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Not This Time	By : NihilEtNemo Category: Yu-Gi-Oh > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 5238 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh!, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
Chapter Six �
Plans
Seto�s POV

I don�t know why
I did it. I had some sort of breakdown, when he tried to talk to me� got
confused, thinking my dreams were real. And he encouraged it, trying to tell me
the dreams were actually reality. I don�t know why he did that� why would he
encourage that delusion? And then he took advantage of it.

So why did I do
it? Why did I fall into his arms like that?

Because he was
someone who was telling me that he loved me, and he promised never to hurt me.
I was vulnerable, and he was there, and I needed someone. I needed him.

So why do I
still need him? Why do I still cling to him, instead of turning him away? I
know now what�s real and what�s not. This is real, my dreams are not. But� this
is real�

He runs his
fingers through my hair. I can�t seem to pull away from him. I� I want to keep
holding onto him, as though he really loves me like he just said he did. To
keep having him hold me, as though he really has killed my every way I�ve
dreamed he has, and is apologizing for it.

�Seto�� His hand
rubs my back, and it feels so comforting, so right. I just want him to keep
touching me. Keep holding me. Please, never let me go.

�What did you
see?� he asks quietly.

I shake my head
against his shoulder, eyes still closed. �Samurai dream�� I mutter, then correct it. �Daydream.�

His voice is
quiet, sad. �Our lords forced us to duel, and you didn�t defend yourself
because you knew how it had to end��

I freeze, then pull away from him completely, looking into his crimson
eyes. �How? How did you know that? How do you know my
dream?�

He searches my
face for a moment, then shakes his head. �Don�t worry
about it.� He tries to pull me back again, but I stand up and go back to my desk.
The chair is knocked over, probably from when I fell back to the wall. I right
it and sit down, looking down at the desk. The last time I was looking down at
this desk, I had just seen the damned vision of us as samurai�

I feel his hands
on my shoulders, and instead of tensing, I relax. That�s very odd� I flinch
when anyone touches me� even when
Mokuba touches me� And yet I relax for my greatest rival� enemy�? He does have
power over me� I never want anyone to
have such power, but it�s comforting with Yami. As though I know that he won�t
hurt me with it.

But that�s just
plain stupidity. Of course he�ll hurt me with it. Why wouldn�t he? Just because
he promised he wouldn�t? I really must be going insane. Since when can I trust
his word, his or anyone�s? No one but myself� not even
myself. I can�t trust anyone.

And yet, it
feels so good as he wraps his arms around my shoulders
and chest, and I let my head fall backward onto his shoulder with my eyes
closed. I know I can�t trust him� but it feels good to think that maybe I can,
even for just a moment�

�Don�t worry,�
he says quietly. �You can trust me.�

I sit up to look
at him. �How did you ��

He looks into my
eyes. �I know you, Seto. Better than you know yourself, maybe� your true self, what
you�re really like, underneath everything that�s happened to you.� He smiles and brushes hair from my face. �You don�t need to
try to hide things from me � you couldn�t if you wanted to. Please, don�t try
to. You can trust me.� He leans down, and before I know it, I feel the touch of
his warm lips on mine� My eyes go wide for a moment, but, seemingly without my
consent, I find myself kissing him back, my eyes drifting closed as I pull him
closer. Please, I pray. Let him be telling the truth� let him be trustworthy�.

Let him never
hurt me again�

I pull him close
and rest my head on his shoulder again, and he holds me close, comfortingly.
�Promise�� I whisper. �Promise me��

�I already found
you. You don�t need to worry about that�� His hand running through my hair
feels so good�

I shake me head.
�Not that. You always kept that one. The one you always broke��

He kisses my
head lightly. Gods� this feels so good, right here, right now� �It�s different
this time,� he promised.

I let out a sigh
and relax completely. Please� let him be telling me
the truth� Don�t make him a liar again� �Thank you.�

He turns my face
toward his and smiles. I don�t return it, I don�t know if I can, given my
personality and everything I just went through in the last four minutes, but I
melt in it, fall into it and never want to return. That smile means so many
things to me, and I don�t know why� Safety. Acceptance. Even love� and I want them all so badly�

�Don�t let me
go��

�I won�t,� he
promised. �I won�t ever let you go� I never want to be apart from you again��
My head is on his shoulder again, held there by his gentle hand, as I wrap my
arms tightly around his waist. Don�t ever let me go, Yami� Don�t ever leave me�
Not again�

Those words. That combination of words.
�Not again�� They bring back memories from my dreams, from all the deaths I
never died at his hands but could swear that I did. I think of the pirate one,
as my body completely freezes around his. I knew he was going to do it, and I
couldn�t stop it from happening� how many times have I
heard those words uttered in my dreams, by me or him� I think I understand the
dreams. I have a suppressed, somewhat morally unacceptable deep-seated lust� or
longing� or love� for Yami, and I can�t accept it or even acknowledge it
myself, and he�s hurt me and beat me so many times before, and I can�t trust
myself or him� so it comes out in dreams, in subconscious representations of
how much I really fear� what? Him? No, I don�t fear
him, not him per se� His rejection? His
power over me? What he can make me do? In several of the dreams I�ve
actually killed myself� killed myself for him, to save
him� I should fear that power.

And I can accept
that explanation, the subconscious love for my greatest rival, much easier than
his� that they are actually memories� No. I can�t believe that. But� I know I want him. Maybe even love him. I just don�t
want him to ever let me go�

With a sigh, I
unfreeze, relaxing in his arms again. All right. I
have my explanation. I can handle this now�

�Seto?� he asks,
concerned, running his long fingers through my hair again. I look up at him,
still holding onto him.

�If � if � you mean it� I�d like�� He watches
my face, not prodding, just waiting patiently for me to say it. That�s exactly
what I need� how does he do that? �I�d like you to move into my mansion with
me� if you really mean what you said.�

His face lights
up, but he looks a little wary. Almost like he wants it too much and is afraid
that something will spoil it for him� for us. �Will Mokuba mind?�

I shrug. I have
no idea� I can�t think much about Mokuba right now� every time I try, I
invariably think of him� �I�ll talk
to him. I�m sure he won�t mind, but I�ll ask him.�

He smiles. �I�d
love that� Really.� I love his smile� Funny that I don�t
think I�ve ever noticed it before.

I nod and lean
on him again. No kisses, nothing suggestive� just leaning on
him for support� I haven�t thought this through at all. I really don�t
know what I�m doing� I�m just running on instinct. I wanted him to be near me,
so I asked him to live with me� There are so many angles and repercussions I
should be thinking about, but can�t. What will happen when this gets out? What
will Mokuba say? My business associates? Will this affect my business � all the
homophobes out there� Will this do anything to Mokuba? What if he hates me?
What if the kids at school start hating him? What are my classmates going to say? What about the Mutt and the rest of the
Yugi-tachi�? What about �

�Shush,� he
tells me. �It�ll be all right. You�re thinking too much.� I look at him. �I
told you, Seto. I know you.�

I sigh again and
carefully wipe my mind. For now, this is good� I�ll burn those bridges when I
get to them�

Yami kisses me
again, and my mind thankfully stops working.
- 5
- 6
- 7
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