Yo. You know, it takes about an hour to get one of these chapters ready to post on this site. It's really annoying, but necessary. How do you guys like my titles? Some are jokes that reference other things as well; an extra laugh for the chapter. Can you guess where the last chapter and this chapter's title came from? As I edit these, I remember writing down different spoofs/parodies/references from long ago, when I originally typed these chapters down. Can you spot this chapter's "The Land Before Time" reference? Have fun spotting all the references, laughing at just about every sentence, and scaring your siblings away with your perfected Mandarkish evil laughter. As a last minute spoof, "I love to see you laugh." (McDonald's).
Chapter 6: How Many Parodies Does It Take To Get To The Center Of A Major Lawsuit?
When we last left off, we found out that all the characters, except Ishizu, were gonna die. YAY! But, they wanted to do something about it, like preventing it if they can. BOO! So now we’re gonna thrust them into the forest and have some fun with them. YAY!
With the traditonal “Yu-Gi-Oh!” serious music playing in the background, the gang run deeper into the forest. Right behind them, was a tiger.
“How did we end up getting chased by a tiger?” says Tristan.
“I don’t know! Who was the one that fed it when the sign clearly said ‘Do not feed the animals’?” replies Joey.
“THAT WAS YOU, NIMROD!!!” shouts back everybody, including the tiger.
“Oh.”
Everybody, except for the tiger, climbs up in the trees and shouts back to the tiger, saying “Nah nah nah nah nah. You can’t get me!”
The tiger, not knowing any better, believes this and walks away. Apparently,
everybody turns stupid on this island. As the gang climbs down the trees, they see the entrance to a cave. Above the entrance, a sign was displayed. It read the following: DANGER! GO BACK! CERTAIN DEATH AHEAD! UNIMAGINABLE PAIN WILL BE DEALT TO WHOMEVER TRESPASSES BEYOND THIS POINT!
“Well, should we go in?” asks Yugi.
“Yeah. Sure. Looks harmless.” are answers from the others.
And so the group enters the Dungeon of Unspeakable Pain and Torture.
“What did the narrator call this place?” asks Pegasus.
Nothing.
“Oh. Okay.”
You see? Everything. Everybody. Just...so...stupid! With torches in hand (how did they get those torches?), the group treks further into the abyss.
MEANWHILE...
“Run, Mokuba, run!!” shouts Kaiba, as the huge boulder comes rolling nearer towards them.
“I’m trying! You know, you shouldn’t have tried to snatch that one-of-a-kind Toon Blue-Eyes Toon Dragon card! I told you that it belongs to the cannibalistic tribe that calls themselves Canadians. Now you’ve upset the spirits!”
“You know I don’t believe in that kind of magic! Just like I don’t believe in wearing protection!”
“Oh THAT’S a comforting thought! I'll be sure to remember that after you come home after midnight, reeking of something strong, claiming that you're lonely!”
Now the deadly snakes appear and block off their escape route. Kaiba takes out his whip and tries to hold them back.
“What are we going to do, big brother?”
Kaiba ponders for a second before coming up with a perfect solution.
“We’ll...”
BACK TO THE DUNGEON OF UNSPEAKABLE PAIN AND TORTURE...
Yugi is tied up to a stone tablet, arms and legs tied together, and is slowly being pulled in opposite directions. Joey is tied up too, and is being whipped by a hooded man. He is not liking this as much as he did that one night when he was drunk and crashed Mai’s slumber party. Tea, Mai, and Ishizu are all in dominatrix suits, being forced to do unspeakable, degrading acts, like cleaning kitchen sinks, WITH DRY SPONGES!!! Pegasus is screaming in agonizing pain as he is bound to a chair and is getting his hair cut. Serenity is walking around in a bunny outfit. Bakura has already passed out in shock as he is put into a tanning booth. Tristan and Duke are both blindfolded and are moving the gears that power all of these things. They are being tickled by hooded men, and Duke has already peed his pants.
Wait. What is going on here? How much did we miss?
“Apparently a lot.” hisses Tea.
Just as Yugi is about to be ripped in half, he turns into Yami, buying himself an extra foot and a half. Well, this is interesting. Let’s watch for awhile. (The narrator and the live audience sit and watch the torture continue for the next hour or so.) Okay, I’m bored. Let’s mess with this a little bit. Erase the blindfold on Tristan and...
As the gang escape the torture area with their lives, they remember to put back on their original clothes. Ishizu, still missing her Egyptian outfit, continues to go in the buff, much to the appreciation of most of the guys. The gang asks Tristan how it all happened. He, like most heroes, makes something completely up and they eat it all up. They continue walking until they get to a fork in the road. They pick it up and continue until they get to a spoon in the road. They pick it up and walk till they get to a knife in the road, and so on until they’re all having a nice picnic in the middle of the dungeon hallway.
After lunch, they continue walking toward the center of the Earth, where they will burn instantaneously (Hey, that word uses all the vowels, including ‘y’!). They then come to a real fork in the road. After playing rock-paper-scissors, the road used scissors, they head to the left. It wasn’t until ten minutes later that they noticed that something was wrong.
“Hey! Something’s wrong here.” said Ryo.
“What makes you say that, Ryo?” asks Mai.
“Well, the narrator just said so.”
They look around and do a body count. After the tenth time, Mai finally realizes that she has to count herself, and comes to the conclusion that somebody is missing.
“I don’t see Ishizu anywhere.” reports Serenity.
Everybody starts worrying that they’ll be the next to disappear.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the fork in the road, Ishizu walks alone.
“Glad I didn’t go the same way that those idiots went. Too bad I didn’t inform them that going that way leads to the ‘certain death’ part of the dungeon. Oh, well. Didn’t like them in the first place. Too weird. Hey, is there a draft in here?”
And Ishizu’s naked hiney moves further into the dungeon, towards the Land of Puppies and Three-Legged Lizards.
Cut screen back to the main control group, THERE’S A GIANT ORGY! Just kidding. Remember, Serenity’s still there. They’re gonna hafta get rid of her somehow in order to have that long-awaited event. It’s gotta be on the minds of everybody by now. But I’m too lazy to go in and check for myself.
The gang is really singing “99 Bottle of Beer on the Wall”. They are down to 52 bottles. They are also down to 79 bottles in the song. Suddenly, a wild Diglett appeared! Yugi sends out the Dark Magician. Diglett uses scratch attack. How, since it has no visible hands, I don’t know, but it just does, okay! The attack does 20 damage to Dark Magician. The Dark Magician uses Dark Magic attack. The attack does 122 damage to Diglett. Diglett faints. The Dark Magician gains 79 Exp. Points. The Dark Magician grows to level 2.
“Awww...I wanted to capture it too.” says Yugi.
This seems to be the perfect time to bash Yugi over the head with something. Kaiba appears, unscathed, out of nowhere and hits Yugi over the head with a pumpkin. The pumpkin is impaled onto Yugi’s spiky hair and gets stuck there, not even reaching his scalp. Kaiba mumbles something and walks away.
“This chapter’s entirety seems most random.” points out Pegasus. “It’s like the author doesn’t even know what to do anymore.”
Pegasus suddenly gets a heart attack and dies. Anyone else want to say anything?
“Nooo.” comes the reply.
Good. The devil appears out of nowhere and makes (another) pact with Pegasus’s soul, and Pegasus is revitalized.
“Whoa, that was groovy!”
Everybody mutters about Pegasus losing his touch.
“I am NOT losing my touch. I’ll show you! Come here, Dukie-boy!”
“Not again!” shouts Duke as he runs for his life.
Both run further down into the halls, with Tristan chasing after them. Everybody else kinda stares ahead, jaws dropped and eyes blank.
“I didn’t need to see that.” comments Joey.
Everybody else agrees.
“I think they make a cute couple.” defends Serenity.
Deep in the halls, they hear a faint “We’re not gay...!” (Note that only two voices were heard.)
Suuurrrre...
Unfortunately, the faint pleas of innocence are enough to cause a slight rupture in the cavern walls. It is enough to trigger an earthshake, and cause the floor under the group to shatter. They fall three feet.
“Well, that was kinda dumb.” says Mai.
Just then, a dragon appears out of nowhere and roars.
“Again with the randomness?!” yelps Joey.
The dragon starts spewing fire, causing the gang to run around the room, trying to find an exit. The next five minutes are shown as the gang running around the dungeon tunnels, with the dragon chasing after them, and a 70s soundtrack is playing in the background. (For people still confused, at one point Tea says “Jinkies!”) Eventually, everybody makes it back to the room where they first saw the dragon. Because of the earthquake, the original exits are blocked, but new ones also emerged. Three to be exact, and two people run into each of the new entrances. As it turns out, Joey and Mai ran into one, Tea and Yugi into another, and Serenity and Ryo into the third. Could the pairings be any worse?
“Shhhhhhhh!” warns the males of the pairings.
Well, this could get interesting. Since the narrator can’t view four groups, including Tristan’s, at once, I will simply have to stop all time and focus on one group at a time. I think I’ll visit Joey and Mai first...
Well, now the group has been divided and scattered within the Dungeon of Unspeakable Pain and Torture. And the dungeon still has to live up to its name. What will happen with each set of imbeciles? How do you inflict pain and torture to a group of gay guys? Why am I asking that? Who will get pregnant (or pregnant again in certain cases)? What is at the Land of Puppies and Three-Legged Lizards? Where is common sense in this chapter? Where is the evil villain? Where is Carmen Sandiago?! Remember to drink your Sunny D and watch out for the next hormonally-packed chapter of...Wacky Crazy Funny Silly Zany Party Fan Fic!
To be continued...
