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If It Takes Forever, I Will Find You	By : Rroselavy Category: Yu-Gi-Oh > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 4396 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh!, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
Title: If It Takes Forever, I Will Find You (5/6)
Author: Rroselavy
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s): Seto/Jou
Beta: Akuchan
Final Word count: 2498 (16,502 total)
Spoilers: None, AU
Disclaimer: I do not own or profit from Yu-gi-oh!
Summary: It has been almost a year to the day since Kaiba Seto last saw his lover Jounouchi Katsuya. At the realization that Jou may be gone for good, Kaiba sets off on a cruise vacation to begin the healing process.
Chapter 5: Break
"It is better to break one's heart than to do nothing with it."
-- Margaret Kennedy
Kaiba felt as if he�d been punched in the stomach; it hurt him physically to know that this time he ~had~ driven Jounouchi away. But he knew there was nothing more that he could do at the moment. To order �Joey Wheeler� back to his stateroom would cause undue scrutiny. The only thing left to do was to try and get some sleep and to try to find Jounouchi tomorrow. He undressed and crawled into bed.
He tried in vain to sleep but his mind was still racing and adrenaline was still pumping through his veins. Jou was alive! Despite his rage, as he lay tossing and turning in the stateroom bed, Kaiba knew with all his heart that he still loved the blond. He had known it the moment he'd laid eyes on him again. And, as angry as he was, he rejoiced that his lover was alive, that Jou had not committed suicide, as everyone else had believed. All at once the stateroom felt claustrophobic, as did its three private balconies. Knowing that he would not be able to sleep, and craving open space, Kaiba slipped into some clothes and went out onto the open deck.
He leaned on the rail and stared out into the black abyss of the open sea. The steady ache he felt in his heart--that had been with him since he watched helplessly as Jounouchi had fled their bedroom and their life together--slowly intensified until he thought that his heart was truly breaking. He knew he had been more than harsh and unfair when he'd summoned Jou to his stateroom and then berated him and railed at him and unloaded onto him all the grief and misery that he had lived with for the past year, and he regretted it deeply. It was not how he had imagined their reunion would be. He cursed himself for once again allowing the blond to escape from him. At least this time Jou would not be able to run far. Unless he went over the side of the ship ... Kaiba immediately banished that thought from his mind, even after his cruel words, Jou ~had~ to know he still loved him.
The crew had left out deck chairs for any one who wished to spend time above-deck overnight. He reclined in one of the cushioned teak lounges, fixing his eyes on the racing clouds overhead that stood out in relief against the carpet of stars. The gentle hum of the engines and the slow steady rock of the ship as it cut through the waves lulled Kaiba into a fitful sleep.
He opened his eyes to bright daylight. Jounouchi was leaning against the rail, facing him. He was topless, and his crew pants were resting low on his hips revealing his bronzed torso right down to the crests of his pelvic bones. He was staring intently at Kaiba, as if he were trying to find the right words to tell him something.
Kaiba was filled with lust and remorse as he stared at his blond lover. The emptiness and loneliness of the past year hit him full force, and he felt tears trickle hotly down his cheeks. He wanted to touch Jou, to hold him, to tell him everything was alright, he was forgiven-no, not that he was forgiven--that he'd done nothing that needed forgiving. He wanted to tell Jou that he still loved him. But he could not find his voice.
"Why did you leave like that?" he finally managed to croak.
"Because you didn't love me enough." Jou answered, his eyes shining angrily.
"How can you say that? I loved you more than anyone, I would have done anything for you!"
"If that's true, then why didn't you stop ~him~?" Jou snarled.
"Jou--I--I didn't know! You have to believe me when I tell you that! I had no idea what he was doing to you!"
The blond snorted. "Yeah right. You, the Great Kaiba Seto, didn't know. All the signs were there. If anyone was ta ask me, ya didn't ~want~ to know."
"You're wrong, Katsuya! You should have come to me, you should have told me what he was doing. I would have stopped him."
"Ya think I didn't try? You. Weren't. Listening. Maybe you didn't stop him because you liked the thought of what he was doing to me," the blond sneered. "Yeah, you liked the idea of me bein' tied up and fucked by him and his friends, didn't ya? I bet ya found those pictures hot, huh? Did'ja jack off ta them?"
"NO!" Kaiba roared. "Stop it! I couldn't stand to see you humiliated that way--"
"Yeah, I get it now. I was just a fuck toy to you Kaiba, right? I was only ~useful~ when I was warming your bed. Even now I can see the lust in your eyes, ya can't take them offa me." The blond approached and leaned over Kaiba.
"C'mon, admit it." He purred. "Ya still want ta fuck me, don'cha?"
Kaiba whimpered as he felt the heat rolling off of Jou's skin, felt his own need coursing through his body. Of course Jou was right, he wanted nothing more than to have his lover back in his arms, to feel his lithe body stretched out under his own.
* * *
Kaiba woke with a start and instinctively reached out at the shadow that loomed over him. His hand fumbled against a forearm and he grabbed his would-be assailant.
"Who are you, and what do you want?" he asked menacingly.
"I'm crew! I saw you out here, and thought you might catch a chill. I just tucked a blanket around you!"
In the moonlight, Kaiba could see the white uniform of the man whose arm he held, could see that his head was turned away. It registered that he knew that voice--he would know it anywhere--he had heard it at least 10,000 times in his dreams during the past year.
"Look at me," he ordered. Slowly Jounouchi turned and faced him, refusing to meet his eyes.
"I said look at me!" Kaiba tightened his grip on Jou's forearm. Slowly Jou raised his eyes until he was staring directly into Kaiba's. He could feel the blond trembling beneath his grip.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean ta wake ya. Please let me go," Jou begged softly.
"No, I've got you now, and I'm never going to let you go again," with a fluid movement, he tugged on Jou's arm and pulled him into his lap.
"You're freezing!" Kaiba exclaimed as Jou shivered against him. He maneuvered Jou into a sitting position, still refusing to let go of him. He pushed the blanket at him. "Wrap this around you," he ordered.
Instead Jou threw himself onto the deck, pulling Kaiba forward in the lounge chair. He knelt, forehead bowed to the floor. Kaiba was now leaning over Jou in an awkward position, his head hovering inches above the blond's.
"Please, let me go." Jou sobbed. "I-I didn't mean to wake you!"
Kaiba reached out with his free hand and stroked Jou's hair. He felt his own tears slipping freely down his cheeks, felt the wetness in Jou's hair where they landed after they dripped from his face.
"I can't do that." Kaiba whispered softly. "I love you, Katsuya. Now that I've found you, I can't let you go."
Jou was visibly shaking. "I don't deserve your love. I don't even deserve to live. Please just let me go and I won't bother you again." His voice was wracked with sobs.
"Haven't you heard a word I said?" Kaiba said harshly. He climbed down onto the deck and pulled Jou into his lap. Jou was sobbing uncontrollably now, and the brunet hugged him tightly to his chest, and alternately kissed his blond locks and whispered "Shhhhhh, it's over now," over and over until Jou's crying subsided.
They lay still together for a long time-Kaiba's legs outstretched and his back against the ship's wall, Jou curled in his lap. Kaiba listened to the evenness of Jou's breathing interrupted at odd intervals with dry heaves. The brunet was exhausted, yet felt more content than he had at any time in the past year. He breathed in the familiar scent of his lover, and trembled at the revelation that Jou was once again in his arms. "Please come back to my stateroom," he whispered softly.
Jou began shaking again. "N-No, I can't go back there. Please, I don't want to be yelled at any more. I don't want to fight with you." He pressed his face into Kaiba's chest, wedging his head under the brunet's chin.
"No, that's over. I promise. I was wrong to say those things to you." Kaiba said tearfully. "Please forgive me."
"Forgive you?!?" Jou's red-rimmed eyes looked into his. "~I'm~ the one who needs to ask forgiveness, but I don't deserve it-"
"Stop it Katsuya! Stop blaming yourself! I ~know~ what happened. I read your diary.
If there is anyone to blame, it is me. I never let you know what you meant to me-what you still mean to me. I let you believe that a business deal was more important than you, than us. You thought Kaiba Corp. meant more to me than you did, and that couldn't be further from the truth."
"Nonononono. I brought shame to your house. He could have destroyed you-everything you worked so hard to build! How can you even look at me after what I did?" Jou struggled to escape Kaiba's grasp. "Please just forget you ever saw me. Pretend I'm dead. God knows that after what I've done I wish that I were."
"Stop it!" Kaiba repeated. "You did nothing of the sort. That bastard did, and he's paid for it dearly. He is nothing--he's in prison. No one hurts what�s mine and gets away with it. And whether or not you want to believe it, as long as you live and breathe, you are mine, Katsuya." Kaiba pulled Jou's body tighter to him. Their tear-streaked faces were inches apart. He looked deeply into his beloved's honey-colored eyes and before he could stop himself his lips descended upon Jou's.

The kiss was electrifying and he felt Jou's immediate response--his lips parted slightly and Kaiba let his tongue slip between them, then he suckled gently on Jou's soft lower lip before slipping his tongue into the familiar-tasting loveliness within. Jou moaned softly and melted against Kaiba, and he continued to kiss Jou slowly, savoring the moments as they passed. It thrilled him when he felt Jou's tongue tentatively brush against his lips, and then bolder still begin to explore within, sliding over his teeth, and caressing his tongue--it was all Kaiba could do to maintain the gentle pace he'd set. He pulled away to take in the beauty of his lover's face, and then kissed Jou's wet cheeks, his closed eyes, his nose, and his forehead. With one arm he still had Jou wrapped tightly in an embrace, but his free hand stroked his lover's hair, feathered over his jaw line and traced the contours of his neck. Jou pressed his head back against Kaiba's shoulder, nuzzled his face into the brunet's neck and wrapped his arms around him. He clung to the CEO tightly, clung to him for dear life.
Kaiba felt a chain around Jou's neck and let his fingers trace along it, let them travel under the open collar of his crew shirt until they wrapped around a familiar rectangular pendant; the dog tag he'd given Jou. Kaiba shuddered as he realized that although they had spent this year apart, the blond had not moved on either. That he'd continued to wear the dog tag proved it. Somehow he'd held onto their past as tightly as Kaiba had.
"You still love me too." Kaiba said huskily. "I know you left me because of it. I know how much pain you were in, how much pain you are still in. I know you did it to protect me." His voice cracked with emotion.
"Please Katsuya, I'm begging you. Please come back to my stateroom. I promise I won't hurt you. I just want to hold you all night. I just want to hold you for the rest of our lives. We can have our happy ending, we can still live happily ever after."
He felt the weight of Jou's head lift off his shoulder. "You still want me after all I did?" The blond asked with disbelief.
"Gods I never stopped wanting you. I never stopped loving you. I have missed you every day that we've been apart."
"I missed you too, I missed you so bad that I thought I would die from loneliness. I missed everyone. But ya hafta understand, I thought I was doing the right thing. When I saw those pictures on the screen, I was so ashamed--I thought you could never forgive me." He replaced his head on Kaiba's shoulder, and Kaiba continued to caress Jou and hold him tight. They lay there on the deck quietly for quite some time, and Kaiba silently rejoiced in the fact that he had found his lover again. He felt Jou's weight shift in his lap and he nuzzled his face into the tender spot below the brunet's earlobe and whispered into his ear the words Kaiba had yearned countless times to hear over the past year.
"I love you Set, always and ever."
Kaiba groaned with need. "We can't stay here all night Puppy. Get up."
This time Jou complied, and Kaiba led his beloved back to his stateroom. Wordlessly they undressed and climbed into the king-sized bed. They were both completely spent emotionally and physically and they were content simply to entwine their bodies and drift off to sleep.
* * *
Kaiba woke alone in the cold bed and sighed deeply in the enveloping darkness. It had only been another dream. He turned on to his side to gaze out through the sliding doors that led to the balcony and felt his heart pound against the wall of his chest as he recognized the silhouette leaning on the rail that was outlined in the pre-dawn light. He slid out from underneath the covers and padded through the open door. Coming up behind his beloved, he encircled Jou's waist with his arms, pulled him close and rested his chin on the blond's shoulders.
"I thought it was only a dream," he whispered hoarsely.
"No, it was a nightmare," Jou replied softly as he surveyed the Italian coastline. "But now it's over." He leaned back into the brunet's arms and folded his hands over Kaiba's.
"Yes, it is," Kaiba nodded as the first rays of the sun broke over the horizon. He felt a tightening in his groin and was overwhelmed by desire. He pressed the length of his body against Jou. "Let's go back to bed."
Sammei: Thanks! I think Jou bolted because he blamed himself for what happened ... he's prone to acting first then thinking later ...
midnight hope & Iva-san: Thanks for the comments, I'm glad I changed your mind about Kaiba!
tash922: Quite true, once Kaiba sets his mind on something, he won't quit ... I think Jou has finally learned that ~_^
catti-dono: I'm glad you are enjoying, I use the masculine forms of blond and brunet when applied to Kaiba or Jounouchi ... just my style ... either form is acceptable
Mana_13: YAY! I love my fics on recommended lists =D ... Thanks for reading and commenting ...
Anon: Since you asked so nicely, look for ch 6 tomorrow.
Mann666: Thanks, I'm glad you are enjoying ...
Celestial Angel: *blushes* Thank you! It's a wonderful feeling to know my fic elicits such strong emotions ... Glad you are enjoying!
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If It Takes Forever, I Will Find You