Adult-FanFiction.org : Yu-Gi-OH

Yami's Mindless Gabble	By : MaruSame Category: Yu-Gi-Oh > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1843 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh!, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-The Book that started madness
- 2-Uneducated Bestality
- 1
- 2
[My comments are in the bold brackets, thank lord. I take call claims to all those. I�m not a master of the English language as such people like D-Chan, but I know what�s wrong and right upon reading it. Work with me on this ^_^, I try to make this as funny as possible.]
Don�t know how this is going to flow, since I just thought this ^. Tell me how it goes and what needs to be tweeted. Thanks.
[What? No disclaimer? You�re so going to be sued for this bit of crap. I�ll do it for you to save both of our asses.
We do not own Yu-Gi-Oh
That wasn�t hard, now was it?
[ ---------------------------------------------
�What is this?�
[What does it look, my friend? It�s an MST, and the story you�re in is crap]
�It�s a diary. You spend way too much time lying around the house and doing nothing while I'm gone. Why don�t you write down your thoughts in this to kill time.�
[As this sentence is saying, whomever the talker is, he�s demanding the other to write in this said book. It should be a question, from what I can tell]
�But Aibou, I...!�
[�can�t think of a reason why you can�t, so you slow down on your sentence to think, ne Yami?]
�See ya later, Yami.�
[Yes, you get out of this � poor Yami must stay and suffer, how kind of you]
The pharaoh sighed as his hikari rushed off for school. He looked at the hard-back page-less book in wonder. He had never had this �diary� of which Yugi spoke of back in Egypt. His thoughts were not so important back then accept[except?] for what slave went where and what prisoner was to be killed next.
[I�ve never had a diary, but don�t most book have pages? Are you referring to blank pages? And I am sure he didn�t have THAT diary back in Egypt, I doubt the book is that old. I also think Pharaoh Atemu would have MORE to do than just that � it�s not the Chinese Dynasty, now]
�Maybe this diary idea won�t be too bad...�
[Still at loss for words, eh?]
Walking upstairs like he usually did when Yugi went to school, he sat at the window seal and looked down at the streets below. His advanced mind started to become lost in its thoughts and daydreamed of his life in Egypt... and for some reason... his sex life in Egypt...
[Your supreme fascination with periods never ceases to astound me.]
Yami�s eyes trailed down to the blue[,] hardback book and smirked. He had so many thoughts, it would be nice to put them down on paper and read them later in the mean time... and he had a rather good story to tell to his diary as of now...
[And returns your fascination with the triple periods. Must be hard to right down other uses for punctuation.]
Opening the book and grabbing a pen off a nearby table, Yami started on the first page of his diary.
Dear Diary,
My dear Hikari gave me to u... so I�ll call u Hikari from now. Sound good? Also, since I�ve heard of all the many people who like looking in a person�s private thoughts of a diary from Yugi... I�ll be writing in Egyptian. Not many people can write in that or read it...
[The first comment, let�s see. I don�t remember Yugi ever handing Yami to the book. That would be rather inaccurate, even more Yami to write (he�s smarter than he sounds, really). And, against have your reviews, GIRLS might sit there and abbreviate words into chat room talk, but I doubt Yami would � he�s not that gay. Even in his writings he over uses his periods � you two were destined to be with each other!]
So, to start off my diary, I�ll tell u of my past life... but not like all my friends and rival[�]s know. Sure I was a pharaoh... but they don�t know half of what went on in the palace when I was king....
[Yes, I�m sure it was difficult. I can�t tell anymore if this story is starting on the right foot with the correct tense � the periods are in the way, breaking up sentences, changing thoughts.]
Well, back when I was a child just starting to become a king... I admit to say I had a huge crush on my cousin, Seth. It was total forbidden for any type of love to occur between kin, but I couldn�t help it, Hikari.
[�It was total forbidden�, let�s play a guessing game � can YOU tell me what is wrong with this? Anyone? It makes absolutely no sense. And, how could love between kin be forbidden if pharaoh�s constantly married those in the family? Your facts are screwed up.]
His skin was such a beautiful color of bronze and his deep blue eyes drowned me... I become dizzy just thinking about it, Hikari...
[It�get�s�annoying�looking�at�lack�of�comments�
One day, while I was bathing along the Nile[,] like I usual did before going to my bed chambers to rest, I remember hearing a shift in the water to my left. I gasped and tried to cover myself, afraid that some stranger was spying on my naked form.
[I doubt that�d be the situation, he�d be well protected from intruders, or the servants around him would be killed for letting so common near him]
Thankfully, it was only Seth... but that�s what I thought at first. We had seen each other naked many times, so I wasn�t -that- uncomfortable bathing with him... on the side fact that u already know I had a crush on him, hikari.
[Is someone else with Seth besides Yami? And once more the Period attack has come again!]
Well, his eyes were so beautiful that night... highlighted by Horus� eye and the darkness that covered us. I wondered if he was seeing me blush as he towered over me. And suddenly, he kissed me, Hikari!
[When did Seth get over by Yami? I was aware that he heard a shift, but that never said that Seth was near him, close enough to actually kiss him.]
I must sound like a giddy school girl[schoolgirl], but he kissed be deeply. Not the family kiss I usually would have gotten from him... but a kiss of a lustful lover. I must have gained several more shades of crimson.
[�kissed be so deeply�? Kissed �me� so deeply? Is it me, or does Yami�s inner thoughts sound so, er, modern to be an ancient spirit. Remember, cricket, to do a POV, you must expand your thoughts, become the character � be the character. Talk in ways you�d never see yourself speaking.]
He raised me upon the banks of the Nile and raised me on my hands and knees. I was so scared, Hikari, at what pain might come from Seth�s entrance... since I remember him being quite big for his age...
[Instead of repeating the word �raised�, would it have been simpler to just say �He raised me upon the banks of the Nile, placing me on my hands and knees.� Easier than word confusion, if you take my opinion. From what I have with your sentence, he had lifted Yami upon the banks of the Nile, the once more lifted him onto hands and knees, seems a little complicated to keep Yami in the air like that for the whole time in passion.]
Don�t laugh! I swear it was already three inches at his age. That�s not normal!!
[This sentence made me laugh with the way it�s put out. Seth is so SMALL; he�s the size of my ID card. You wouldn�t show yourself off if you were that small.]
It felt like I was parted in two when he thrust into me... oh my gods, Hikari... I can feel him as I write now. So full....
[Yes, I�m sure something the like that would do something when you�re entrance is not prepared, no matter what size.]
Slowly, he pounded in and out of my young body, ripping away my sweet innocence. I tell you Hiakri, Seth was so careful with my body... licking my back, rubbing my aroused nipple, nipping at my neck so sensual... Afterlife on Earth, Hikari... Afterlife on Earth....
[This paragraph made no sense. If one is being rough, ripping away innocence, how can that person be careful with your body as well? And your afterlife comment confuses me to no end.]
But, sadly, Hikari, Seth reincarnation -Seto- does not remember that beautiful night when we made love... but I intend to one day make him remember. But don�t tell anyone, alright[all right]?
[Beautiful passion my ass. Are you planning on returning what he did to you? Take him with no word, no love-nothings? Bah, I call it rape more than anything else.
Oh yes! I forgot to mention this one time, when me and Seth[Seth and I] went into Isis' chambers, where she kept all of this bondage toys...
[In comes off grammar, this bondage toys? Why not those bondage toys? Or some bondage toys to be correct?]
�Yami!!! I�m back!!!�
[Well, what a surprise, just when things were getting interesting. Not.]
The pharaoh was having such a fun time with his new diary, time seem to have flown by. Yugi was already back from school. Not wanting his aibou to see what he was thinking about, he quickly wrapped up the last page, locked his diary and went downstairs.
[The diary had a lock? You never said this earlier. Don�t tell me �all diaries have locks�, I can tell you a few of them that my sister has that do not. And, did he not write in Egyptian, I don�t think Yugi will be reading it anytime soon, at least not in that lifetime.]
Talk later[,] Hikari... then maybe I�ll have time to tell u about the time Seth and Me[I] played on my new bed I got for my 15 birthday.
-----Yami
[Oh goody, I�m sure the book is just over thrilled by this. I�m rather appalled by the use of chat lingo used in this story � my headache might not take more of it. Silly gabble.]
[ ~---------------------------
Enjoy maybe? Hope u did.
[In a demension where my IQ equals that of a goldfish, maybe. Here? Never.]
- 1
- 2
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Yami's Mindless Gabble