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Shame	By : yllimilly Category: Yu-Gi-Oh > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 3523 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: The authors do not own Yugioh. This was written for fun, not for profit.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
AN: We’ve been busy, but we haven’t dropped the story! Thanks for reading!

Shame

a YuGiOh! fanfic by Jonouchi Katsuya and yllimilly

Yugi/Jonouchi, Anzu/Yugi

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Chapter Eight

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Jonouchi double-checked his surroundings, looking left and right, as he always did whenever he unlocked the back door to his apartment. This was an absolutely necessary habit for one living with a loan shark magnet. Jonouchi looked for little paper notes snuck below the door (none), in the bucket nearby (none), and who knows, in the peg box by the clothesline fixture. None. Then he allowed himself to calm down a bit, and caught sight of Yugi walking up the street. Coming this way.

Oh.

Yugi wasn’t making eye contact, so he could’ve looked like he was just passing through, but it was obvious he was coming to see Jonouchi. What other business would he have in this neighbourhood? Jonouchi watched his old - former? - friend walk up to him, dragging his feet as if though he was dreading the confrontation as much as Jonouchi was.

Yugi didn’t look up until he made it to the base of the stairs. He seemed startled to see Jonouchi looking at him atop of the stairs. He waved timidly.

Jonouchi waved back.

Yugi gave a meek smile. Jonouchi broke the ice and didn’t sound as awkward as he felt.

“Hey, Yug’,” he called out.

Yugi smiled softly. Jonouchi felt pretty relieved, too. Last week’s pent up uncertainty had been nerve racking to him. Whatever ‘having butterflies in one’s stomach’ was supposed to feel like, he now knew.

Yugi made it to the top of the stairs too slowly for Jonouchi’s tastes. When he finally made it to the top, though, he found himself stumped for words. opened his mouth to speak, then simply put his hands in his pockets. They eyed each other silently for a moment. Yugi looked as if he was already 6 feet under. His eyes were sunken. His clothing was wrinkled. Jonouchi’s hidden giddiness felt misplaced in comparison. Out of respect, and also because he was curious, Jonouchi waited for Yugi to open up first.

“Anzu broke up with me.”

Oh.

“What?”

Jonouchi couldn’t deny he wasn’t one hundred percent unhappy to hear the news. And hated himself for it.

“She said we could still be friends but...” Yugi went on, carefully avoiding Jonouchi’s gaze. He heaved an ungodly sigh. “She...” He shook his head. “It’s over.” Yugi opened his mouth as if to speak, then closed it, then again... He shook his head again, dismissing some unspoken thought. “I just... I don’t know what to do.”

All of Jonouchi’s energy was focused on keep his features as neutral as possible. The boys exchanged a few furtive glances. Yugi eventually let his gaze drop to the ground. Jou shifted his weight. He wasn’t about to comment the event. Hell, he wasn’t about to untangle the murky mix of glee and compassion he felt for his friend.

“She means a lot to you,” Jonouchi supplied gently.

Yugi was grinding his teeth like a little child who was about to cry.

Jonouchi stepped forward and held Yugi tightly.

It took a few seconds (minutes? hours?) for Yugi to let himself melt a little, and longer for him to return the embrace.

“It’ll... It’ll be ok,” Jonouchi said on autopilot. “She might just need a break, y’know.”

Yugi sniffled as if to signal approval. Then he looked up at Jonouchi expectantly. Jonouchi wanted to say whatever would make Yugi happy and carefree again, but somehow, any mention of Anzu felt to Jonouchi as if though thousands of needles were digging into his heart. At a torturingly slow pace.

Jonouchi swallowed down the knot in his throat and asked despite himself:

“Wanna tell me what happened?”

After another potent sigh, and a tightening of his grip around Jonouchi’s waist, Yugi muffled an answer into Jonouchi’s chest. “I told her I was bi... and I guess she thought it was a nice way of saying ‘gay’.”

Jonouchi rolled his eyes. “It is.” He chuckled - and felt slightly better for it. Yugi stepped back, however, then looked at Jonouchi with furrowed brows.

“I was kidding, Yug’, I was kidding.” Jonouchi scanned Yugi’s face - he was having none of it. “But seriously, though,” he added quickly, “I’m sure... Things will work out fine. I mean, your friendship with Anzu can’t fall out overnight. You guys have been friends for longer than the two of us-”

Because I was too busy bullying you, he thought.

“I’m ruining everything, Jou. I don’t want to ruin everything.”

“You’re not ruining everything,” Jonouchi replied hastily.

“I don’t want to lose my friends, I don’t want to hurt anyone,” Yugi went on, sounding a bit lost, “Don’t want to lose you... Or her... I don’t want anyone to feel like they were betrayed.”

Jonouchi’s heart skipped a beat at the word ‘betray’.

“You’re not losing me,” he said lowly, placing a strand of hair behind Yugi’s ear. “You haven’t lost me.” Yugi’s ear felt so nimble under Jonouchi’s fingers; the skin of his neck, so delicate under the callused heel of his palm... He stepped even closer and averted his gaze. “I’m the one who kissed you that night,” he said, his voice becoming but a breathy murmur at the word kiss.

What the fuck is wrong with me, Jonouchi thought.

Yugi looked at Jonouchi with a gaze surprisingly steady for someone who’d thrown themselves into their best friend’s arms, weeping. Jonouchi looked back at him, but couldn’t give him anything better than the timid outline of a gawky half-smile. He soon looked away.

“I-” the damn weight in Jonouchi’s throat wouldn’t go down- “I regretted it at first, I thought- ” He closed his eyes and exhaled deeply, not believing what he was going to say. “I thought you’d... that maybe you would...” He swallowed hard, and the rest of the sentence sank at the pit of his stomach along with the lost time and crushed butterflies.

“Jou...” Yugi said softly.

Jonouchi felt frozen in place, as if his entire body was set in invisible concrete.

“You’re my best friend, Jou,” Yugi said, refuting the unspoken statement.

Best friend. Jonouchi’s heart dove, sank, came back afloat with a pop and a splash.

Yugi again. Fiercely. Needily. Just to make it triple clear - to himself - how he felt about Yugi. Because boy, he’d gone through every shade of the denial rainbow over the last week. But that dreadful week was over. Jonouchi, falling into step, had circled one arm around Yugi’s waist, the other still playing with the fine strands of baby hair growing behind his ear.

Yugi finally kissed back. His hands clutched Jonouchi’s shirt. Breathing became a necessity again. Jonouchi broke the kiss. “Yugi, you- I l-,” he started stupidly, hating himself but not hating the rush of endorphins that followed, “I’m here. I’m right here. I’m always here if you need me. Always.” God, could he sound cheesier than that? Yet, it felt just right. Jonouchi strangely felt like, for a split second at least, his racing heart was sitting at the very center of the universe.

The spell faded as quick as it came. They let each other go for a moment. The emptiness in their arms felt strange. Not caring about potential onlookers (not even considering their existence), Jonouchi grabbed Yugi’s hand and opened the apartment door. “Lets go inside.”

.

They somehow ended up in Jonouchi’s bedroom.

Yugi nearly stumbled when his heels bumped against the mattress. Jonouchi tried to steady them both but Yugi simply let himself plop onto Jonouchi’s sad excuse for a bed.

Jonouchi felt self conscious. Because of the mess in his room. Because of his feeling overly happy that Yugi be here with him despite having just gone through a breakup. Because of, let’s be frank, his massive boner.

Yugi was nearly at eye level with the bulge in Jonouchi’s pants. His lips parted - and then he looked up at Jonouchi, hesitating, or expectant maybe - and then nothing.

Nothing for now, anyway.

That wasn’t exactly what Jonouchi had planned - assuming he had had something in mind when he let Yugi in. So what... What now?

Yugi still waited, somewhat frozen in place. Jonouchi swallowed hard. Then stepped back. Then knelt on the carpeted floor so that Yugi wouldn’t have to crane his neck. Jonouchi looked at Yugi, unblinking, searching for some answer in Yugi’s unsteady gaze.

“Um...”

Jonouchi was straddling Yugi’s lap before he knew what he was doing. He gently pushed Yugi back, felling him onto his elbows. Yugi parted his legs. Jonouchi’s brain could register nothing except ‘feeling Yugi’s pulse under my groin’. Jonouchi decided he didn’t know what to do with his hands, and stepped down. He let himself roll fall on his back, comfortable just lying next to Yugi. For now.

They both studied the ceiling with keen interest.

Then, Yugi let out a constricted sigh. Jonouchi mimicked him despite himself. He winced.

This could go on forever, or this could end now.

Or actually - this could begin now.

“Yugi...”

Another heart-wrenching sigh. Jonouchi rolled on his side so that he was now uncomfortably close to Yugi. He let his free hand hover about Yugi’s chest - belly - and feeling strangely exhausted by the decision process, he let it fall on his opposite hip, where it rested comfortably.

There. Jonouchi closed his eyes, remembering how distinctly he felt Yugi’s ‘pulse’ racing against his own. He felt his own heart beating faster and louder.

Jonouchi’s breathing deepened as he slid his hand downwards. He was fascinated by the rough texture of the fabric. He pressed deeper, feeling the soft flesh of Yugi’s thighs underneath. He stopped when his fingers arrived just short of familiar territory, wondering if Yugi was, just like he was, feeling a pleasant warmth down there.

The answer must’ve been yes, seeing how Yugi felt the urge to pull the hem of his shirt down, turning his head away from Jonouch’s. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down again, and his chest was heaving in short, shallow strokes. Immediately, Jonouchi withdrew his hand. But Yugi grabbed it - softly - and put it back on the side of his thigh.

“Are you okay?”

Yugi nodded hastily.

“Good.”

The sun was setting. The room, without any artificial lighting, was getting darker by the minute.

“You know,” Yugi started so softly his voice was barely audible, “I’ve been thinking about that day.”

Jonouchi blinked in the darkness.

“A lot.”

“Ah.” Jonouchi wanted to slap himself. “That day...?”

“I thought about you a lot,” Yugi neither clarified nor explained.

Jonouchi heard himself take a deep breath.

“Me too.”

They stilled themselves when they heard the neighbours climb up the stairs, and Jonouchi gave in to burying his nose in Yugi’s hair as soon as the door to their apartment closed, giving them back their silence, making them feel like they were alone in the universe again.

Jonouchi felt Yugi move, wriggle out from underneath him. The springs of the mattress creaked under the boys’ weight. Jonouchi blindly reached out until his fingers bumped against Yugi’s chest. Then drew back and dropped down until they touched the soft buldge, earning a startled whimper from Yugi who sat up straight, removing himself from Jonouchi’s touch. Jonouchi saw and felt Yugi’s limbs shuffle until the boy’s groin was out of his reach. Too fast?

“You don’t...?”

Yugi cut off the awkward, lingering silence with a kiss. With several kisses. Soft, light, specks around the lips and chin and cheeks and nose. Little kisses that were supposed to mean something, to be the answer Jonouchi was looking for earlier. He had no idea if the hinted blow job was still in order, or if Yugi decided that he was more curious about the bulge in Jonouchi’s own pants...

“Yugi...” Jonouchi’s lips became as proactive as Yugi’s, sliding to the boy’s neck and meaning business. He had no idea neck skin was so soft. And he’d never noticed before that Yugi’s hair actually smelled nice. It was subtle, and it was nothing more than washed out shampoo, but it was there. Yugi’s smell. Jonouchi laid one confident hand on Yugi’s thigh. Then another. Jonouchi’s lips ventured closer to Yugi’s ear. He could hear the boy’s heavy breathing in his own. Yugi moaned enthusiastically and grabbed Jonouchi’s shoulder when he started nibbling on his earlobe. Jonouchi sent a finger sliding under the hem of Yugi’s pants, somewhere below his navel, and everything stopped.

“Wait.”

Their eyes had grown accustomed to the darkness by now. “Jou... You don’t need to.”

“You changed your mind?” Jonouchi asked breathlessly, still not daring to clearly voice the offer he’d made earlier.

“I... It’s okay, Jou,” Yugi retorted before turning his head away. “You don’t need to do this.”

“I want to,” Jonouchi replied earnestly.

The air in the gap between them seemed to clear, to settle. Their breathing relaxed a bit now that the spell was over. Jonouchi could see Yugi’s monochrome silhouette clearly, now that his eyes had grown accustomed to the darkness. He took one deep breath and told himself that they didn’t necessarily need to experiment tonight. There would be other nights.

Or maybe there wouldn’t. Maybe Yugi would go back to Anzu, or she to him. Maybe there wouldn’t be ‘another night’ like this, maybe either of them would tire of this dance and call it off.

Resigned, Jonouchi spoke up again. “But I’ll understand if you’re not ready.”

“I am...”

Jonouchi didn’t move.

“I am ready. I just feel like... you know, for asking... I played you and now I...”

“Yugi, you haven’t played anyone. You’re not betraying anyone or messing anything up. I’m the one who took that first step, Yugi. I am.” Jonouchi looked at his surroundings, feeling suddenly quite ashamed of how trashy his place was compared to Yugi’s. He’d feel ashamed if they had to experience any kind of ‘first’ in this environment. “But yeah, maybe we’re a little fast.”

“Maybe.”

Jonouchi brought his knees down so that he could sit cross-legged. He ruffled his hair back into place - he’d had bangs sticking out here and there.

“But I meant it, though.”

‘Meant what?”

“That I’d always been there for you.”

“I know,” Yugi replied with some smile shining in his voice.

“If there’s anything you wanna tell me, you shouldn’t be afraid to. I’ll listen. If you wanna talk about anything. I don’t care if it’s in the middle of the night, you can just call me. Or come here. You know where I live.”

Yugi chuckled softly. “Thank you.”

Jonouchi had already stretched out the extent of what serious matters he wanted to tell Yugi. He didn’t feel like he should make an effort to fill the silence further. Maybe that silence is there for a reason.

“I just...”

The silence went from comfortable to eerie.

“You just what?”

“I don’t feel like I deserve having a friend like you,” Yugi finally said.

Jonouchi wasn’t sure if he was adding on to his previous statement, or if he was opening a new conversation. But it didn’t matter. They had all the time in the world. He began fiddling with the folds in his ruffled, worn out comforter.

“You can be too nice, sometimes,” Yugi continued. “I’m sorry I played you-”

“You did not play me, Yugi,” he cut in insistently.

“Let me finish-”

“No, I’m telling you, you didn’t play me. I knew what I wanted,” Jonouchi asserted boldly, not quite sure that he actually did know what he wanted at the time, when he acted upon his impulses and kissed Yugi out of the blue. His heart must’ve known. Hopefully his heart was right.

Yugi pointedly waited a few more seconds before he resumed speaking. “I was just gonna say, I feel like I played you because I wanted your attention even more when I started being with Anzu. I really like her but... It just wasn’t the same when you weren’t around. And it’s not the same when she’s not around, either - I still want us to be back together, even though I really...” He took a deep breath and lowered the volume of his voice a notch. “I’m really happy here with you right now, Jonouchi. I guess I’m kind of selfish...”

Anzu. Always Anzu. Jonouchi suddenly lost fascination for the fabric on Yugi’s skin and let go of it. Yugi wriggled underneath Jonouchi’s arm, but was he trying to edge closer or away, Jonouchi didn’t know. Eventually Yugi settled. The room was now pitch black save for the stretched imprint of the street light peering through Jonouchi’s tiny window.

Jonouchi reached for one of his hands and started rubbing his calloused thumb against it. After a minute, he tugged gently on the limp hand, then let go and patted the empty space in front of him, as an invitation for Yugi to join him.

Yugi did as told, lying on his side so that he too was facing his friend. He reached for the deserting hand and locked fingers with it. The palm was sweaty.

“Say something, Jou.”

His regular, somewhat heavy breathing was all Yugi got for an answer. He closed his eyes, telling himself that maybe Jonouchi was thinking, that he needed time to process everything. Plus, there was no hurry... They had all the time in the world. He felt peaceful. Just lying there, inches of one of the people he loved the most in the world, waiting for the evening to unfold. He’d imagined angry scenarios; he’d imagined violent scenarios, where Jonouchi got so mad he started breaking things, swearing, telling Yugi he didn’t want to see him again. Thankfully, none of that had taken place.

Yugi then felt a hand on his hip, a hand powerful enough to spin him around so that he had his back resting against Jonouchi’s chest, against his whole body.

His free arm roamed erratically on Yugi’s chest, looking for a spot to land on. He settled for a wrap, holding Yugi tight, taking in his relief and anguish and fear and desire all at once.

“I think you can use a pound of selfish, Yugi,” he said in his ear, “You’ve given me so much.”

“Jou...” Yugi’s voice was made tenuous by the tightening knot inside his throat.

Jonouchi held Yugi even closer.

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- 7
- 8
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