opened his mouth. Jonouchi shoved him into the door again. He felt more twisting on his wrists and ignored it. "Don't you say a fucking thing about that, Kaiba, because it wouldn't have happened in the first place if it wasn't for you!"
Kaiba looked surprised, and was probably going to retort, but Jonouchi had caught his breath enough to continue.
"And how dare you judge me, after the shit you've done! I can't believe you, you son of a bitch! How can you accuse me of having no self-respect? You've never had to experience what I have! How am I supposed to respect myself after something like that?"
He could barely breathe. His throat was constricting to the point that he shuddered when he reached the end of his statements, his breath releasing in quiet sobs before he managed to pick up again. He wasn't even pushing Kaiba into the door anymore, really. The strength in his arms was gone. But Kaiba wasn't crushing his wrists anymore, either.
"I'm so sick of your rejection. You don't have any right to judge me like that," he accused, though his posture was defeated. He felt dizzy and weak, but managed not to lose his footing. He realized that Kaiba was holding him up. "I'm so fucking fed up. I'm tired of your shit, I'm tired of his shit...fucking selfish assholes..."
Jonouchi's knees buckled, and he gave up entirely, fully prepared to break down and cry uncontrollably on the floor. But he felt Kaiba's hands on him, keeping him up for whatever reason. Jonouchi didn't fight with him. He didn't have the willpower for it anymore, and nothing he said would matter in the long run, anyway.
"Then leave him already, Jonouchi," Kaiba lifted him up, moving him to the bed and taking off his shoes before sighing. Jonouchi was a mess. He was sobbing uncontrollably, and Kaiba had never seen him in such a state before, but he couldn't blame him for that either, really. Not after he'd brought up Kitamura like that. It had been a low blow.
But he felt like it was necessary, too. Jonouchi was no saint. He didn't cause his misery, but he wasn't doing much to end it, either. Kaiba had begged him to leave Kitamura, made him promise he would, and still Jonouchi was running back to him like a stray dog looking for scrapes when he knew he was just going to be kicked for eating. Kaiba didn't like it, but what could he do about it?
"How exactly was this situation my fault?"
He only vaguely remembered that night, he'd been so drunk. Otogi had come over to harass him, and he saw Jonouchi hanging around Kitamura talking before, but he appeared fine. Better than Kaiba was, and it didn't look like anything strange was going on. Just the same shit that was always going on at ritzy parties.
It had looked consensual.
"I can barely remember what happened that night, and you're blaming me for what another man did to you. How is that even fair?"
He could see Jonouchi crying into his pillow, getting snot everywhere, but Kaiba just sat there by his side and stroked his hair. It was a shitty situation. And there wasn't much he could do about it, now after the fact.
"Fuck off, Kaiba," Jonouchi sobbed tragically, resentful and grateful for the contact at the same time. He wanted the comfort, but he was still beyond pissed. He just wouldn't be able to show it really until he stopped crying. "I wouldn't have done shit with him if you weren't such a giant prick, don't talk to me..."
Kind of an irrational request, since he was in Kaiba's room, getting tears and probably snot and maybe drool into one of his pillows. He was a rich motherfucker, he could just buy a new pillow. Dammit.
"Who do you think you are, saying I'm beneath you," he sniffled, thinking he might regain control of himself, but then he felt Kaiba's fingers against his scalp again and ended up breaking down once more. He felt like he kept getting hit by waves, like everything that had been building up for the past months was releasing all at once. And at probably the worst possible time, too. "You didn't mind when we were in bed, you asshole."
He was surprised he could breathe through the pillow. No wonder Kaiba had held out so long the night before when Jonouchi tried to make him talk. He was also surprised that Kaiba was trying to console him while he was continuing to spew insults. It made him feel horribly childish, but it was Kaiba's fault, anyway. His fault for bringing up Kitamura and reducing him to a hot mess of tears. His fault for being such a snob. An attractive, strangely charming and incredibly infuriating snob.
"I didn't think it was going to go anywhere."
Jonouchi talked like sex was just the same as eating and breathing, which was culturally how most people looked at it, but then when it actually came down to it... His heart got tied into it. And Kaiba's hadn't, surprisingly. He had thought it would be hard, wanting something like that without the actual feelings, but when his desires got to him more than his head, well, everything seemed like a good idea when it would end with an orgasm. He wasn't thinking too much about Jonouchi's feelings.
And as a result, they were stuck together in bed, Jonouchi mad and bawling.
"I honestly thought we were just fooling around, because you liked me and I liked you. That was it. And as I warned you, it got too complicated. And you're mad at me like it's my fault and I'm somehow responsible for your feelings..."
"Because you are," Jonouchi insisted, gritting his teeth, but he was unable to sound truly angry while he was choked up. Sucked for him. "So maybe it is my fault I fell in love with you. I admit that."
He sniffed, catching his breath a little. His body kept shaking when he exhaled, like it was preparing for another round.
"But you treated my feelings like a joke, right from the beginning, and that's your fault."
"It didn't make any sense. It still doesn't make any sense. I upset you this much, and you won't just drop me."
"I'm in love with you," Jonouchi lamented, sighing defeatedly. He wasn't sobbing so hard anymore, but there were still steady trails of tears streaming down his face no matter how often he wiped at them. "You can't be so ignorant that you don't understand love."
Much as he hated it, love forced people into shitty situations. It was proven that it could make someone completely overlook another person's faults, or forgive any wrong, and Jonouchi was stuck with that. Kaiba didn't seem to get it, which struck him as being very odd. Wasn't he supposed to be the smart, worldly one of them?
"Maybe it's just my lot in life to be stuck with people who mistreat me."
"Oh shut up..."
Kaiba let go of Jonouchi's hair, his irritation rising again as he sat up against the bed more. He didn't want to hear that "pity me" crap from someone who willingly went back to get beat on over and over again and was given so many opportunities to walk away and find a clean break. It didn't make any sense to Kaiba, how Jonouchi could allow himself to be stuck in such a situation, but he wasn't in his shoes.
And it would never make sense because of that. They didn't have the same life experiences, and Kaiba had vowed a long time ago that he wouldn't allow anyone to prey on him again. Ignorance was just an excuse, and he wasn't going to be someone's victim because he was too blind to watch out for himself.
But maybe Jonouchi didn't grow up fast enough to reach that conclusion.
"And I don't understand how you could love me, but that's irrelevant. Love is an irrational emotion, and it's never helped anyone."
"You're so full of it," Jonouchi groaned, "I can't believe you. Always trying so hard to deny the most fundamental parts of humanity and then turning around, ranting and raving about the human heart and romance. Love certainly seemed to do well for your brother, you prick..."
Jonouchi wiped at his eyes, hopefully for the last time tonight. He didn't feel stinging or choked anymore. Now he was drained. He'd hoped to feel relieved after crying that hard, but that didn't seem to be the case.
"I wanted to stop fooling around with you until I got my shit together, you know," he stated quietly, his eyes closed as he lay with his head to the side, "I didn't want to get you caught up in all my crap, but I wasn't strong enough to just quit it. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, though. I couldn't even get Kitamura off my back. How was I supposed to refuse you?"
He frowned at the memory of that night. He still regretted his lack of willpower, honestly. Things could have gone so much better if he'd managed it. But of course, his weakness for feeling wanted had gotten the better of him. That, and the fact that he hadn't expected Kaiba to come after him. It was a first, and his determination had been so overwhelming that Jonouchi had barely worked up the nerve to stop him from actually boning him.
"I can't even be mad at you for thinking so badly of me, actually," he grumbled, "It's nothing I haven't thought myself. I haven't exactly done anything lately to prove you wrong, either."
"How did he damage you so thoroughly?"
"How should I know?" Jonouchi replied, though he was wracking his brain for a response. "I guess...it's just everything. The way he treats me during sex, and the way he acts when we aren't having sex. I can't really explain. I hate him a lot, but he isn't mean to me or anything...he's just forceful."
He sighed, trying to come up with a way to describe an answer to Kaiba's question. Finding none, he opted for explaining what had been happening in chronological order.
"When I met with him, the day after he took advantage of me, I told him he was too rough. At the time, I didn't think it was rape, I just blamed myself for making bad decisions...but I was mad at him, for treating me badly, so I brought it up. He told me that I should have said something. And suggested that I prepare myself beforehand in the future.
I was pissed when he said it, but I believed him. It's not like I knew any better. At first I kept going back for the extra cash and because the sex wasn't too bad..."
Well, compared to Kaiba, it was horrendous, but Jonouchi was too embarrassed to make that contrast. Maybe Kaiba could tell he was thinking it anyway. He was blushing.
"It just got worse over time. I'm angry and defiant when I see him, and somehow he always convinces me. It's sad that he doesn't even need alcohol to get me to sleep with him, honestly.
After I told you about it, I tried to just drop him. I ignored his texts, but he tracked me down on the street. Then I ran, and I was stupid and tried talking to him because I didn't want to just cut it off without telling him why. I didn't know it wouldn't have any effect on him at all."
Kitamura was either wired completely wrongly, or was a cruel son of a bitch, because he didn't understand Jonouchi's complaints in the slightest. He still remembered that night at the restaurant with painfully accurate clarity. Thinking about it now, he couldn't fathom why he'd spent the rest of the evening with him. But in person, it was like Kitamura had some strange influence over him.
"He manipulates me so easily it's embarrassing. I don't even know what he does, but it works. No matter what I think before or after, I can't hold my ground against him in person. I went to dinner with him after trying to break up and somehow I agreed to let him take me to the mall, and then to a hotel. Half the time I don't even know why I do anything with him after looking back on it."
He opened his eyes, nervously looking up toward Kaiba's face for a brief moment. He couldn't quite see Kaiba's expression. The angle was too extreme. He was listening so quietly that Jonouchi couldn't even tell what he must be thinking. Probably nothing good, but at least Jonouchi finally had someone to talk to. He could get it off his chest.
"You were right. I did see him earlier, and we had sex. It was horrible and I punched him as hard as I could before I left. I hope I broke his jaw..."
"Well, I'm glad you did something to make a point," Kaiba wanted to laugh at that image, but thought best not to. He just went back to stroking Jonouchi's hair as he laid there in silence, looking up at his blue eyes. "Will that be the last you'll be seeing of him?"
He couldn't fathom why anyone would stick around with someone who had them so unhappy. Especially getting sucked into a "relationship" that was just a way of saving face so neither man would have to fess up to having a prostitution-like relationship. Jonouchi probably didn't like thinking of it that way, but what else could it be? Having sex for money or gifts was just that.
"You don't need him for his money, and although you're a bit of an idiot, Jonouchi, you don't deserve that shit. At all. You're too pretty for someone like that, in my humble opinion."
He was trying to make a joke, ruffling Jonouchi's hair, but he was sure his messed up humor got lost between the angst that was being dealt with.
Jonouchi did smile a little bit, maybe mostly because his body was trying to find relief from his poor mood, but he did feel a thrill at the compliment. Then he got embarrassed about it and hid his face in the pillow until he could get his expression under control. He sighed, relaxing for a few seconds while Kaiba stroked his hair.
"I honestly don't know, Kaiba," he admitted, "It's like...I can think whatever I want, but when the moment comes, I just let him do what he wants. I don't really know why. Maybe I'll just get a new phone...he doesn't know where I live..."
Hopefully. Actually, he probably did. It wouldn't surprise Jonouchi if Kitamura tracked his movements using the phone GPS. Honestly, he wished he'd thought about it earlier, but he wasn't a stalker and didn't normally associate with stalkers. A normal person didn't think about their damn phone being a tracking device. Those kinds of things were supposed to be used by families, for mothers to know where their kids were. Not for a rapist to keep track of his "boyfriend".
Jonouchi would have to save up the money, or maybe borrow from Mokuba. He could buy a new phone (one he could afford) and then Kitamura couldn't text him. If Kitamura couldn't text, then Jonouchi wouldn't meet him. Problem solved, right? Maybe. If Kitamura wasn't resourceful.
Kitamura was definitely resourceful...
"I feel like I can't get away from him," Jonouchi stared at Kaiba's pants vacantly, feeling strangely chilly. Goosebumps rose on his arms so quickly that it actually hurt a little, and he huddled up on his side, rubbing the skin. "Even that time I ran from him, I felt like I wouldn't get away. I know he must do it on purpose."
"I'd volunteer to scare him off, but that wouldn't work with a guy like this. He's not going to go away until you make him disappear. And that means being assertive. What happened to the Jonouchi I used to know who didn't let anyone walk over him without giving a piece of his mind over it? Don't let him play you...
Especially if he's just using you and you're not even getting anything out of it. That's ridiculous, Jonouchi. Grow a backbone and tell him to piss off. And mean it."
Maybe having punched him in the face would help. Kaiba certainly hoped so. It seemed like a stepping stone to improvement, but maybe he was just being hopeful. Jonouchi seemed overwhelmed by the situation, but unwilling to do much about it.
"I'll give you a damn phone if that's what it takes to drop him. And I already gave you a job. You don't need his money."
"He hasn't paid me since I tried to break up with him," Jonouchi muttered, "Which doesn't really make me look any better, but there it is. I'm not sure about the phone, Kaiba, I don't think it actually matters."
His jaw clenched. It was escapism to change his number or get a new phone. It would be helpful, but he wasn't sure he should drag Kaiba into it anymore than he already had. It would be up to him, in the end, wouldn't it?
"Even if I did change my number, I think he'd be able to find me anyway. Don't worry about it. I'll have to get it together."
Jonouchi hummed thoughtfully, closing his eyes. He felt like he could, but he always felt like he could. He just never did. Giving Kitamura a firm right hook had made him feel a little like himself again, but not enough.
"I should have broken his damn ribs," Jonouchi grimaced, "Probably wouldn't make a difference, but I'd feel that much better."
"And he'd probably get your punk ass thrown in jail for that, so I'm glad you didn't go that far," mused Kaiba, "But you're right about one thing, Jonouchi. If you don't want to deal with his shit any longer, then you need to handle it yourself. It won't work otherwise."
Kaiba finished stroking Jonouchi's hair, stiffening up once he realized just how close they were. He didn't mean for them to have a "moment", but it had already happened, and hopefully it would pass over before anything goofy occurred. He didn't want something coming out of it, and he got up from the bed before pulling the curtains back to show the view of the city, standing there near the glass with his arms folded.
"I'm really disappointed that you lied to me, but I guess I'll get over it eventually. Considering all the shit that's happened between the two of us, I guess it's only fair. I haven't been honest or fair to you either."
"I won't debate that," Jonouchi laughed briefly, "But that doesn't excuse lying to you. I really am sorry I did that. If it's any consolation, I wasn't lying at the time that I promised..."
He squirmed a little, feeling guilty, and then he sighed.
"I won't make excuses. I'm sorry."
He turned onto his back at last, looking up at Kaiba. He was too lazy to get up yet, but he'd have to eventually. He doubted he was allowed to sleep in Kaiba's bedroom at the moment, and he'd need at least ten minutes to peel the borrowed clothes off of him.
"I'm honestly not sure why you've put up with me for this long," Jonouchi chuckled, though he certainly wasn't joking. He didn't know how Kaiba dealt with his damaged ass. Even if he did enjoy the sex, it seemed like he would choose to keep that much crazy as far away as possible. Then again, they were friends. It was a nice thought, the idea that Kaiba really and truly meant that.
"You can be charming sometimes," Kaiba walked over to the lights in the bedroom, turning them off and sitting by the empty side of his large bed, kicking off his socks and taking off his shirt, "When you want to be."
He was debating if he wanted to even bother cleaning up in the bathroom or not. His teeth were already brushed and everything, but sometimes it was a good idea to just wash up in case of oil built up. Kaiba was sensitive about that sort of thing, his appearance, for practical (and vanity reasons), but he was too tired to bother going over to the bathroom and picking at his face for several minutes looking for something to freak out over.
So he just got his pants off and laid down under the sheets. They were warm, from sitting on top of them earlier, and he relaxed while the city lights shone on him. Jonouchi seemed to be still, like he was trying not to be noticed lying there next to him, but Kaiba wasn't thinking too much about having the company. It certainly helped him sleep better, so he wasn't going to complain over it.
Jonouchi continued to lie quietly until Kaiba settled in, and then he turned over on his side, facing him. He'd assumed he'd be on couch duty tonight, but it seemed that he and Kaiba were done arguing. For the moment. Jonouchi was perfectly happy to be back in his bed, even if the context was platonic.
"So," Jonouchi spoke quietly, not sure if Kaiba was still awake or not. He seemed very relaxed. "When I try to be charming, it actually works? I always kind of wondered if maybe you were only humoring me."
It wouldn't surprise him, but usually when he "tried" to be charming, Kaiba seemed anywhere from interested to mildly amused. And it pretty much always led to a sexual encounter, except the one night he'd bugged Kaiba in his office. That had just been a bad day, though, and Jonouchi planned to avoid being so obnoxious in the future.
"Sometimes. You're more lucky than most people, so you really should be telling me how well your attempts actually work out. I'm not paying enough attention to keep count most of the time..."
Besides, he was worn out, and thought Jonouchi would be too. Especially after having a run in with Kitamura during the day, subsequently having sex with him. How could he still have the energy to talk after all of that? And they had been fighting just minutes ago, heatedly...
"Aren't you tired?" He asked, turning around enough just to see Jonouchi's lit up face in the dark. His face looked pretty pleased with himself over his new position.
"Nope," Jonouchi smiled, "I was a little drained earlier, but I'm over it. Why, are you tired?"
Kaiba probably was. Sulking and working in his room all day had probably taken a lot of energy. Jonouchi had mostly run around with Mokuba. The most tiring part of the day had been crying, honestly, but that was emotional.
"I mean, if you are, I'll stop bothering you. I just missed being able to talk to you and shit."
"... Did Mokuba take you over to the convention center?
That meant Jonouchi would be there. Not that Kaiba would be bothered by that, it would be easier to deal with it if there was a friendly face in attendance besides the massive crowds, but that also meant he'd be getting very little alone time. And then the party would start at the hotel, and he had to be in attendance for at least half of it before disappearing.
"Yeah, he did. It looks like there's gonna be quite a show. The entire convention center just points the way to where the Kaiba Corporation press conference will be."
He was actually looking forward to going. The tickets and credentials needed to go would normally be unattainable to him, but Mokuba hooked him up.
"He said you aren't running the show, though. When did you stop taking every chance you could to show off?" He teased, recalling Kaiba's showboating of the past. Maybe he was just trying to give Mokuba room to make his own name. Or he was tired of making public appearances.
"Mokuba asked for the responsibility, so I gave it to him. He's the same age I was when I took over, so I don't see any reason why he can't handle the pressure. It's not like I just threw him the reins and told him to run with it... He still asks me for help, because he doesn't have experience in these sort of matters, but it's his project..."
Besides, Mokuba always felt like he was just watching things from the sidelines. He had begged for the opportunity to have something that was purely his own, a project of magnitude that was his. Kaiba wasn't going to stop him from enjoying what he wanted, and he had worked hard enough for the chance, so it just all fell together.
That, and Kaiba loved an excuse to not be around people.
"Wow. Guess he's really growing up," Jonouchi raised an eyebrow. Kaiba seemed almost defensive, which was a little strange. Maybe he thought Jonouchi didn't have as much faith in Mokuba as he should. He definitely thought the kid was capable, he'd seen that in the past. "I'm glad you have someone to help you out with company shit, anyway. You work way too hard."
Enough that he rather irritably refused sex, in fact, which Jonouchi thought was utterly ridiculous. No one should be that busy.
"Don't you ever want a break? Like a vacation, or just time to relax outside of going to bed? I mean, I do what I can to help," Jonouchi grinned, feeling a little giddy at the thought. He had to admit that he missed fooling around. A lot. "But you shouldn't work so long. It's bad for you, and I don't want you having a heart attack at thirty like all those other businessmen they keep finding..."
"I wouldn't know what to do with myself on a vacation..."
Kaiba couldn't really imagine that. What would he do with free time and no projects? He lived for work. He liked having something to accomplish, a goal that needed solving. Work wasn't always tedious, most of it was concept work that he liked doing despite having his own department just for that, and wanting to personalize everything he worked on, Kaiba couldn't help getting sucked into Kaiba Corporation even during free time.
It helped him, anyways. He was a year ahead of everyone else business wise and at least a decade when it came to technology. Kaiba had no competition, in that regard, and he worked hard to keep it that way.
Work was like a game for him.
And after several years of operating that way since being a child, it was just normal to him. Nothing he did during a given day lacked a purpose, either being to keep him alive or give him a roof over his head. There was no time for intrinsic activities, and he couldn't even remember the things he used to like before being adopted, outside of music. There wasn't much he could be afforded after his father died.
"I'm not going to get a heart attack for solving physics equations all day. Don't worry about it, I'm fine."
"Hmm," Jonouchi was still a little skeptical, but didn't press, "Do you...enjoy working? It's great if you do, don't get me wrong. In high school they always had these bullshit seminars on practicing what you enjoy because that would be the best career."
Jonouchi had always felt a bit patronized by them, honestly. Most kids in high school didn't even know their own skills after years of being discouraged from exploring them, so it was a useless bit of advice. Jonouchi still didn't know what he wanted to do. He knew what he was good at, which was mostly things with his hands and duel monsters.
"I'm a little jealous, actually. It's gotta be nice to have work you love and you're good at. But I guess you had to bust your ass making it that way."
"It didn't come naturally."
"Your skills and talents did," Jonouchi replied, "If anyone could just make physics their bitch with enough practice, then your business wouldn't be so successful. I'd like to be talented at something like that."
He was pretty talented at doing things with other men, but that wasn't really that outstanding. Nor was it something he planned to turn into a business...again.
"It must be so weird to be that smart."
"It seems normal to me. But this is the only thing I know..."
He was becoming too tired to really pay Jonouchi that much attention. His lids were falling and his breathing was slowing as his body started aching for sleep. It was like a physical response he couldn't fight back, and no matter how many questions Jonouchi asked, he could feel his responses slowing down before his mind would completely blank out.
"You talk too much. It's late. Go to sleep, Jonouchi..."
If he wouldn't, Kaiba certainly was going to.
"I can try," Jonouchi mumbled uncertainly, "It's been an exciting day. Seems like it tired you out well enough."
He moved closer, nudging Kaiba's back accidentally because he couldn't quite see him. He wrapped one arm around him, and heard a quiet sound like a grumble from Kaiba. Was he honestly surprised? Obviously he wasn't upset, since he wasn't trying to remove him, so Jonouchi snorted.
"We made up, so it's cuddle time. Get over it. Should feel lucky that I'm not demanding a kiss..."
Not that he didn't want to, but he was avoiding pushing that boundary. He didn't know how safe it was to fool around with Kaiba while he wasn't quite sure what he was going to do about Kitamura. He knew what he wanted to do, but he didn't exactly get what he wanted with Kitamura...ever. Still, he felt more resolve than before, and that was something.
He also wasn't sure if Kaiba would allow it. It didn't seem like he should, after everything that had been said. Jonouchi wasn't sure what he'd meant and what he hadn't, at this point.
Kaiba couldn't keep his eyes open long enough to protest. He went out cold, snoring lightly as he allowed everything to slow down and open his mind to dreams. It was always better, being away from the bedroom and with another human being, and he didn't wake up once through the entire night.
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Ambivalence