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To Seto, With Love: Correspondence from Cell Six	By : MAS Category: Yu-Gi-Oh > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1036 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh!, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-To Seto, With Love: Correspondence from Cell Six
- 1
Title: To Seto With Love: Correspondence from Cell Six

Author(s): AngryHamster, Jennie B. & WhosJeebus

Rating: R
Pairing(s): Let's not spoil the surprise, OK?
Beta: Daisey - She's our huckleberry
Spoilers: None - This is pure silliness
Disclaimer: We don't own it, and if we did, not a one of them would ever wear a stitch of clothes. Or get out of bed, for that matter. Damn you, Seto Kaiba! Damn you and your weird 'must cover every visible inch of skin' clothing fetish!
Summary: Seto Kaiba sure could use a vacation to calm his nerves. However, this probably wasn't exactly what he had in mind...
Notes: This 'fic' is the final result of an IM conversation between three very bored Seto Kaiba fangirls. Thanks be to the incomparable Daisey, who polished up our lunacy and turned it into something mildly palatable. Enjoy!

***

Extract from the 'Domino Times� Aug. 12, 2005

'Prominent CEO Deported After Assault Incident"
Seto Kaiba, CEO of the gaming and technology company Kaiba Corp, arrived back in Domino City this morning after an international incident, the likes of which has not been seen since the comments between competing EU leaders over the location of the 2012 Olympics. After disembarking from his private jet in Hawaii Thursday morning, Mr. Kaiba was greeted in the traditional manner by a native who attempted to garnish him with a 'lei' (a necklace-style garland of flowers). Mr. Kaiba insisted that he would prefer to be left alone, and when the offending welcome object was forced upon him, he reacted rather violently. One observer claims the businessman was overheard to say, 'Get that f**king flowery menace out of my face.'
Mr. Kaiba was then removed by security to the airport holding area until such time as the police interviewed him. Details of this interview are not known at this time, but the end result was that Mr. Kaiba was asked to leave the country immediately, and we have been informed that there is now a two-year restriction on his passport. It is unclear whether charges will be brought at a later time. When asked for comment about the incident, Mr. Kaiba declined to respond; however, an anonymous source close to the defendant responded, 'He's really been under a lot of stress lately. And he never did like the idea of Hawaiian shirts.'

Full story pages 2, 3, 4 & 5...

***

Dear Seto,
Hi, Big Brother! I hope the jail cell isn't too bad. I can't believe they won't let me in to visit; I tried all the official channels (and even a few bribes) but nothing worked. I talked to our lawyers about the possibility of breaking you out but, according to them, that would do more harm than good, so I suppose you'll have to stay where you are.
Your last letter sounded much less angry; I'm glad about that. You know how I worry about your blood pressure! I'm also relieved to hear that you have your own cell -- that's another load off my mind. I'm talking to the legal team pretty much all day every day; you are totally our number one priority. They keep telling me that they're doing all they can, and that it won't be long until they get you out of there, and I know it's true. Nothing can keep my big brother down for long, right?
I have to go to a meeting now, but I'll write again soon. Please don't do anything crazy, OK? I hope you were joking in your last letter; you don't have the body mass to go on a hunger strike.
I love you. Write soon!
Always your brother,

Mokuba
PS -- Can Yugi and Joey stay over this weekend? The house seems really big without you there, and I promised to show them the consoles we're working on. I promise not to let them in the office, and we won't make a mess. Please say yes...!

***

Hey, Moneybags!
Sorry to hear you're in the joint. Hope they're treating you OK, and that whoever's bitch you are is doing right by you. There was a Duel Monsters tournament last month, and of course Yugi won, and I came in second. Since you didn't participate, your ranking has slipped to tenth on the national scale. I forget where you are internationally, but it's somewhere after the first page anyway. Well, gotta go. Hope to see you soon -- NOT!
Joey
PS -- Mokuba's dating Serenity now...who knows, one day we might even be related. That'd be a kick, huh?

***

Wheeler --
Any more insults, and I'll ensure that the guards frisk you when you visit Mokuba this weekend; perhaps it would stall any further 'bitch' comments from your quarter. You remember Butch, don't you?
-- SK.
PS -- If you break anything in the house, I will hear about it, and I will find some way to make you pay, financially or otherwise.

***

Kaiba:
You talk big when you're behind bars; step up and we'll see just how big that mouth of yours is, if you get my drift. And yeah, I remember Butch. He speaks highly of you and your nightly romps through the back woodlot. Why Seto, I never knew you were such a slut! And don't worry about your precious crap -- I haven't touched anything. Although, I think I wound up crashing in your room one night when Mokuba had the kegger. Silk felt so nice against my naughty bits.
J.

***

Wheeler--
Not that I have to explain myself to the likes of you, but the incidents to which you are referring were simply midnight runs to relieve the stress and tension of having to deal with imbeciles such as yourself throughout the day. I understand that you probably find this concept difficult to grasp; after all, I'm sure the only time you've ever been annoyed by the idiocy of those surrounding you occurred during a visit to a petting zoo.
And, while I appreciate the fact that you're trying to better yourself in this world, keep your filthy paws off my personals. It wouldn't do for you to get above your station; I've never seen a dog in a silk collar before, have you?
-- SK.

***

Memo from SK to Personal Secretary

1. It has come to my attention that Mokuba has been having parties at the house in my absence. Find out who has been supplying the alcohol for these events and deal with them appropriately.
2. Fire Butch and find a replacement immediately. Preferably a mute.
3. Please arrange for some of my personal effects to be brought from the house. This includes all pairs of silk underwear. Be advised that as I am currently assigned to the prison laundry, there will be no need to wash them beforehand; I would prefer to attend to my own undergarments rather than those of others.
-- SK.

***

Dear Seto-
Yami and I were really sorry to hear about all your trouble in Hawaii. I'm sure it was just a big misunderstanding and that you'll be out in no time. If there's anything we can do, please let me know. Joey tells me you're making lots of new friends, and what's this I hear about a wedding? Don't forget to send us an invitation when you get out, and be sure to let us know where you're registered, OK? I can't wait to see you back in the game shop again!
We've been hanging out with Mokuba a lot in your absence, and even stayed over a few times. Yami's been teaching Mokuba how to duel, and his skills are coming along well. In fact, in the short time Yami's worked with him, he's gotten so good that he can beat me as much as I beat him; can you believe it??
Grandpa's been spending some time teaching him about the heart of the cards, and also the history behind Duel Monsters. Maybe when you get out, the two of you would like to come with us on Grandpa's research dig to Egypt. I hear they've found a new clue to the origin of Shadow Magic!
I also have to tell you all about the new Duel Monster cards I picked up at auction! You won't believe how powerful they are! Anyway, Té
a says hi, and Tristan says... well, never mind. Take care of yourself, and we're all waiting back home for you to get out! See you soon!
Yours,

Yugi

***

Yugi --
Whatever the Mutt's been telling you, forget it. I am no sooner getting married than Wheeler would beat me at anything. Stop writing me. I find your inane prattle irritating.
-- SK.

***
Kaiba:
We're all sorry to hear about your recent troubles. If there's anything you need me to do, don't hesitate to call on me. I'm sure Joey told you about the latest tournament. It wasn't the same without you, and I'm sorry to see you lose your top ten status. Keep in touch.
Yami

***

Yami --
As I informed Yugi, I do not have the time to spare on idle correspondence with you or any of your troupe of monkeys. I am now addressing the organ-grinder: Stop. Writing. To. Me.
Certain 'favours' are expected for every piece of mail received, and I have to inform you that none of you are worth the effort.
-- SK.

***

Hey Kaiba --
Since no one tells me shit anymore, I just now found out that you're in the slammer. Bummer. On the bright side, I've hacked into your database, and soon I'll be the new CEO of Kaiba Corp. Isn't that awesome? I knew you'd think so. Anyway, that was one hell of a party that Mokuba threw at the mansion the other night. That little guy really gets around. I just hope Serenity's gotten her period by now. She was stressing over it hard core.
Anyway, I just wanted to drop you a line and see how you were doing, and also to compliment you on that sweet Ming vase you have on the desk in your office. Well, the one you had. Oh, and when you get back, you might want to clean out your left hand desk drawer. I was really loaded and couldn't find the can, so I pissed in it.
Cheers,

Bakura

***

Bakura --
A photocopy of your last letter has been sent to the Domino Police Department, so you can expect a visit from them probably some time in the next six to eight weeks.
-- SK.
PS -- I hope you enjoyed meeting my new head of internal security. I'm sure you two will get on... Smashingly.

***

Mokuba --
WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU GOTTEN YOURSELF INTO? I expect you to be at this facility within one hour of receiving this memo.
-- Seto.

***

Mini-tape

Hi Kaiba!
Bakura filled me in on what happened. And then Yugi said something about a wedding? Congrats, man. I always figured you'd go for some hot blond, or at the very least, some rich piece of tail, but the heart wants what it wants, dude... Mokuba's doing fine, although he's stressing a lot lately -- something about Serenity... I don't know what the fuck's up with that.
Anyway, we got the quarterly reports back last week -- I nearly died when I saw that we'd topped you guys in the stocks! Ah well, such is the course of business, and when you get back from your honeymoon, maybe you can revamp your strategies and come out on top, right? Well, maybe you can run the prison store -- I hear they're a huge source of inefficiency and mismanagement. At least you can keep your skills sharp. Later!
-- Duke

***

Dear Diary:
I don't know how much more of this I can take. Apparently, things have gotten wildly out of control in my absence. Mokuba has been assimilated into the geek squad and is having unprotected sex. Wheeler's wearing my underwear for fuck's sake, and Bakura's treating my home office like it's a bus station toilet. Meanwhile, I'm running out of excuses to avoid Bubba in the showers, and my skin is never going to recover from all the bleach exposure I've had to endure in the laundry. I've got to call in some favours and make a break out of here, NOW. More later, after lights out.
-- Seto.

***

Dear Seto:
You smell pretty, and I've seen you naked. Why do you keep rejecting my advances? I shivved that asshole Skinner because he looked at you funny. If you like me, check this box. [ ]
Anxiously waiting,

Bubba

***
Dear Seto:
Thank God! Serenity's test came back negative, but I've got this rash that just won't go away. The doctor has me on antibiotics, but I'm not allowed to leave the house until the blisters are all gone. I'm sending Joey in my stead. Good luck, Big Brother!
-- Mokuba

***
Kaiba --
You're right. I did really enjoy meeting Reginald. And by the way, he was delicious. Send more henchmen soon, OK?
Gotta cut this short, I can hear sirens approaching! Ta!
-- Bakura

***
Hey Kaiba!
Guess what? Mokuba hired me on as one of the executive VP's in charge of product testing; cool, huh? Oh, by the way, I'll be down sometime tomorrow to see you. The hotel has comped me a bunch of free drinks, and I really don't think I'll have my A-game on if I show up half loaded. See you in the morning!
-- Joey

***

Memo from SK to Personal Secretary

1. Compensate the family of Reginald Parks.
2. Hire a private investigator to locate Ryou Bakura.
3. Enroll Mokuba at Sex Educations classes at the school.
4. Obtain any and all information pertaining to Bubba 'Slayer' McDonald, including (especially) release date, and courier this information to me at the facility.
-- SK.

***
Dear Diary --
God help me. Wheeler's coming for a visit tomorrow, and I've got to come up with a way to get out of here and fast. With some... coaxing, I've managed to get one of the guards to agree to plant a knife and some kiddie porn on him as he leaves so, with any luck, it'll be Wheeler and not me enjoying Bubba's advances by this time tomorrow. My trusted assistant Roland has apparently come up with a daring escape plan, and I can only hope he's dotted all his i's and crossed his t's. All I have to do is await the 'signal' tomorrow night, and I can get out here and set things to right. I'd have preferred using legal means to secure my release, but desperate times call for desperate measures. However, my first stop will have to be the nearest pharmacy. My skin is simply beyond repair. Shit, Bubba's approaching, and it looks like he's brought reinforcements. More la --

***

Kaiba --
The strangest thing happened to me as I was leaving the prison last night -- one of the guards found a whole stash of magazines in my bag! Really weird, huh? Anyway, I lucked out; the guy said he'd let me go if he could have them... How about that! I even found a knife in my pocket just before that, but don't worry -- I gave it to your fiancée, Bubba, and I think he was getting some pretty interesting ideas.
Anyway, considering how pissed off you were yesterday, I think it's best if your brother visits you from here on in. Speaking of Mokuba... Thanks for the heads up about Serenity. I'm packing her off to an exclusive finishing school in Europe (your treat, of course) right after I beat the ever living shit out of your brother.
Enjoy the remainder of your incarceration, while I enjoy your new Porsche. No worries though; I'm sure the stains will come out of the leather, and I'm getting a repair estimate on the Mazerati tomorrow.
Smell ya later, Moneybags.

-- J
PS -- Really, about Bubba... Lovely guy. Hope you'll both be very happy together, you obnoxious prick.

***

Dearest Seto:
I saw that pretty blond bitch come in today. At first, I was going to pop his head off like a dandelion, but then he gave me a housewarming present. Since I'm so happy, I'll give you a choice tonight: With lube or without? Sorry, but it looks like all I've got is Ben-Gay again... It's made my balls itchy as hell, though.
Love,

Bubba

***

Seto --
How could you tell Joey about Serenity's scare? He came over here in a rage last night, screaming and shouting -- I have a black eye! A BLACK EYE, Seto! Serenity's not going to want to go near me for weeks now!
I think it's best that I don't go outside while I look like this; the company's image has been damaged enough with your felony conviction, and the last thing we need is for it to get out that the VP has been having brawls... So, it might be a while before I can visit again. If you need anything, I'll have Roland send it in. Hope things aren't too bad for you in there.
Your brother,

Mokuba

***

Memo from SK to Personal Secretary

1. Tell Roland we have a go on 'Operation Freebird'.

***

Extract from the 'Domino Times' Aug. 26, 2005

Billionaire On The Run!

In a shocking twist to the story of the incarceration of the Kaiba Corp CEO, Seto Kaiba has apparently escaped from the Domino District Penitentiary. The escape, which happened between the hours of four and five AM this morning, involved an unknown number of prisoners, the majority of which have since been apprehended.
Details of the break-out are not available at this time, however, it has been determined that at least one employee of Kaiba Corp was involved. An investigation is underway, as is the manhunt for Seto Kaiba, and the other remaining escapee, Bubba McDonald.

Full details pages 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 & 7...

***

the end

DVD Extras

List of Rejected Titles:

CJ- Seto�s Vacation
Anez- Seto Kaiba�s Hawaiian Vacation
CJ- Seto Kaiba�s Permanent Hawaiian Vacation
CJ- My Trip to Hawaii, by Seto Kaiba
CJ- My Brother Went to Hawaii, and All I Got Was This Lousy STD, by Mokuba Kaiba
Anez- My New Boyfriend, by Bubba McDonald
CJ- What I did on my Summer Vacation, by Seto Kaiba
CJ- How to Win Friends and Influence People (In Prison)
CJ- My Summer Deportation
Daisey- From CEO to Prison Bitch in Six Easy Steps
Anez- Correspondence from Cell Six
Daisey- Getting Lei�d in Hawaii� The Hard Way
CJ- How Seto Kaiba Spent His Summer Vacation
CJ- Seto Kaiba�s Hawaiian Odyssey
CJ- My Worst Vacation ever

Daisey- Seto Kaiba�s Hawaiian Lei-gacy
Anez- Why it�s Bad Luck to Refuse a Lei
CJ- Welcome to Fantasy Island- NOT!
CJ- Why I Hate Coconuts
Daisey- Why I Hate Bubba Nuts
Anez- Seto�s Flower Allergy
Anez- Don�t Drop the Soap, Seto!
Daisey- The Lei-zy, Crazy Days of Summer
CJ- Soap Dropping, and Other Do�s and Don�ts in Prison
Daisey- Lei-fe Styles of the Prison Infamous
Daisey- Lei-d off for the Summer
Daisey- To Seto, With Love
CJ- To Seto, With Love: Correspondence from Cell Six
- 1
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To Seto, With Love: Correspondence from Cell Six