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Powerless	By : Ochodre Category: Yu-Gi-Oh > Het - Male/Female Views: 2661 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh!, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
Author's Notes: I promise this is the last time Bakura goes all psychobitch. There'll be some fluff in the next chapter really. XP For those who are curious, I made up the stuff about Ryou's sister. All we're ever told in the canon is that her name's Amane, she was younger than Ryou, and she's dead. Serenity just reminded me a bit of Ryou, so I could easily imagine his sister being similar to her.
---
I'm crippling, I'm sobbing

I'm degrading

I know you want me

I'm deprecating, I'm demoralizing

I'm sad, humiliating

I'm empty, I'm destroying, I'm guilty

I'm ashamed

I'm wrong

I know I'm wrong...

~Leah Andreone, 'Problem Child'
Pillows were something Bakura had come to appreciate immensely, ever since she first got a taste of the modern world. They made sleeping far more enjoyable than it had been in Egypt, where the most comfortable place to rest was a moon-cooled mudbrick roof. It was too bad they were impossible to shoplift, since she really would have appreciated having another at hand.
The only one she had at the moment had gotten soaked.
Bakura didn't know what was wrong with her eyes, or her face and throat, for that matter. The muscles in those areas just felt sore and tight, clenching and squeezing tears from her eyes and sobs from her lungs against her will. She had put up a noble fight against the onslaught, but after Ryou had once again unearthed some horrible shame, it was a hopeless battle.
She didn't understand him. His actions went against everything she knew about human nature. Yes, he was obviously lonely, and obviously weak, but where had he gotten the will to tell off the Pharaoh himself? His behavior was erratic, but she should know that by now. He was, after all, the same quiet boy who couldn't even put up a fight when she first overtook his mind, but was able to demonstrate a powerful resistance later on, standing up against her and nearly sacrificing himself for people he hardly knew. And now, he had just used that same defiant tone against one of those 'friends', in her defense.
He was unpredictable. Malik had also been unpredictable. Her understanding of people and her ability to anticipate their actions seemed to be crumbling. She had brand new things to fear and worry about. Before, she had divided the human race into two categories, pawns and enemies, but now, everyone was a potential threat. It overloaded her, threw her off balance. The whole world had fallen into chaos...
The thief had been motionless during the entire exchange outside her door, staring into her pillow and listening to the demanding voice of the Pharaoh. She had been too numb and shell-shocked from her dream to be afraid, and found some part of her mind sickeningly hoping she could cut a deal with the Pharaoh, have him destroy her soul and free her from this living hell. The thought of another day in this weak, useless body, of another night filled with visions so realistic she woke up in humiliating pain, was almost too much to bear.
And Ryou chased her only chance at freedom away. Bakura had been able to muster a little anger towards him over that, but mostly, it just registered as another blow. Seeing him in the hall, saddened and curled up, had been a far more comforting sight than she wanted to admit. It was a reassuring reminder that this was the true Ryou, pathetic and harmless, just a pitiful child that wanted to win her favor and friendship.
As he mumbled and kept his gaze away from her, she had let a small look of relief cross her face at the sight of his familiar eyes. They were the same deep brown they always were, deep, dark and sad, nothing like hate filled, lust filled, blazing shade that still haunted recesses of her memory. She had clung to that consolation and zealously built it a support structure, each insult another beam, another brick. Bakura had been hoping to see the expression of resignation he adopted whenever she started verbally tearing into him like an attack dog. It would signify her victory over him, solidify and cement her defenses against her irrational dread.
But instead, he had looked up and obliterated her precious mental fort with one astonishingly perceptive question. She broke down along with it.
Bakura had all but thrown herself at her bed, momentarily alive with frustration and despair, and tried her best to suffocate herself with her lone pillow. With her mind in ruins, she had nothing left to fight the tears with, and they came violently.
Like everything she did, some distant part of her consciousness noted. It simply would not be like her to sniffle quietly; no, that was what Ryou did. For the former King of Thieves, it would be a heaving chest was wracked with sobs, half smothered, crying so hard it hurt, fingers clutching the pillow tightly enough to rip the dampened fabric.
The sound of threads separating roused her out of her thoughts. She stared at it, unblinking.
Something in her snapped as the threads did.
Bakura lifted her head, flinging the pillow across the room. She snarled, even as her shoulders shook with ragged, hitched breath, and it landed against the wall with an unsatisfactory thump. She inhaled sharply with a high-pitched wheeze, and quickly groped for something with more substance, soon chucking a small clock at the wall. Unlike the pillow, it let out a mechanical crack as it hit the wall, shattering across the floor.
Much better.
Inspired, Bakura pulled herself out of bed and started ravaging the room, tossing anything she could lift. Clothes fluttered to the floor, stolen trinkets jingled and broke, knives embedded themselves in the drywall, a picture frame crashed and landed in countless pieces. Each pitch was punctuated with a screamed or blubbered obscenity, tears streaming down her face and flooding her vision to the point where she couldn't even see what she was throwing. Muffled voices from the tenants in surrounding apartments demanded that she keep it down, threatening to call the police, but they might as well have been mute.
"What's wrong with me?!" Bakura demanded of the ceiling, and when it gave no reply, she launched a deck of Duel Monsters cards at it. She clawed at her wet face as they rained down, furiously wiping the tears away. No matter how much she raged, she was still crying, like a scared little girl...
Having run out of lightweight objects, she threw herself at the wall, smacking it with her fists. "I hate this body! Why the hell is it doing this?! Why can't I stop... fucking... crying..."
Her wrath had cut a haphazard swath across the room, and ended in the corner opposite of the bed. Her frenzy finally ran its course, leaving her drained and panting. Bakura screwed her eyes shut and leaned heavily against the wall, fighting for her every breath. Her knees gave out, and she was brought to the floor.
She hugged her knees and sobbed the last of her tears into the denim of her jeans.
---
Ryou hadn't really wanted to leave, but he did, and now he felt like a coward.
On the contrary, as soon as he heard the muffled sobs coming out of the locked bedroom, he had seriously considered jimmying the doorknob until he managed to open it. He didn't know what he would happen once he got in there, beyond him probably getting another black eye; he just wanted in.
He winced when he heard things being tossed, flinching at every choked out scream. Ryou couldn't understand most of what she had said, since it was either too guttural or in a bizarre language he could only assume was ancient Egyptian, but what he could pick out centered on him being damned to every hell Bakura knew.
Guilt constricted his chest. He didn't know how he had upset her so much, but he wanted to make up for whatever he had done. He had never taken Bakura's hatred so personally before, previously considering it just a fact of life. But then, he never made her cry before, either...
As she turned the focus of her rage to her transformed body, Ryou was hit with an idea. He wasn't sure it was very smart, but he wanted to do something, anything. Maybe she was afraid because she didn't fully understand her change, or had a lot of millennia-old misconceptions. It wasn't like they had Sex Ed classes or feminism three thousand years ago, after all.
So, Ryou had left and headed to the library, trying to ignore the nagging voice that suspected he just wanted an excuse to get out of there. Out of sight, out hearing range, out of mind. That, or maybe he was afraid one of his neighbors really would call the police. Whatever the reason, some part of him was convinced he should have stayed. What if Malik somehow tracked her down? That thought alone almost made him reverse direction, but his rational side convinced him that he was just being paranoid.
Nevertheless, he got to the library in record time, quickly locating the health section and selecting the first book he found on the subject. Ryou was so preoccupied that he failed to notice the odd looks the librarian gave him as he set his book down on the counter. Nor did he stop to consider how strange it was for an older teenage boy, sporting a fresh black eye no less, to rush in and check out a book geared toward girls going through puberty and the hormonal thralls of adolescence.
He started home, clutching the book and walking as briskly as he could without drawing attention to himself. His mind was racing as he crossed the sidewalk to his apartment, heart pounding in his throat. Not only was he afraid of what he might find when he got back, but he was embarrassed about what he was doing, fully aware that it was probably stupid and he'd somehow worsen the situation.
Ryou took a deep breath, standing before the door to his apartment and cautiously unlocking it. He nudged the door open, and let out a sigh of relief when he saw that everything was as he left it. Bakura was nowhere in sight, and he assumed she had not left her room. Maybe he wouldn't actually have to confront her, he could just conveniently leave this book out somewhere in the open, and busy himself with making supper. She'd eventually emerge, find it, and tuck it away for later reading...
A quick scan of the room told him that the top of the television would be an ideal place; out of the way, but not hidden. He set it down, posing it in a variety of ways, trying to make it a little less painfully obvious.
"What are you doing?"
Ryou jerked, startled when he heard the weary, irritated question. He looked over his shoulder and found Bakura standing several feet behind him, glaring at him through eyes rimmed with redness.
"I... nothing, I just came back from the library," Ryou said without a thought, and immediately grimaced. So much for being covert.
Bakura ignored him, focusing on the book he held with obvious suspicion. Her eyes darted back up to his, silently ordering him to explain further. He sighed in defeat and held it out. It would be beyond foolish to for him try and pull one over on Bakura, of all people.
"I heard you, um, complaining..."
Something flared in her eyes, as though he intruded on something that was deeply private and embarrassing. He froze for a moment, afraid he had incited her anger yet again. But she said nothing, so he continued.
"This... it's a book about... erm, female bodies, for teenage girls. I thought maybe you'd be able to use it, I don't know," he stared at the floor sheepishly, self-consciously rubbing the back of his head with his free hand.
"Are you suggesting I'm ignorant?" Bakura demanded, finding her voice. He could already tell she was getting ready to launch an attack, and Ryou closed his eyes in tired resignation. Could he do anything without her getting offended?
"No, I just mean --"
"Do you think I can't adapt? That I can't master this situation?!" Her voice steadily rose, and he shrank back, "I will overcome this, and I certainly don't need you or your stupid books! Didn't you get the hint the last time, or are you that much of a moron?!"
"I'm sorry, I just wanted..." Ryou tried to think of something that would placate her, but he got the feeling nothing short of a miracle would get her to back down. He felt the book being swiped out of his hand, and flinched as it was thrown at his chest. It fell to the carpet, splayed on its spine.
"Get out! I'm sick of dealing with your idiocy!" she snarled, setting her shoulders. He backed up, raising his hands.
"Bakura, I --"
"I said get out!" She stabbed her finger at the nearby doorway, her eyes aglow with fury. "NOW!"
Ryou prepared to defend himself, but quickly thought better of it. Instead, he frowned dejectedly and turned, heading out the door.
He didn't even notice as the door was slammed behind him. He was too used to the sound by now.
---
Most people have a favorite hiding place they escape to when plagued by their woes. It might be a local bar, the park, a friend's house; anything that's far away from the source of their troubles. For Ryou, however, his lonely, quiet apartment had always been both his prison and sanctuary. He didn't get out much, and now that he was forced from his home and into the city, he didn't know where to go.
So he walked, aimless. He was not the type to visit bars, and it was getting dark, so loitering about the park probably wasn't wise. The only residence he knew of was the game shop, and he certainly couldn't go there. Doubtless, Yugi and his friends had all gathered there for the weekend, and had been told the story of Ryou's uncharacteristic obstinacy, his foolish decision to remain loyal to the villain of the hour. He wouldn't find any sympathy there.
Ryou's feet brought him to some fast food restaurant, tucked into the corner of a downtown street. The sight of food reminded him of how poor his diet had been lately, and his stomach made the decision for him. He entered and ordered a drink, then, after a moment of thought, bought all the food the money in his pocket would buy. He wasn't sure if he was making up for missed meals or 'eating emotionally', but either way, the smell of greasy hamburgers was far more appealing than it should have been.
The boy brought his loaded tray down to a small table and unwrapped his first sandwich, but just before he could bite down, someone quietly approached his table.
"Hey, Bakura," a quiet, female voice greeted him, and he looked around in confusion, momentarily wondering how the thief had followed him, until he realized he was the one being addressed. He glanced upwards and saw Joey's sister... what was her name? They had never been formally introduced, and only one name came to him. Hoping it was right, he smiled nervously and set the burger down.
"Hello... Serenity?" Ryou couldn't help but sound uncertain, and she rewarded him with a small smile and an affirmative nod. Her eyes wandered down to her own, far emptier tray and the floor beyond.
"Would you mind if I sat with you, Bakura? It probably sounds silly, but I hate eating alone," Serenity asked tentatively, and Ryou quickly shook his head.
"No, be my guest. Just please, um... call me Ryou," He scratched his ear, looking to the side. He always felt awkward around new people, far too accustomed to being alone. His full tray didn't help; all Serenity had was an order of fries and a drink, and he felt a little gluttonous.
"Okay, Ryou," she smiled shyly, and he became a little more easy. It was a refreshing change to have someone smiling at him instead of scowling or screaming. Nevertheless, he turned his full attention on his meal, not knowing how else to deal with his introversion.
"Why aren't you at the game shop with Joey and his friends? He said that everyone was going over there, and it seemed important," Serenity broke the silence, tilting her head. Ryou felt her staring at the bruise around his eye, something he had completely forgotten about. He set his hand over that side of his face and winced, but she seemed to know better than to mention it. If she had grown up with Joey, she had probably come to accept boys having black eyes as natural as clouds on a rainy day.
"Oh, um," Ryou bit his lip and studied a French fry intently, "I... don't really hang out with them much."
"Oh... do you have other friends?" she wondered, staring at him. He tried not to squirm. Why was she asking him so much? Was she suspicious of him too? Idiot, she's probably just trying to make friendly conversation.
"I... I guess. Y-yeah, a few," he lied, anxiety creeping into his voice. He was a pitiful liar, and he could practically hear Bakura laughing at him for expecting anyone to believe such a blatant untruth.
"But you're here, all alone," Serenity frowned, looking concerned, "It's the weekend, you should be out doing something fun with them."
Ryou let a soft, saddened 'heh' slip free. It must have shown on his face, too, since before he could think of an excuse, she was speaking again.
"Is something wrong?" she looked genuinely worried, before shrinking back in her seat and twirling a lock of hair. "I'm sorry, I'm probably bothering you, aren't I..."
"No, not at all," he said quickly, lifting his head and shrugging weakly, "I just haven't been having a good day... it's nothing."
"Oh... what happened? If you want to talk about it, I mean," Serenity corrected herself, light brown eyes staring at him sympathetically. It was almost strange to have someone be so curious about him, of all people. She didn't know him, what did it matter to her? There was something else, something about her eyes, her manner and voice, that caught his attention and stirred up a distant memory...
If her hair was lighter, she could be Amane.
Another layer of melancholy sank into his chest at the memory of his dead sister. Serenity was about the same age Amane had been when she died, too. He had never been able to make friends easily, but his sister had been a constant companion. Serenity looked and sounded and acted so similar. It was nearly disturbing.
"R-Ryou? Are you okay?" her voice interrupted his trance, and he blinked, noticing she was blushing. Ryou's own face became rather warm, and he stuffed a few fries into his mouth to try and conceal it.
"Y-yeah, sorry, I've just... um... been having problems with... a friend, lately." Well, that was mostly the truth, except for the 'friend' part.
"That's too bad," Serenity said, somehow managing to speak without the faintest hint of patronization, "What kind of problems...?"
Ryou considered. Part of him was longing for the chance to pour his troubles out to somebody, but he felt as though he had a duty to keep Bakura's secret. He didn't even know if Serenity was aware of his spirit 'companion' turned flesh, and he didn't really feel like explaining their relationship, namely since that required understanding it in the first place.
"I... sort of got kicked out of my apartment by my, um, friend. H-" Ryou paused, stumbling over the pronoun. Bakura wasn't exactly a he anymore, right? Besides, if she did know about Bakura, she would instantly realize Ryou was talking about 'him'. "...She kind of has a temper."
"What? That's awful, how could she chase you out of your own home? She has no business doing that," Serenity's voice was low, but earnest.
"Well, she lives with me," he elaborated casually, then closed his eyes and silently cursed himself. Living with a mysterious female? That won't sound odd, not at all, he snorted at himself.
An odd expression crossed Serenity's face, looking both puzzled and... disappointed? "Did you two have a fight?"
Ryou became flustered. She made it sound like they were a couple. "Kind of... I guess it was my fault. She's been upset lately, something bad happened to her, and I've been doing my best to be a friend. Every time I try, though, she just gets angrier at me. She finally had enough and told me to get out."
"Hmm..." Serenity seemed to consider, "Is she always like this?"
"She's never exactly friendly towards me, no... she's only living with me by circumstance, not choice," his shoulders and eyes lowered, "But she doesn't usually blow up at me like this."
Serenity set her chin on her palm, mulling over this information. "I'm guessing that she's kind of a loner, too? You know, tough as nails, doesn't let anyone in, all that."
Ryou blinked, nodding slowly. "You could say that..."
The brown-haired girl smiled knowingly and sat back in her seat. "She had to be. I don't know you very well, Ryou, but from what I've heard from my brother and his friends, you sound like a very sweet guy. I couldn't imagine you doing something to really deserve being yelled at and kicked out."
Ryou's face turned the same shade of red as his plastic tray just about then, and he tried his best to disappear into his sweater. He mumbled a mortified thanks under his breath, suddenly enraptured by the sesame seeds on his hamburger bun.
Serenity giggled. "See?" She became quieter. "I think your friend just isn't used to someone caring about to her. She's probably had a rough time, and after whatever happened, she might feel vulnerable, but she doesn't want you to know. She doesn't want to seem weak, and maybe she's lashing out because she doesn't know how else to react."
Ryou stared at her, stunned. "Y-yes... Where did you get all that from?"
Serenity smiled and shrugged. "Big brother went through the same thing with Mai. Remember, during that big tournament that Mr. Kaiba held?" She hesitated when she saw Ryou's blank look, "Oh, I'm sorry, you were sick during most of it... She and Joey kind of had a falling out, and... what was his name... Malik did something to her, put her in a coma. When she got better, I think they finally came to an understanding... It's too bad she left. He'd never admit it, but he misses her."
Ryou tried to look like he understood, but he knew Mai even less than Serenity, only familiar with the dueling skills of the former. "I don't know what to do," he admitted, "I feel like I can't do anything without upsetting her. What if she really wants to just be left alone...?"
"Be there for her," Serenity reached over, touching the top of his hand, "That's the best thing you could do."
Ryou was silent, lost in thoughts and doubts. He was certain Serenity's advice would have been dead on if he really had just been dealing with a strong-willed woman like Mai, but a girl with the mind of a millennia old, power hungry, and male tomb robber might be a bit more difficult. He knew that the transformation shouldn't have had an impact on her personality, the stress it had created was just revealing a different side of her.
Serenity finished her food while he mulled, finally standing up. "Whatever happens, Ryou, I wish you luck," she smiled genuinely at him, "She'd have to be blind to not see what a wonderful friend you could be."
Embarrassed, Ryou thanked her for the advice, turning his attention back to his meal. Once he was finished, he promised himself, he'd go back home and make his last stand. He didn't know if he would end up helping her or being stabbed, but whatever happened, he had to do it.
His conviction surprised him, but at least it gave him an appetite. With no more distractions, he finally ate.
- 5
- 6
- 7
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Powerless