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If It Takes Forever, I Will Find You	By : Rroselavy Category: Yu-Gi-Oh > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 4395 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh!, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Title: If It Takes Forever, I Will Find You (Prologue/6)
Author: Rroselavy
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s): Seto/Jou
Beta: Akuchan
Final Word count: 1362 (1362 total)
Spoilers: None, AU
Disclaimer: I do not own or profit from Yu-gi-oh!
Summary: It has been almost a year to the day since Kaiba Seto last saw his lover Jounouchi Katsuya. At the realization that Jou may be gone for good, Kaiba sets off on a cruise vacation to begin the healing process.
A/N: Thanks Akuchan--for being a cheerleader, a fabulous beta, and most of all, a good friend.
Prologue
"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing."
--Anais Nin
Kaiba Seto leaned on the rail of the forward balcony of his stateroom, staring out at the horizon over the sparkling azure waters of the Ionian Sea. The warm Mediterranean breeze ruffled his chestnut locks and the late afternoon sun beat hot upon his face. But he did not notice such trivialities, nor did the luxurious accommodations that would be his home for the next eighteen days make any impression on him. Today, just like yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that--362 days in all-would be yet another day of numbness, another mark on the calendar to serve as a reminder of the way time continued to march inexorably forward and propel him along with it, away from the last time he had laid eyes on Jounouchi Katsuya, the love of his life. With each passing day apart from his beloved, Kaiba believed that his heart shriveled and hardened a little more, until eventually, when he died, it would be discovered that it had been shrunken to the size, shape and texture of a peach pit.
Kaiba imagined that as the years passed he would no longer be able to freely recall the timbre of Jou's voice, the expressiveness of his beautiful honey eyes, the taste of his very kissable full lips, or remember exactly the endearing way he would run his fingers through his unruly blond hair--hair that always stubbornly managed to fall right back into his eyes. Kaiba closed his eyes as he conjured up the fading image of his beloved, and he remembered the hoarseness in Jou's voice when, after they'd exhausted themselves in their lovemaking, he would whisper into Kaiba's ear "I love you Set-always and ever" before nuzzling snugly underneath the crook of the brunet's arm and drifting off to sleep. Kaiba knew in time he would need to rely more and more on the photographs of his lover that he had collected to remember all the details of Jounouchi that had once been as familiar to him as the features of his own face and body.
He felt the gentle thrum of the ship's engines, signaling the disembarkation, vibrating the rail beneath his hands and the deck beneath his feet. The ship rocked gently as it slowly moved forward and out toward open water. He glanced over the port side, taking in the sun-drenched vista of Taormina against the backdrop of Mount Etna. A ubiquitous wisp of smoke drifted from its active crater, a singular smudge serving to mar the perfection of the clear blue Mediterranean sky. On the forward deck that his stateroom overlooked, the crew stood at attention in their dress whites, strung like pearls in a V-line that traced the contour of the ship's bow. He caught a glimpse of blond hair peeking out from under a cap, but by the time its resemblance to his Jou's hair color had registered in Kaiba's mind the owner had disappeared below-deck; with the disembarkation completed, the crew members were now assuming their work stations.
He shook his head, disgusted by his own heart-sickness. The whole point of this vacation was to put the past firmly behind him. He needed to move forward, move away from the rut he'd allowed himself to wallow in. While he did not believe that he would ever love another as he did Katsuya, he was beginning to believe what everyone else who knew him had come to terms with long ago-Jou was gone for good. What Kaiba would deny to his dying day was that his lover had killed himself. Until irrefutable evidence was brought before him, he would continue to maintain that Jounouchi had disappeared deliberately and continued to stay away from his loved ones on his own volition. And until such evidence of his lover's demise appeared, Kaiba knew he'd forever search for the hint of his familiar countenance in the faces of strangers.
With a last glance at the ancient port city sandwiched between the sea and cliffs, he stepped back into the cool sanctuary of his stateroom. He'd booked the largest suite aboard a ship on one of the most exclusive cruise lines in the world. It was a small ship with a passenger capacity of just under 300, and a crew of about equal number. The service was unparalleled, and the clientele was generally an international mix of the extremely wealthy. At over 1,300 square feet, the stateroom was huge by any standards. It had two separate bedrooms, each with their own private marble whirlpool bath and balcony, and a separate living/dining area also with its own balcony. The living area was expensively appointed in teak and brass, an overstuffed leather couch, several leather club chairs, a dining table that seated four, and a state-of-the-art entertainment center. All the comforts of home, Kaiba sighed, knowing full well he would be hard-pressed to find any comfort alone in the prison of his thoughts.
It would be time for dinner soon, but he knew he was not up for dining in the public dining room. He sifted through the packet of embarkation papers that had been left on the table and found the current day's dinner menu. Tonight he would be better off dining alone en suite and later if he was up for it, he would explore the rest of the ship. He picked up the telephone and dialed the number listed for his cabin steward. In the state he was in, everything on the menu looked equally unappealing; he asked the steward to bring whatever the chef recommended along with a wine selection suggested by the sommelier.
* * *
Kaiba picked at the food that had been delivered to his stateroom. All of it looked delicious, but he had no appetite. He stepped out onto the portside balcony and sipped his wine, staring off at the twinkling lights of Messina and its surrounding suburbs. The ship was cruising through the Straits of Messina nearing the open water of the Tyrrhenian Sea as it made its way to its next destination, the port of Sorrento. He heard the steward come in and remove his uneaten dinner, then return to turn down the covers of the beds.
He had thought that getting away from the familiar places of his life that reminded him of Jou would ease the acute loneliness that had gripped him since his lover had left. As far back as Kaiba could remember he'd always felt alone and it wasn't until he'd opened his heart to Katsuya that he'd experienced the contentment that blossomed from true love and friendship. But when Jou walked out of their life together, the void left in his wake was filled with an intense desolation that had turned Kaiba into an empty shell. He no longer felt alive-he felt that he was just marking the time until his life ended.
He drained his glass of wine and for a time sat watching the lights of the coast grow more and more faint as the ship traversed the sea, turning northeast toward the Italian mainland. The water was jet-black; the wave crests glistened faintly from the weak illumination of starlight. He dug deep into his trouser pocket and pulled out a thick band of gold and examined it carefully. It was channel-cut yellow gold; a perfect match to the band he wore on his wedding-ring finger, the sole exception being its stones were perfectly matched red rubies, and his ring was encrusted in flawless blue sapphires. He'd had the rings commissioned last year and had planned on exchanging them with Jou on their first anniversary. He took off the band he was wearing and slipped them both back on his finger. Jou's was slightly larger, so it occupied the spot closest to his palm. His ring kept the other secure on his finger. He often wore them both together when he was by himself; he found a small amount of comfort from the additional weight on his finger-it served to remind him that his life together with Jounouchi had not been a dream-otherwise, sometimes he found himself doubting that it had actually happened at all.
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If It Takes Forever, I Will Find You