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Best Left Forgotten	By : Ykarzel Category: Yu-Gi-Oh > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 3872 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh!, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
Best Left Forgotten

Chapter Four

"You hold the answers deep within your own mind. Consciously,
you've forgotten it. That's the way the human mind works. Whenever something is
too unpleasant, to shameful for us to entertain, we
reject it. We erase it from our memories.
But the imprint is always there� Nothing is ever really forgotten."
- Original Author Unknown

He wanted out more than he could explain. He wanted fresh air, he wanted away from the
noise of the other patients, and he wanted to be able to sleep a whole night
through without somebody waking him up to check his vitals.

Getting the IV out was like being reborn. He hated the thing so damn much he had nearly
ripped it out. His hand was black and
blue from the abuse of having chemicals pumped into it, but even the
sensitivity of that was welcome now that the pain was gone and he could freely
move his one good arm.

�I want to saw the left side of my body off.�

�Now, you can�t do that,� Yugi said, his hand on the small
of Jou�s back as he helped him sit up.
Carefully, Honda was shifting Jou�s legs to the edge of the bed. He wouldn�t be able to stand, but they had to
get him up off the bed in order to get him into the wheel chair. Jou hissed as his side was stretched. �The left side of your brain is very
important. It controls your speech, your
writing, your logic, and the right side of your body.�

Jou did manage to grin slightly at Yugi�s attempt to cheer
him up, but that didn�t stop the pain.
He had a pillow pressed up against his side, held there with a broken
arm. The pressure helped, somewhat.

In the end, it took Honda lifting him out of bed and putting
him into the wheel chair. Several
minutes later, the pain of the movement faded, and Jou could open his eyes
again. Yugi and Honda were watching him
warily.

�Are you okay?� Yugi asked.

Jou took several long breaths. The pain was fading. Soon he would be just as uncomfortable as he
had been, but no more. The bed, the
chair, it was all the same. �I�m fine.�

�Jou,� Honda said, his voice faltering. �You were light as a feather.�

Jou laughed in spite of himself. �I�ve been eating hospital food. Just get me out of here, I can�t stand it
anymore. Somewhere
with trees.�

�We told everybody who could make it to meet us in the
park.�

�Perfect,� Jou said, as he winced. He hoped they assumed it was the pain. He didn�t particularly want to be with a lot
of people. In fact, he wanted to get out
of the hospital to get away from people.
�Then what?�

�I�ll be staying with you,� Yugi said. �Just until you can walk
again. Your apartment will be
best, there�s an elevator. My house is
two levels, and it�s stairs.�

Jou winced again. It
would be at least a month before he could walk again. They were suddenly moving; Honda behind him
pushing. Jou heaved a sigh; it would be
two weeks before he could even push his own wheel chair.

He didn�t look up as they made their way out of the
hospital. Yugi�s grandfather, who had
been handling the paper work of Jou�s release, met them at the door.

It was a relief to go outside, even if he was being pushed
and the air smelled of exhaust. He
recognized this part of the city, and it was nice to know some of his landmarks
hadn�t changed drastically in the past five years. It was a long walk to the park, but they
would have had a hard time getting Jou into a car. Yugi�s grandfather took the car home, while Yugi
and Honda stayed with Jou.

Jou was hot, and tired of being stared at. He was still in a hospital gown, and he
didn�t even want to think about trying to get clothes on. By the time they reached the park he was in a
particularly bad mood.

�Anzu is coming home to see you tomorrow,� Yugi said. �She�s been away for over a year now.�

Jou grunted, busy staring at the park ahead. He saw the tiny group waiting for them. Ryou was there; he�d been able to get away
from school for a week or so, although Shizuka had gone home. Mokuba was waiting, with Yugi�s grandfather,
who had beat them there. And behind them, off to the side, sitting
with a computer, was Mokuba�s brother.

Jou put the odd feelings out of his mind. The brother inspired a particularly weird
one, but he didn�t even know his name, and the other certainly didn�t act like
he and Jou had known each other. Mokuba
made Jou feel just as complicated though.
He�d only seen the kid twice now, and still he felt toward him the same
way he did Shizuka.

They eventually sat down around him, chatting happily. They might have sensed Jou�s mood because
they managed to include him without making him the center of attention. That alone caused Jou to relent a little. They were doing their best. This accident was not their fault, and they
were trying cope with it and help him through it. They were his friends, he knew that at least. Not because they said so, not because of some
dumb random feelings, but from how they had treated him in the past week and
half.

He nodded once, to himself.
They could tell him all they wanted about the past, about what he had
forgotten, but he was making all his own opinions on what he saw since waking
up. That way, he could be the Jou they
remembered, and the Jou he was.

The small party didn�t last long. Jou was hot still, and tired from the
move. And hungry. He was always hungry, it seemed. And he was tired of Jello.

Yugi brushed Honda away when the larger man started to push
Jou�s chair. �I�ll do it. You all can go on home. I�ll stop by later tonight, Grandpa,� he
added.

Ryou said goodbye first, promising to see him again the next
day when Anzu arrived. Mokuba followed,
giving Jou an awkward hug before running off to where his brother sat. Yugi�s grandfather, whom Jou had been told to
just call �grandpa�, waved his goodbye.
Honda, however, lingered. �I�ll
walk you,� he said quietly.

Yugi looked like he would argue, then
changed his mind. Jou wondered what was
wrong. Something obviously was, by the way
Yugi threw an arm around the other�s waist � he was too short to reach Honda�s
shoulders.

Yugi still insisted on pushing, and Jou tried not to resent
being talked over. �We�ll go home and
order pizza, with sausage and pepperoni like usual.� He seemed to be talking to Honda rather than
Jou, in a soothing tone.

�I want mushrooms,� Jou said lightly, hoping to cheer Honda
up. Jou sensed that he was causing
Honda�s distress.

Again, the wrong answer; the wrong thing
to say. They both turned to stare
at him. �You hate mushrooms,� Honda
said, his voice shaking. Was his best
friend about to break down because he wanted mushrooms on his pizza?

�Of course I do,� Jou said quickly. �I was only kidding.�

Honda waited a moment, then burst
into laughter. Even as they started
moving again, the tall man continued to snicker, murmuring the word
mushroom. Yugi didn�t laugh, only gave
Jou a grateful look.

But Yugi�s look made Jou angry. Sure, this time it was only a stupid pizza
topping, but what would it be next time?
What else would he have to give up about himself in order to be himself?

He was tired. Bone tired.
He just wanted to go home, except, he didn�t have one. An apartment he didn�t remember.

He didn�t look around when they came into the
apartment. He asked through gritted
teeth, if he could go lie down. Yugi
started to protest, since their pizza had just been ordered, but Honda relented
and took the chair down the small hallway.

His room was clean, which felt very wrong. Even his bed was made. He stared at it in disbelief. Honda shook his head. �Yugi�s been in here.� Jou let out a relieved sigh. At least he hadn�t changed that much.

Honda reached down and picked Jou out of his chair and laid
him down on the bed. The shift in
position took away Jou�s breath and he clamped his eyes shut. �I tried not to hurt you,� Honda said
pleadingly.

When Jou did manage to open his eyes, he glared at
Honda. �What�s wrong with you?� Jou
asked. �You keep going all wishy washy on me.�

Honda grabbed the chair from Jou�s desk and fell into beside
the bed. �I hate seeing you like
this. I hate � that you can�t remember.�

�Yeah, well,� Jou said angrily, �it�s no fun being here like
this. I can�t even piss by myself. It�s not fun being expected to remember
things you can�t, or feeling guilty because you want mushrooms on your pizza,
even though you never did before.� In
his tirade, he tried to sit up, and fell back into the pillows with a pained
gasp.

Honda�s hand was clamped around his, as if to pump strength
into Jou through that contained in his own grip. �I just want you back,� Honda said simply.

�I�m right here,� Jou answered, still glaring, but squeezing
Honda�s hand in return. �And I�m still
me. If I�m different, well, maybe the me you knew was the fake one.�

That statement caused Honda to blink. He looked thoughtful for a minute. �Maybe,� he said reluctantly. �Maybe you�re right.�

With an exasperated shout, Jou flung Honda�s hand away from
him. �Go away. I can sleep by myself.� Honda
looked hurt, but he did leave, and that was all Jou cared about.

With a frustrating slowness, the days began to pass. Jou grew sulky, and nothing his friends did
could break him out of it. Not that they
didn�t try.

Honda had off work every Saturday, and Ryou could usually
manage to come back for a visit. The
four of them crowded into Jou�s apartment, this week bringing pizza and movies,
though any combination of unhealthy food and mindless activity was possible.

�It�s really amazing we aren�t all fat,� Jou observed, lowering
himself carefully to the floor with them.
His arm was completely healed, and he had some use of his leg back.

�Nah,� Ryou said, throwing a small chocolate candy at
him. �We�re too young for that yet. We�ll get fat when we�re old and the girls don�t
want us anyway.�

�Speaking of,� Yugi said, raising his eyebrows. �I heard a rumor��

Ryou grinned and dug a picture out of his back pocket,
handing it to Yugi, who whistled appreciatively. �Keep her away from Jou; you know he loves
small blondes.�

Jou laughed, and chucked the chocolate candy that had landed
in his lap at Yugi. �She�s safe from
me. I�m sure she�s cute, Ryou, but the
boobs put me off.�

Silence fell on the other three, and all eyes turned to
stare at Jou. �What?� he asked, trying to
look at all of them at once. �I�m gay.�

�You are?� Honda asked, his dark
eyes wide.

Jou�s eyes narrowed.
�You mean I never told you?� He turned his attention to Yugi. �You didn�t know?�

Yugi was chewing his bottom lip. �Are you sure?�

Jou moved his pizza away, afraid he would throw it. �Of course I�m sure. I�ve known since I was twelve. You mean I never came out? To any of you?� Three heads shook slowly.

Jou felt something inside himself slipping. If they hadn�t known this, what else didn�t
they know? What if everything they told
him about himself was a lie? He couldn�t
trust them. �Did you know me at all?� he
asked, not realizing he was speaking aloud.

They looked at each other, obviously asking themselves the
same question. �Why didn�t I tell you?�
Jou asked suddenly. �Are you all going
to hate me?�

Yugi shook his head quickly.
�We�d never hate you. You knew
that. At least, we thought you did. You�ve always �acted� straight.�

Jou threw a hand to his forehead. He knew he�d acted straight when he was
younger. Honda was his best bud and he didn�t
want to freak him out; but he�d promised himself it was a temporary
secret. He�d just assumed�

He had a hard time getting to his feet. His side still ached, and his leg didn�t
always cooperate. �I think maybe you
guys should go.�

�Jou,� Yugi said, getting to his feet also. �We don�t mind. It doesn�t change anything.�

�Yes,� Jou said slowly, �it does.� He looked around at them. He was hurting them; hurting them because he
couldn�t remember, and because he hadn�t trusted them when he could. �How can I trust you to tell me who I am if
you don�t know?�

He turned his back on them, but a heartbeat later Yugi�s
arms were around his waist. �We�re
trying Jou. We�re doing our best.�

Jou unwrapped his arms easily. �I know that.
Please leave.�

He could hear the others picking up their stuff, but Yugi
remained behind him. �Yugi,
please.�

�Okay,� Yugi said, and he nearly sounded angry. �I�m going home. But I�m coming back tomorrow.�

�Whatever,� Jou said.
Anything to make them just go. He walked � hobbled really � over to the
window. He stayed there until he heard
the door close, then practically fell into the nearest chair. He let his head sink into his hands.

He�d hurt his friends, again. He needed to remember. His head dropped to the table so that his
forehead rested against the cool surface.
He reached again, harder than he ever had before. But it seemed that the harder he tried, the
more he slipped.

A knock at the door brought him out of his thoughts. He stood up without even thinking,
and glanced at his reflection in the mirror.
For a moment, that stopped him. Sometimes, sequences of actions like that happened without him even
thinking. As if it was something
he had done a hundred times and could do without giving it a thought.

His own reflection caused another
pause. The cuts from the accident had
healed, and the bruises had mostly faded.
Still, his entire left side seemed to pale when faced with his right, as
if it belonged to half of a different, smaller person.

The knock sounded again, more frantic this
time. �I�m coming,� Jou called,
as he limped towards the door carefully.
He still tended to lose his balance if he moved too fast.

�Is it too much to ask to be left alone for once?� he asked
as he pulled the door open, his hot anger returning. But instead of looking down into Yugi�s eyes,
whom he assumed he�d see, he had to look up.

Those eyes. He knew those eyes. He didn�t even have to look at the rest of
the face. Those eyes were the bluest
he�d ever seen and seemed to capture and multiply all the light in the room.

�You�re Mokuba�s brother,� he said, taking a step back. His legs were not ready to move backwards,
and he wobbled dangerously.

The man in the doorway raised a hand as if to catch him, but
he steadied himself on the nearby chair back.
�Why are you here?�

He didn�t answer, but he did look Jou up and down, and
seemed to grow very sad. Something about
that face spoke volumes. �I knew you,
didn�t I?� he said, that feeling returning with the same force.

The tall brunette nodded his head, but stayed silent. Jou thought that silence didn�t quite seem to
suit that strong chin.

�Were we friends?�

The other started to nod slowly, but then shook his
head. His blue eyes fell shut though, as
if he were remembering something he�d been trying to forget, then glued back on
Jou�s face, examining and memorizing every detail.

And then Jou knew. He
wasn�t sure how, something about the desperation in the other�s eyes, the
tension in his stance; ready to run away or inside. �We were more than friends, weren�t we? Lovers?�

Jou didn�t need the small nod to know it was true. He looked down at his feet. Here was yet another person he was hurting, because
he couldn�t remember. Like Yugi, who
tried to act like nothing was wrong but was still deeply wounded because Jou
remembered Honda and not him. Or Honda, who wanted his brother back, no
matter how much he pretended he was okay with Jou acting the way he did.

Jou opened his mouth, not sure what he was going to say but
positive he had to say something. But
when he raised his head, the man in the doorway was gone. He could see his back retreating toward the
stairs, but he knew he couldn�t follow fast enough to catch him.

He shut the door, and managed to drag his leg to the chair
before he collapsed.
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