Hi! Thanks for reading thus far. Comedy is a rarity in this site, so I hope that people appreciate a YGO fanfic that is a comedy, AND is updated regularly. Please read the warning below. It is absolutely vital...kinda. Not really. But read it anyways! Because anything I write is humorous. It is comedic gold! This is as close to Black Star Cross or True Love Hurts as it's ever going to get. Someone keep track of the references/spoofs/parodies please. Don't forget the three R's: read, rate, and rape...I mean review! Rape is for the other story. Have fun laughing and enjoy the show!
Wacky Crazy Funny Silly Zany Party Fan Fic
Chapter 9: The Gayest Chapter Ever Told
WARNING!: The following chapter contains extreme doses of homosexual content. Various references, either direct or indirect, towards gay celebrities, icons, ideas, jargon, anime and manga, lifestyle, and more will be made. If this sort of thing does not appeal to you, then I’m surprised you made it thus far in this fanfic. Nothing of significance will happen here, just like every chapter before it and after it, so if you can’t take the heat, then get your head out of the oven and wait for the next chapter. Please view the above as if it was scrolling upwards, like in the intro of a Star Wars movie.
Meanwhile... “I wonder what the warning above was for?” says Tristan.
“I don’t know. Probably something lame.” replies Duke.
“Yeah. Hey, where did Pegasus go?”
“Oh, I left him tied up to a slab, with a pendulum slowly working its way down towards his torso.”
Both guys looked at each other, Tristan trying to tell if Duke was telling the truth or not.
Scene change to... The pendulum is now scraping at the stone slab, but no torso is cut in half. The rope bounding Pegasus to the slab is seen being tucked into Pegasus’s pocket for later use.
“Foolish boy.” Pegasus says with a grin. “Did he not think that I’ve learned by now how to get out of being bounded and gagged? I’ve been doing such bar tricks since I was eleven.”
But you weren’t gagged this time.
“Hmmhmm. Well then, I guess you all learned a new factoid about yours’ truly. Now then, how am I going to get out of this predicament?”
Pegasus looks on at the seemingly endless hallway and ponders.
Reverse scene change... “Oh well. It was for the best.” says Tristan.
“Yeah. Um, hey Tristan? There’s something I want to ask you.” says Duke, a bit nervously.
“Yeah, what is it?”
“Um, well, you see, um...how did we wind up in a meat-packing factory?”
And indeed, they looked around and suddenly found themselves in a dirty, musky, meat-packing factory.
“I don’t know. I guess I never noticed it until just now. Why would there be a meat-packing factory in the middle of a deserted island?”
“Beats me.”
“It’s weird. I kinda feel more relaxed in here, rather than the dungeon.”
“Really? It makes
me feel rather nervous.”
Just then, the factory doors bust open.
“Freeze! Nobody move! This is the New York City Police! Hey, wait a minute. There’s no one here but these two gay guys. Do we have the right place, Dee?”
“Hey! We’re not gay!” both Tristan and Duke shout to the two policemen.
“Suuurrreee. Right, we
totally believe you. Hey, I’m getting a call on my cell. Yeah, uh-huh, what?! You guys caught them already?! And they weren’t on a remote island in the middle of Nowhere, Japan? Alright, I’ll tell him. Okay, bye. Yo, it looks like we can go home now. C,mon, let’s go to my place. I know that Bikky isn’t there.”
“Dee! I know what you’re thinking!”
“So you know that nothing’s gonna stop me from making those thoughts into reality, right Ryo?”
The two cops walk out of the factory, leaving our first couple standing there, just staring ahead.
“Dude, and they said that WE were obvious.” says Tristan.
“And to the narrator, WE’RE NOT A COUPLE!” yells Duke.
Riiiiight. I
totally believe you. Anyways, the two go on, walking deeper into the hole that is the meat-packing factory. In no time at all, they come across a quaint little shop with a sign overhead that read “HELP BOOTH”.
“Hey, let’s check it out. They might be able to help us get back to the others.” says Duke.
The young men go up to the counter and tap on the bell. Immediately, five middle-aged men jump up from out of nowhere.
“Well, hello you two cupcakes. How may I be of an assistance to you
mah-velous young men? Oh! Oh! Stop right there! I know exactly what you need. It’s blatantly obvious that your guys’ fashion sense is in need of an extreme makeover!”
“What? Are you kidding me? They obviously need some much needed tips in their dieting routine.”
“As if! These two beauties have their skin just aging away like there’s no tomorrow! They need some moisturizer, stat!”
“They clearly have no sense of style! Not an ounce of culture in them!”
“I bet if I went to their house right now, I could see probably 101 different things I would have to remodel.”
“We don’t share the same house! We’re not...” starts Tristan.
“Less yapping, more running. I’m getting out of here! We don’t need help from
those guys!” shouts Duke, who is already pretty far ahead of Tristan.
When they get safely away from those fabulous five guys, Tristan and Iso-, I mean, Duke, find themselves surrounded by flowers, most taller than they are. They wander around the floral maze until they get to a gardener, who happens to be wearing a mustard-colored hanky in his right pocket.
“Excuse me, sir. Do you happen to know where we are? Are we still on the island?” asked Tristan.
“I’m sorry, gentlemen. I don’t know the answer to that. Might you try asking the Indian, construction worker, cop, Navy officer, biker, or cowboy dancing over there?”
“Ummm...that’s okay. We’ll just keep on walking.”
After a while of walking, the two decide to sit down and rest.
“Dude, how can there be a meat-packing factory AND a field of gigantic stalks of flowers in the middle of a cave, on an island?” inquires Tristan.
“I don’t know. Maybe the person who owns this place is super-rich.”
At the same time... “These halls seem to go on forever Yugi.” says Tea.
“For the last time, I’m not Yugi! I’m Yami! Doesn’t the size difference and extra blond hair tip that off for you?!” yells Yami.
“Wait! Did you here that? It sounded like voices. We might be close to somebody else! Come on!”
Tea and Yami ran ahead to see who is there. When they get to the source of the voices, they are shocked at what they see. Well, not really. Sitting there in front of them are Tristan and Duke, both locking lips and moaning loudly!
WHAT! LOCKING LIPS?! MOANING LOUDLY?! THEY REALLY ARE GAY! QUICK! TELL THE PEOPLE! THE PUBLIC MUST KNOW ABOUT THIS!
“I can’t say that I’m too surprised to see this.” says Tea. “We’ve practically been hinting at it since Chapter 1.”
“Rats! They caught us!” yelps Tristan.
“You two shouldn’t have seen that! And neither should the narrator. The world is not ready to know of our all-consuming love! You leave me no choice! By the power of the Millennium Dice, I shall wipe clean yours’ and the narrator’s memory of this incident!” shouts Duke.
There is a sudden, blinding light and...
Tea and Yami are walking through the dungeon. Wait, why am I talking about them? This chapter focuses in on Tristan and Duke. And I suppose Pegasus.
Back at the original pair... Tristan and Duke are walking on. Duke has his MP3 player on and is listening to: a) “It’s Raining Men” b) “Thriller”
c) “Beautiful” or d) “Bye Bye Bye”?
You might be surprised to find out that the correct answer is d) “Bye Bye Bye”. Or...you might not be. It certainly wasn’t “Smack That”.
“I happen to like my retro. There’s nothing wrong with that.” defends Duke.
“I don’t know. I was going through your CD collection yesterday, trying to find something good to play, and I saw a Bad Luck CD. I mean, come on. Bad Luck? I swear every time that lead singer is on the cover, he’s in some new, wacked-out costume.”
“But the music sounds great. Even that novelist guy said so.”
“What novelist guy?”
“The guy who writes romance and junk like that. I don’t know. I’ve never read anything he’s made.”
“Oh. Whatever.”
And, for some strange reason, feeling the need to leave a cameraman there with them, the scene leaves the duo and changes to Pegasus’s current location... “Another martini on the rocks, barkeeper!” shouts Pegasus. He is now in a bar which, oddly enough, only has single men in it. There must be a fee for women to get in until 11:00PM.
“What?! I’m in a single’s bar? I must have the wrong place. No one’s going to want to witness me in my perfect ‘Toon Warrior Dai Grepher’ outfit here.”
Pegasus gets up and leaves, looking for another kind of bar, one where his ropes and chains that he amassed while in the dungeon will be appreciated. While walking through the now barren dungeon hallways, Pegasus encounters a Mecha-Dragon. Magically, he is already in his ‘Toon Warrior Dai Grepher’ outfit, and does battle with the metal dragon (not to be confused with the now popular Cyber Dragon). Once he defeats the dragon by beheading it, two white mice crawl out of the machine.
“Drats. Oh well. Back to the lab, Pinky. I’ve got to plan for tomorrow night.”
“Gee Brain. What are we going to do tomorrow night?”
“The same thing we do every night...try to take over the world!”
They’re Pinky, they’re Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, NARF!!! “Well, that was something new.” exclaims Pegasus.
Walking onwards, he sees a guy, about 19 or so, walking towards him.
“Hey, excuse me. Have you seen a guy walking around here lately? He’s around 21, usually in his cowboy hat, kinda quiet, wears a jean jacket all the time?”
“No, I’m sorry. I haven’t seen anybody of the like.”
“Oh, okay. Thanks anyways.”
Off in the distance, Pegasus can hear the young man mumbling to himself: “Del Mar, if I see you with somebody else...”
“Oh there you are!” shouts Pegasus. “I’ve been looking all over for you!”
“I’m here too, you horny pedophile.” says Tristan.
Scene change too...oh wait. Never mind. The three guys have finally met up, despite the numerous attempts by Tristan and Duke to get rid of Pegasus.
“I can see that, unfortunately.” replies Pegasus.
“Well, I suppose we should keep walking. Hopefully we’ll find the others.” says Duke.
“Oh yeah. I forgot. Our lives are in danger or something, right?” asks Tristan.
“That’s how I remembered it, Tristy-boy. Hmm...no, it just doesn’t seem natural, calling you that.” says Peggy.
“Oh, well I’m SO glad for that.” replies Tristan, sarcastically.
“No need for the attitude, boy.” snaps Peggi. “You’re not too old to be given a spanking.”
“Are you kidding me?! I’m 16!”
“All the more reason that you should be on my lap so that I can...” begins Pegee.
“Okay! I think I’ve had enough of this conversation, and the different ways to spelling an abbreviated form of Pegasus’s name!” yells Duke.
“Hey, what’s that in the distance?” queries Tristan.
“I think it’s light!” exclaims Duke.
“You’re right, Dukie-boy! It is Light.” says, well, you know who said it.
Light turns around.
“Oh no, it’s you again. Didn’t I tell you that the next time I saw you, I’d write your name in the book?” he says.
Another boy, similar in age and appearance walks up behind him.
“Let it go, Light. You know Pegasus is no master criminal. Just a pedophile.”
“Hey now...” Pegasus begins, trying to defend himself.
“I suppose you’re right, L. But I still don’t agree with you on Tea.”
The two bicker back and forth as they pass the trio.
“Um...is
that light?” asks Duke.
“This time, it is!” says Mr. Crawford. “It’s Pegasus!”
Whatever. Anyways, behind Light was indeed light. The three guys run for it, hoping to escape this mess, and the author.
“Oh, pretty. There’s a rainbow over the light.” says Pegasus.
“You just HAD to throw that into this chapter, didn’t you?” inquires Tristan.
Well, I think I’m all gayed out! Okay, not really. But I had to end it sometime! See how many references, gay and not gay, you can find! If you find them all, the Princess of the Dark Flame (not her actual name), who so graciously helped me with providing info for various references, will reward you with a double chocolate chip cookie. They’re very good and, unlike others, don’t cause hallucinations! Up next, the final pairing: Serenity and Bakura. What could possibly go wrong there? See, or rather, read, what happens in the next chapter of...Wacky Crazy Funny Silly Zany Party Fan Fic!
To be continued...
* = In gay culture, hankies are used to express specific sexual wants and desires. Different colors and which pocket you place it in indicates different wants and positions. In this case, a mustard-colored hanky in the right pocket means that the gardner is a "size queen".
