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Suicide Bridge	By : Wknightmare Category: Yu-Gi-Oh > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1404 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh!, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Title: Suicide Bridge

Author: Kris Ice

Rating: R

Pairing: SetoxJou

Beta: Katbcoll

Spoilers: nope

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh or any characters associated with it.

Summary: �A butterfly can only live in an open hand�.�
�Jou�� Seto�s voice trailed off as he stared at the blond on the side of the road.
Jou swallowed and let his eyes drop before shaking his head. No, he wasn�t going to submit anymore. That kid had been right. No one was worth destroying himself over. He raised his head and stared resolutely down the road as he walked off. He growled, but stopped when he heard the car door open and Seto yell his name.
He hadn�t been sure the shorter boy would stop. In fact, he had been almost certain that Jou would ignore the fact that he even existed. He hesitated by the open door of his car, but squared his shoulders and stepped closer to the other boy. �Jou?�
�What the hell do you want, Kaiba?�
Seto winced. Jou hadn�t called him Kaiba in years. �I�� He swallowed. �I�m sorry.�
The blond snorted before turning back to glare at his boyfriend. �Did it kill you to say that? I didn�t even know the word was in your vocabulary.�
�I deserved that.�
Jou tilted his head to the side and crossed his arms over his chest. �You *deserve* a kick in the ass.�
Seto offered him a slight smile. �Would it make you feel better?�
He blinked; sure he�d heard the CEO wrong. �What the hell�?�
The brunette leaned against his car, running his hands through his hair. �I�ve never been able to � connect with people, Jou. I told you from the beginning that I don�t know how to relate to people.� He flinched at his lover�s bitter laugh.
�You think that excuse makes it all better? Not anymore, Kaiba. I�ve had enough. Someone managed to pound some sense into my thick skull and I think he had a damn good point.� He pointed a finger at Seto�s chest. �You�ve always humiliated me and hurt me. Since we started seeing each other you�ve gotten worse instead of better. I�m tired of your shit. Thanks to you, I was two seconds from throwing myself off a fucking bridge. Hell, I was safer when I was living with my old man!� He hated the look of pain on his lover�s face, but he held back. If he gave in now, nothing would change and next time, the kid probably wouldn�t be there to talk him down. Although he decided he seriously needed to consider finding a different way to die, the other�s description of drowning was far too fresh in his mind.
Seto clenched his hands, sapphire eyes focused on the ground. �I don�t know what to do. Hurt me if it will make you feel better. Just don�t leave me.�
Jou threw up his hands with a wordless cry of exasperation. �I don�t want to hurt you! I don�t want a relationship built on violence and sex, damn it! For someone who�s supposed to be a genius, you sure are stupid.�
He flinched again; glad the shadows of his chocolate hair hid most of his face. �What do you want?�
Jou sighed and rubbed his face with a hand. �I want to be loved and held and to feel *safe*. I want to know why you keep treating me like shit. I want to know that I mean something more to you than a punching bag.� He shook his head. �I know you�re capable of tenderness. You�ve done it before.� He ran his hand through his hair again. �Fuck, Kaiba, you�ve even been mean to Mokuba lately and I know how much the kid means to you. In fact, how you acted with him is the only thing that convinced me that you do have something resembling a heart. A dark, shrunken, misshapen, hard, cold one, but you do have a heart.�
Seto clenched his fists to hide the slight trembling of his hands. He fought to find the words he needed to say to keep Jou from walking away. He jerked his head up at the soft sound of crunching leaves. His words died unspoken when he realized that Jou had just shifted his weight and wasn�t getting ready to leave.
The smaller young man blinked in surprise at the look on the brunette�s face. He could have almost sworn he had seen fear in their icy depths before the other looked away. �Talk to me, damn it. I�m not a mind reader. Why do you keep doing this to me? What the fuck do you want?�
�I want you.� As soon as the words left his mouth, Seto had to resist the urge to smack himself. The words were so trite and clich�.
�You sure have a hell of a way of showing it.�
�I know.� He swallowed and shook his head. �I love you.�
Jou snorted again. �As I said, you sure have a hell of a way of showing it.�
�Damn it!� Seto snapped, glaring at his lover. �You know how hard it is for me to say shit like this! I�m trying!�
Normally soft chocolate eyes were cold and narrowed. �No you�re not. If you were, it wouldn�t be so damn hard. You tell Mokuba that you love him all the time. I know that it�s easier because Mokuba has been with you much longer and knew you before all the shit with your adopted father, but it�s still not an excuse. You used to tell me at least once a day. The last time I heard you say it was over a month ago and it was during an apology. In fact, almost every time I�ve heard you say you loved me it was after an argument.� He looked up toward the stars, blinking back tears. �I never knew what love was until I met Yugi.� He looked back at Seto, but ignored the jealous, bitter look on the brunette�s face. �He didn�t care that I was a nobody, or that I was just a young punk. He looked at me and saw someone who was alone and desperate for someone to care.� He tilted his head to the side. �When he gives his heart, he gives it completely and unconditionally. That was one of the most precious and terrifying gifts I�ve ever been given.�
�If you love him so much, what the hell do you want with me?� Seto snarled, unable to hold back. He was startled by Jou�s small, sad smile.
�He loves me as a friend, Kaiba. I�m his best friend and confidant. Yeah, he told me once that if I wasn�t so obviously in love with you he might have made a move, but I am in love with you. He cares about me and respected you too much to make a move on me.� The blond looked away. �Yeah, I normally run to him when we fight, but I�m not looking for a comfort fuck. Hell, he and I have never touched each other that way. We haven�t even kissed.� He looked back and Seto and felt his heart crumble a little more when he saw the surprised look on his lover�s face. �Can�t you trust me at all?� he asked softly before shaking his head and going on as if he had never said it. �Yugi�s place is like a sanctuary for me. It�s the one place I know I can always go to no matter what. He won�t nag me into telling him what�s wrong and I�m always welcome there.� He swallowed. �You have no idea how tempting it is to stay there. Watching Yami and Yugi interact, I can�t help but envy they�re closeness and hate what you do to me that much more.� He snorted. �Yami wants your head on a pole after finding out some of the things I�ve told Yugi.� He snarled and cut Seto off before he could protest. �Yeah, I�ve told Yugi. He�s someone I can talk to who won�t go after your throat immediately. If I told Honda, he�d arrange a nice little accident for you.� He smirked at the CEO�s skeptical look. �Trust me; my buddy knows a lot of things one picks up on the wrong side of town.�
Seto slumped back against his car. �Maybe you should let them.�
Jou rubbed his forehead. �Didn�t you hear what I said earlier? I don�t want you dead.� He glared at his lover. �Why the hell do you keep doing this shit?�
The taller young man didn�t look up when he sighed and ran his fingers through his bangs. �I�m scared.� He didn�t look up as the other snorted in disbelief. �I can�t understand why you would want me. I�m cold, cruel, and broken. You�re passionate, warm, and so full of �.� He winced, unable to think of the right word. ��innocence, I suppose. You could have anyone, and it�s pretty damn obvious that at least four of your friends would love to have you. I try and keep you with me because I don�t think I could bear to lose you.�
�Then why the fuck do you keep shoving me away?� Jou growled.
A faint, bitter smile touched Seto�s lips. �I do that because ... I�m afraid that if I let you get too close, you�ll rip my heart out. You�ve managed to burrow your way deeper into me than anyone besides Mokuba. I�m terrified of how much power you have over me, of how much you could hurt me if you wanted to. It would only take a few words from you to destroy what�s left of my soul.�
They stood in silence for a long moment before Jou sighed. �I think it�s about time you start facing your demons and doing something about them instead of denying them, Kaiba.�
�So you�re walking away.�
Jou cried out wordlessly, hands clenching and unclenching as he resisted the urge to hit the stubborn young man. �I didn�t say that! I�m saying that you�ve got a hell of a lot that you need to get worked out before we can work out our problems. Fuck it, Kaiba. It�s pointless for us to keep going out if you can�t even trust me.� He sighed. �I�ve got some of my own problems to work out. It�s about damn time I took a good look at my life and made some decisions.� He paused looking away for a moment before looking back. �I think we need to put some space between us and start working some things out.�
Seto looked up, the glaciers in his eyes cracked and melting, filling his eyes with tears that refused to fall. �So this is goodbye.�
Jou shrugged. �This is �see you later.� I give up too damn easy and I�ve been letting you walk all over me. I can�t keep doing that. It�s tearing me apart and I�m certainly not helping you. We�ve got to work out our own problems before we try to start over.�
The brunette wanted to protest, wanted to demand that Jou come home with him, but the old man�s words came back. A butterfly could only live in an open hand. Another phrase came to mind. He couldn�t remember where he�d heard it before, but was almost certain it came from a book or movie. �If you love someone, let them go. If they don�t come back, it wasn�t meant to be.� He sighed and nodded in defeat. �Alright, if that is what you want.� He looked up, smiling slightly at the look of shock on Jou�s face. �It will be hard; you�re asking me to overcome years of training.� He stepped forward, brushing a hand down Jou�s cheek. �But I�m willing to do if for you.� He took a shuddering breath. �No matter what you decide, I hope you will be happy.�
The blond smiled and laid a hand over the one cupping his cheek. �Thanks, Seto.�
Silence stretched between them before Seto sighed and stepped back. �Can I give you a ride?�
Jou tilted his head to the side before considering. He nodded, walking over to the passenger seat.
Some time later, Jou got out of the car with an old duffle bag stuffed with most of his belongings. Even though Seto had always been willing to give the blond money to spend, he could never bring himself to use much of it so he didn�t have much to pack. Jou looked up at the silent game shop, knowing that Yami probably already know they were there. He looked back at Seto. �I�ll be seeing you.�

The CEO nodded and watched his former lover walk up toward the glass door which opened before he
got there to reveal a worried Egyptian spirit. He waited until the door closed behind the pair before he rested his head on the steering wheel and cried.
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Suicide Bridge