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Chocolat, Chokoreeto, Theobramaticus… Chocolate	By : WittyPhantom Category: Yu-Gi-Oh > General Views: 1500 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh!, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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LD: Well this is different.
Karen: Hmmm, I feel lost. Anyway, now that I am sure we have confused both of the readers…
LD: *snicker *
Karen: Phantom is not feeling well, so we get to introduce Chocolate Chapter 3!
LD: Oh, and Phantom does not own Yugioh!, but you should all know that by now…
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Chapter III- “A day late, a buck short, I’m writing the report.”

Am I truly watching my life pass me by?
Leaning over the edge of the boat, I wonder absently to myself what exactly I think I’m doing here. Do I really believe Yami no Bakura and think two months in the middle of proverbial nowhere will miraculously cure me of my depression? Hardly. To be honest, I don’t know why I’m here. And by here I mean here, not necessarily anywhere in particular, on this boat, on this planet, alive—why am I not dead? My one wish that meant more to me than anything else I’ve ever desired, and I couldn’t even do anything about it without getting thrown back to where I started.
Suddenly, I’m beginning to view my life as one large Snakes and Ladders™ game. At least, the game seems to work well to describe my trials and tribulations on the path to suicide, on the path to eternal bliss, the Promised Land if you will. I would get so close to what I ultimately wanted—freedom, and then something would happen. I don’t really care what you call it, a minor setback, an unseen hurdle, a snake, a slide. I don’t care. The fact of the matter is that the closer I got to my goal, the larger the problem I was faced with and the farther back I was knocked. And then, when I finally achieved my goal, when I finally climbed the last ladder, when I finally died—I ended up slamming face first into the biggest brick wall I had ever seen and proceeded to slide down the mother of all snakes, landing me right back to the colourful tile marked ‘GO’.
Which leads me back to my current dilemma. Here I stand on this stupid boat, sailing away from that stupid town where I’ve had to live my stupid life all these stupid years; and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Well, that’s not even true, I couhrowhrow myself over the side of this boat and slowly and painfully drown myself, but knowing my awful luck, the boat will have someone ready to rescue me because they already know of my suicidal tendencies. Either that, or I won’t die right away and I’d end up drifting all the way back to the harbour, very much alive, all the way back to them. Where are those man-eating sharks when you need them? No, that would be giving the sharks too much credit.
Speaking of the aforemened ned them, I really don’t know what to think at this point. On the one hand, I made a point of not telling anyone that I was leaving so I wasn’t surprised when nobody came to see me off. However, I knew Yami no Bakura was fully aware of what I planned to do and therefore; I knew Seto and Mokuba both knew, but they didn’t come. I don’t know why, but that hurt me inside. It’s not even that I wanted to see anyone, those two (being Yami no Bakura and Seto) in particular, but knowing they knew and they still chose not to come was quite the slap in the face, I think. Perhaps, if I concentrate hard enough, I could feel the contact of someone’s hand on my cheek, hard enough to make me cough up enough blood to let me leave this hell hole; but no, that would land me right back to where I started this whole misadventure—again.
What did I do to be deserving of this torture? Honestly, what makes me so different to be worthy of this perpetual, never ending loop of human suffering? More importantly, why does it feel as though I am the personification of human anguish, destined to walk the Earth for eternity and live a pointless life with no beginning and no end? I keep envisioning people who have successfully committed suicide and they seem so peaceful, so content. All I want, more than anything else in this world, is to be happy. I want to be like them, but I can’t because I’ve failed repeatedly where they have not.
Again, speaking of happiness, I am reminded of the life I am leaving behind. And that’s what I’m doing, leaving. I know Yami no Bakura’s intentions were to let me leave to find myself, whatever that means, and return in the fall to my “friends” and continue as though none of this had ever happened. But that’s just not going to happen, it’s not in the Heart of the Cards and all that shit. I know I’ll probably never see the people I’ve spent the last three years with ever again, and to be honest, it doesn’t bother me in the least. But that’s not even the thought going through my head at the moment.
For some reason, I can’t help but wonder if Yami no Bakura has made a move on Mokuba yet. Moreover, I almost would have wanted to stick around for no other reason than to see Seto’s face when he realized he’d been used, much the same way as he used me. To know the former Tomb Robber only feigned interest in him to get to his little brother. Serves him right in a twisted, sadistic sort of way, I guess. It’s almost laughable to think I ever criticized the spirit of the Sennen Ring for wanting to date someone so much younger than me, even though I failed to realize that technically, Yami no Bakura could be dating an octogenarian and still legally be charged with pedophilia. Half one’s age plus seven years would nicely exclude every person I know, save two people from his dating pool—and unfortunately, Mokuba Kaiba is not one of those two.
Never the less, I can’t help but think how blissfully happy those two will probably be, and I feel my heart sink. That is, if Seto doesn’t kill one or both of them first, but I have no doubt in my mind that not even Seto will be able to keep those two apart if it’s what they both desire so wholeheartedly. It’s that sharp pain in my chest which is normally enough to make me double over and seriously consider trying to cough up my own lungs that overtakes me and I have to clutch the side of the boat, lest I fall over to the previously mentioned fate I’ve already thought about and ruled out.
Regardless, this is a feeling I don’t get often by nature. I think others call it jealousy and I really think it’s obvious why I would think I’m jealous of that life I’m abandoning. I’m forsaking any chance I may have had to be happy and supremely in love with someone. I know this can never happen, now. My last two relationships have made that perfectly clear, I can’t seem to stay with someone I had been lusting over for years, and a one-night stand turned serious relationship doesn’t work either. Not that the second one is really hard to understand why it failed. The point is, nobody could ever love me, and I guess I’ve finally come to accept that for what it’s worth. Whether I like it or not, I’m going to end up being one of those people who die alone, never having been truly loved. And, sooner or later, that day will come when I will finally die, although personally, I would much rather have it come sooner rather than later. Why I have to be tormented enough to live this life is beyond my meager comprehension; my life is worthless, it means nothing, and I’ve accepted that, I’ve accepted that I am worth nothing and that my life sucks.
I shake my head and try to make sense of all these thoughts running through my head and quite frankly, failing miserably. Rummaging through the single, solitary bag, which contains whatever trinkets managed to survive my wrath and constitute what is left of my life, I finally emerge with a small, coiled notebook. I look at it absently, Yami no Bakura had given it to me the last time I saw him before my departure. If my memory serves me correctly, he told me to write messages to all my friends to show them I was thinking of them while I was gone. I realize this implies I will be coming back, but that’s irrelevant at this point. Perhaps I need to be cleansed of my previous way of life before I can begin anew. And maybe, just maybe, this innocent book could be just the vessel I am looking for. But who to start with, I have so many people I should write about. Well, first thing’s first, why don’t I find a pen?
There, now where to start? I suppose it’s best to start with the people for which my feelings are clear. Yes, that would be a prudent course of action; perhaps in purifying my soul of those who are unimportant, the way I feel towards those who are more important will come to light.
First off, I have to say there really is only one person I cannot stand in our—correction your little group, as it is officially no longer my own. Anzu, to put it bluntly, you sicken me. No wonder you keep getting rejected by so many of your male friends, who also spontaneously manage to turn out to be homosexual in the first place. Go figure you seem to be the only person who can’t manage to figure that out. Your incompetence astounds me sometimes, it really does. Just when I think nothing could possibly be done which would require less brainpower than what I’ve already seen, there you are, proving me wrong yet again. And no, that is not a compliment, you mindless twit. And do I even have to utter the words friendship rant? I thought not. If I could count the number of times you’ve tried to push yourself onto me with my fingers, it may not be so bad, but sadly, not even all my extremities added together and multiplied by two could amount to your shameless slut factor... and I mean ALL my extremities, feel free to throw your mind fully into the gutters on this one. I can’t believe you told people that if you dressed like a cheap skank and stood on a street corner, you’d make friends. No wonder nobody likes you. I feel sorry for Yugi. I thought I had it bad… heh ‘have you lost your mommy, sweetie?’ I can’t believe you actually let Yugi stand on that corner for five hours! And to add insult to injury, you still hit on him, even though he’s involved with his yami and with Ryou, you sick whore. Yes, that is a good word to describe you, whore. I like that.
Moving on, while I’m on the subject, why don’t I move on to Yugi? That sounds like an excellent idea; wow, do I ever sound like a fruitcake, talking to myself! I’m not even going to go into the fact that you’re way too short to be considered cool; you look like a chipmunk, and totally don’t have the body to be flaunting yourself around in leather. You’d think you’ve taken your fashion lessons from Anzu. Can you do anything for two seconds without whining and complaining to your yami? Really now, does this sound familiar: “I’ve faced a lot of bullies in my life and I’ve learned that sometimes you just have to stand up to them!”? Now, if I remember correctly, not two seconds after saying those very words, you went crying to your yami! Pathetic, if I had a yami and I ever even thought about running and saying “Yami, help me!” whenever something happened, I would like to think I’d be spending eternity in the Shadow Realm… or dead, dead is good, too. I can’t believe Yami no Yugi would ever think you’d be a suitable partner for him, you’re everything he’s not—and for good reason, you’re also everything he doesn’t need to be associated with. Can you do anything on your own? Of course not, poor Ryou, to think he puts up with you. What was he smoking when you three got together, and more importantly, what is he on now to make him stay?
But enough about regular Yugi, I want to rant about Yami no Yugi for a little while. Well, what have we got here, the self-professed King of Games! By the dice, someone bring out the gong, and fast! If I hear anything more about him, I think I’m going to gag. First of all, can we say hairstyle faut pas? Yes we can. I mean honestly, what have you done to your hair? And what about the tight leather pants? Sure, they look good, but all the time? Can't be too great for your "sacred scarabs" and "royal staff" if you catch my drift. I’m surprised you can walk half the time! Speaking of your diminutive frame, to put it frankly, you’re scrawny... I mean, talk about a weak looking Pharaoh. It’s really no wonder you got locked away in that puzzle. Who would want to say they followed you? And all that ‘Heart of the Cards’ stuff? Come on, I still think you’re a dirty, rotten cheat. There’s no way you could have beaten me if you were playing fair. I’ve been told you’ve got some kind of freaky Shadow Powers, but I’ve yet to see them. Not even when there was a whole bunch of crazy stuff going on when you summoned Osiris and there were supposedly Shadow Powers flying left, right, and centre; but all I got was a light show. Not even mentioning that you seem to have a death wish. I mean, you don't just go, beating, bad mouthing, and refusing the request of a guy who could have you killed six times before you hit the ground... "I won't duel you Kaiba!" is not the right thing to say when said man can throw you out of the tournament and steal your god card by force… and, you know, throw you out of a helicopter because he felt like it. I don’t even know why I came back from America to see you people; at least back there I lived in the illusion that I was at the very least content.
But, looking back, I cannot say that all I feel is regrettable. In fact, looking back on the group, there is one person I do not hate as much as the others. To you, Jounouchi, I offer some respect. If there is anyone who can truly, genuinely relate to my situation, it’s you. You never had a particularly good relationship with your parents, especially with your father, to the point of serious depression, which probably even caused you to consider suicide yourself. You even had someone, namely Yugi, vocally confess their love for you in your presence, only to have them shove it back in your face by dating someone else. At one point, you were even the outcast, hated by everyone save your little inner circle of friends. I guess when it comes right down to it, there’s only one major difference between the two of us. My life still sucks. One may think I’ve been accepted into that circle, but in reality, I haven’t and I never will. You have people around you who love you and care for you, something I could never possess. Sure, you may be annoying, ugly, and look really good as long as you’re in a dog suit, but you have everything I’ve ever wanted in addition to anything I could ever desire. And for that, I think I will always envy you, Jounouchi.
Ah, Honda, we’ve had some good times, you and I. You know, like that time on the blimp where you were groping me in your sleep right before Jounouchi fell on us. Or the other times you were groping me on Seto’s blimp… Or maybe the fact that we were both fighting so desperately over Jounouchi’s little sister for the longest time—or, at least before we found out how much of a total ditz she was… and we realized that we were both gay, I mean. Then, that doesn’t even start to mention when we first met and you called me some really nasty things, none of which I remember off hand, of course… But I suppose I was holding one of your friends in a dog suit and calling another a dirty, lying cheater, but that’s beside the point, right? Then there was that time we got stuck in some crazy mansion, thanks to Seto’s sort of dead, psycho powered, creepy haired, adoptive father’s biological son and had to wander around aimlessly trying to find the others. And let’s not forget the time I single-handedly saved you and Shizuka from those nasty Gurus, mostly because you couldn’t, and all I needed to do it was two little dice. That’s not even starting on the time you were turned into a little mechanical monkey and I harassed you for days and days… and days. Now if only people would stop saying I should be going out with you. No offense, but—no. In the words of someone who probably was unimportant in the long run anyway “go back to the army, or at least get a decent haircut!”
As for Malik, all I can say is you’re insane and have got some serious personality crisis issues. Yami no Malik… case in point.
Who’s next? Ah, everyone’s favourite ratfink, Mokuba. Well, what can I say? I’d ask you to invite me to your wedding with Yami no Bakura, but seeing as how I’d likely be long dead, never mind. I never knew you that well, so I guess I can’t really hate you, but I probably won’t miss you either. Have a good life, Little One.
By Ra, I’m starting to talk—think—write like Kami no Bakura, not good. Speaking of everyone’s favourite Tomb Robber, I suppose I might as well talk about him now… That two-timing twit, by the dice, Bakura—first you rip put my still beating heart right out of my chest… Then you have the gall to slap me in the face with it. But, all mudslinging aside, I suppose it is your fault that I’m stuck on this boat. “It’ll be good for you, Otogi. You need to sort things out, Otogi.”, how about, “I should really watch you night and day before you do something stupid to yourself again, Otogi.”? That is so something you would say inside your head but never to my face, for fear you may emotionally scar me for life. But here’s a news flash, you already have. I don’t care if you were simply using him, but the second I saw you with that Scum of the Earth, Seto Kaiba, my heart ripped in two. I always thought you were always there when I needed you, but no, not really. In fact, you almost always seemed to be there when there was something to be gained. Perhaps you actually did feel sorry for the way that bastard treated me, but probably, you just wanted me to give you information so you could move in on Seto, and indirectly, get closer to Mokuba. I hope everything works out for you two, I really do. But I also hope one day Seto goes completely insane and carves your entire body up with a rusty spoon for even so much as thinking about touching his precious otouto. And knowing Seto, his schedule will crack anybody into a quivering puddle of goo, it just takes time. So the question isn’t if Seto will lose his precious sanity—it’s when.
And need I really go on about your sweet, innocent hikari? Well love, I’ve got news for you, Ryou isn’t as innocent as you think. Maybe if you had been looking after him like you’re supposed to instead of trying to run my life after my episode with Seto, you would have known that baka Yami no Yugi and his little light counterpart have been using your little Ryou as their own personal sex kitten. But no, you’re too busy worrying about poor, little Otogi, who is actually making monumental decisions about his life and really doesn’t need your help when he comes right down to it, for Ra’s sake. As a little side note, where the hell did I learn to talk like that? I don’t ever remember swearing by ancient Egyptian gods before… damn spirit bakas, they should never have been released from the Sennen Items; they’ve caused nothing but trouble. And it was even better when they could only manifest themselves by taking over the body of their hikari—but the second they were able to obtain their own bodies, everything took a sickening turn for the worst. But let’s get back to the point. Let’s see, what can I say about Ryou? Well, other than the obvious one that he is so sickeningly sweet it makes my head hurt. I personally also love the one where he manages to spontaneously disappear for an extended, and often unexplained, amount of time; then he would show up right when you don’t need him and be a general hindrance to the group. Sometimes, I wonder if that kid knows what it’s like to be smacked around at all, but then I remember his current employment with Yami no Yugi and his fanclub, and that he was also associated with you during your more homicidal, sadistic days.
Seto Kaiba, your time has come. Oh, how I’ve been looking forward to this for some time now. But where to begin? There are so many starting points on this adventure, which will be the most interesting? Oh I know! I remember when I first met you; I thought you were an egocentric, narcissistic, self-worshipping prat. Then I learned that all those big words mean exactly the same thing. And now, three years later, what do you know, I think you’re a self-involved, tight assed, son of a bitch. I suppose in the meantime, my opinion of you changed, from infatuation, to lust, to hopelessness, and then finally rage that turned back into how I thought of you before I knew you. And, do you know what, in the long run, I think I’ll probably be happier this way. If it were possible to blame the entire reason behind my wanting to kill myself on one person, it would be you. You threw away what little shred of reality I had in my world. In short, you ruined my life. Night after night I wished I had never desired to be close to you, because I see what you’ve done to such people. You’ve used every last one of them, used them when you needed something done and then you’ve used them for someone to step on. That’s exactly what you do to your employees, your clients, and to me. I’m surprised Mokuba still puts up with you, because I know I sure as hell wouldn’t have. One has to wonder if your parents actually died, or if they knew how you would turn out and decided they didn’t want to have anything to do with you. And honestly, I wouldn’t blame them for a second after watching the man you’ve supposedly become. To even think I considered taking your advice when it came to marketing Dungeon Dice Monsters, it is enough to make my physically ill. And no, it’s not just the boat. Does anything matter to you apart from your company? And don’t give me the my otouto bullshit, because I know you’re lying and you would crush Mokuba the first chance you got if it meant you’d get ahead in your precious businworlworld. To be honest, it’s people like you who make people like Anzu look like saints. And I know you don’t care about anyone, love seems to be a concept you can’t possibly hope to wrap your brain around without serious mental difficulty. Seems fitting, robots aren’t supposed to love… You will sit there, in your office, night after night, playing with your gadgets and your gizmos. But what you don’t know is that everyone around you has grown up, fallen in love, and found that someone to comfort them forever and a day, to stand by faithfully no matter what happens. When it comes right down to it, you and I aren’t that different at all, we will both die alone. The only difference is, I will hopefully take my own life in the next few days, and your creations will likely take yours when you’re old and unable to control what you have brought into this world. A fitting end if you ask me, you will see it coming for years, but that stubborn attitude will always win out, the question remains, is it your stubbornness or your stupidity that will be your ultimate downfall? Probably both if you ask me.
Before long, I’ve completed the last page in the innocent looking notebook. It’s funny how my entire life can be fully explained in one little book. Eleven people, enough to bring out the best and worst in me, and I’ve realized that now. Yami no Bakura was right, this little book was therapeutic. I mean sure, I don’t feel any different about wanting to kill myself, but I do have a totally new outlook on what I intend to do now. I look at my entire life, compressed into some eighty odd pages of loose-leaf, and realize how much leaving it all would be good for me. How, starting over would be the only way for me to escape the pain of my life, provided of course I live long enough to enjoy my new life. I’ve never fully realized how easy it would be to leave my life behind and start with something not completely new, not completely old. I never knew how I would be able to fully cut the ties to what held me in Domino, but now I do—and it will be so easy, I almost wonder why I didn’t think of it earlier. I can finally see my final destination off on the horizon, soon this will all come to an end…
As I let the book, its pages telling my story, fall from my hands. Letting it land in the water and take its secrets, my life, down to the bottom of the ocean—and its final resting place.
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Karen: You like?
LD: Now review and make Phantom’s day!
Karen: Then read the rest of Phantom’s wonderful stories.
LD: And Almost Paradise. He helped on AP3, but you should probably read the whole thing.
Karen: *coughshamelessplugcough *
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Chocolat, Chokoreeto, Theobramaticus… Chocolate