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If It Takes Forever, I Will Find You	By : Rroselavy Category: Yu-Gi-Oh > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 4396 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh!, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
Title: If It Takes Forever, I Will Find You (4/6)
Author: Rroselavy
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s): Seto/Jou
Beta: Akuchan
Final Word count: 3,294 (14,004 total)
Spoilers: None, AU
Disclaimer: I do not own or profit from Yu-gi-oh!
Summary: It has been almost a year to the day since Kaiba Seto last saw his lover Jounouchi Katsuya. At the realization that Jou may be gone for good, Kaiba sets off on a cruise vacation to begin the healing process.
Chapter 4: Awaken
"I just hope to sleep
And never awaken
Nothing left in this world
Could replace what you have taken"
-- Sandy Cheney
Kaiba woke to a spectacular view of the dun-colored cliffs of Sorrento. In the orange cast of the early morning sun, he watched the local fishermen setting out for the day from the crescent of a sheltered sandy beach far below the city that clung precariously to the cliff-tops.
He'd not slept well his first night on board; his fitful slumber had been punctuated by dreams about Jou. He couldn't really say that his dreams of his lover were recurring; it was more that their theme was. The time, the place, the others involved might change from dream to dream, but all of them inevitably ended with him chasing after the elusive blond, all of them ended with him waking up with his heart beating erratically and a feeling of intense sadness and loss.
He had observed over the past year as one by one each of Jounouchi's friends and family members had given up on the blond. One by one, they came to terms with Jou's disappearance, each concluding that he wasn't coming back because he was dead. The consensus reached was that Jounouchi, in the throes of deep humiliation, had chosen to end his life. Kaiba alone maintained steadfastly that his lover was alive somewhere in the world. He had endured the disgusting looks of pity from Jou's friends and their insipid offers of condolences, but when the memorial service for his beloved had been planned, he'd emphatically insisted that he would have no part of it.
It had torn his heart in two when Mokuba had tearfully confessed that he didn't believe Jou could be alive and still not have made contact with any of his friends and family. He begged Kaiba to accept that his lover was gone for good--he begged his older brother to let go of Jou, to move on. Kaiba simply told him that it was not possible.
He couldn't fully explain to Mokuba or anyone else how exactly he knew Jounouchi was alive. For as much as he demanded evidence of his beloved's death, he had no proof that his lover was alive. He could point to only one thing, he believed that Jou was alive because the blond haunted him in his dreams. And he was well aware that if someone else had given that as a reason for believing, he would have scoffed at openly.
Kaiba had never had dreams about either of his parents after they had died. It was as if the extinguishing of their lives had erased every trace of them from his unconsciousness. Of course he could still dimly remember things about his mother-he still retained frozen moments in time, which over the years had become more akin to memories of memories, but she never appeared in his dreams, not even in some form other than the woman she'd been in life. The same held true for his father, after he died in the car accident it was also as if he'd never existed. Gozaburo had vanished too, even though Kaiba had been certain that his cruel stepfather would haunt him to his grave. And so, because his lover populated so many of his dreams, the brunet clung to the irrational belief that that alone proved Jounouchi was alive.
Upon the ship's arrival in the port of Sorrento, Kaiba had arranged for a private car to chauffeur him on a personal tour of Pompeii. He watched from his port balcony as many of his fellow passengers disembarked and lined up on the pier in front of a few idling buses. He despised the thought of riding a tour bus, no matter how luxuriously it was appointed--he loathed the idea of being ferried about as a group and herded like cows. He also had no desire for the forced interaction that usually occurred when a group of strangers were stuck in close quarters for extended periods of time.
The car he'd hired turned out to be a Mercedes sedan and he sunk into the plush leather back seat and gazed absently out at the Campanian landscape as they drove north along the coast. The towering peak of Mount Vesuvius dominated the horizon although it was roughly 80 kilometers away. The driver droned on his cell phone, which seemed permanently affixed to his ear, but Kaiba didn't mind--he certainly didn't want to engage in small-talk with the Italian-the man's English was marginal, and Kaiba had a difficult time deciphering the heavy accent. He thumbed through a self-guided tour book that mapped out Pompeii and detailed the ruins he would see.
Standing on a hill overlooking the ancient city, Kaiba was astonished by the vista laid out below. Nothing could have prepared him for the sophistication of the ancient Romans, laid bare by over one hundred and forty years of archeological excavation. He had thought from the history he'd learned of the Greco-Roman empire that the Romans had merely absorbed the finer culture and architectural aesthetics of the Greeks and had been master copiers of their unparalleled classicism. But as he surveyed the city below, he realized that that was simply not the case. While the ancient Romans did borrow heavily from the rich Greek history they'd inherited, they had proven to be master engineers and artisans in their own right. The city had survived virtually intact under the volcanic ash that buried it in 79AD, and he was amazed at the beauty inherent to its logical grid pattern--Pompeii had not grown organically as the population increased--it had been carefully planned. As had the ingenious system of aqueducts that brought running water to the city, at every street corner there were cisterns that had supplied the citizens with clean water. Ancient Pompeians had also enjoyed hot and cold baths in the public bathhouses that dotted the city, many of which were decorated with decidedly erotic imagery, and denizens of the city had been entertained by gladiators and could view performances at one of two public amphitheatres. They had also been able to spend many a night on the town at one of the many wine bars, taverns and restaurants that populated almost every street.
But most marvelous of all to Kaiba were the frescos that decorated the interior walls of the huge, block-long private villas. The wall-sized paintings were grounded on deep reds and rich golds and depicted mythological scenes and ancient rituals. In the Villa of the Mysteries he gazed upon a cycle of murals that depicted the initiation rites into the cult of Dionysus. Set on a brilliant red ground, panel after panel showed life-sized initiates dressed in Roman togas being offered platters of delicacies by voluptuous women. He was relieved that he was alone when he entered the Vettius House and stumbled upon the fresco of Prapius weighing his phallus--at which he'd guffawed-for according to the image, the man had been hung like a horse. As his laughter's echo faded in the empty room, a stab of sadness reminded him of how much he wished Jounouchi were here to share with him in his discovery.
As he was preparing to leave and head back to the ship, he stopped by one of the exhibits of plaster casts that had been made in the 1860s. There he saw sculptures of some of the ancient citizens in the various positions that they had died in. They had been cast in their undisturbed ash tombs by the Italian archeologist Giuseppe Fiorelli. Some figures were lying together, apparently sheltering each other from the smothering ashes, still others looked as if they had died peacefully in their sleep. One man was crouched down on his feet, hands over his nose and mouth-it was obvious that he was trying not to breathe in the noxious fumes and particles before he'd been buried alive.
As his car drove him back to the port, Kaiba mused over the disturbing casts, he had been deeply saddened by them. He wondered what it must have been like to be trapped in the city as mountains of ash and rock and lava rained down-people must have thought that the world was ending, and for them, it was. It reminded him of how tenuous life truly was, how easily and indifferently it could be extinguished in the blink of an eye. He was filled with great melancholy as it occurred to him that he could live out the rest of his life and die without ever seeing Jounouchi again. He would never be given the opportunity to make things right. That thought angered him, because it was Jounouchi himself who had determined there would be no second chance, and somewhere deep in his soul, he was outraged that his lover had lacked enough faith in him to allow him the option of working it out together. After all was said and done, he could understand Jounouchi's reasons for leaving, but he was infuriated that he'd remained away.
He arrived back at the deserted ship a couple of hours before it was due to leave the port. Kaiba decided it would be a good time to set out and explore before it became crowded again with the passengers. He took the elevator to the open-air top deck and strolled around its circumference, taking in the view of the pool on the deck below. He walked down the outer stairs to the pool deck, and lounged in a deck chair listening idly to the bells on the boats of the fishermen who were returning to port after their long day at sea. The smell of turpentine permeated the air, and he spied two crewmembers across the deck from him white-washing the ship's metal hull. His eyes narrowed as he noticed a familiar mop of sun-bleached blond under one of the crew caps and he scrutinized the lithe body of the man whose back was to Kaiba has he meticulously painted around a porthole. The man reminded Kaiba so much of Jou--he held his breath as he willed him to turn in his direction. It seemed as if time was standing still as Kaiba continued to watch, unable to tear his eyes away from the other man. He felt goose bumps on his skin and the hair on the back of his neck stood on end as he turned his head to say something to his partner and graced Kaiba with the unmistakable profile of Jounouchi Katsuya. The other crewmember said something inaudible to Kaiba and walked through a nearby door.
"Katsuya?" He managed to croak, but the other man continued to paint as if he had not heard the brunet. Kaiba rose from the chair and began to approach him. His heart pounded in his chest and he could hear the blood rushing in his ears. As he closed the distance, he once again found his voice, and this time called out louder "Katsuya?" This time he could see a shudder run through the other man's body, before he quickly gathered his paint bucket and roller in one hand and disappeared into the same doorway his partner had entered moments before.
Kaiba broke out in a run, trying to catch up, but when he got to the door and tried the handle it was locked. A small sign on it read 'Crew Only.' There was no uncertainty in the brunet's mind-that man he'd just seen was Jou. His sense of joy at his discovery was quickly dampened though, by the realization that Jounouchi had embarked on an entirely new life when he'd left his old one behind. Kaiba had thought when he'd finally tracked down his errant lover he would be as broken and lost as he felt inside. He hadn't thought his lover would find it so easy to leave him in the past, as it appeared it had been.
He pounded on the door--he wanted, no he needed to see the blond. He told himself that he just wanted to make sure that Jounouchi was okay, but he could see with his own eyes that his lover had seemed to be perfectly all right. No he wanted Jou to see him. What he wanted was for Jou to know how much pain his desertion had caused. He continued to knock urgently on the door, vowing he would continue rapping until someone responded, his mind preoccupied with thoughts of just what he would say.
After what seemed like forever, a crewmember finally cracked the door open.
"May I help you, Sir?"
"Yes, I'm looking for ... Katsuya Jounouchi," Kaiba said hurriedly, remembering to westernize Jou's name. "I just saw him go through this door a few minutes ago."
The crewmember looked perplexed. "I don't believe I know anyone by that name," he said.
"Let me speak with your superior, then. This is an emergency." Kaiba dismissed him. He had to find someone who would take him to Jou.
"Hold on Sir," the man said politely as he closed the door.
Kaiba folded his arms and waited impatiently. His pulse was still racing and he could feel a bead of sweat on his brow. He was finding it hard to believe that he'd actually laid eyes on his lover, that he hadn't been an apparition. A few minutes later an officer appeared at the doorway.
"Excuse me, Mister ... ?"
"Kaiba, Seto Kaiba. I'm looking for a crewmember, Katsuya Jounouchi, I just saw him go through this door a few minutes ago." He could see the original crewmember over the officer's shoulder.
The officer looked at him puzzled. "I'm sorry, I don't recognize the name, can you describe him to me?"
Kaiba sighed in exasperation. He knew the man he'd seen was Jou, he was positive. "He has blond hair, a slim build, and stands about two inches shorter than me. He was just out on deck painting." He saw a glimmer of recognition in the officer's eyes.
"Ah, you must mean Joey Wheeler!"
"Joey Wheeler?" He let the strange name slip off his tongue.
"Yes, Joey Wheeler. He fits your description, and he was assigned to paint outside the deck this afternoon."
Kaiba stared at the officer and glanced at the nameplate pinned to his shirt pocket. "Mr. Garofalis, I need to see ... Joey Wheeler. It's very important." He added.
The officer looked down at his watch. "I'm sorry Sir, the crew is preparing for disembarkation right now, I can send him to your stateroom once the ship is out of the harbor and I locate him. Which number are you in?"
"I'm in Suite 701."
"Very well Sir, I will send Mr. Wheeler to your stateroom as soon as possible."
* * *
It all made sense now, Kaiba thought as he paced the living room of his suite. Jounouchi Katsuya ~had~ dropped off the face of the earth. He felt the vibration of the ship's engines as it made its way out of the harbor into the Gulf of Naples. He stepped out onto the dining room balcony and stared off at the Italian coast and Mount Vesuvius in the distance.
An hour later, he was still waiting for Jounouchi to knock on his door. His stomach grumbled in protest at not having eaten all day, he decided he would dine en suite once again. He looked over the menu as he had the night before, but now he was too agitated and too distracted to choose. He phoned his steward with the same instructions as the previous night.
"One more thing," he added. "I'm waiting in my suite for a crewmember--Joey Wheeler. Please find out when I can expect him." After all, the officer had said as soon as possible.
The steward arrived shortly with Kaiba's meal and wine. "I'm sorry sir, Mr. Wheeler was assigned to the dining room this evening. I've been assured that he will come to your stateroom as soon as he is off-duty."
He was irritated by the news, but bit his tongue. It had been a year since he'd seen Jounouchi, he could wait another hour or so. He thanked the steward and settled down to eat. His mind was spinning and his moods were swinging wildly from minute to minute. He found it impossible to concentrate on what most likely was a delicious meal. One minute he was elated and the next he was furious. He was having a hard time with the new knowledge that Jou was using an alias. He pushed the food around his plate for a while, then sat out on the dining room balcony as dusk turned into night. He watched the twinkling lights of the coastal towns gradually growing closer and closer together as the ship approached Naples on its way north toward the port of Citta Vecchia. Tomorrow the itinerary was Rome.
He heard a knock at the stateroom door. He could feel every fiber in his body stretched taut as he opened up the door to reveal Jounouchi. They stared at each other frozen in silence for a few seconds.
"Wheeler, it is?" Kaiba said sarcastically as he glared hard at the blond.
Jou shrank under his icy gaze. "Seto." he whispered in astonishment. He averted his gaze and stared down at the floor.
"You had no intention of ever coming back to me, did you? Did our time together mean nothing to you?" Kaiba seethed. He had a year of emotional turmoil to feed off of.
"It wasn't like that," Jou said softly, still unable to meet Kaiba's gaze.
"No? What was it ~like~? Tell me, Katsuya." He hissed. He could see that Jou was shaking, but he did not care. His anger would not, could not be denied.
After several seconds of silence had ticked by, Kaiba stormed on. "Okay, then let me tell you what it was like. All the months I spent looking for you, searching for any sign that you were alive. How about I tell you how broken up Mokuba was, or your friends, or your family? Would you like to hear about the memorial service they held for you?"
He saw the look of horror register on Jou's face as he raised it, and he sought words that would hurt him further. "That's right Katsuya, they ~all~ mourn you as dead. I alone believed that you were alive somewhere on this planet. But you couldn't care about that could you? Just as you chose the coward's way out rather than stay with me and explain what those movies were. You thought I would hate you, but you weren't man enough to face me. Don't you ever think about the consequences of your actions?"
"Set, I'm---"
"You're what, Katsuya? Sorry? Sorry for leaving, or sorry that I ran into you?" Kaiba snarled. With some satisfaction he saw tears streaming from Jounouchi's eyes. And he immediately felt disgusted with himself. He turned away and stared out into the inky night. His anger was dissipating, and in its place he felt joy in the knowledge that he'd finally found his beloved. Once again he was reminded of how many times in the past year he'd ached to see Jou, if only to know for certain that he was alive. His hand reached instinctively into his pocket and his fingers caressed the ruby encrusted ring that he kept there. All at once it became clear in his mind, he still loved Jou.
"Katsuya," He continued softly. "I can't tell you how hard it has been for me this past year." His voice broke with emotion. "Not knowing where you were, if you were all right." He turned back to his lover only to be faced with an empty doorway. Once again, Jounouchi had vanished.
anon: I think this chapter answered your question, ne? ~_^
minn yun: Hmmm, I think I like cheerleaders better than stalkers, unless of course, you're nice about it!
catti-dono: I'm guessing that's a _good thing_ Hope you are enjoying!
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If It Takes Forever, I Will Find You