Adult-FanFiction.org : Yu-Gi-OH

Shame	By : yllimilly Category: Yu-Gi-Oh > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 3523 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: The authors do not own Yugioh. This was written for fun, not for profit.

Chapter List
- 6
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“Hello?”

There was no habit of announcing the Jonouchi family when answering the phone in this household.

“Listen up Jonouchi,” a hurried, ragged voice started, “I got Kato breathing down my neck-”

“You’ve got the wrong number,” Jonouchi cut before hanging up. He took a deep breath to try and get his heart rate going down. Somehow his dad (Kenji Jonouchi) still owed whomever and Jonouchi didn’t want to be a part of it. If only his dad would agree to pay to get caller ID... And if only he’d get their phone number off the phone book! But if they did that, either the phone would simply become un-pick-up-able, or he’d have to make up some elaborate codes for when normal people wanted to call (ring twice, hang up, call back...). Normal people meant Yugi.

Yugi Yugi Schmugi... It’s always about you, isn’t it? Jonouchi was all too aware of how he couldn’t take the boy off his mind.

Truth was, Mai hadn’t completely departed his mind, either. Which is why he’d taken the chance to go ahead and pick up the phone at this unholy hour - who knew if the voluptuous blonde wasn’t in Domino right now, badly needing a place to crash at, a shoulder to cry on... or a young impressionable boy to play with, to fend off loneliness with.

Jonouchi accepted that he’d have to let the phone win that staring contest. He looked around the kitchen, opened the fridge by reflex. He liked to nibble on cheese and crackers in the middle of the night, mostly because of the thrill of getting away with meddling with his father’s stack of food without him knowing.

Binge eating wasn’t doing much. Sooner than later, Jonouchi felt an overwhelming ‘craving for Yugi’. What was he doing? Was he awake right now? Would he be reading a book in secret with a flashlight under the covers, or rearrange his deck for the umpteenth time? Jonouchi brought his snack to his bedroom. He heard the persistent phone ring and ring and ring, and did his best to ignore the loan shark who was tormenting his family.

.

Yugi hung up the phone, disappointed that Jonouchi didn’t answer. He had to be home; he said he had to go straight home, invoking some feeble excuse involving fear of paternal retribution, when Yugi had tried to organize a spontaneous arcade game night with Anzu and Honda. It hadn’t caught on, of course, and everyone had sort of reacted adversely to the idea. Anzu was sated from their pastoral date; Honda, on the other hand, was Miho-deprived, and Jonouchi could barely contain his glaring at Anzu whenever she mentioned the word ‘picnic’.

Yugi couldn’t shake off the strange feeling that Jonouchi wanted to talk, but after the fourth call attempt, Yugi had to suppose he was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Everything just felt so wrong since that night. Had it been wise to let go and cry in front of Jonouchi? Was it really necessary to talk about Anzu and how he felt about her? In a way it had... It felt right by Yugi’s principles, but it felt like it had landed all the wrong consequences.

Yugi ran his fingers through his bangs contemplating the predicament he had landed himself in. Normally, Jonouchi was the one who had all the answers, because of his street-smarts, his sense of humor when times were tough, or how he could rally the troops so to speak even with the odds stacked against them. Or Anzu, because of her wisdom, optimism, and unwavering friendship over the years. And now both of his support resources were involved in his problem. If only he could solve this puzzle. It was times like this he wished Atem was still around. So he tried to put himself in Atem’s shoes - and it was obvious that Atem would approve no more of romantic cheaters than game cheaters. Yugi sighed and threw himself onto the bed.

Cheater.

Tears welled up into his eyes and he hoped that his mother or grandfather wouldn’t dare walk in his room without knocking giving him the chance to try and look like nothing was wrong. “I am such an asshole...” Yugi whispered to himself.

.

A day passed. And a week. Exams made easy excuses not to be around one’s friends; not only Anzu (who had always been serious when it came to grades) and Honda (who was likely doing fieldwork in Miho 101), but also Jonouchi.

Now, we’re talking about the guy who spent more time developing multiple choice answering strategies (based on shady statistical theories and a healthy amount of luck) than taking notes; the guy who crams his short-term memory with definitions five minutes before the exam and somehow manages not to fail; the guy who usually never brings his textbooks to school. That guy just didn’t ‘have to get home early to study’.

The study excuse served Yugi well at home, too, granting him early table leave and a reason behind the new sullen face (allegedly, ‘stress’) and the loss of conversation ability (some vague algebra concerns). He didn’t react when his grandfather praised him for putting studies before his girlfriend, or when his mother tried to dissuade him from listening to loud music when he studied. They had no idea how fully taken Yugi’s mind was with his new, impossible to sort, ex-best-friend-crush situation, even until the wee hours of night.

He didn’t do well on the algebra exam.

.

“So like, I had a doctor’s appointment during the exam, so I’m going to do the make-up exam instead. I asked Honda to give me the questions. I don’t trust him for the answers though, like... I don’t think he’s stupid but, he’s not super good at math. Oh hey, where’s Yugi? He hasn’t been around for a while. Are you guys like, okay and everything? You shouldn’t distance yourselves in the first weeks of a new relationship.”

Anzu finally swallowed her salad mouthful and managed to cut Miho’s monologue. “It’s just, there’s been the exams and everything. My mom’s super strict, she cuts my allowance if I get anything lower than a B.”

“All the more reason to stick with Yugi. Doesn’t he, like, get all the awards for math and stuff?”

“He actually doesn’t - but he hides it well, I guess. He does look like a nerd.” Anzu knew Miho was only partly interested in Yugi’s true abilities at math. “So, um, how is it going with you and Honda?” Not that Anzu particularly wanted to hear about that topic - it actually was the one topic she couldn’t stand anymore - but having Miho talk about Miho was a surefire way to get said Miho to stop prying into her private life.

“Mhn, no,” the Queen muttered between two chews, “we gotta fix this issue you have with Yugi,” she said like a talk-show host, pointing at Anzu with her fork.

“What issue? We don’t have an issue,” she tried to assert convincingly, but failed.

“Come on. You have to read more magazines, Anzu. Don’t you know the Ten Signs of Boyfriend Disinterest?”

Anzu was quite clueless. But the word ‘disinterest’ made her shiver. The more time she’d spent away from Yugi in the last week, the less real their relationship actually felt. And that was just weird.

“Look, I can’t fix your problems for you, Anzu. You have to fight if you want your love to work out. That’s what we girls have to do. Boys aren’t really attuned to those kinds of things.”

It was hard to tell when Miho’s advice was good, but Anzu trusted her gut instinct on this one, and decided to call it ‘a sign’ that it was time to have ‘a talk’ with Yugi.

.

Anzu felt uneasy in her seat, trying to grasp the meaning of what Yugi had just said. Did that mean - was their relationship over? She tried to swallow but her mouth was too dry to put her mind at ease. Could Yugi still love her if he was - if he was - had she heard that right?

She looked left and right for a distraction, but the soothingly impersonal setting of the mall’s food court just felt overwhelming. She opted for staring at the gap between her thighs, then opened her mouth to say something but closed it again, unable to find the proper words. She wasn’t even sure what she was trying to say. She didn’t even know what to think! Why did he ask her out in the first place, if he knew he was gay? How can anyone even think of doing that?

“So, you like both?” She asked with a sliver of hope in her voice. The words kind of just slipped off her mouth. It wasn’t the best question, but curiosity got the better of her.

Yugi nodded. “Yeah. I know it is kinda... weird and stuff but... lately I have been thinking about guys. I am totally in love with you but-” Yugi stopped himself. He didn’t know how to finish that without implicating his interest in a certain blond or making his girlfriend think that he was only interested in guys. He suddenly felt as if he was explaining it all wrong.

“But what? I don’t understand, Yugi,” she wanted to go on but her voice was about to crack. She felt a deep pain in her chest. But what?

Anzu had suspected that her boyfriend might be gay. He didn’t usually do ‘guy-guy’ stuff, and he was too gentlemanly sometimes. Plus, Miho seemed to be really good at guessing these things, and she’d hit the bullseye on this. Anzu told herself she really should’ve paid more attention to her friend’s advice.

“No! I really love you, Anzu!” Yugi paused, as if something had gotten caught in his throat. “I just wanted to tell you that...” He sighed - “I just wanted to be honest... I want to be honest with you, Anzu. Because you’re important to me. That’s the most important thing.”

Anzu bit her bottom lip. Tears were welling in her eyes. “Maybe I didn’t want to know,” she said abruptly, her voice now officially shaky. “Maybe you should’ve been honest from the beginning.” She scowled despite her best attempts at neutrality.

“I...” Yugi started to protest. But really, there was no excuse. “I know it doesn’t justify anything, but I really didn’t know, in the beginning. I don’t even really understand now.”

“I made you gay. I made you gay, didn’t I?”

“What? No!”

“I haven’t been a good girlfriend! It’s because I wasn’t ready, wasn’t it? It’s because I was too slow to go from first base, to second base, to...” She felt quite ridiculous that the sobbing should start while she was quoting some of Miho’s nonsense on relationships.

“No, Anzu, no,” Yugi said, patting her hand soothingly. He looked left and right, then got up from his seat across the table to the one next to her. Feeling somehow put off by this gesture, Anzu remained still when Yugi put an awkward arm around her shoulders... torso... waist. He eventually settled for the fixed chair’s backrest. Finally he withdrew his arm, because it wasn’t an especially comfortable position.

“Anzu... Say something.”

They both knew she wasn’t able to speak. Not right now. The last few sobs hiccupped out of her, then her chest and breathing gradually settled. She wished Yugi could hug her. But not this Yugi. Not her boyfriend. The old Yugi, the pre-boyfriend Yugi; her friend.

“I think I want time to think about everything,” she said in a muted voice.

.

Yugi should’ve known from Anzu’s anxious voice that something was up when she summoned him this afternoon. He had no idea that she would put him in a corner and straight out ask him what was wrong with them, with her. But never with him.

He wasn’t ready to disclose just how messed up he was - loving two people at the same time? Of two different genders, to boot? And why did these two people have to be his two best friends?

Or was it even such a big deal? He’d cheated but... It’s not like he’d wanted to hurt Anzu on purpose! It just happened...

.

“Anzu?” Miho’s voice sounded different over the phone. Oh my God, if you’re going to ask me to call Yugi and ask him about-”

“Yugi is gay.”

There was, astonishingly enough, a minute of silence. Or something that felt like it, anyway, coming from Ms Opinion.

“Wow.”

“Don’t tell anyone. I’m just telling you because... You know about that kind of stuff. Plus, you already knew it.”

“I didn’t know, I was just guessing.” She ended the sentence as if she was going to add on to it, but in the end, nothing. Anzu felt as if, for once, Miho didn’t exactly know what to say.

“But you said he was kind of fruity.” Anzu was twirling the phone cord around her finger, a nervous habit she had picked up from her mother.

“I don’t remember but like, anyway. So did you guys break up?” There was concern in her voice.

“No, I... No...” Anzu let the cord drop and gripped her knee. “No, I said I needed time to think. I don’t know what to do, I mean, time to think about what? I’m not the one who’s gay. I don’t even know why it took him so much time before telling me. I thought we were best friends - we were best friends for a long time before we started dating.”

“Maybe he didn’t know how to say it. You know how Yugi is, he probably didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”

“Yeah.” Anzu sighed loudly, unconvinced.

“Maybe there’s more stuff he hasn’t told you about, just because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings some more.”

“What... what do you mean?”

“I mean, Anzu... I don’t think he’d realized he was gay if he hadn’t fallen for someone. I mean - maybe - he might not like, be in love necessarily - like, maybe he’s just curious or like, he,s gotten a crush on someone by accident - ”

“I get it.” Anzu sighed, and then some. She couldn’t imagine Yugi having spent that whole week away from her to be with someone else. That wasn’t very Yugi-like. But now that Miho was putting it that way, it looked pretty obvious that Yugi probably had someone else on his mind.

Which was, in a sense, almost worse than cheating? What is a relationship worth, if your attention isn’t fully directed to the one you’re committed to?

“Do you think I should break up?” Anzu asked hesitantly, not wanting to hear the answer she already knew she was about to get.

“Well...” Miho exhaled. “Yes. I think that’s the best thing to do. To just - you know, so that both of you take time to think things over. That way you can save your friendship.”

“Yeah...” Anzu bit her lip. And as if by magic, Miho understood it was her turn to fill the silence during Anzu’s temporary indisposition.

“Like, I don’t think Yugi dislikes you. He’s too much of a dweeb for that. I mean - that sounded pretty bad. Okay, I meant - that it’s not that Yugi doesn’t like you or anything, but like, it can get pretty confusing to realize you’re not really in love with the person you’re going out with. In a sense. Like, my cousin’s first boyfriend turned gay, too, after they started dating. But now they’re like, super close, they’re like brother and sister.”

Anzu nodded to herself, desperately trying to find some comfort in Miho’s words. Brother and sister? Could that ever describe her and Yugi, the bond they share?

“I think it’s normal when we’re young and all, to not really get what love is all about, we get it all mixed up with friendship and hormones and all. So like, don’t blame yourself, really, Anzu, you have nothing to feel bad about.”

“But you said so, like, you said that I really had to be careful in the first weeks of a relationship...”

“That was totally different! I had totally no idea Yugi was gay. I mean, if anything, it’s like you guys weren’t in a relationship at all, in a way? Like, because you really were more like best friends, right? It’s like, you guys just didn’t know... I mean if Yugi had known he wouldn’t have asked you out. Or maybe he was just trying to convince himself that he could be straight? If he dated you?”

“You mean Yugi used me?”

“No! No, more like... I don’t know... Just like - like you said, you guys should take some time off from one another to think and everything, and then he’ll be able to explain everything, right?”

“I guess...”

“Like, this must be so hard for you, Anzu. He was your first boyfriend, right?”

“Yeah,” she murmured after a timid sniffle that Miho diplomatically pretended not to hear.

“And he won’t be your last, either. You’re a super cute girl, Anzu. Sometimes I’m jealous.”

Anzu chuckled. “You’re just saying that.”

Miho chuckled some, too. “I’ll see you in school tomorrow, okay? Just... Hm... Lemme think.” There was a pause. “Okay, yeah, I think it’s okay for you to break up over the phone since you guys just like, saw each other and stuff. Like, the conversation you just had is still fresh in your mind, you know what I mean?”

Anzu acquiesced, but her voice must’ve been a bare whisper.

“So yeah,” Miho went on, “I think it’s okay to break up with tonight him over the phone. ‘Cause like, if you wait until you see him again, you won’t be able to think about anything else in the meantime. You won’t even be able to sleep or anything. Trust me, I’ve been there.”

They bid each other goodnight, not without Miho alternately asking whether Anzu was alright, and telling her that she was going to be alright.

When they finally hung up, Anzu kept her hand cramped around the receiver, not quite ready to let go of it yet. She took a deep breath, then lifted it and started dialing Yugi’s phone number right away.

.

AN:

Yugi didn’t explicitly state that he was ‘gay’, but Anzu is sort of confused and neither of them have extensive knowledge about sexuality and sexual orientation, hence Anzu’s telling Miho that Yugi ‘is gay’.
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