Once More With Feeling Yu-Gi-Oh Style Remake

Cut to magic shop, day. The bell jingles. Alister enters.
GILES: (O.S.) Good morning, Alister!
We see Valon and Joey standing by the counter. Dartz in background.
VALON: Oh, hey, did Serenity get off to school all right?
ALISTER: (distracted) What? Oh, uh, yeah. I think so.
Alister walks farther into the store. We see Raphael sitting at the round table holding a donut in each hand.
RAPHAEL: Respect the cruller. And tame the donut!
Mareina passes by en route to the counter.
MARINA: That's still funny, sweetie.
Marina goes behind the counter. Dartz looks in the box of donuts, takes one out, takes a bite.
ALISTER: So, uh, no research? Nothing going on? Monsters or whatnot?
Dartz and Raphael shake their heads "no," continue eating donuts.
ALISTER: Good! Good. (awkwardly) Uh, so, did anybody ... uh ... last night, you know, did anybody, um ... burst into song?
Dartz stops chewing. Everyone stares at Alister for a moment.
RAPHAEL: Merciful Zeus!
Valon, Joey, and Marina rush over. Everyone talks at once.
VALON: We thought it was just us!
DARTZ: Well, I sang but I had my guitar at the hotel...
JOEY: It was bizarre. We were talking and then it was like-
ALISTER: Like you were in a musical!
JOEY: Yeah!
DARTZ: That would explain the huge backing orchestra I couldn't see and the synchronized dancing from the room service chaps.
VALON: We did a whole duet about dish washing.
MARINA: And we were arguing and, and then everything rhymed and there were harmonies and the dance with coconuts.
VALON: There was an entire verse about the cous-cous.
RAPHAEL: It was very disturbing.
[The above is everyone talking at once.]
DARTZ: (to Alister) What did you sing about?
ALISTER: (pauses) I don't remember. But i-it seemed perfectly normal.
RAPHAEL: But disturbing. And not the natural order of things, and do you think it'll happen again?
DARTZ: I don't know. I should look into it.
VALON: With the books.
JOEY: Do we have any books on this?
RAPHAEL: Well, we just gotta break it down. Look at the factors before it happens again. Because I for one-
[Dartz begins to sing, interrupting Raphael.]

DARTZ:
I've got a theory
That it's a demon
A dancing demon!
No, something isn't right there.
VALON:
I've got a theory
Some kid is dreamin'
And we're all stuck inside his wacky Broadway nightmare. [Joey doing "jazz hands"]
RAPHAEL:
I've got a theory we should work this out.
MARINA/JOEY/VALON/RAPHAEL:
It's getting eerie, what's this cheery singing all about?
RAPHAEL: [jumps up]
It could be witches!
Some evil witches! [sees Marina's expression]
Which is ridiculous, 'cause witches they were persecuted,
Wicca good and love the earth and woman power
and I'll be over here. [sits]
MARINA: I've got a theory! It could be bunnies!
Silence. The others just stare at her. Sound of crickets chirping.
JOEY: I've got a-
Suddenly the tune changes to a frantic hard-rock beat with electric guitar and a roving spotlight that waves crazily over Marina.
MARINA: (shrieking a la Alanis Morissette)
Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes!
They've got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses!
And what's with all the carrots?
What do they need such good eyesight for anyway?
[playing air guitar]
Bunnies!
Bunnies!
It must be bunnies!
Fireworks go off all around her, then the smoke clears away. The others continue simply staring.
MARINA: (back to original melody)
Or maybe midgets.
VALON: (quickly sits down beside Dartz and opens a book)
I've got a theory we should work this fast.
VALON/DARTZ:
Because it clearly could get serious before it's passed.
Dartz gets up, starts to climb the stairs to the loft.
ALISTER: I've got a theory. It doesn't matter.
Dartz pauses, turns back. Everyone looks at Alister.
ALISTER:
What can't we face if we're together?
What's in this place that we can't weather?
Apocalypse?
We've all been there.
The same old trips
Why should we care?
ALL EXCEPT DARTZ:
What can't we do if we get in it?
We'll work it through within a minute.
Alister looks at Dartz throughout this. He watches him too and finally joins in.
ALL:
We have to try
We'll pay the price
It's do or die
ALISTER:
Hey, I've died twice.
Dartz smiles, comes down off the ladder.
ALL: What can't we face if we're together?
DARTZ: (descant) What can't we face...
ALL: What's in this place that we can't weather?
DARTZ: ...if we're together...
ALL: There's nothing we can't face.
MARINA: (sits) Except for bunnies.

RAPHAEL: (sits) See, okay, that was disturbing.
VALON: (sits) I thought it was neat.
ALISTER: So what is it? What's causing it?
DARTZ: I thought it didn't matter.
ALISTER: Well, I'm not exactly quaking in my stylish yet affordable boots, but there's definitely something unnatural going on here. And that doesn't usually lead to hugs and puppies.
MARINA: Well, is it just us? I mean, is it only happening to us? (Buffy turns away) 'Cause that would probably mean a spell or-
Alister goes to the door, opens it. The bell jingles.
Cut to the street. A man stands in the street holding a shirt in a dry-cleaning bag.
MAN: (sings) They got ... the mustard ... out!
We see a whole crowd of people standing in dance formation holding dry-cleaning bags. They do a synchronized dance, waving the clothing around.
CROWD: (sings) They got the mustard out!
Alister turns back into the store, closes the door.
ALISTER: It's not just us.

Cut to later. Serenity enters the store wearing a huge smile.
SERENITY: Oh my god. You will never believe what happened at school today.
Reveal the rest of the gang sitting around the table looking at books.
ALISTER: Everybody started singing and dancing?
Serenity looks disappointed.
SERENITY: I gave birth to a terodactyl.
MARINA: Oh my god, did it sing?
Shot of Valon and Joey whispering to each other.
SERENITY: So, you guys too, huh? (walks closer)
RAPHAEL: So what'd you guys sing about?
SERENITY: (sighs) Math.
Serenity puts down her backpack, sits on a stool by the counter. We see Valon whispering in Joey's ear.
JOEY: (loudly) Tha-That's right! The, the volume. The text.
DARTZ: What text?
VALON: The volume-y text. You know? The, the (mumbles) report.
RAPHAEL: The what now?
JOEY: Oh, there's just a few volumes back at the house that deal with mystical chants, bacchanals.
Serenity glances at the counter, sees a necklace lying there.
JOEY: It might be relevant.
VALON: Yeah, we could, um-
DARTZ: Well, I'm a hair's breadth from investigating bunnies at the moment, so I'm open to anything.
Serenity furtively picks up the necklace and puts it in her pocket.
VALON: Great, we'll, uh, go check it out and uh, we'll give you a call.
JOEY: Yeah, this could blow the whole thing wide open.