Author's Note: Sorry guys, more plot. I hope I didn't screw up characterization/timelines too much in here, or disappoint anyone who's been kind enough to follow this so far. I've been reading all your comments and just want to say thanks to all of you, it's been a great litmus test for me on how I'm doing, and motivation as well. Hope you like this one!
Seto began to flip through Joey's notebook. Some pages were simply doodles, some scribbled memos, some more classically-styled diary entries. He turned to a random page towards the front of the notebook.
"September 2. Took that Muto kid's lunch money again. If his folks got enough cash for him to carry that gold Egyptian thing around, he ain't hurtin for food. Me, I'm lucky to get anything these days. Pops is drinking again. He hit me last night. .....I probably deserved it though." The last line made Kaiba clench his teeth.
"September 4. Got ass kicked by that dude with the crazy eyebrows...and get this. YUGI MUTO saved me & Tristan. After all the shit I did!! I hope I can find that piece of his puzzle thing I dumped in the canal. I thought it was funny at the time but now I just feel like shit.
I wonder if dad feels like shit after he does stuff to me."
...Kaiba quickly flipped ahead, not wanting to read any more of that.
"October 13. We got a new student. He's famous!! It's that Kaiba guy from TV, youngest CEO in the world or somethin like that." Seto felt himself smirk for a bit, then froze as he read the next bit.
"He's beautiful. Real quiet, but he's got these incredible blue eyes...
Oh yeah. By the way diary. I think I like guys. Sucks. Dad'll kick my ass if he finds out. What's new, right?"
Kaiba flipped ahead some more, fingers uncharacteristically fumbling a bit.
"March 8. This is crazy, diary. Yugi was showing me that Duel Monsters game some more today. It's really cool but kinda complicated. We went down to his gramps' game shop, to check out this rare card. And Kaiba showed up!! Says he's the national champion! I was SO psyched and thought maybe we could play together - just the GAME, I swear!! - but he turned me down! Like I was shit on his shoe. All he wanted was Yugi's Gramps's card. So he kidnapped him, stole the card.... and then he just tore the thing up! Said he's got the only other 3 in the world or whatever. To think I was crushing on this guy and he's like... if Batman turned into a supervillian obsessed with card games or somethin. Damn!"
Kaiba just stared at the page for a long while. It was strange, reading a retelling of something he himself had lived through from a completely different perspective. Honestly, thanks to whatever that 'other' Yugi had done to him after their duel, he couldn't remember much clearly about the incident. But now he could see the Joey of that day vividly, his golden-brown eyes shining with hope at the thought that he'd found something in common with him - then darkening with hurt after Kaiba had mocked him for it.
Briefly - just for a nanosecond or so - Kaiba pondered what it might have been like if he had accepted the boy's invitation. How that smile might have brightened, welcomed him. He sighed, resting his face in his hand.
He could still smell traces of Joey lingering on his skin. Quickly, the brunette corrected his posture and flipped ahead to another page.
"May 20. If he calls me mutt ONE MORE FUCKING TIME, I SWEAR!!!"
"May 22. Really, REALLY need to stop having dreams about Kaiba. Really, really, REEEEALLLY need to stop getting boners over dreams about Kaiba. I am SO over that guy!!"
"May 23. Got fired from yet ANOTHER part-time job. I keep fallin asleep. but it's hard when I got school during the day, and DM tournaments comin up... I tried to hide it from Dad but I guess he's drinking buddies with one of my ex-coworkers or somethin, so I got woken up about 3am last night by a kick to the stomach. Told teachers I got jumped again. You could make a really badass action movie about what they must think happens to me...
Worst part was when I got to homeroom, Kaiba just HAD to make fun of me for it. Why does he hate me so much??"
Kaiba just stared at that line, scribbled in handwriting so sloppy that he could FEEL the desperation coming through the smudged ink.
"Stupid mutt," he murmured, running his long fingers over the text softly.
---
Meanwhile, Joey Wheeler was still busy coughing up a lung. "Wha.... how... I mean..." He wiped the last of his spit-take off the table with a tissue, still coughing a bit.
"Joey, I've known since we met. The places I used to work, you get a pretty good gaydar," Mai smiled playfully as she took a sip of tea. "Actually, if you go to the NGN Grand, they have a couple of drag queens there that used ME as their inspiration."
Joey smiled a bit in spite of himself at that. "I kinda wanna see that. But seriously... am I that obvious?" he blushed.
"Mmmm...To most people, no. You're not 'swishy,' if that's what you mean," she shook her head. "So do your friends know?"
"Nope. Yugi wouldn't care, and Tea would probably start trying to drag me around shopping or something, but she'd be supportive at least. Tristan.... I dunno if he'd be cool with it or not," Joey shrugged.
Mai's eyes -although much smaller-looking without their normal heavy makeup - widened. "That's not why you...."
"No! No, no, I ain't ashamed that I'm gay. ...I think. ....I was ashamed about... well...." he gulped, face almost as red as the tomato sauce on his pizza. "Um, Mai, you're ....experienced, with...uh.....y'know..."
"Sex?" She raised a nearly-invisible eyebrow as she took a bite of her slice.
"uhhh...yeah." The more relaxed the older woman acted, the more tense Joey felt. He could really feel the 8-year difference in their ages at that moment.
"You could say that," Mai smirked. "What's the problem?"
Joey fiddled absent-mindedly with the tab on his soda can. "....I had sex for the first time this week. ...and the second."
Mai set down the pizza, straightening up a bit. "Congratulations. How was it?"
"Awf--...mazing," Joey reluctantly corrected himself halfway through, the soda tab punctuating his statement with a loud 'plunk'.
"'Awfmazing?' What language is that?"
"It's the language of 'it felt really awesome but I hated myself when it was over,'" he explained with a sigh.
Mai nodded. "...Oh. ....Yeah, I can understand that. ....But why did you hate yourself?"
"Because..." Joey stopped, scratching his head in frustration. "Argh, why am I telling you this?"
"Probably because your friends know about as much about sex as a preschooler, and everyone thinks I'm the biggest slut on the planet," Mai shrugged. She was expecting to get either a defensive retort about his friends, or maybe a laugh, but was caught completely off-guard by Joey's actual reply.
"...How can you call yourself a slut like that, and not feel bad?" his face looked genuinely sad and confused.
She tilted her head. "What do you mean?"
"Isn't it.... I mean, I......" he looked away, blushing. "It...it's a bad thing, right?"
Mai leaned closer, slowly putting the pieces together in her head. "Joey....You're ashamed because you think you're a slut? Why?"
"Well.... I.... didn't love the guy I did it with, for one..."
(Big shock, since it was probably Kaiba) the older woman thought. "Lots of people do that, Joey. ...Did this guy hurt you?" her eyes narrowed.
The boy emphatically shook his head. "No! Well... Not physically... I mean, he did SAY some things ....like...."
"Like what?" Mai was turned completely facing Joey now, listening intently.
It was too much. He looked away. "Aw, It's too embarrassing..."
"Slut? Whore? Fuckhole? Cumslut? Jizz receptacle? Cocksucking ho? Bimbo? Bitch?"
Joey turned back and stared at the woman's nonchalant expression in awe. "ummm... some of those....yeah...."
"And you didn't like it?"
Joey grimaced. "No!...yes...no... ummm.... the problem was that I guess I DID like it....." he squirmed uncomfortably, as if he were waiting to be scolded.
"So?" Mai shrugged.
Joey blinked. "'So?'"
"So what? I've been called and called myself worse in the heat of the moment, kid. Some people get off on that. It's not that weird."
"...it's not?"
"Unless you spend most of your DAY thinking of yourself like that, then no, it's not." Mai's expression softened a bit. "Who you are during sex and who you are the rest of the day don't always match up, Joey."
"No kidding." A sigh, and a long pause. "I... I don't know what I was expecting. There ain't a lot of guy-on-guy romance movies to base it on, y'know? But.... It was like I was somebody ELSE."
"In a good way, or a bad way?"
"At the time?" he shifted nervously. "....Umm...I'm not sure. It FELT like...in a good way? Afterwards? BAD way. Very, very bad way." he shuddered.
"Joey, it's OK to have a sensual side. It's ok to have sex. It's ok to LIKE sex." Mai elbowed the younger boy, attempting to cheer him up.
"....what if you got paid for it? Hypothetically, I mean," he added quickly, staring at a piece of pepperoni that had escaped onto the floor.
She put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. "In that case, hypothetically, I sure as hell HOPE you liked it."
Joey glared back up at her. "I'm serious."
"I am too. Look.... it's the world's oldest profession for a reason. Sleeping with someone you don't love in exchange for money does not make you a bad person." Joey's doubtful stare made her sigh. "It DOESN'T! Look... I was in Vegas for a while. It's legal out there, so I knew some girls. There were a few that were pretty fucked up from it, but plenty of them were just happy to be doing something they loved - having sex - for a lot of money. One girl saved up to go to Harvard Law that way. Another one met the guy she married there. The act itself isn't necessarily BAD. The PEOPLE involved aren't necessarily bad, either."
Joey listened, quietly nodding as if he were trying to convince himself to agree. "But...What if.... it wasn't your idea...." his voice started to falter.
(Yeah, I had bad a feeling it wasn't) Mai thought sadly. She pulled the younger boy into a hug. "Then the ONLY bad person is the one making you do it," she whispered into his ear.
The other 2 pizzas sat forgotten, patiently waiting as Mai let Joey cry softly into her shoulder.